Honeymoon fund dilemma

[Oh Joy]

I totally respect where you're coming from, and just wouldn't feel right buying a honeymoon experience...no matter how many logical arguments are in favor of it.

How about buying them something like travel wine glasses (unbreakable and with detachable stems) and a gift card to somewhere like REI, with a note to buy some gear for their travels together? 

Best wishes.

[Zizi-K]

OP here

I came to realize I was disappointed because I love shopping for gifts. I was looking forward to the hunt for a special gift. The honeymoon registry doesn't feel like shopping at all.

You don't have to buy them something from the registry! I love the idea of getting them something travel-related, but you don't even have to do that. I think what most posters were objecting to was the idea of punishing them with no gift because of their registry, but you are certainly able to pick out any gift you want and send it with your best wishes. The hunt is still on!

[JeanFromBNA]

Picture frames.  If they are planning a fabulous honeymoon, they will want mementos.  Maybe an electronic frame that displays slides along with a couple of fixed frames.

[TootsNYC]

OP here

I came to realize I was disappointed because I love shopping for gifts. I was looking forward to the hunt for a special gift. The honeymoon registry doesn't feel like shopping at all.

So go shopping!

Have fun. A registry is a suggestion, not a restriction.

And think of this: If you get it right (no guarantees, of course, but you can give it a good shot), you'll give them a wedding present they'll have for a long time. A constant reminder of you.

I have many wedding presents that I value, 23 years later, and though I was grateful for the cash (and some of it is still around, actually), it wasn't the only thing I valued.

There isn't a place on a registry to put "We'd love to receive something you think is beautiful or useful for us to have." But almost every bride and groom think that.

(I guess an electronic picture frame for vacation photos, but I personally consider a picture frame to be the "I don't know what to get you" kind of tossaway present. Them and scented candles.)

Don't feel you need to link your wedding gift to the honeymoon! Get them whatever you would have gotten if they had said, "Oh, get whatever, we don't want to restrict people's creativity by having a registry."

The wedding gifts I use all the time are the ones that I would -never- have thought of putting on a registry.

[Mikayla]

On registries, the only ones I think are rude are ones that don't offer a full range of price options.  After that, I think people can do what they want. 

On honeyfunds, I am not a fan, but one of the reasons is a practical one.  These sites take a cut of the funds raised, meaning a guest who buys an experience is also supporting the site.  It's not much, but it's the principle of it, and that will never work for me.

I also agree with Toots and about shopping for something special.  For some strange reason, I try to avoid cash gifts in most cases.   I'm not sure what my issue is.

[TootsNYC]

I don't think you have "an issue," if by "issue" you mean "some way in which I am abnormal or wrong."

I actually think that cash gifts are not technically correct; they so easily fail to do, or even go against, a big part of what gifts are supposed to do and be, which is to create connections all the way through, including the gift-selecting process, as the giver thinks deeply about the recipient and what might please them.

Oh, sure, often a gift of flat-out cash is the most helpful, the most thoughtful, etc. But in general, I think they should be regarded warily.

[Sharnita]

What about a nice leather bound journal to record memories and experiences when they travel?

[GlitterIsMyDrug]

Partner did something pretty cool for two teenagers we know when they graduated last spring that might work for you (or just be an idea).

Both kids had digital camaras, Partner confirmed which kind with their parents, and bought them each an extra SD card and a pack of batteries so they could take lots of pictures at college. They both loved it because hey, an extra SD card is always nice to have and so are batteries!

And my mom has done a few times a doorknocker engraved with the couple's married name. That way if they don't use it right away (if they're in an apartment or small space) it doesn't take up much space to store and it's not something a ton of people do. So you probably won't end up with like 5 of them.

For my best friend last year I did a family bible for her and her husband to start together. We have one in my family (though we aren't religious...we just have one) where we record births/deaths/marriages, I always loved looking at it when I was younger. Her family didn't ever do one (double checked with both MOG and MOB) so I gifted one to her with an explanation of what to do with it. Her husband called me crying about how beautiful of a gift it was and how he couldn't wait to write the names of their future children and pass it on...so yeah...good pick there. But something that signifies their future together seems to be a good sell, you'll be together for awhile, here's something for that.

[VorFemme]

If they cook, a spice rack and a gift card to get fresh spices for it - works even if they are learning to cook together - some seasonings are expensive (not just saffron or whole vanilla beans) - getting everything at one time adds up to $$ when you've never had a kitchen before!

It can be something that they get one or two bottles of every time they go to the store for groceries - but having "the basics" on hand lets them start cooking sooner...and a good cook book never hurts.

[Alli8098]

Maybe a gift basket with some sunscreen, sunglasses, or has items like little travel accessories appropriate for where their going?

[wolfie]

Partner did something pretty cool for two teenagers we know when they graduated last spring that might work for you (or just be an idea).

Both kids had digital camaras, Partner confirmed which kind with their parents, and bought them each an extra SD card and a pack of batteries so they could take lots of pictures at college. They both loved it because hey, an extra SD card is always nice to have and so are batteries!

And my mom has done a few times a doorknocker engraved with the couple's married name. That way if they don't use it right away (if they're in an apartment or small space) it doesn't take up much space to store and it's not something a ton of people do. So you probably won't end up with like 5 of them.

For my best friend last year I did a family bible for her and her husband to start together. We have one in my family (though we aren't religious...we just have one) where we record births/deaths/marriages, I always loved looking at it when I was younger. Her family didn't ever do one (double checked with both MOG and MOB) so I gifted one to her with an explanation of what to do with it. Her husband called me crying about how beautiful of a gift it was and how he couldn't wait to write the names of their future children and pass it on...so yeah...good pick there. But something that signifies their future together seems to be a good sell, you'll be together for awhile, here's something for that.

I would say feel them out before doing the family bible thing. I would fine it a bewildering gift and realize that you must not know me very well if you thought that was something I would want. Then I would wonder what to do with it because I would feel bad tossing it but wouldn't want it either.

[GlitterIsMyDrug]

For my best friend last year I did a family bible for her and her husband to start together. We have one in my family (though we aren't religious...we just have one) where we record births/deaths/marriages, I always loved looking at it when I was younger. Her family didn't ever do one (double checked with both MOG and MOB) so I gifted one to her with an explanation of what to do with it. Her husband called me crying about how beautiful of a gift it was and how he couldn't wait to write the names of their future children and pass it on...so yeah...good pick there. But something that signifies their future together seems to be a good sell, you'll be together for awhile, here's something for that.

I would say feel them out before doing the family bible thing. I would fine it a bewildering gift and realize that you must not know me very well if you thought that was something I would want. Then I would wonder what to do with it because I would feel bad tossing it but wouldn't want it either.

Yes, sorry, meant to make that a bigger point, my friends happen to both be Christian and I knew they'd like it. But there might be something more "them" that'd help celebrate their future.

[Mikayla]

I don't think you have "an issue," if by "issue" you mean "some way in which I am abnormal or wrong."

I actually think that cash gifts are not technically correct; they so easily fail to do, or even go against, a big part of what gifts are supposed to do and be, which is to create connections all the way through, including the gift-selecting process, as the giver thinks deeply about the recipient and what might please them.

Oh, sure, often a gift of flat-out cash is the most helpful, the most thoughtful, etc. But in general, I think they should be regarded warily.

Heh...I re-read what I'd said and I do sound like someone who's had to defend it.  But it's axiomatic.  If I tell someone I need to go shopping to find a wedding gift, the response is "why not just give cash"? 

If I wanted to give cash, I wouldn't go shopping.   Also, for me, the closer I am to the person, the less likely I go for cash, so obviously I agree with you.  I'm more likely to give cash for those I don't know as well.

[green.and.blue]

If I wanted to give cash, I wouldn't go shopping.   Also, for me, the closer I am to the person, the less likely I go for cash, so obviously I agree with you.  I'm more likely to give cash for those I don't know as well.
[/quote]

I agree! My future sister in law has spoken at length about how much cash she gives for weddings (way more than my husband and I generally gift put together), and how much cash they expect to recieve from their wedding guests...which they are factoring in to the budget for their wedding - yikes!

Part of me feels awkward that her and BIL will not be getting cash from us. We already have several thoughts about what to get them. The cash amount we would gift would not meet her standards anyway

[TootsNYC]

If I wanted to give cash, I wouldn't go shopping.   

This is why I believe honeymoon registries, etc., are a really, really bad idea.

There are 3 types of wedding-gift givers.
1) the people who want to give cash (bcs, like my ILs, they think this is the most sensible and valuable present--they assume you're saving for a house, or something)
     They'll give you cash anyway, so you didn't need to remind them.
     But if you make them feel that you are eager (translation: greedy) for cash, they'll feel a little turned off, and they might give you $75 instead of $100.

2)the people who sometimes give cash and sometime give presents (maybe they decide based on how attractive an idea is to them; they like the idea of helping you w/ a honeymoon, or they know money is tight for you, or they looked at your registry and got captivated by your china pattern)
     These people, you have an opportunity to influence their choice.
     But again, if you make them feel too "coveted" (and asking for money-based things can do that--it did for the OP, actually) will backfire, and instead of giving you $100, they'll go buy something that's $75.

3) the people who aren't going to give cash
    You won't change their minds anyway.
    But if you make them feel that you aren't interested in the traditional "keepsake" value of wedding gifts (even of useful ones), perhaps by only providing a money-based registry, again, you give them a motivation to be less generous.

And who would -want- to do that?