Author Topic: Daycare photos - where's my child?  (Read 7242 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4770
    • This Is It
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #30 on: February 12, 2014, 05:41:28 PM »
I don't think you're overreacting by missing seeing your child, but I think you should let it go.  It sounds like the daycare is doing a nice thing by sending pictures, and, this time, they happened to not include your child.  Should it become a regular thing, then I might be concerned but not right now.  Also, since is something that's not necessary, they may decide to stop doing it altogether to avoid complaints about missing sending a child's picture.

Yes I can confirm 100% I have no intention (and never did) of pursuing it further than I have.    I was just feeling uneasy about having mentioned it at all, which it seems from this thread was the appropriate way to be feeling!!       I used to have severe social anxiety and although I have good social skills now, I still get this nasty feeling inside after conversations sometimes, that feeling that I've said and done the wrong thing.    So I wasn't sure whether it was just that, or if in this case I had over-reacted.   :-\     I did, actually, completely over-react in person - my very hormonal pregnant self sat and cried.    I'm not even kidding. So although my email was calm and friendly and chatty, my in-person reaction was definitely unreasonable.   (It amused me a bit when people were saying I over-reacted, because I hadn't mentioned the fact that I did have an epic over-reaction initially in person).  It was later when I'd calmed down that I thought it through and decided I wanted to mention it to them. 
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


lollylegs

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 596
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #31 on: February 12, 2014, 05:43:33 PM »
Just to clarify, the email is created by the teachers in the room.  They know each kid intimately, so it wouldn't involve cross checking a roll or anything like that.   And yes, they have better things to do - but quite frankly, if they're going to spend so much time on this (it's fairly extensive) I'd prefer they took the extra 2min to check they'd included everybody.  Otherwise why do it at all?   My husband actually asked me if I'd stayed home with son because noticed he wasn't in the daycare book!   

Sure, I guess it takes two minutes to look through and make sure everyone's there but it takes longer than two minutes to go through all the photos to find a replacement and get another nice, usable photo if you don't have one. Next thing you know you've spent their whole nap time working on the dingdangity thing, maybe sure every single child gets equal representation, and the paperwork you'd planned to get done has to come home with you now.

I'm reminded a little of the candy jar thread. This is a nice little extra that your daycare centre is providing and you're complaining that they're doing it wrong. I think it would be nice of you to give them a light, sorry I was a bit silly, apology.

And if there's another rare occurrence where your son is left off, I'd keep the disappointment to myself.

QueenfaninCA

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 694
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #32 on: February 12, 2014, 05:45:44 PM »
I think you are overreacting. How many kids are in his group? If more than five I can tell you that checking ten or twenty pictures to make sure each kid is at least in one of them takes way more time than a day-care teacher has.

It's something else if picture get sent out only once every six months or so. Then someone needs to make sure everyone is in at least one picture. But with that many pictures every day...

perpetua

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2006
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #33 on: February 12, 2014, 05:48:55 PM »
It's entirely possible that the person sorting through photos realized he was omitted and had already made a mental note to snap a few pics the next day.

It's also entirely possible that every kid isn't in the email every single day, and that it just so happens that your kid has been so far. And today he may not have been, for completely normal reasons.

Count me in with those who say it's an overreaction.

Olympia

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 92
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #34 on: February 12, 2014, 05:49:08 PM »
Yesterday there was not a single photo with DS in it .... he's never not been in there at all before

This is why I think you are overreacting.  If your son were habitually not in the photos, perhaps it would be something to consider.  But this was one day when you son was not in the photos, and it was the first and only time it had happened.

That's a fair point, thanks.   I guess that's always the toss-up isn't it, address it the first time to nip it in the bud, or assume it's a one-off and not worry about it.

You may find it helpful to adjust your way of looking at this. What, exactly, do you hope to "nip in the bud?" For one day, he was not in the pictures. I'm sure if you went back through the photos, not that you would, but if you went through the photos for other days, you'd find that once in a while, a child is not in that day's photos.

You say that you use these photos to get an idea of how your son's day went. That's valid, but I strongly urge you to talk to the teachers, even if you are one of the earlier parents to pick up their child. The photos are going to show the positive points of that day. They aren't a substitute for just asking the teachers how your son's day was.

aiki

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1188
  • We can't all have Pippa's backside.
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #35 on: February 12, 2014, 05:53:49 PM »
Once is an accident. Twice is coincidence. Three times is an enemy action.

I'd say if it happens three times, then investigate further. Doing something after one instance would be overreacting.
"A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude."  - Oscar Wilde

Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4770
    • This Is It
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #36 on: February 12, 2014, 05:55:12 PM »
Also, you might be overlooking some of the problems with ensuring everyone is included. I assume that this email comes at the end of the day--is that correct? If they sort through the day's photos after daycare, it might take 2 minutes to realize one kid got left out, but if the kids are already gone, there's no way to "fix" it. They would either have to send out photos without that kid, or send no photos at all. It's entirely possible that the person sorting through photos realized he was omitted and had already made a mental note to snap a few pics the next day. OTOH, checking during the day that they had photos of every kid would take someone's time away from the kids. If it continued for several days with no photos, then I think it would be reasonable to email telling them that you really love being able to see him happy and participating and asking if they could please snap a photo of him next time since he hasn't appeared the last few days.

The email comes from the receptionist (because she has the group distribution list for parents for each room) so she sends it out anytime between 3pm and 6pm depending on the day and how busy she is out the front.   There is a camera in each room, and 4 teachers in each room.     During the day anytime the kids are doing an activity, or even just playing (they do a lot of free play), they'll grab the camera and go around taking snapshots, some individual and some group.   As early as when I'm doing drop-off they'll be grabbing the camera and taking photos.    They put most of the book together at lunchtime so most photos come from the morning, but sometimes add in some extra from the afternoon.   Back when DS was still breastfed I used to go in and lunchtime and sit in the room to feed him, and they'd be working on the book then and chat to me while they do it (not relevant, but it's just how I know the process so well!). 


I'm reminded a little of the candy jar thread. This is a nice little extra that your daycare centre is providing and you're complaining that they're doing it wrong. I think it would be nice of you to give them a light, sorry I was a bit silly, apology.

That's an interesting perspective - all of my friends children are in different daycare centres (different brands, philosophies, locations) and they all get a daily email with photos of the kids and telling them what they've been doing.  The exact style and content vary, of course.   I believe they do keep some paper records in the room as well on the kids, but I've never seen them.    The book tells us what activities the children have done today and pictures of them engaging in those activities, the email also tells us what lunch was served.   Is the email book an Australian thing??      (Actually somewhat related, one of my friend's daughter just started daycare at a different centre and is really, really struggling with separation anxiety - she literally cries all day - and my friend said to me a couple of weeks ago "You know it's not been a good day when there's no picture of your child in the email!"  Because in her case, her child was crying so much that she didn't participate in any activities and wasn't playing at all, she just sat and cried all day.   She wasn't upset about her child not being in the pictures, because she knew why and was dealing with a much bigger problem, but clearly she thought it was an abnormal thing for a child not to be included!)
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4770
    • This Is It
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #37 on: February 12, 2014, 06:06:05 PM »
Yesterday there was not a single photo with DS in it .... he's never not been in there at all before

This is why I think you are overreacting.  If your son were habitually not in the photos, perhaps it would be something to consider.  But this was one day when you son was not in the photos, and it was the first and only time it had happened.

That's a fair point, thanks.   I guess that's always the toss-up isn't it, address it the first time to nip it in the bud, or assume it's a one-off and not worry about it.

You may find it helpful to adjust your way of looking at this. What, exactly, do you hope to "nip in the bud?" For one day, he was not in the pictures. I'm sure if you went back through the photos, not that you would, but if you went through the photos for other days, you'd find that once in a while, a child is not in that day's photos.

You say that you use these photos to get an idea of how your son's day went. That's valid, but I strongly urge you to talk to the teachers, even if you are one of the earlier parents to pick up their child. The photos are going to show the positive points of that day. They aren't a substitute for just asking the teachers how your son's day was.

Obviously I do talk to the teachers every day (I guess the alternative would be to sneak in and grab him and run out?  ;D ), I just don't interrogate them about every detail of his day.   They'll say "he had a great day today!" (which they say basically everyday).   And that's nice. And I ask what time he napped / woke up just so I know how early bedtime needs to be.   But I do want to see for myself what he personally did, and how he looked.  I can actually tell from a picture whether he was happy, or just ok, or feeling a bit sick.    When he first started the teachers would say "Oh he was really good!" because he didn't cry, but I could see from the pictures that he was very stressed.   Because I know him, and I know what his "normal" is.    Over time, I could see that evolve and his genuine happy self come through.   

I find it interesting a few people are commenting on how many kids there are and how hard it would be to keep track.   I pop in and out twice per day (drop off and pick up) and yet I know the names of nearly every single child in that room.   The ones I don't know it's because they are brand new in the past couple of weeks!   (Start of the year, new kids).    Given the low staff turnover and that they spend all day with them I'd be surprised if they couldn't tell from a glance who was who and who was missing.   They don't run a routine in that room, the kids each have their own schedule based on their needs, yet the teachers know exactly who needs to sleep, who needs to eat, who needs a bottle etc.     So they definitely know their kids!   (And yes, I agree that given they're doing all that you could argue that they then don't have as much time to devote to the book.  But my point is that they *do* devote extensive time to the book, despite doing all of these other things).   Oh well, will be interesting to see what happens today!
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


bonyk

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 799
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #38 on: February 12, 2014, 06:13:23 PM »
Yes, they know their kids, but it sounds like they grab the camera and take pics through out the day.  They are not going to remember who they took a pic of, and compare that with who the other teachers took.  Seeing as how it's never happened before, I think it's just something disappointing that you need to let go.

Olympia

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 92
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #39 on: February 12, 2014, 06:16:40 PM »
That's a fair point, thanks.   I guess that's always the toss-up isn't it, address it the first time to nip it in the bud, or assume it's a one-off and not worry about it.

You may find it helpful to adjust your way of looking at this. What, exactly, do you hope to "nip in the bud?" For one day, he was not in the pictures. I'm sure if you went back through the photos, not that you would, but if you went through the photos for other days, you'd find that once in a while, a child is not in that day's photos.

You say that you use these photos to get an idea of how your son's day went. That's valid, but I strongly urge you to talk to the teachers, even if you are one of the earlier parents to pick up their child. The photos are going to show the positive points of that day. They aren't a substitute for just asking the teachers how your son's day was.

Obviously I do talk to the teachers every day (I guess the alternative would be to sneak in and grab him and run out?  ;D ), I just don't interrogate them about every detail of his day.

I was responding to this:
"Because he is so young, I rely on the photos to see that yes, he's ok, and yes he seems happy.    I've always felt it's a bit rude to interrogate them about every detail of his day, particularly as I do a fairly early pick-up so they're still busy with other children."

There is no "obviously" there, in terms of how much you interact with the carers. You can choose to see asking about your son's day as "interrogation," but what purpose does that serve? Talk to them, and try to let a simple, inconsequential oversight go.

amandaelizabeth

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 787
    • Amanda's home based ece
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #40 on: February 12, 2014, 06:18:13 PM »
Hi

Early Childhood person here.  As the rules are vey similar in both our countries, the Centre would have to ask parents permission to put a photo of their child in a public arena.  Parents can refuse.  Problems arise if your child is best friends with a non photo child as it can be difficult to snap one child without the other.  Believe me I know. 

newbiePA

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 930
    • Outside the Marinara Zone- our new blog :)
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #41 on: February 12, 2014, 06:25:03 PM »
My daycare doesn't do day photos, just occasional pictures.  You said your son was one of the young ones in the old classroom?  Maybe that is part of the reason he had been in pictures every day.  Younger= less active= easier to get a picture.  I have a 21 month old and a newborn, and it is WAY easier to snap a picture of a pre-crawler or pre-walker.  Most of my pictures of my toddler over the last 6 months have been blurs.
Not such a newbie anymore

Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4770
    • This Is It
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #42 on: February 12, 2014, 06:25:25 PM »
Yes, they know their kids, but it sounds like they grab the camera and take pics through out the day.  They are not going to remember who they took a pic of, and compare that with who the other teachers took.  Seeing as how it's never happened before, I think it's just something disappointing that you need to let go.

They upload all the photos onto the laptop, then go through and pick ones to use for the report.   So they can see the big picture of what they have before putting it together.     

Yes, I will obviously let it go, as was always my intention.   This was most definitely a retrospective question!     (And yes, I know it's a trivial matter.   All of my etiquette questions are trivial matters.  My real problems I deal with in real life not on the internet  :)). 

Hi

Early Childhood person here.  As the rules are vey similar in both our countries, the Centre would have to ask parents permission to put a photo of their child in a public arena.  Parents can refuse.  Problems arise if your child is best friends with a non photo child as it can be difficult to snap one child without the other.  Believe me I know. 

That's a good point and in theory could definitely arise.  I don't think we have that situation here as I haven't seen any of the other kids not photographed (they often do big group shots showing all the kids together, and like I said I know who they all are).   The consent / release for photos is in the original enrolment form so I think most people just tick yes to it.   
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Ceallach

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4770
    • This Is It
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #43 on: February 12, 2014, 06:39:47 PM »
That's a fair point, thanks.   I guess that's always the toss-up isn't it, address it the first time to nip it in the bud, or assume it's a one-off and not worry about it.

You may find it helpful to adjust your way of looking at this. What, exactly, do you hope to "nip in the bud?" For one day, he was not in the pictures. I'm sure if you went back through the photos, not that you would, but if you went through the photos for other days, you'd find that once in a while, a child is not in that day's photos.

You say that you use these photos to get an idea of how your son's day went. That's valid, but I strongly urge you to talk to the teachers, even if you are one of the earlier parents to pick up their child. The photos are going to show the positive points of that day. They aren't a substitute for just asking the teachers how your son's day was.

Obviously I do talk to the teachers every day (I guess the alternative would be to sneak in and grab him and run out?  ;D ), I just don't interrogate them about every detail of his day.

I was responding to this:
"Because he is so young, I rely on the photos to see that yes, he's ok, and yes he seems happy.    I've always felt it's a bit rude to interrogate them about every detail of his day, particularly as I do a fairly early pick-up so they're still busy with other children."

There is no "obviously" there, in terms of how much you interact with the carers. You can choose to see asking about your son's day as "interrogation," but what purpose does that serve? Talk to them, and try to let a simple, inconsequential oversight go.

You said you "urge me to talk to them", and I do think it is pretty obvious that I couldn't go in there twice a day without talking to them.      I definitely don't see asking about my son's day as interrogation.  I see it as asking about his day, which is part of the normal, day-to-day conversations I would expect any parent to have with the teacher, and which I always do.   I would see interrogating them about every single tiny detail of how the day was spent to be interrogation.    Apologies if my choice of wording confused you.    Perhaps I shouldn't have said I 'rely' on the book - for me, I rely on it as an alternative to what they are saying.  A way of seeing for myself.  Every other method is based on their reporting - what they write, what they tell me.  The photos show me how happy my son is, or isn't, in a way that nobody can describe.

I can assure you that this is a very, very minor matter, my son is very well-adjusted and happy in his daycare, and I have very friendly relationship with the staff.    There is no need to blow it up into a bigger issue regarding non-communication and I have no intention of doing so.     The etiquette question was simply about whether mentioning a one-off oversight like this is unreasonable.   In reality I could probably ask the same question about many other day-to-day life events where expectations aren't quite met.    The overwhelming verdict definitely seems to be it was unreasonable and I should have given them the benefit of the doubt and assume it's a one-off unless a pattern emerges, and I think that's fair.    As a photo junkie (I take an average of 20GB of photos each month of my son) it's still disappointing to me and I hope it doesn't become a pattern.   
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


JenJay

  • I'm a nonconformist who doesn't conform to the prevailing standards of nonconformity.
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6011
Re: Daycare photos - where's my child?
« Reply #44 on: February 12, 2014, 06:43:03 PM »
Re the crying - I'd like to offer you a little hug because it sounds like you had a rough, emotional day, and I've been there. Stoopid pregnancy hormones!

I don't think you owe the daycare providers an apology, but it might be nice to say something like "Sorry if I overreacted about the photo situation. I was worried that DS had a bad day and didn't participate in any of the fun. I realize he was probably just busy in another area when each picture was taken. I really love the daily recaps, thank you for sending them!"