Author Topic: Spin off-No dinner  (Read 4437 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

metallicafan

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 332
Spin off-No dinner
« on: February 10, 2014, 06:53:32 PM »
Recently we attended the birthday party for one of DH's friends twin girls, who turned 6.  It was held at their local park district, they rented a room.  The kids played games, and ice cream and cupcakes were served.   My older son is 10, and didn't want to play pin the bow on the princess or match the princess pictures.  He feels like he is too big for that sort of thing, and refused to participate.  Next year he will be a yaer older, so would it be rude if older son were allowed to stay home next year?

johelenc1

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1858
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2014, 06:57:57 PM »
Of course not.  He doesn't have to attend the party.  Any 10/11 year old boy would have been bored.

LemonZen

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 81
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2014, 07:05:47 PM »
I think it is strange that a 10 year old boy was invited to a 6 year old princess birthday party at all. Personally I would only invite guests that were similar in age and interests for a party like that. If I knew or wanted to invite other guests (older boys like your son for example) I would plan activities for all ages/genders of guests to enjoy, or have alternate games for the "big kids".

I think it would be fine for you to RSVP no for your son next year. It doesn't sound like he is super close to the birthday girls anyway. Is every family invited to these parties, not just the friends of the girls?

Eeep!

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 855
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2014, 07:16:48 PM »
I think it is strange that a 10 year old boy was invited to a 6 year old princess birthday party at all. Personally I would only invite guests that were similar in age and interests for a party like that. If I knew or wanted to invite other guests (older boys like your son for example) I would plan activities for all ages/genders of guests to enjoy, or have alternate games for the "big kids".

I think it would be fine for you to RSVP no for your son next year. It doesn't sound like he is super close to the birthday girls anyway. Is every family invited to these parties, not just the friends of the girls?

I totally agree.  In my experience, by the time a kid is 6 then the parties are more for their own friends, not friends of their parents. Heck, my son turned 4 this past summer and I mostly only invited his daycare friends and family. I only invited a couple of our friends, and them only because they are like de facto family members. And I still felt a little weird about it and made sure that I wouldn't be insulted if they didn't want to go to a 4 year old's birthday party. 
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

metallicafan

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 332
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #4 on: February 10, 2014, 07:18:10 PM »
We were all invited because DH is godfather to one of the twins.  DH and "Don"  have been friends since 5th grade.  My older son was the only bigger kid there.  The rest were all the twins friends from school and my younger son who is only 7 months older than them.

LemonZen

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 81
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #5 on: February 10, 2014, 07:21:02 PM »
We were all invited because DH is godfather to one of the twins.  DH and "Don"  have been friends since 5th grade.  My older son was the only bigger kid there.  The rest were all the twins friends from school and my younger son who is only 7 months older than them.


In that case you are totally fine to keep the older boy at home next time. Sounds like your whole family has been invited to be polite (because it would be awkward to say "everyone but the older boy is invited") but there is no need for him to attend.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30541
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2014, 07:45:54 PM »
I think it is strange that a 10 year old boy was invited to a 6 year old princess birthday party at all. Personally I would only invite guests that were similar in age and interests for a party like that. If I knew or wanted to invite other guests (older boys like your son for example) I would plan activities for all ages/genders of guests to enjoy, or have alternate games for the "big kids".

I think it would be fine for you to RSVP no for your son next year. It doesn't sound like he is super close to the birthday girls anyway. Is every family invited to these parties, not just the friends of the girls?

I'd have RSVP'd no for him this year!

Even if Dad is godfather, that's no reason for Son to attend his "cousin's" party with her friends. In fact, I'd say that I think it's weird to invite Godfather to the party with a little-girl theme, and I wouldn't go. I wouldn't even take my 7yo son to a party with such a "girl" theme. I'd find a way to celebrate my godchild some other time.
   I think people who are in the position these girls' parents are feel that "have to" invite a wide range of people to "the party." (they have only one)

I refuse to invite family grownups (especially friend grownups) to my kids' parties with their friends. My MIL hinted and then flat-out asked, and I said, "Sorry, no, this party is just for their friends. The only reason I'm going is because someone has to run the games and get the refreshments out."

My kids had, what, four?, celebrations for every b'day
    1) at the family dinner table on the actual day
    2) at school on the school day closest to the actual day
    3) with friends on a weekend day as close as we can get to the day
    4) with ILs (and any other family members) at their house on a weekend night close to the day.

Hey, CAKE!!

QueenfaninCA

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 696
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2014, 08:22:11 PM »
I think it's pointless to invite adults a a kiddie-party. If you want to invite godparents or other adults, do it at a separate time than the kiddie-party.

When I was a kid, we used to have birthday-parties in the afternoon. Godparents and possibly other relatives would come for dinner after the kids had left.

purple

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 441
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #8 on: February 10, 2014, 08:35:55 PM »
I wouldn't see anything wrong with you all (husband, yourself and son) popping in for a little while at the start of the party and giving the birthday girls their gifts, then perhaps you and the son could leave.  I personally think that it would be good if your husband could stay for the entire party, since he is their godfather and a significant adult in their lives.

If I were the host of the party and you RSVP'd something like "husband will attend, son and I would love to pop in 10 minutes prior to the party just to give best wishes and gift!" I don't think I'd be offended.  It's perfectly understandable that a 10 year old boy wouldn't want to stay for a 6 year old girl princess party!

Allyson

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1952
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #9 on: February 10, 2014, 11:21:11 PM »
I've been the bored older sibling at a younger kid's party, and it was no fun! I really think it wouldn't be rude at all to RSVP no for older son. Just say "he has something else going on that day" not "he'll be bored."

My mom's best friend had kids, the oldest of who was a year younger than my 2 years younger brother, so we'd all go, and my brother was enough in the age group he'd have fun, but I'd spend the whole time wanting to leave!

lollylegs

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 596
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #10 on: February 11, 2014, 02:59:45 AM »
I think it is strange that a 10 year old boy was invited to a 6 year old princess birthday party at all. Personally I would only invite guests that were similar in age and interests for a party like that. If I knew or wanted to invite other guests (older boys like your son for example) I would plan activities for all ages/genders of guests to enjoy, or have alternate games for the "big kids".

I think it would be fine for you to RSVP no for your son next year. It doesn't sound like he is super close to the birthday girls anyway. Is every family invited to these parties, not just the friends of the girls?

I'd have RSVP'd no for him this year!

Even if Dad is godfather, that's no reason for Son to attend his "cousin's" party with her friends. In fact, I'd say that I think it's weird to invite Godfather to the party with a little-girl theme, and I wouldn't go. I wouldn't even take my 7yo son to a party with such a "girl" theme. I'd find a way to celebrate my godchild some other time.
   I think people who are in the position these girls' parents are feel that "have to" invite a wide range of people to "the party." (they have only one)

I refuse to invite family grownups (especially friend grownups) to my kids' parties with their friends. My MIL hinted and then flat-out asked, and I said, "Sorry, no, this party is just for their friends. The only reason I'm going is because someone has to run the games and get the refreshments out."

My kids had, what, four?, celebrations for every b'day
    1) at the family dinner table on the actual day
    2) at school on the school day closest to the actual day
    3) with friends on a weekend day as close as we can get to the day
    4) with ILs (and any other family members) at their house on a weekend night close to the day.

Hey, CAKE!!

And then you get accused to dragging out the birthday too long. "It's called a birthday not a birthweek!" I don't think it's weird at all to invite friend's of the parents, especially as the children get older and need less supervision and instruction, the parents might want someone to keep them company.

OP, I think you're perfectly in the clear to RSVP no for your son next year. As someone said earlier, your DH's friends may have invited him to be polite so they might be a bit relieved as well.

cattlekid

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 841
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #11 on: February 11, 2014, 09:51:17 AM »
I wish things worked this way with DH's family.  SIL hosts one birthday party every year for our niece and other than her first and second birthdays, it's been at a bounce house.  SIL invites all of her adult relatives to the party, even those who don't have kids or grandkids to bring along.  For our personal sanity, we've had to start declining this party and SIL doesn't want to host another birthday event for niece. 

We are now godparents to two little girls in one family.  It will be interesting to see how things play out as far as birthdays.  The first birthday for the youngest this past December was a big affair at a rented hall to accommodate all of the guests.  The other little girl is eight, so we will see what happens this spring for her birthday.   

I think it's pointless to invite adults a a kiddie-party. If you want to invite godparents or other adults, do it at a separate time than the kiddie-party.

When I was a kid, we used to have birthday-parties in the afternoon. Godparents and possibly other relatives would come for dinner after the kids had left.

Luci

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6003
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #12 on: February 11, 2014, 10:37:56 AM »
"No, thank you" is a perfectly acceptable response to an invitation.

I am rather pleased to hear that your son refused to participate and merely hope he did it politely.

If it is a "must attend" situation, the young man could offer to help with the hosting and other physical labor for the party, too. He might be really helping, he won't be bored, and doing something below his maturity level.
« Last Edit: February 11, 2014, 07:52:03 PM by Luci45 »

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1462
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #13 on: February 11, 2014, 11:23:24 AM »
If this is kind of an adult/kid type of party/BBQ type of thing, I would bring the 10-year-old and of course have him bring things to do like any other type of gathering like this.  For a children's Bday party, I would let him stay home.  There's no reason for him to be there.  For the party you describe, I think it would have been perfectly reasonable for him not to go. 

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30541
Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #14 on: February 11, 2014, 11:39:46 AM »


And then you get accused to dragging out the birthday too long. "It's called a birthday not a birthweek!"

Except that, as with multiple showers, no guest list has the same people on it.  Well, OK, his good friends who are also in his class get cupcakes in the classroom in addition to coming to the weekend "fun for kids" party, but I don't think they're complaining.

The only people at all the celebrations, celebrating the birthweek are me, DH, DD, and DS. I rather enjoy celebrating the kids' birthdays quietly at the dinner table with just us.