Thank You Notes for Baby Shower

[NYGirl100]

Hi, all!  This is my first post in this new forum, although I posted a few times in the old one.  I am pregnant and my friends just threw me a baby shower this past weekend.  It was a lot of fun and it was nice to see everyone.  I have an etiquette question regarding thank-you notes.  Would it be OK if my husband writes some of them?  Granted he didn't attend the shower, but I was planning on signing the notes from both of us and the baby.  I know I can do the notes myself, but obviously it will just be faster if both of us do it and he volunteered.  I just didn't want to commit a faux pas unwittingly.  Thank you!

[CocoCamm]

I can honestly say I have no idea but I look forward to reading the answers because I think this is a great question!

[gr_gal1993]

Technically, if the gift was addressed to you, then you really should be the one sending the thanks to people.  I would find it rather odd to be thanked by the husband if I attended a shower for the wife, unless I was a good friend of the husband first and didn't know the wife very well.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I recently hosted a baby shower, and found out that it's traditional for the father to attend a baby shower (I also found out that both set's of grandparents are traditionally invited to the baby shower - grandmother and grandfather.  Who knew?)  Your DH didnt attend the shower, but the gifts were given to you BOTH (you happened to be representing you both that day!).  If ALL thank you's are signed with all 3 names, I dont see what the difference is of who wrote which ones.  

JMO

[JudiAU]

Only the author signs a thank you note. You can express thanks from your husband within the text of the letter. It strikes me as very odd to include thanks from an unborn party to the gifts. I would limit it to thanks for the parents or "family."

The presents were given to you so you write the thank you notes. Although I don't anyone will be offended if your husband writes some.

[NYGirl100]

Thanks for all the replies, everyone! 

Only the author signs a thank you note.

Oh, I didn't know this was the correct way to do it.  When we wrote thank you notes for the wedding we put both of our names on it. 

I recently hosted a baby shower, and found out that it's traditional for the father to attend a baby shower (I also found out that both set's of grandparents are traditionally invited to the baby shower - grandmother and grandfather.  Who knew?) 

I didn't know this, either.  I thought it was the tradition that baby showers are women-only, so DH didn't attend my shower.  Good to know.   

I wouldn't find it that odd to receive a TY from both members of a couple for a baby shower gift. I mean, you're having a baby which is why you received the gift, and I would hope your husband was planning to help out with the actual raising of the child as well

He better!     He does get upset when he hears jokes about how he won't be that involved, etc.  He thinks that it sucks that people automatically assumed that he won't be that involved just because he's the dad.  He felt the same way when we were planning our wedding and people just assumed he didn't know anything because he was the groom, when we planned the entire thing together.

[ShadesOfGrey]

I found out some etiquette things when I hosted my sister's baby shower.  Like, apparently, because I am family, I wasnt supposed to host it (even though I am her 'best friend').  It wasnt until I was AT the shower that my aunt told me about the tradition of the father, the inlaws and the grandparents (perhaps this is a regional/cultural thing?)

My post assumed that the cards were addressed to you and your husband (I have only seen it done this way, actually) and so the gift was for both of you.  I would assume that even if it was addressed only to you, this was a mistake on the part of the giver, and etiquette would still require both of you to thank the giver, but JudiAU might have a point.  My sister also plans to sign her cards "from XX, XY, and Baby [lastname]", I think it is cute, but, I speak from my limited experience, I dont know what actual etiquette requires - perhaps the emily post website or a book from your local library/bookstore would help? 

[Lisbeth]

I think that you need to be the one to write and sign the notes.

If your husband wasn't at the shower, then he shouldn't be signing the notes, although he could help you write them. 

And until your child is old enough to send his/her own thank-you notes and understand what they mean, write them for your child yourself with a message like "Janey is so happy with the teddy bear you gave her.  Thank you so much!" and sign them in your own name.  Please don't try to be cute and write or sign them in the child's name.  I find it annoying and not "cute" to get notes like these.

[NYGirl100]

And until your child is old enough to send his/her own thank-you notes and understand what they mean, write them for your child yourself with a message like "Janey is so happy with the teddy bear you gave her.  Thank you so much!" and sign them in your own name.  Please don't try to be cute and write or sign them in the child's name.  I find it annoying and not "cute" to get notes like these.

Oh, I wasn't planning on doing this.  Honestly, I was thinking of more along the line of "Thank you for attending the baby shower and for the gift of XXXXX (and so on).  Sincerely yours, the XXXX Family." 

[NYGirl100]

My post assumed that the cards were addressed to you and your husband (I have only seen it done this way, actually) and so the gift was for both of you.  I would assume that even if it was addressed only to you, this was a mistake on the part of the giver, and etiquette would still require both of you to thank the giver, but JudiAU might have a point.  My sister also plans to sign her cards "from XX, XY, and Baby [lastname]", I think it is cute, but, I speak from my limited experience, I dont know what actual etiquette requires - perhaps the emily post website or a book from your local library/bookstore would help? 

The cards were all addressed to the XXXX Family or to my name, my DH's name, and the baby, so nothing was addressed just to me.  Considering the ambivalence in this thread I am leaning towards just doing it myself so I don't offend anyone.  It's just such a weird area etiquettely...

[Gigi]

I am floored at the idea that anyone would be offended to receive a nicely written  baby shower thank you note regardless of whom it was written by or how it was signed.  A gift to a new baby is essentially a gift to a family.  If Daddy wants to write some of the notes I'd say "hallelulah" and more power to him.  It sounds like he's been raised right. In these days of entitlement and/or laziness about expressing gratitude on the part of so many I'd be delighted to get a note from a dad. I'm glad your DH plans to be a real hands-on dad. He sounds like a great guy and your children will learn their manners from both of you. Way to go!!!!!

[gr_gal1993]

I found out some etiquette things when I hosted my sister's baby shower.  Like, apparently, because I am family, I wasnt supposed to host it (even though I am her 'best friend').  It wasnt until I was AT the shower that my aunt told me about the tradition of the father, the inlaws and the grandparents (perhaps this is a regional/cultural thing?)

That sounds like a cultural or regional thing.  In my area, bridal and baby showers tend to be women only events.  It's very odd for a husband/father to attend.  Some people are starting to do couple's showers, but even that's a rarity here.

Also, I'm with KeenReader on this one.  The author is the only one who really should be signing a thank you note.  In some cultures, it would be very bad form to sign an unborn baby's name to anything.

[Gileswench]

I'm going to agree with Gigi on this one: a thank you note from a person involved with the reason for the gift giving would be plenty for me, especially if the gifts were mostly given to 'the xxxx family' rather than to 'mommy's name'. Goodness knows I wouldn't find it offensive in the least.

As for fathers, in-laws, etc. being invited to a baby shower, I think this was a regional or cultural thing. Inviting the father is more common now than it used to be, but most of the baby showers I've attended have been for the mother and men were not expected to be there at all.

[dietcokeofevil]

If I received a thank you note written by the father-to-be (if I could even tell).  I would simply think it was fantastic that the father was already sharing the responsibilities.

[kiero]

Just out of interest - how the heck do people knpw who wrote the note???

Stuff I write tends to look more "masculine" than stuff my DH writes.  He has very nice printing and I don't - I'm very ambidextrous and it is unclear if I should have been taught to write with my left hand. 

So I have no idea how people would know that DH wrote things.  I dictated and he wrote all our wedding TY notes.  If I'd written them they would have been illegible after the first couple.