Author Topic: Spin off-No dinner  (Read 4500 times)

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Arila

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #15 on: February 11, 2014, 12:00:33 PM »
I think this is a good example of "an invitation is not a summons" Leave off your friends' kids, and you could be in hot water, so I don't see any problem with inviting kids of the opposite gender and different ages, and let them (or their parents) decide to attend or not.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #16 on: February 11, 2014, 01:48:39 PM »
If this is kind of an adult/kid type of party/BBQ type of thing, I would bring the 10-year-old and of course have him bring things to do like any other type of gathering like this.  For a children's Bday party, I would let him stay home.  There's no reason for him to be there.  For the party you describe, I think it would have been perfectly reasonable for him not to go.

This.

And I believe if you are inviting a wide audience to a party you provide food & entertainment suitable to all.

We always did a "kid's" party and then a family and friends party separately.

LemonZen

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #17 on: February 11, 2014, 02:01:08 PM »
I think this is a good example of "an invitation is not a summons" Leave off your friends' kids, and you could be in hot water, so I don't see any problem with inviting kids of the opposite gender and different ages, and let them (or their parents) decide to attend or not.

The problem to me isn't inviting different ages and genders, it is that when you invite them you should plan a party that will be enjoyable for all the guests. Which is why I personally would not invite a 10 year old boy to a princess party, or adults who do not have children to a bouncy house party, etc.

There seems to be a feeling amongst some parents that a birthday party is solely for the birthday kid's enjoyment. But just like any other party, a good host wants all the guests to feel included and to enjoy themselves.

Like many others I grew up having a family party with kids and adults, and then a separate party for all my friends of the same age.

lollylegs

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #18 on: February 11, 2014, 07:10:23 PM »
I wish things worked this way with DH's family.  SIL hosts one birthday party every year for our niece and other than her first and second birthdays, it's been at a bounce house.  SIL invites all of her adult relatives to the party, even those who don't have kids or grandkids to bring along.  For our personal sanity, we've had to start declining this party and SIL doesn't want to host another birthday event for niece. 

We are now godparents to two little girls in one family.  It will be interesting to see how things play out as far as birthdays.  The first birthday for the youngest this past December was a big affair at a rented hall to accommodate all of the guests.  The other little girl is eight, so we will see what happens this spring for her birthday.   


I think it's pointless to invite adults a a kiddie-party. If you want to invite godparents or other adults, do it at a separate time than the kiddie-party.

When I was a kid, we used to have birthday-parties in the afternoon. Godparents and possibly other relatives would come for dinner after the kids had left.

I'm really surprised that people think it's odd/rude/whatever to invite adult friends and relatives to a children's party. An invitation is not a summons. If you think you and your children would be bored or uncomfortable, don't go. Your sister in law isn't doing anything wrong by not throwing a separate party for the adults. That's even stranger to me - why would you throw an adults party for a child?

TootsNYC

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #19 on: February 11, 2014, 07:26:39 PM »
I wouldn't throw an adults party for a child's b'day; that's why grandparents had my kids over for dinner.

But I wouldn't invite adults to a completely child-centered party. I'd have the kids over here and the grownups over there.

My personal taste is to just not invite grownups for a child's birthday, period. And as you said, it's not a summons, so I have always declined every invitation to a kid's party except one (and that's bcs I was helping the mom, and I made the Lego "cupcake" stand (really it was cinnamon rolls) ).

blarg314

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #20 on: February 11, 2014, 07:26:52 PM »
The problem to me isn't inviting different ages and genders, it is that when you invite them you should plan a party that will be enjoyable for all the guests.

I think that's the key.

With really little kids, family/friend parties can make a lot of sense. The kids aren't old enough for organized games, so they run around, and the adults talk and watch the kids - it's not much different from a normal get-together, there's just a cake and some presents at some point.

A kid birthday party is very different, though - you've got games and activities specifically designed for that age group, and the focus of the party is what the kids are doing. Combining that with a general party can be awkward, as in the OP, particularly for older kids and adults without kids.

The tricky thing, I think, is when the kids are old enough for a kiddy party, but not old enough to be dropped off for it. In that case, I do think it's nice to have the option to bring along siblings who are not old enough to stay home alone - it's a bit much to expect a parent to hire a babysitter for their other children so that they can escort their child to a birthday party. Then it's up to the parent and other siblings what to do.

lollylegs

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #21 on: February 11, 2014, 07:30:33 PM »
I wouldn't throw an adults party for a child's b'day; that's why grandparents had my kids over for dinner.

Ah, okay, perhaps I've misunderstood then. So you're saying that you'd prefer to have a party just for the kids and do a dinner at home (or something like that) for adults? I thought that everyone was saying you should throw a couple of different parties, which seemed way over the top to me.

TootsNYC

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #22 on: February 11, 2014, 07:44:51 PM »
well, my personal preference is to throw a party for the kids only and NOT have any wider-family celebration--but my MIL made it clear that she expected to celebrate her grandkids' b'days, and I thought she had a point. (I never had grandparents nearby, so my instinctive knee-jerk reaction was that it seemed a bit overkill. Once she indicated, I was happy to accommodate.)
   And I'd never invite my friends to celebrate my kids' b'days unless they actually had their own independent relationship w/ my kids.

But I do think a lot of people are living with a really high expectation of inviting everyone for the party.

ladyknight1

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #23 on: February 12, 2014, 08:51:31 AM »
If this is kind of an adult/kid type of party/BBQ type of thing, I would bring the 10-year-old and of course have him bring things to do like any other type of gathering like this.  For a children's Bday party, I would let him stay home.  There's no reason for him to be there.  For the party you describe, I think it would have been perfectly reasonable for him not to go.

This.

And I believe if you are inviting a wide audience to a party you provide food & entertainment suitable to all.

We always did a "kid's" party and then a family and friends party separately.

^ This is always what we did until DS turned about 13, then it became harder to get the friends together at one time. His birthday is always on Memorial day weekend. Now, he just invites his friends to see a movie and have lunch and cake. We have a family birthday dinner at a nice restaurant with his grandparents.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #24 on: February 12, 2014, 12:32:56 PM »
I wouldn't throw an adults party for a child's b'day; that's why grandparents had my kids over for dinner.

Ah, okay, perhaps I've misunderstood then. So you're saying that you'd prefer to have a party just for the kids and do a dinner at home (or something like that) for adults? I thought that everyone was saying you should throw a couple of different parties, which seemed way over the top to me.

I did phrase it as having a kids party and a family party. But the family/friend's party was usually a Sunday afternoon early dinner with in town aunts/uncles, the grand parents, and we had a family of close friends who would usually attend to. So it was around 20 people at the friends/family event. So if one of our kid's bday was during the week the week usually looked like this:

Saturday before their bday - big bday party with their friends invited. Some of the parents would most likely hang around and we would have food and drinks appropriate for them. 
Birthday Day - go out to dinner to restaurant of their choice with just our immediate family though my sister and BIL would sometimes join us. Another small bday cake would be baked and eaten at home.
Sunday after bday - Extended family dinner.
 

TootsNYC

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #25 on: February 12, 2014, 01:44:28 PM »
Hmmmmm, did you forget a school celebration? Or did you not do them?

Your list is much like mine, though we never went out to a restaurant for the nuclear-family commemoration; we just had cake w/ candles & presents for dessert.


And when the kids were little (and therefore were a novelty among the extended family), there would be more grownups at the dinner at Grandparents'. I think my MIL would have liked me to have a bigger family party to celebrate, but I don't have the same vision of what extended family should do, so I was glad it tended to work out the way it did, with eventually only them.

ladyknight1

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #26 on: February 12, 2014, 01:52:12 PM »
School celebrations were only allowed Kindergarten through 3rd grade. After that, we could bring in extra snacks, but they had to be bagged from the manufacturer and couldn't be a sweet.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Spin off-No dinner
« Reply #27 on: February 12, 2014, 01:58:17 PM »
Hmmmmm, did you forget a school celebration? Or did you not do them?

Your list is much like mine, though we never went out to a restaurant for the nuclear-family commemoration; we just had cake w/ candles & presents for dessert.


And when the kids were little (and therefore were a novelty among the extended family), there would be more grownups at the dinner at Grandparents'. I think my MIL would have liked me to have a bigger family party to celebrate, but I don't have the same vision of what extended family should do, so I was glad it tended to work out the way it did, with eventually only them.

We did those too but it was pretty low key. The bday kid's parents would bring a treat for the lunch table since the class would eat together. Our school didn't have too many restrictions on treats. Fruit filled empanada's was the favorite for my daughter's group and the son's bday was sometimes close to Mardi Gras so I'd take in a King Cake. I tried to stay away from cupcakes since they were getting 3 other bday cakes.