Wedding Bliss and Blues > Our Wedding Day

Silly Etiquette Questions - September 1, 2013

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Those actually don't seem that outlandish to me. And I've vaguely heard of them as traditions.

At once time, the attendants *were* unmarried--very, very long ago.

And yes, flower girls are frequently considered to be young--girls much older than 6 are usually junior bridesmaids.

Pastors are completely in charge of what happens during a worship service, and a religious wedding ceremony *is* a religious service. If the pastor has delegated this to a wedding coordinator at his church, that's his prerogative. But I know quite a few pastors who wouldn't be that happy having a professional wedding coordinator tell him what would happen, especially if it deviated from what he thought was appropriate. And for my wedding, there was no wedding coordinator period, and the pastor ran the rehearsal and told us where to go.
   Hey, after all, he's the one who's done this before. He's the officiant of the service, he knows what's happening.

The bride being a little late--that's actually a bit sensible, especially if she's not getting dressed at the church but is arriving and immediately starting down the aisle. That allows people who are only a tiny bit late to be seated and settled before things begin. But I'd say no more than 15 minutes late.


This is why I love this site.  Out of context they all seemed kind of odd, but every single one of them has some basis in real etiquette.  Thank you all for the replies - it was neat to see where those ideas came from and that they had real traditions they were based on.

This is an interesting thread. 

IME, girls of ten would be considered junior bridesmaids, although, if a girl of that age doesn't mind being a flower girl I see nothing wrong with it. 

For a ceremony held in a house of worship the officient usually does stage manage the bridal party because s/he know what works best given the layout of the sanctuary.  Also, some denominations are quite strict about not allowing secular music during the ceremony.  When we were planning our Wedding, appropriate music was discussed during our Pre-Cana meetings but a very wide choice was available.  There was plenty of room to express personal taste without having  'Lucy and Linus' as the recessional in a large church. 

Because of little hitches that happen on every Wedding day, Brides are often a bit late but I've never heard that this was a tradition. 

As for unmarried attendants, this is the first I've heard of that rule. 


Interesting thread.

Every wedding I've been to for fellow adherents of my place of worship has been on time with little-to-no-wait for the reception. Punctuality is considered very important. The only blip of difference was the most recent wedding I've been to. I saw a lot of things that were very different to what's traditional.

Generally the husband doesn't see the bride until she walks down the aisle, but in every wedding I've been to, the groom saw the bride in her wedding finery beforehand as they'd already taken most pictures. So there's rarely much of a delay before the reception. The most recent wedding I attended, the bride was very late making her appearance even though she was onsite. The groom didn't see her so they took an enormous amount of time getting pictures. Not wrong but I hadn't planned for that. We were instructed to head to the reception site right after but the only snacks provided were soft drinks and a small amount of cookies. For upwards of 250+ persons. Dinner was served much later than what the invitation intimated. I'd waited so long to eat that I could not eat cookies to hold me over as that would have made me sick. I finally told my DH that I needed to leave and he and another gentleman at our table with blood sugar issues (like us) made a move to get up and join us when they called our table to go to the buffet. Three hours after the reception 'started'.'s very important!  :) 

"- The Pastor is supposed to tell everyone where to stand in the processional and decide the music for the ceremony."

In the Catholic Church the pastor doesn't pick the music, but it must be liturgical, that means religious. You can pick your music from liturgical music, and the organist helps you with that. If you want a particular song, he/she will let you know if it is okay. You can't use a non-religious folk song or pop song,for instance, unless you have a priest who doesn't follow the church's rules.  As a matter of fact, I believe that you can't use "Here Comes the Bride" because it is not religious music. I think  it's from a Wagner opera.


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