Author Topic: Going out to eat  (Read 5485 times)

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LilacGirl1983

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Going out to eat
« on: February 14, 2014, 08:04:56 PM »
Hubby and I are wondering if we were being unreasonable?

We made plans plans with my bro and sil to celebrate mine and hubby's birthday tomorrow evening at restaurant A. We gave them a choice at the beginning of restaurant A,B,C and they picked A. Its to celebrate my bro's birthday too since we are twins. We then let hubby's dad and stepmom and my mom/fiance know where. Everything was fine until the 12th. I got a text from SIL asking can we go to restaurant D instead? I said no we prefer restaurant A and left it at that but then I get a call from bro once again stating they want to go to other restaurant and said

could we go somewhere else? I suggested Mexican but nope SIL doesnt like mexican and our mom has dairy issue so it has to be American and suggested low end restaurant which neither of us (hubby and I) want to go to and mentioned they go out a lot so already been to most of the restaurants and I re iterated I had to check with hubby since we already had this planned

Well I called them back said we were ok with Restauarant A or B but to let me know ASAP so we could get ahold of the in laws to let them know..and that was 9am this morning and as of now not a peep. I am irritated since its last minute trying to change things but it has to be only certain places since SIL wont eat anything and feels like its gone from celebrating mine and hubbys/bro birthday to just celebrating his and what he wants.
 
My questions:

Were we rude to insist on restaurant A?

Are they being rude trying to switch it?

Mergatroyd

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2014, 08:06:49 PM »
Did they mention why they wanted to switch? I'd be disgruntled if I had to adjust my plans last minute.

GLaDOS

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2014, 08:12:33 PM »
I'm curious as to why they picked A when they're so against it now, haha.

I think since you and DH are the ones who are planning, and extended the choice of restaurant as a courtesy to them, it's extremely rude to wait until a few days before and try to change it to restaurant Z and then disappearing when you need a clear answer the day before. I think it's also rude to not take no for an answer when everything is already set.


Honestly, I might just call and suggest you and DH celebrate your birthdays separately from your brother. It just sounds like Brother and SIL will be sulky if you end up at A, or you'll be unhappy if it's Z.

« Last Edit: February 14, 2014, 08:14:18 PM by GLaDOS »
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Alli8098

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2014, 08:41:59 PM »
I personally don't think you were rude.  And as far as mom's dairy issues I also have issues with dairy.  I've been able to find something to eat at just about every kind of restaurant out there.  Italian, Mexican, American, although by favorite place to eat out for my dairy issue is the local Indian place.  I'm not sure what type of food restaurant A has, but even with food allergies/intolerance your mom should be able to find something she'd like that wouldn't cause problems.

In any case Happy Birthday and I hope your plans work out.

shhh its me

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2014, 08:46:09 PM »
   I don't think you were rude.  They were rude baring extreme circumstances ie do to an emergency we can no longer afford restaurant A

peaches

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2014, 11:10:55 PM »
Yes, they are being difficult and no, you aren't being rude.

Since the get-together was your idea, and most of the attendees are perfectly happy with restaurant A, I think it's fine to say or email "The consensus it seems is in favor of restaurant A, so we've decided to go ahead with that plan. We hope you can join us. We'll be meeting at ____ p.m. Hope to see you there!"

« Last Edit: February 14, 2014, 11:14:13 PM by peaches »

green.and.blue

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2014, 07:59:54 AM »
Are you hosting this dinner (paying for everyone)? If so, then you were very generous to give them a choice from a selection of restaurants and they are being very rude.

If everyone is going dutch then I would be a little annoyed that they wanted to switch plans on the 12th, and very annoyed that they haven't stopped trying to switch.

LilacGirl1983

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2014, 08:28:33 AM »
Thanks I didnt think we were to rude but I guess its mote point. I called mom about seeing if I should bring a cake for our birthdays or if mom was interested (She does sometimes) and she said bro and sil are unable to make it..but they couldn't bother contacting us to let us know after all the hassle about changing it. We were going dutch but did give them options at the beginning of A (Steak house) B(italian restaurant but has american food) or C Sea food place (which has american food) So yes I was annoyed so was husband. They said they wanted to go to other restaurant because its cheaper and they went there once and had good service but everyone we asked (before this) Stated it had bad service and dismissal food.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2014, 08:40:47 AM »
Thanks I didnt think we were to rude but I guess its mote point. I called mom about seeing if I should bring a cake for our birthdays or if mom was interested (She does sometimes) and she said bro and sil are unable to make it..but they couldn't bother contacting us to let us know after all the hassle about changing it. We were going dutch but did give them options at the beginning of A (Steak house) B(italian restaurant but has american food) or C Sea food place (which has american food) So yes I was annoyed so was husband. They said they wanted to go to other restaurant because its cheaper and they went there once and had good service but everyone we asked (before this) Stated it had bad service and dismissal food.

Is this typical behavior?

bloo

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2014, 09:13:01 AM »
Thanks I didnt think we were to rude but I guess its mote point. I called mom about seeing if I should bring a cake for our birthdays or if mom was interested (She does sometimes) and she said bro and sil are unable to make it..but they couldn't bother contacting us to let us know after all the hassle about changing it. We were going dutch but did give them options at the beginning of A (Steak house) B(italian restaurant but has american food) or C Sea food place (which has american food) So yes I was annoyed so was husband. They said they wanted to go to other restaurant because its cheaper and they went there once and had good service but everyone we asked (before this) Stated it had bad service and dismissal food.

Is this typical behavior?

I'm curious about that too. If it's not typical, then I'd try to find Restaurant E ('E' for everyone!) but if it's typical, I'd drop my annoyance, think 'here they go again,' and just message them something like, 'sorry plans didn't work out, we'll get together another time.'

rose red

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2014, 09:23:24 AM »
Sounds like they can't afford to go, but couldn't come right out and admit it thereby making the situation worse by playing wishy-washy games and hoping you just get the hint with what they really mean.  Of course I may be wrong.

Go out with your DH and have a good time with just the two of you. 

Happy Birthday to you both.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 09:25:12 AM by rose red »

ladyknight1

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2014, 09:43:04 AM »
I think it was very rude that they couldn't decline in conversation to you, and went through another person instead!

TootsNYC

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2014, 10:56:06 AM »
I can see why they thought they could insist, since you originally gave them the choice.
And now that they've changed their mind, they may think, don't you still want to please them? Don't they still get to pick? After all, it was their choice in the first place.

And then when you are waffling, you're indicating that it's not the -fact- of the change (and the logistical difficulties) but the choice of restaurant, and you gave them that control at the very beginning, so why are you being difficult now, they may think.

I do think they're sort of rude to try to control this now, but  you did send them that message--that theirs is the only opinion that matters in terms of restaurants.

But I also think you're totally reasonable to say, "Sorry, it's too late, it will be too hard to make sure everybody gets the memo." And then simply cut-and-paste, and don't negotiate.

And in the future--do not allow them a choice. Don't -give- them this power, because then they think it's theirs (which is not actually an unreasonable thing to extrapolate from that, esp. give that he -is- one of the birthday people).

But you've learned, finally. So don't do that anymore. Don't view these as a negotiation anymore. You make plans, and you make them concrete plans, and then you offer the opportunity for others to join you ("We're going to Restaurant A, would you like to join us?") or you flat-out invite them (and if that's the case, make it clear it's you treating).

jaxsue

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2014, 11:20:50 AM »
Thanks I didnt think we were to rude but I guess its mote point. I called mom about seeing if I should bring a cake for our birthdays or if mom was interested (She does sometimes) and she said bro and sil are unable to make it..but they couldn't bother contacting us to let us know after all the hassle about changing it. We were going dutch but did give them options at the beginning of A (Steak house) B(italian restaurant but has american food) or C Sea food place (which has american food) So yes I was annoyed so was husband. They said they wanted to go to other restaurant because its cheaper and they went there once and had good service but everyone we asked (before this) Stated it had bad service and dismissal food.

It does appear to be a moot point. I'd just go to the restaurant of your choice. I'd be annoyed, too.

JaneJensen

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Re: Going out to eat
« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2014, 12:01:32 PM »
  You said your team is hosting it this year? Where is the meet marshall? this is someone you could contact. I wouldn't bother finding the head coaches because they are busy coaching my kids and running warmups,ect. but usually there is a meet marshall or meet director you can ask. Any life guards on duty? Usually these folks are employed by the facility itself, not the pool and they are really good at enforcing rules, and can advising you if it would be ok to move the chairs.
 
   Personally I've been to enough swim meets in my life and I've never heard of a it being allowed to leave anything sitting overnight. Usually after the meet, the hosting team helps clean up the equipment, put the tarps on the pool,  the trash, and any property left behind is taken inside to the guard shack or office and left in the lost and found. This is even for meets that have been 4 day events.  I think, in your shoes, I'd move the chairs, or fold them down and move them off to the side. What are they going to do? by the time they arrive at the meet, tons of people will have set up in their place, so they won't have any way of knowing exactly who may have moved their stuff.   

  If someone says something to you, you could say. " Oh yes, the Snowsharks ( or whatever the name of your team is ) doesn't allow the saving of seats. First come first served!"  With a big cheerful smile on it. Who are they going to complain to?