Author Topic: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?  (Read 10390 times)

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soon2bemrsf

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Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« on: February 15, 2014, 12:29:01 AM »
I hope this is in the right place, wasn't sure where to put it. For a variety of reasons fiancé and I have decided to have our wedding on a Friday morning, there will be an 11am Mass and then a lunchtime reception. We did this mainly for financial reasons, the hall costs only half of what it would if we'd done a Saturday reception and because we are doing a lunch time wedding and not serving alcohol they agreed that we didn't need to hire security, which saves us $25 an hour. Most of our family haven't said much one way or the other about the date but I have had some people act shocked, we've received comments along the line of "why would you do something like that??" I realize some people may not be able to come because they won't be able to take off work, I'm ok with that. But a few of our relatives have just acted so shocked we'd even consider something like this that it makes me wonder if we were actually rude. :p

greencat

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2014, 12:43:20 AM »
It's not rude per se, but it did shift the financial burden of the wedding from the hosts to the guests, who must now take a day off work even if they are in town, and may need to take two days off if they need to travel.  For some people this will mean going without pay, and for others it will mean that they have less time to take an actual vacation.  Some people may want to attend but be unable to do so because they can't get off work at all.

You should have the ceremony you can afford, but understand that doing it this way may mean that you cannot have all the guests you want.

JenJay

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2014, 12:45:43 AM »
I wonder if people assume you expect them to take the day off from work? You hear so many stories where the bride and groom get angry that people can't drive (or fly) hundreds of miles, rent hotel rooms, etc. for the privilege of attending their wedding. Or maybe they're bummed because they really want to come but won't be able to?

I don't think you're being rude, you should plan the wedding you want and can afford. Keep in mind, though, that I eloped and don't even have pictures of my marriage (no wedding) so my opinion may be the oddball.  ;D

NyaChan

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2014, 12:52:27 AM »
I think it is a little inconsiderate (not rude, but yes absolutely unusual) to schedule the wedding at a time when you know almost everyone already has definite plans - going to work.  The point green cat about shifting the financial burden is a good one.  I'd be torn between wondering if you didn't actually want me to come and thinking it was a little over the top to schedule something that most people close to you would normally feel obligated to attend or be very sad to have missed at a time when you know they'd have to go significantly out of their way to make it.

soon2bemrsf

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2014, 01:18:44 AM »
I can see your point, it's not ideal but we really are on a very tight budget. :p I kinda feel like I was in between a rock and a hard place, I live in a small town in state A and fiancée lives in a large city in state B, most of our family also lives in state B, the two states are about a 1000 miles apart. We were originally going to have the wedding in state A since this is where we are going to live after the wedding and things are much less expensive here. Both our families kicked up a fuss about traveling that far so we agreed to hold it in state B, but since we are paying for everything ourselves it meant we needed to find ways to save money, a lot of money. :p This seemed like a good solution. :-\ While I'd love everyone to come I completely understand if they can't take the time off work and would never guilt anyone over it.

peaches

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #5 on: February 15, 2014, 02:06:29 AM »
If the plans are already made, and if the people you care about most are fine with them, I would let go of any worry and enjoy your wedding.

Those who work weekdays will need to take time off. If anyone can’t, you will understand.

I believe you are making the best decisions you can under difficult circumstances.

I hope you have a wonderful wedding.  :)

katycoo

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2014, 02:43:57 AM »
I can see your point, it's not ideal but we really are on a very tight budget. :p I kinda feel like I was in between a rock and a hard place, I live in a small town in state A and fiancée lives in a large city in state B, most of our family also lives in state B, the two states are about a 1000 miles apart. We were originally going to have the wedding in state A since this is where we are going to live after the wedding and things are much less expensive here. Both our families kicked up a fuss about traveling that far so we agreed to hold it in state B, but since we are paying for everything ourselves it meant we needed to find ways to save money, a lot of money. :p This seemed like a good solution. :-\ While I'd love everyone to come I completely understand if they can't take the time off work and would never guilt anyone over it.

Its not about you guilting them though.  You seem to be a very understanding bride.  However it does send a message that they particular style of wedding is more important than having people there.  This is your prerogrative, and there's nothing you can do if people choose to see it that way.

peaches

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2014, 03:43:27 AM »
I've just read through all of soon2bemrsf's posts.

Apparently, she and her fiancé are trying to have a family wedding and be as inclusive as they can be (@200 invited). They are not planning a "fancy" wedding. What money they are spending is going to be spent primarily on their guests. (The bride's dress cost @$150 dollars.)

They have to pay for their wedding themselves. Having a Friday morning wedding will save money on the venue and security, and make it possible to invite the number of people they feel they need to invite.

On the other hand, having a Friday morning wedding is going to mean that some people may not be able to come, and for others it might be something of a hardship getting off of work.

That is the dilemma they are facing, I believe. (Please correct me if I'm wrong, OP). 

This isn't a case of a self-centered bride and groom trying to have their dream wedding at the expense of other peoples' feelings. I believe they want to make the most people happy, while providing a reasonable level of hospitality for their guests.

I have to say that I've been to some Friday evening weddings, but I've never been to a Friday morning ceremony. It is a difficult time of day for those who work (which, let's face it, is most people). Of course, siblings and parents would go the wedding regardless, but some other guests might not be able to. Others might end up taking off time from work but grousing about it.

I think that if the bride and groom have the support of the parents and siblings in this plan, those relatives should be able to explain to the others why these decisions were made.

I didn't think the bride was asking "Should I have a Friday wedding?" although she may be. I thought that decision had been made and was irrevocable.

In any case, I really feel for this bride-to-be.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 03:58:47 AM by peaches »

shhh its me

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2014, 07:58:02 AM »
I can see your point, it's not ideal but we really are on a very tight budget. :p I kinda feel like I was in between a rock and a hard place, I live in a small town in state A and fiancée lives in a large city in state B, most of our family also lives in state B, the two states are about a 1000 miles apart. We were originally going to have the wedding in state A since this is where we are going to live after the wedding and things are much less expensive here. Both our families kicked up a fuss about traveling that far so we agreed to hold it in state B, but since we are paying for everything ourselves it meant we needed to find ways to save money, a lot of money. :p This seemed like a good solution. :-\ While I'd love everyone to come I completely understand if they can't take the time off work and would never guilt anyone over it.

Its not about you guilting them though.  You seem to be a very understanding bride.  However it does send a message that they particular style of wedding is more important than having people there.  This is your prerogrative, and there's nothing you can do if people choose to see it that way.

I agree with the style or over guest point in general (Make me hike 5 miles to a mountain top , I'm going to think the mountain top was a priority ), I don't  that this gives that impression though.    This isn't a style decision its a budget decision , I think its common knowledge that lunch cost less then dinner, in general.  As a guest it would not feel like a "style is more important then my guests " wedding. Especially after the guests groused at the original location and OP said "OK its too far we'll change that."

As a small side note as one of those people who had to work Sat and Suns for years , I had to use a vacation day for every event. There are a lot more professions that can get a Friday afternoon off then 20-30 years ago , between flex time , IT departments , being open 24/7 and international business.  I'd say about 30 -50% of the people I know could take a Friday off and not use a vacation day.

Oh Joy

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #9 on: February 15, 2014, 08:04:00 AM »
The only time I've seen weekday weddings are either in fancy New York City movies, and when the bride and groom don't actually expect anyone to attend (like very low-key second marriages).

OP, you and Mr. F. are working so hard to accommodate your large families on your budget, even serving a meal when cake receptions are more common.  I appreciate your rock and hard place.

Weddings are a strange combination of social event and social obligation.  If someone threw a barbecue just for fun during a workday and invited a couple hundred of their friends and family members, I think most invitees would decline.  But, to varying extents depending on family and social dynamics, many people have a social obligation to attend some weddings where possible.

I think the subjective social obligation is what makes weddings on dates like Valentine's Day, Superbowl Sunday, and during a workday a bit of an additional burden, as the scheduling inconvenience is added to time, travel, attire, and gift.

How is that for not helpful?  :)

Edited to move a character.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 09:49:00 AM by Oh Joy »

Harriet Jones

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2014, 09:27:02 AM »
 I think it *is* pretty unusual. Depending on where your guests are coming from, it might be inconvenient, too. However, as long as you're not demanding attendance, I think you're fine.

Luci

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2014, 10:49:13 AM »
It may not have been a rule, but in the parish we lived in, the priest would only perform the wedding mass in the morning or very early afternoon, which left pretty much only Friday and Saturday morning as soon as the school kids got out of their morning chapel. So to me, Friday morning was common. They were big white weddings, too.

Your wedding, your money, your plans. I'm sure it will be lovely for you and pray that you have a long and happy marriage.

nayberry

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2014, 10:56:51 AM »
i was a friday bride :) we had the ceremony at 2pm and then reception buffet.

i invited people who i wanted to attend and told them all i understood if they couldn't make it and that they would be welcome to come along after they finished work as we'd not be leaving til about 9 (to get to airport hotel as had an early flight out the next morning).

we had almost everyone able to attend, a couple said they would then never showed up & one said they would then a week before realised they had also agreed to go away on the same day.....  going away was agreed a whole year after agreeing to come to the wedding!


We had a blast, only about 30 guests, but people we cared for and wanted to celebrate with.  and thats what we did, we ate drank and were merry ;D

wolfie

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2014, 11:02:11 AM »
I hope this is in the right place, wasn't sure where to put it. For a variety of reasons fiancé and I have decided to have our wedding on a Friday morning, there will be an 11am Mass and then a lunchtime reception. We did this mainly for financial reasons, the hall costs only half of what it would if we'd done a Saturday reception and because we are doing a lunch time wedding and not serving alcohol they agreed that we didn't need to hire security, which saves us $25 an hour. Most of our family haven't said much one way or the other about the date but I have had some people act shocked, we've received comments along the line of "why would you do something like that??" I realize some people may not be able to come because they won't be able to take off work, I'm ok with that. But a few of our relatives have just acted so shocked we'd even consider something like this that it makes me wonder if we were actually rude. :p

I;m going to tell you why they are saying "how could you do that" - but not that I agree with them.

Basically they all said that they wanted to come to your wedding and that you had to rearrange things to make it easy for them to do so. So you move your wedding to a place they can go to but a time that is hard for them to make. SO for them it feels like a slap in the face - you know they want to come but you purposely made it a time and day that is going to be a burden on you - when they already told you that they wouldn't be able to accommodate burdens. Personally I would rather travel a bit then have to take a day off work - I guess it depends on how far I would need to travel. And unless you were a close friend or family member it would depend on my other plans for the year. For example last year I would have had no issue., this year I am taking a trip for my grandmother's 100th birthday so am being very choosy with my vacation time.

TootsNYC

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2014, 11:05:36 AM »
Wolfie's got a good point--I think that is what their reaction is based on.

And I would say a weekday morning wedding is VERY unusual.
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