Author Topic: Daycare photos - where's my child?  (Read 7171 times)

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Arila

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #15 on: February 12, 2014, 04:57:08 PM »
....

I would worry that something had gone wrong with my child on that day that I wasn't being told about-that he was in a bad mood for some reason and avoiding the other children and activities, or maybe he was sick and not wanting to eat snacks with the other children, or any number of possible things, even little things, that would mean he hadn't been having a typical day (and was isolating himself, or had been isolated in a "time out" or such) and I think it would be very natural for a parent to worry about what might have caused that.

I would assume that these kinds of issues (sick, discipline etc) would come in a separate report from the person responsible for supervising them. I don't think they can/should be extrapolated from a casual daily newsletter.

whatsanenigma

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #16 on: February 12, 2014, 04:58:35 PM »
Just to clarify, the email is created by the teachers in the room.  They know each kid intimately, so it wouldn't involve cross checking a roll or anything like that.   And yes, they have better things to do - but quite frankly, if they're going to spend so much time on this (it's fairly extensive) I'd prefer they took the extra 2min to check they'd included everybody.  Otherwise why do it at all?   My husband actually asked me if I'd stayed home with son because noticed he wasn't in the daycare book!   

For the record, I'm a very, very relaxed parent.  I've never raised a concern about anything. Even when they changed his room teachers at the end of the year and forgot to tell me!  This is just something that is really important to me. 

So given the overwhelming view that I'm unreasonable for even mentioning it to them, do I then owe them an apology?

I think with your update, you don't owe them an apology but you could explain to them that you were concerned because you are worried, given that you weren't told about a teacher change, that maybe something else had gone on that you weren't told about.

whatsanenigma

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #17 on: February 12, 2014, 05:01:07 PM »
....

I would worry that something had gone wrong with my child on that day that I wasn't being told about-that he was in a bad mood for some reason and avoiding the other children and activities, or maybe he was sick and not wanting to eat snacks with the other children, or any number of possible things, even little things, that would mean he hadn't been having a typical day (and was isolating himself, or had been isolated in a "time out" or such) and I think it would be very natural for a parent to worry about what might have caused that.

I would assume that these kinds of issues (sick, discipline etc) would come in a separate report from the person responsible for supervising them. I don't think they can/should be extrapolated from a casual daily newsletter.

I don't think you can know absolutely for sure based on the child not being in a picture, but it might raise a red flag to be looked into further.

thedudeabides

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #18 on: February 12, 2014, 05:11:39 PM »
Yes, this is a complete overreaction.

rose red

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #19 on: February 12, 2014, 05:20:14 PM »
This is one day out of many.  I'm sure it's happened to other children but you didn't notice because they are not your child.  When taking random pictures of that many children throughout the day, some of them can be missed.  I think it's only a problem if he is never ever in a picture. 

Ceallach

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #20 on: February 12, 2014, 05:20:53 PM »
Yes, this is a complete overreaction.

Which part exactly is the overreaction?   

And if I'm not supposed to even mention it to them, at what point *is* it ok to say something.     After 2 days?   After 1 week?  After months?   A lot of the responses here are very brief and I'm trying to work out where people feel the line is.     I'm getting the impression most people are simply coming from the point of view that "photos of your kid aren't a big deal" therefore this isn't a big deal.   And while that's true, it is something that's important to me in terms of feeling connected to what my son has been doing during the day when I'm not with him.     It's also something that takes time out of the time they spend with my son.   If I get no benefit from that, I'd rather they didn't do it at all.   
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camlan

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #21 on: February 12, 2014, 05:22:01 PM »
I would say that a one-time occurrence of your child's picture not being there is not something to bring up. I'd notice it, and then keep an eye on the situation. If it happens again frequently, then I'd mention it.

The teachers are busy enough with the kids. Adding one more task to their day--making sure every child gets a picture in the newsletter--especially when that task is for the parents' comfort and not for the kids, is asking a lot. I'd rather have them interacting with the children, not counting heads in photos.

If you think there are on-going issues with your child not being treated fairly or well, then it is best to bring up those issues specifically. The lack of a photo on one day might be a sign of that, but it's a teeny, tiny thing. Not, IMO, enough to judge the teachers on.

If you are worried that you aren't getting the full picture, daily, about how your child is doing in the class, then ask directly. I think it's a bit of a stretch to think this on the basis of one missing picture in one newsletter.

And I have to say, from the outside looking in, this:

Quote
I don't expect my kid to be featured on the front page or anything, but to not even have a glimpse it feels as though he wasn't even there.  As if he is excluded from the community.

does seem like an over-reaction. It was one day, out of many days. If your son is old enough, ask him where he was during the picture taking. He might be able to give you a fuller picture of his day.
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Mary Lennox

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #22 on: February 12, 2014, 05:22:52 PM »
It was one day, if there was no sign of him for a week, then I might question it. But really, maybe he's just sick of having his photo taken multiple times a day and picked this day to hide whenver the camera was out?

TurtleDove

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #23 on: February 12, 2014, 05:23:25 PM »
Yesterday there was not a single photo with DS in it .... he's never not been in there at all before

This is why I think you are overreacting.  If your son were habitually not in the photos, perhaps it would be something to consider.  But this was one day when you son was not in the photos, and it was the first and only time it had happened. 

Ceallach

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #24 on: February 12, 2014, 05:28:11 PM »
I would say that a one-time occurrence of your child's picture not being there is not something to bring up. I'd notice it, and then keep an eye on the situation. If it happens again frequently, then I'd mention it.

The teachers are busy enough with the kids. Adding one more task to their day--making sure every child gets a picture in the newsletter--especially when that task is for the parents' comfort and not for the kids, is asking a lot. I'd rather have them interacting with the children, not counting heads in photos.

If you think there are on-going issues with your child not being treated fairly or well, then it is best to bring up those issues specifically. The lack of a photo on one day might be a sign of that, but it's a teeny, tiny thing. Not, IMO, enough to judge the teachers on.

If you are worried that you aren't getting the full picture, daily, about how your child is doing in the class, then ask directly. I think it's a bit of a stretch to think this on the basis of one missing picture in one newsletter.

And I have to say, from the outside looking in, this:

Quote
I don't expect my kid to be featured on the front page or anything, but to not even have a glimpse it feels as though he wasn't even there.  As if he is excluded from the community.

does seem like an over-reaction. It was one day, out of many days. If your son is old enough, ask him where he was during the picture taking. He might be able to give you a fuller picture of his day.

Great post, thanks.      I just realised an important point - my son just turned 1.     And I can say 100% I would not be concerned or raise this if he was an older child who I could talk to about his day.   Because he is so young, I rely on the photos to see that yes, he's ok, and yes he seems happy.    I've always felt it's a bit rude to interrogate them about every detail of his day, particularly as I do a fairly early pick-up so they're still busy with other children.   And I trust them to be taking care of him and that his needs have been met throughout the day.   (Seriously, I've seen parents who do stand there at drop-off micro-managing every aspect of the day and forcing routine, the teachers are very patient with them but they do seem grateful that I'm happy to let them do what works best and respond to son's needs throughout the day as they see fit).   I guess perhaps I worry a bit too that because I'm not a helicopter parent, and not paying as much attention as some, that he could slip through the cracks!     
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SoCalVal

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #25 on: February 12, 2014, 05:28:35 PM »
I don't think you're overreacting by missing seeing your child, but I think you should let it go.  It sounds like the daycare is doing a nice thing by sending pictures, and, this time, they happened to not include your child.  Should it become a regular thing, then I might be concerned but not right now.  Also, since is something that's not necessary, they may decide to stop doing it altogether to avoid complaints about missing sending a child's picture.



Ceallach

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #26 on: February 12, 2014, 05:33:20 PM »
Yesterday there was not a single photo with DS in it .... he's never not been in there at all before

This is why I think you are overreacting.  If your son were habitually not in the photos, perhaps it would be something to consider.  But this was one day when you son was not in the photos, and it was the first and only time it had happened.

That's a fair point, thanks.   I guess that's always the toss-up isn't it, address it the first time to nip it in the bud, or assume it's a one-off and not worry about it.

One of the reasons I guess I went the other way is that I thought maybe it was that the new teachers are doing it differently.   He spent 6 months with the other teachers and was never missed, now it's been 1 month with the new teachers and suddenly he's left off... so I guess my concern was that they weren't paying as much attention to it or thinking about it from a parent's perspective.    So perhaps it does all come back to my unresolved anxiety about the teacher change after all!  (The new ones are awesome, but I absolutely *loved* the old ones.  They swapped rooms because most of the kids in the class were significantly older and moved up, so they sent the teachers with the majority.  It makes sense, but my son was one of the 4 "babies" who stayed in the room).
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GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #27 on: February 12, 2014, 05:35:40 PM »
It's also something that takes time out of the time they spend with my son.   If I get no benefit from that, I'd rather they didn't do it at all.   

But it's not just your son there. There were other children in the pictures, the other parents get the email of their children, they get to connect to their kids. Just because you didn't benefit, doesn't mean they should stop doing it all together.

I probably wouldn't have said anything in email. However when I picked up my kid I might have mentioned "I love getting the email with pictures of all the kids playing and enjoying their day! I noticed Kid wasn't in the pictures today though, was everything alright with him?" because maybe something was off. Kids (and grown-ups) have off days, so maybe that day he just wanted to sit on the sidelines and not be bothered.

If day after day I never saw my child in the photos, I'd start wanting some answers. Was it him or was it just an over site?

I imagine what happens is that someone gets put in charge of the camera and goes around snapping pictures of the kids doing different activities through out the day. And for whatever reason, your son just didn't get "snapped" that day. I'd assume just the timing being off and not give it much mind. And I wouldn't think much work really goes into picking the photos. Just, is it blurry? Can you see kids in it? Great, sending these pictures to this list of parents and on to the next thing.

thedudeabides

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #28 on: February 12, 2014, 05:38:55 PM »
Yes, this is a complete overreaction.

Which part exactly is the overreaction?   

And if I'm not supposed to even mention it to them, at what point *is* it ok to say something.     After 2 days?   After 1 week?  After months?   A lot of the responses here are very brief and I'm trying to work out where people feel the line is.     I'm getting the impression most people are simply coming from the point of view that "photos of your kid aren't a big deal" therefore this isn't a big deal.   And while that's true, it is something that's important to me in terms of feeling connected to what my son has been doing during the day when I'm not with him.     It's also something that takes time out of the time they spend with my son.   If I get no benefit from that, I'd rather they didn't do it at all.   

Calling them after one day when your kid isn't in the pictures, when there's never a guarantee that your kid will be in the pictures, is an absolute overreaction.  If you're seeing after days that your kid is never in the pictures, sure, say something.  But ONE time?  That takes picture-taking and sending from something they do to make things pleasant for everyone into a chore because now they're scrambling to make sure they got your kid every day so you don't call back.  And once things like this start becoming a chore, that factors into the cost-benefit of even taking them in the first place.

And, as Glitter pointed out, you're not the only one benefiting here.  Just because you would rather see a picture that includes your son every day rather than never get them again because you don't get it every day doesn't mean that the other parents wouldn't rather have one or two pictures a week of their kids.
« Last Edit: February 12, 2014, 05:42:11 PM by thedudeabides »

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #29 on: February 12, 2014, 05:40:33 PM »
I think if your concern is that your DS didn't appear because he wasn't participating for some reason (feeling ill, upset about something, etc.) as PPs have suggested, then it would be better to focus on that issue, e.g., "I noticed DS didn't make it into any of the photos today, which is unusual. Was he participating normally today? If he wasn't playing with the others, I want to make sure to keep an eye on him to see if anything's wrong." If DS was moping around, you'd find out, and if he wasn't, they'd realize that at least one kid got left out and his parent noticed.

I understand why you're disappointed about him not showing up in any photos, especially since you look forward to them. However, if they feel pressured to ensure every kid is represented every day, you run the risk of them deciding that the daily photos are too much trouble and you'd lose something you "absolutely love."  :(

Also, you might be overlooking some of the problems with ensuring everyone is included. I assume that this email comes at the end of the day--is that correct? If they sort through the day's photos after daycare, it might take 2 minutes to realize one kid got left out, but if the kids are already gone, there's no way to "fix" it. They would either have to send out photos without that kid, or send no photos at all. It's entirely possible that the person sorting through photos realized he was omitted and had already made a mental note to snap a few pics the next day. OTOH, checking during the day that they had photos of every kid would take someone's time away from the kids. If it continued for several days with no photos, then I think it would be reasonable to email telling them that you really love being able to see him happy and participating and asking if they could please snap a photo of him next time since he hasn't appeared the last few days.