Author Topic: Daycare photos - where's my child?  (Read 7908 times)

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Ceallach

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Daycare photos - where's my child?
« on: February 12, 2014, 04:11:48 PM »
My sons daycare sends an email attachment every afternoon with photos of the kids taken during the day, and a brief description of what they've been doing.  I absolutely love it and always look through it on the days he attends.

Yesterday there was not a single photo with DS in it - not in the background of the group activity photos even!   I was really disappointed.   I actually replied and commented that there was no pictures of him, and they replied and said not to worry, that not every child gets a photo in there every day but he would "probably be in tomorrow".  I replied again and just said that he's never not been in there at all before, and it seemed a very tiny thing to make sure there's at least a glimpse of each child.   I was friendly and light and non-demanding and left it at that.

Except now I feel like an epic special snowflake.   Am I being unreasonable?    I don't expect my kid to be featured on the front page or anything, but to not even have a glimpse it feels as though he wasn't even there.  As if he is excluded from the community.    By the way, there are a dozen photos nearly all of which have multiple children in them, many feature multiple times.  There are less than 12 kids in the room.  I don't think any other kids were left out based on a quick headcount.  (I just checked specifically to give you an idea of the context).    It's a tiny thing in our lives and not something I'll lose sleep over, but wondering if I'm unreasonable to have mentioned it to them?
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TurtleDove

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2014, 04:16:12 PM »
Yes, you are being unreasonable.

TootsNYC

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2014, 04:19:21 PM »
I think it's asking too much to ask them to count and be sure they have all the kids, every day.
You may think it's a quick thing; I can tell you that it's not as quick as you think it is.

They're taking a few pictures, and loading them on. And they have a lot going on that's far more germane to the actual care, safety, and happiness of your child.


Jones

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2014, 04:22:14 PM »
I'd have wondered if he was in time out or something during the group shots. If no discipline was necessary, I'd wonder why he wasn't in the group, was he pouting in a corner or taking a nap or something? Lots of daycares have mommycams these days, people want to check on their kids occasionally.

Arila

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2014, 04:23:47 PM »
A one-time thing, I wouldn't make a fuss. It also depends to me a bit on whether this email is composed by a staff member who is supposed to be supervising the kids in "free time" or if it's a staff member dedicated to composing the daily newsletters in an office somewhere else.

I think it would be a pretty big task to cross check for each class that each child who was in attendance on THAT day is in the photos, and much much more so if this is a multi-tasking activity that's just a quick upload of some of the photos and a lesson plan.

If he never ever appeared in the photos, I would be concerned, but not for a one time thing.

Tabby Uprising

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2014, 04:24:00 PM »
I don't think you're being unreasonable.  You said that they take these photos every day and send them to the parents every day.  If every day for the past 3 months you've received photos of your child and then one day you don't, it makes sense you'd reach out and ask why.  Maybe he was sick or feeling antisocial or napping or whatever.  Depending on the age of your child, he/she even could have developed a sudden fear/aversion to the camera.  Kids are unpredictable! It makes sense to simply ask if there's any certain reason for the absence.

I understand it's not a big deal and it doesn't sound like you made a big deal out of it.  You essentially notified them that something out of their usual norm occurred and was there any reason for it.  I know it's typical of the daycares in my area to either have parental web access to see the kids or send photos as a way to "connect" the parent to the child while they are away. 

I wouldn't push the issue any further.  Give it a few more days and you'll probably see the usual mix of your kid in the pictures.  If your child was consistently excluded I would bring it up again. 

GreenBird

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2014, 04:24:38 PM »
Yeah, maybe a little unreasonable, although I understand the disappointment.  Unless he's regularly left out, I wouldn't have said anything.  I'm sure they try to include all the kids every day, but it's hardly surprising that they'd miss one kid once in a while.  Maybe a better approach would be to let the daycare workers know how much you enjoy seeing the pictures every day and look forward to getting glimpses into how your son spends his day.  The pictures are some extra work for them and I'm sure they'd love to know how much you appreciate them, and if they know you appreciate them they'll probably make an effort to make sure your son is included. 

jmarvellous

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2014, 04:30:34 PM »
I do think your concern is a bit too much. This is not a big deal. Maybe (maybe) you could be concerned if he wasn't in any photos for a week or two; a day is hovery.

Roe

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2014, 04:38:13 PM »
Yes, that is completely unreasonable.

whatsanenigma

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2014, 04:49:33 PM »
Except now I feel like an epic special snowflake.   Am I being unreasonable?    I don't expect my kid to be featured on the front page or anything, but to not even have a glimpse it feels as though he wasn't even there.  As if he is excluded from the community.    By the way, there are a dozen photos nearly all of which have multiple children in them, many feature multiple times.  There are less than 12 kids in the room.  I don't think any other kids were left out based on a quick headcount.  (I just checked specifically to give you an idea of the context).    It's a tiny thing in our lives and not something I'll lose sleep over, but wondering if I'm unreasonable to have mentioned it to them?

I think the bolded would be the issue if it were me in your shoes.  I would worry that something had gone wrong with my child on that day that I wasn't being told about-that he was in a bad mood for some reason and avoiding the other children and activities, or maybe he was sick and not wanting to eat snacks with the other children, or any number of possible things, even little things, that would mean he hadn't been having a typical day (and was isolating himself, or had been isolated in a "time out" or such) and I think it would be very natural for a parent to worry about what might have caused that.

So, in my opinion, it might be going overboard if it were just about whether or not your child is in a picture every day, but to me it seems like the issue is more that multiple shots were taken of only a few kids total and your particular kid somehow didn't end up in even one of the shots.  And I do agree that you shouldn't "lose any sleep" over it,  especially if it only happens one day, but I also can see how you might get a bad feeling about something maybe being wrong.

If you are worried about what the day care people think of your inquiry, you might phrase it that way in a reply, that you just were worried that your child was not in any pictures because he wasn't interacting with the group for some reason and as a parent, your buttons just got pushed to think that maybe he was upset and hiding in a corner or something, even though that is a bit irrational.

dawbs

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2014, 04:51:44 PM »
If this is a daycare you're happy with, I'd consider it a non-issue.
If you're having (internal to yourself or external) issues with the daycare, It may be a straw on the camel. 

(I may be reading to much into it, but, if your reaction to him not being in the pictures is 'it's like he's not eve there', I'd take a guess that maybe you're not confident that they're consistently and constantly looking after your child?  Which is a different-and far bigger-issue.)

bonyk

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2014, 04:55:50 PM »
I understand your disappointment, but I think it is something that will happen from time to time and you need to accept that.

whatsanenigma

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #12 on: February 12, 2014, 04:56:02 PM »
If this is a daycare you're happy with, I'd consider it a non-issue.
If you're having (internal to yourself or external) issues with the daycare, It may be a straw on the camel. 

(I may be reading to much into it, but, if your reaction to him not being in the pictures is 'it's like he's not eve there', I'd take a guess that maybe you're not confident that they're consistently and constantly looking after your child?  Which is a different-and far bigger-issue.)

I wonder also if that is an issue for the OP, but I also think that as a parent it would be normal to worry somewhat about things like this even when there is no logical need to do so.  Maybe for the OP, seeing her child in at least one picture is reassurance that her child had a good, normal, happy day, in which he interacted with the other children enough to be caught in at least one photo, and not seeing him in any pictures leaves the possibility open that it wasn't such a great day.  And even with excellent daycare workers at an excellent facility, such is the nature of children (and even adults) that sometimes a day can be not so good. 

So there might be an uncomfortable information gap.  Which is not necessarily an indication of anything actually going seriously wrong.

Ceallach

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #13 on: February 12, 2014, 04:56:30 PM »
Just to clarify, the email is created by the teachers in the room.  They know each kid intimately, so it wouldn't involve cross checking a roll or anything like that.   And yes, they have better things to do - but quite frankly, if they're going to spend so much time on this (it's fairly extensive) I'd prefer they took the extra 2min to check they'd included everybody.  Otherwise why do it at all?   My husband actually asked me if I'd stayed home with son because noticed he wasn't in the daycare book!   

For the record, I'm a very, very relaxed parent.  I've never raised a concern about anything. Even when they changed his room teachers at the end of the year and forgot to tell me!  This is just something that is really important to me. 

So given the overwhelming view that I'm unreasonable for even mentioning it to them, do I then owe them an apology?


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Hurricane Marathon

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #14 on: February 12, 2014, 04:57:03 PM »
I don't have kids so take me with a grain of salt.  I think you're way over-thinking this.  You said he's been in the pictures before?  Okay then.  This time he wasn't.  No big deal.

Like what happened to me in high school.  There was a photo of my best friend and I with our faces painted for a Game Day. It was a close-up of our faces side-by-each. The yearbook came out and the picture was on one of the random picture pages but with my face cropped out, even though our faces were painted with the two words that made up the football team - "NORTH" on hers and "VIKINGS" on mine.