Author Topic: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?  (Read 9919 times)

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jmarvellous

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #15 on: February 15, 2014, 11:17:11 AM »
I would not attend, unless you were my sibling or my mother, or it was a holiday I already had off.

Realistically, most of us would have to cancel an entire day's work, possibly a day and a half if there were travel involved. It would cost us the same amount for a Thursday night and Friday night hotel as a Friday-Saturday, in many cases (I recognize that some places charge more for weekends, but it's not so much as to make a difference for travel), plus the costs of going out to dinner and possibly breakfast since you're only taking care of lunch.

I am not saying anything in that list is prohibitive, just that the cost savings you're realizing are not cost savings to your guests.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #16 on: February 15, 2014, 11:23:07 AM »
While it is unusual, there is nothing wrong with your plans.  For me, were I invited, whether or not I accepted would depend on how close to you I was.  For a close friend or close family, using a vacation day would be a small sacrifice and I would definitely accept.  For a lessor relationship, I may decide that the sacrifice was too great and I would decline.  But I would never say anything to you about your choice, or mine, for that matter.

I know a few people who had Sunday weddings, for similar reasons - it was cheaper.  Most of those had non-Christian involvement, though.

One friend got married on the Friday afternoon of a long weekend.  It was the only date she could get, with the minister she wanted, on short notice.  She was pregnant and wanted to get married before she was really showing.  I knew I could make the reception but it was iffy if I could make the wedding.  I was in training for a new job and couldn't take the day off but we were usually let go at noon.  I did manage to duck out a few minutes early and made the wedding on time.  But it did mean I couldn't be a bridesmaid.
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Ontario

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #17 on: February 15, 2014, 11:57:46 AM »
I would not attend, unless you were my sibling or my mother, or it was a holiday I already had off.

Realistically, most of us would have to cancel an entire day's work, possibly a day and a half if there were travel involved. It would cost us the same amount for a Thursday night and Friday night hotel as a Friday-Saturday, in many cases (I recognize that some places charge more for weekends, but it's not so much as to make a difference for travel), plus the costs of going out to dinner and possibly breakfast since you're only taking care of lunch.

I am not saying anything in that list is prohibitive, just that the cost savings you're realizing are not cost savings to your guests.

The travel location was 1000 miles away.   That doesn't mean no one has to travel to new location but OP did say they all at least live in that new location state.  LEts say 80%of the guest have to travel a hour now and 20% no more then 4.    So all the guests would have needed airfare and 2 nights in a hotel minimum car rental/cabs and a few meals not provided by OP.  Since op lives in a small town there may not be multiple daily flights into her area so that may have added a hotel night, if there isn't a Friday evening flight it may have still meant Friday off work for everyone anyway.  IT sounds like the guests will be better off with one day off.

What I find ironic is , I think there would be less "well that not considerate" here (maybe I'm wrong ?) if OP had stuck to her original plan and had the wedding where she lived.

OP you made a big compromise at some point guests have to "grow up" and accept what you can do and not their idea of what they want you to do.    Now these guest probable don't realize that changing the states changed the budget so much , I'd be sure my mom and aunts knew that fact and not swear them to secrecy.

I'm my experience Friday afternoon  event is  less then 1/2 the price of Friday evening. In part because the available menus are different , the time is shorter plus its a less desirable  time.


NyaChan

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #18 on: February 15, 2014, 12:03:14 PM »
I would not attend, unless you were my sibling or my mother, or it was a holiday I already had off.

Realistically, most of us would have to cancel an entire day's work, possibly a day and a half if there were travel involved. It would cost us the same amount for a Thursday night and Friday night hotel as a Friday-Saturday, in many cases (I recognize that some places charge more for weekends, but it's not so much as to make a difference for travel), plus the costs of going out to dinner and possibly breakfast since you're only taking care of lunch.

I am not saying anything in that list is prohibitive, just that the cost savings you're realizing are not cost savings to your guests.

The travel location was 1000 miles away.   That doesn't mean no one has to travel to new location but OP did say they all at least live in that new location state.  LEts say 80%of the guest have to travel a hour now and 20% no more then 4.    So all the guests would have needed airfare and 2 nights in a hotel minimum car rental/cabs and a few meals not provided by OP.  Since op lives in a small town there may not be multiple daily flights into her area so that may have added a hotel night, if there isn't a Friday evening flight it may have still meant Friday off work for everyone anyway.  IT sounds like the guests will be better off with one day off.

What I find ironic is , I think there would be less "well that not considerate" here (maybe I'm wrong ?) if OP had stuck to her original plan and had the wedding where she lived.

OP you made a big compromise at some point guests have to "grow up" and accept what you can do and not their idea of what they want you to do.    Now these guest probable don't realize that changing the states changed the budget so much , I'd be sure my mom and aunts knew that fact and not swear them to secrecy.

I'm my experience Friday afternoon  event is  less then 1/2 the price of Friday evening. In part because the available menus are different , the time is shorter plus its a less desirable  time.

Not from me.  My family is large and spread across the country.  The weddings happen where the bride and groom's families decide to make it happen.  It would be weird for us though for a family member to hold a wedding where we would normally be able and expected to attend - as in we'd look bad to others if we didn't whether or not the bride and groom was okay with it, but then set it an out of the ordinary condition or a time that made it very difficult for us to actually be there. 


ETA - I do want to point out again, I don't think what OP has done is rude.  She is a host and they get to decide the terms of their invite.  Her question from her title is about whether this is unusual though and for me it is unusual.   I agree with a prior poster that pointed out that initially agreeing to their request gave people the impression that their attendance did matter to you.  Then by setting the wedding during the day (and I think when doing that, Friday was your best option) it does send a message out a contradictory message to the people you are inviting. 

Now I don't necessarily think that this was the message you intended to send, but without communicating with the relatives about the reasons for your decision - which you normally wouldn't have to do, except that you did include them at one point so why shut them out now - they don't seem to be understanding your true purposes. 
« Last Edit: February 15, 2014, 12:13:29 PM by NyaChan »

camlan

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #19 on: February 15, 2014, 12:11:59 PM »

The travel location was 1000 miles away.   That doesn't mean no one has to travel to new location but OP did say they all at least live in that new location state.  LEts say 80%of the guest have to travel a hour now and 20% no more then 4.    So all the guests would have needed airfare and 2 nights in a hotel minimum car rental/cabs and a few meals not provided by OP.  Since op lives in a small town there may not be multiple daily flights into her area so that may have added a hotel night, if there isn't a Friday evening flight it may have still meant Friday off work for everyone anyway.  IT sounds like the guests will be better off with one day off.

What I find ironic is , I think there would be less "well that not considerate" here (maybe I'm wrong ?) if OP had stuck to her original plan and had the wedding where she lived.

OP you made a big compromise at some point guests have to "grow up" and accept what you can do and not their idea of what they want you to do.    Now these guest probable don't realize that changing the states changed the budget so much , I'd be sure my mom and aunts knew that fact and not swear them to secrecy.

I'm my experience Friday afternoon  event is  less then 1/2 the price of Friday evening. In part because the available menus are different , the time is shorter plus its a less desirable  time.

This is what I was thinking. Yes, a Friday morning wedding is a bit unusual.

But the original plans would have had most of the guests traveling 1000 miles. So at least one day off work, plus travel costs, hotels, meals out, etc.

That's been reduced to one day off work for many of the guests, I think. And they are getting what they asked for--the wedding is being held where *they* wanted it, not where the Happy Couple wanted to get married.
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soon2bemrsf

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #20 on: February 15, 2014, 12:23:18 PM »
Thanks everyone! You've given me a lot to think about.  :) I do wish we were able to do things differently, and if there was something we could cut from out budget that would make Saturday or even Friday night possible we would, there just isn't really anything.   :P It does help me though to see why some people are upset. We have let everyone we can know the wedding is on a Friday and in the morning and it was also on the save the dates we sent out earlier this month, so hopefully that's enough notice so that people that want to take time off work to come are able to do so. Thanks again!

Clarin

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #21 on: February 15, 2014, 01:34:53 PM »
I was a Friday 3pm bride, because at the time my parents owned two stores and being off Saturday was harder than Friday. We invited around 90 people (it was in 1995 so I'm not sure!) and had maybe 4 declines? I think with enough notice most people will be able to manage it. And of course if anyone cannot the OP will not give them a hard time for it. :)

Mergatroyd

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #22 on: February 15, 2014, 02:01:13 PM »
I got married on valentines day in 2005, which apparently was a Monday (That surprises me to be honest, I thought we got married on a weekend) and there were three weddings that day the JP was officiating at. It's not so rare. It is more rare because of the guest list though, I only allowed six people to attend mine! I would expect a lot of grumbling. Those who truly want to be there will show up. Those who don't or can't won't. (The ones who can't might pout for a very long time though.)

TootsNYC

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #23 on: February 15, 2014, 02:04:27 PM »
I agree w/ you that a weekday wedding, esp. a daytime one, and -especially- a morning one, would be something I'd expect to have a very small guest list.

And since the purpose of this event is to include a large guest list, it seems weird.

And I'll confess to having a very different visceral reaction to a -morning- Friday wedding over an afternoon one on Friday, or an evening one on any other day of the week. It's the "morning" part that would make me grumpy, as a guest.

Fleur

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2014, 02:10:44 PM »

I think that you have planned the best you can. I have to say, I am in disagreement with many people on this site about weddings-there seems to be a prevailing feeling that destination weddings are rude, and that the bride and groom have to bend over backwards to make sure that every possible person is accommodated. I have never felt that way-my feeling is that 'an invitation is not a summons' and if the HC plan a wedding which is inconvenient or expensive, I will just send regrets.

shhh its me

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #25 on: February 15, 2014, 02:14:26 PM »
I agree w/ you that a weekday wedding, esp. a daytime one, and -especially- a morning one, would be something I'd expect to have a very small guest list.

And since the purpose of this event is to include a large guest list, it seems weird.

And I'll confess to having a very different visceral reaction to a -morning- Friday wedding over an afternoon one on Friday, or an evening one on any other day of the week. It's the "morning" part that would make me grumpy, as a guest.

Its certainly more inclusive then a wedding a thousand miles away.

Mikayla

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2014, 02:19:46 PM »
It's not rude per se, but it did shift the financial burden of the wedding from the hosts to the guests, who must now take a day off work even if they are in town, and may need to take two days off if they need to travel. For some people this will mean going without pay, and for others it will mean that they have less time to take an actual vacation.  Some people may want to attend but be unable to do so because they can't get off work at all.


I've never understood why people would consider this rude, but I hadn't considered that angle.  If you look at it the same way you would all inclusive resorts (meaning the couple saves money on wedding costs if they get their guests to use the pricy rooms at the resort) I can see where it might be considered rude.

You're asking guests to spend more so you can save more. 

In either case, though, the guest can decline, so that probably keeps it inconsiderate over rude.   In a wedding like this one, not only does the OP need to be prepared for declines, but some may be last minute and/or unexpected.  Your MOH/ sister could start a new job the week before the wedding and not get the time off.  So there's definite risk.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #27 on: February 15, 2014, 02:22:50 PM »
I think the difficulty with taking off to attend a Friday wedding is dependent of social circle. I don't think it's fair to say most people will have a challenging time.

My sister worked retail management for years. Taking a Friday off is a lot easier than Saturdays. My other sister is a realtor, again Friday would be better. I and most if my social circle work in fields where taking a half day (leave at 10am and go back around 2 or 3) is not too difficult to arrange or we have sufficient vacation that a day isn't going to matter much. I know many families who's weekends are so filled with kid activities that going to the wedding on Friday when the kids are in school would be very welcome.

You will eliminate most kids, college students, and teachers from attending. And I'm sure there are many young adults who may not have work flexibility.  But there will be a number of guests who might appreciate their Saturday remaining free.

camlan

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #28 on: February 15, 2014, 02:29:56 PM »
If the OP had gone through with her original plan, which was to have the wedding where she lives, 1000 miles away from most of the guests, and had the "standard" Saturday wedding, wouldn't the guests have had to take Friday off anyway to travel?

I guess that's where I'm having a problem seeing an issue with this wedding. The OP and her fiance bowed to family pressure to have the wedding closer to where the families live. In doing so, they eliminated travel time, travel costs (whether by air or car or train), hotel costs, eating out costs, pet/child sitter costs, etc., for most of their guests.

The one remaining cost is taking Friday off. And I guess I'm struggling with the fact that most of the people I know have no problem asking for a day off to attend a friend's wedding when it is out of town. The weddings are usually on Saturday, so the out of town guests need to get Friday off to travel. So why would it be such a big deal to take a day off, when the actual cost could have been so much greater?

The OP has already made the wedding much more convenient to the families of both her and her fiance. She is having to plan her wedding long-distance--she couldn't, based on another post, get to the caterer's for the taste-testing. Her fiance had to do that by himself.

She has already made several major concessions about this wedding--the location, the cost (because it would have been less expensive in the original location), having to do all the planning from 1,000 miles away.

I'm wondering if the complaints are mostly coming from acquaintances who don't know about the back story for this wedding, and who think the choice of Friday was just a whim on the part of the Happy Couple, and not a compromise between their own wishes and those of the families.
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Library Dragon

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #29 on: February 15, 2014, 02:41:04 PM »
/\ This camlan.

Of course there may be complainers that got the wedding location moved and are now trying for day and time.  Because the wedding is aaaaaaallllllll about them and not the HC.

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