Wedding Bliss and Blues > Our Wedding Day

Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013

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mspallaton:
Hi all,

I've got a fairly silly one for everybody.  My dad had some... interesting ideas... about what constituted proper wedding etiquette.  I'm wondering how many of them have merit - possibly in outdated rules about etiquette or something.  Before I share them, I want to point out that he didn't cause a fuss or a fight about any of them and all of the conversations were good-natured.

Here are the biggest ones he told us:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen cannot be married.  I cracked up at this one because he said it a couple months before the ceremony -- long after the bridesmaids, groomsmen and one bridesman had been chosen.  It came up because DH said he wanted something traditional (I can't remember what) and dad's response was to say we were already being non-traditional because of married wedding parties... ignoring the bridesman though...  :)

- No flower girls over 6 yrs old.  He didn't argue that point because the only girl we knew well enough to trust besides my 10-yr-old cousin was 2.5 yrs at the time of the ceremony so he said we could 'make an exception' so the younger girl had someone keeping an eye on her.

- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony.  I've never heard of that, but my mom mentioned that's how things worked at their church when they get married so maybe it was a local thing.  That was in response to DH and I getting an e-mail from the organist where we were doing the ceremony asking us to choose songs.

- And my favorite/the reason this went into the Wedding Day section: "The bride is supposed to arrive at least 5, if not 15 minutes late to the ceremony venue."  I cashed in my bridezilla chip on that one because he didn't bust it out until 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave because I asked him why he didn't have his tux on.  He thought he had another 40 minutes. 
-----------------------
Like I said - my dad's a good-natured man so none of these were family fights or blow ups.  Mostly they were just head-scratchers because I honestly didn't know if they were correct or not - so, mostly out of curiosity - I thought I would toss it up to the experts.  Thoughts?  Any of these ring true about wedding etiquette?

daen:

--- Quote from: mspallaton on February 12, 2014, 03:49:44 PM ---Hi all,

I've got a fairly silly one for everybody.  My dad had some... interesting ideas... about what constituted proper wedding etiquette.  I'm wondering how many of them have merit - possibly in outdated rules about etiquette or something.  Before I share them, I want to point out that he didn't cause a fuss or a fight about any of them and all of the conversations were good-natured.

Here are the biggest ones he told us:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen cannot be married.  I cracked up at this one because he said it a couple months before the ceremony -- long after the bridesmaids, groomsmen and one bridesman had been chosen.  It came up because DH said he wanted something traditional (I can't remember what) and dad's response was to say we were already being non-traditional because of married wedding parties... ignoring the bridesman though...  :)

- No flower girls over 6 yrs old.  He didn't argue that point because the only girl we knew well enough to trust besides my 10-yr-old cousin was 2.5 yrs at the time of the ceremony so he said we could 'make an exception' so the younger girl had someone keeping an eye on her.

- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony.  I've never heard of that, but my mom mentioned that's how things worked at their church when they get married so maybe it was a local thing.  That was in response to DH and I getting an e-mail from the organist where we were doing the ceremony asking us to choose songs.

- And my favorite/the reason this went into the Wedding Day section: "The bride is supposed to arrive at least 5, if not 15 minutes late to the ceremony venue."  I cashed in my bridezilla chip on that one because he didn't bust it out until 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave because I asked him why he didn't have his tux on.  He thought he had another 40 minutes. 
-----------------------
Like I said - my dad's a good-natured man so none of these were family fights or blow ups.  Mostly they were just head-scratchers because I honestly didn't know if they were correct or not - so, mostly out of curiosity - I thought I would toss it up to the experts.  Thoughts?  Any of these ring true about wedding etiquette?

--- End quote ---

Well, he may have had a point (in part) on item #1: technically one can't be a bridesmaid if one is married. I believe this is why the old terminology was Matron of Honor instead of Maid of Honor if the lady was already wed. But otherwise... no. Don't think so.

Item #2: No idea where that might have come from. I personally wouldn't want a flower girl/ring bearer much younger than 6. But then, I didn't want either one at all at my wedding.

Item #3: I've seen pastors organize the wedding rehearsal and tell people to stand, but only when that job is given to them because no one else knows what to do. And choosing the music? Not in my experience. I understand that some houses of worship will veto certain types of music via the officiant, but not choose all the music.

Item #4: I have heard of it being traditional for the bride to arrive late, but I tend to think of that as bad planning and/or rude.

Hmmmmm:
I think at sometime married women serving as attendants weren't common. They had households to run so didn't have time for such foolishness. ::) But a married sister or close friend could be a matron of honor which was more symbolic and not expected to do much.

Haven't heard of an age restriction on flower girls.

I do know some ministers used to have very strict guidelines on the marriage ceremony and probably did set the procession and other guidelines. In my church all music must be approved by the clergy. And they may make recommendations if you need them.

Brides arriving late is unusual. But if your wedding is at 7 I could see the music starting then and parents being seated, bridal party marching in taking 5 to 10 minutes. So the bride doesn't make an appearance till 7:10 or so. But in my city, brides and party dress at the church. So no reason to arrive late.

Harriet Jones:

--- Quote from: mspallaton on February 12, 2014, 03:49:44 PM ---Hi all,

I've got a fairly silly one for everybody.  My dad had some... interesting ideas... about what constituted proper wedding etiquette.  I'm wondering how many of them have merit - possibly in outdated rules about etiquette or something.  Before I share them, I want to point out that he didn't cause a fuss or a fight about any of them and all of the conversations were good-natured.

Here are the biggest ones he told us:
- Bridesmaids and groomsmen cannot be married.  I cracked up at this one because he said it a couple months before the ceremony -- long after the bridesmaids, groomsmen and one bridesman had been chosen.  It came up because DH said he wanted something traditional (I can't remember what) and dad's response was to say we were already being non-traditional because of married wedding parties... ignoring the bridesman though...  :)

--- End quote ---

Nope.


--- Quote ---
- No flower girls over 6 yrs old.  He didn't argue that point because the only girl we knew well enough to trust besides my 10-yr-old cousin was 2.5 yrs at the time of the ceremony so he said we could 'make an exception' so the younger girl had someone keeping an eye on her.

--- End quote ---

Traditionally, flower girls usually aren't *too* terribly old, but there's no age limit. 


--- Quote ---- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony.  I've never heard of that, but my mom mentioned that's how things worked at their church when they get married so maybe it was a local thing.  That was in response to DH and I getting an e-mail from the organist where we were doing the ceremony asking us to choose songs.

--- End quote ---

I'd imagine the pastor might want to have some input into where everyone should stand.  We worked with the organist on what music we'd have.  I imagine she would have told us if something was inappropriate. 


--- Quote ---- And my favorite/the reason this went into the Wedding Day section: "The bride is supposed to arrive at least 5, if not 15 minutes late to the ceremony venue."  I cashed in my bridezilla chip on that one because he didn't bust it out until 20 minutes before we were supposed to leave because I asked him why he didn't have his tux on.  He thought he had another 40 minutes. 
-----------------------
Like I said - my dad's a good-natured man so none of these were family fights or blow ups.  Mostly they were just head-scratchers because I honestly didn't know if they were correct or not - so, mostly out of curiosity - I thought I would toss it up to the experts.  Thoughts?  Any of these ring true about wedding etiquette?

--- End quote ---

So the ceremony's not supposed to start on time?  Or be really really late because the bride's actually getting ready at the church? Weird.

kherbert05:
I think that the bride being "late" might come from the days before there were brides rooms in churches. Everyone would come in and be seated - then the bride and bridesmaids would arrive with the guests inside so noone saw "The dress" till she was walking down the aisle. The wedding would actually start on time, because this convention was understood. I remember stories older family members told about weddings and the gossips who would come late so they would get to see the Bride First - like it was a competition.


In those stories for the Protestant side of the family they usually mentioned the bride and bridesmaids getting ready at the parsonage.

On the Catholic side - usually at the closest family/close friends house because the rectory/convent were not considered appropriate places to dress for a wedding. [/size][size=78%] [/size]

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