Author Topic: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?  (Read 8663 times)

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JeanFromBNA

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #90 on: February 17, 2014, 03:10:41 PM »
If I were planning on a strict budget, I'd probably go with a Friday afternoon, and then have either beer and wine only or a cash bar, to avoid the expense of an open bar and still provide the alcohol that my circle would expect at a wedding reception.  I might also look into hotels oriented towards business travelers rather than an event venue to see if they would offer a less expensive price on a weekend when they might not be as busy.

Cash bars at weddings are rude in the U.S.  Better to limit the hours that the bar is open or the beverages that are served.  Your idea about using business hotels on the weekends for cheaper rates is spot-on, though. 

gollymolly2

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #91 on: February 17, 2014, 04:21:50 PM »
I find the assumption that invited guests won't attend is a little off for an etiquette forum.

I think some declines are inevitable for pretty much any event. It's not necessarily a rude assumption.

Right. And nobody is saying "many people will probably decline because they won't want to go to your wedding", which I agree could be rude. People are saying "many people who would otherwise like to attend your wedding won't because it's at an inconvenient time for many people." Which to me is not rude, it's perfectly logical.

Sharnita

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #92 on: February 20, 2014, 06:04:21 AM »
OP wrote in the first place because a few people have commented about when the wedding is. We know that if the timing is problematic the polite thing to do is ppolitely decline when you get the invite, not make a big fuss about the time. So based on the info OP has provided it seems likely at least some people will decline.

menley

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #93 on: February 20, 2014, 06:30:23 AM »
If I were planning on a strict budget, I'd probably go with a Friday afternoon, and then have either beer and wine only or a cash bar, to avoid the expense of an open bar and still provide the alcohol that my circle would expect at a wedding reception.  I might also look into hotels oriented towards business travelers rather than an event venue to see if they would offer a less expensive price on a weekend when they might not be as busy.

Cash bars at weddings are rude in the U.S.  Better to limit the hours that the bar is open or the beverages that are served.  Your idea about using business hotels on the weekends for cheaper rates is spot-on, though.

I don't know that I'd go as far to say that cash bars at weddings are outright rude in the US - I've attended a number of them. I wouldn't do it personally, but that doesn't mean it's generally considered rude. This may be regional as well.

Regarding the OP: Yes, a Friday morning wedding really is so unusual. I've never been invited to one in my life and I've attended probably 30 or 40 weddings, invited to more. I asked a handful of friends, and they also had never been invited to one. That doesn't mean you're rude for having it - it's just not the norm.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #94 on: February 20, 2014, 12:27:30 PM »
To me a Friday morning wedding would say "We're getting married, come if you can, but we get that you probably won't be able too"...or well something along those lines. In other words, it's not a high priority to you that all of your guests be able to make it. Which is perfectly fine and acceptable. And as long as you and your fiance are willing to accept that, then I think you're fine to do so.

And I mean really accept it, look at your guest list, figure out who works typical M-F 8-5 jobs or who is in school, aren't closely related to you, and assume getting a no from them. If you do that and can say "Yes, we're ok those people won't come" then plan your wedding and send out the invites. And to be clear, still invite those people, they might be very willing to take time off, but expect a No and hope for a Yes.

For those who are putting up a fuss, I'd figure out exactly what the wedding/reception you're planning is gonna cost you, then figure out what the wedding/reception they want you to have is gonna cost you. Then the next time they bring it up say "A day time wedding will only cost $1000, what you want us to have will cost $5000, if you want to provide the extra $4000, we'll be happy to discuss it with you", of course use this idea with caution. They might actually pony up the money and it's up to you to decide if that's something you'd be ok with.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #95 on: February 20, 2014, 01:35:11 PM »
As Glitter said, expect a no and hope for a yes. Which means planning/budgeting such that if everyone says yes, it won't be a problem, it will be an unexpected pleasure.

I think I've mentioned the anniversary party my grandparents threw themselves; they invited everyone they hoped might attend, expecting several people to decline because of distance (would you fly across the Atlantic for a cousin's anniversary party?), and were very much pleased when most of those people turned up. There was no "we don't want Cousin Mike," just the realistic "it's a long way and we haven't seen him in years"; his thought was "I haven't seen them in years, and I miss them, I'm going."
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lowspark

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #96 on: February 20, 2014, 01:57:09 PM »
I think that if the OP had just out-of-the-blue decided to have a Friday morning wedding in order to save money then although not rude, it would sort of be like what some PPs suggested, that she is shifting the financial burden of the wedding from the hosts to the guests.

However, that's not really what happened here. Her original plan was to have the wedding in her small town where it would have presumably been affordable to have the wedding on a Saturday.

Quote
We were originally going to have the wedding in state A since this is where we are going to live after the wedding and things are much less expensive here.

So I see it as the bride making a concession on location but not on budget. If you have $x to spend, then that's all you have. OP can do a certain kind of wedding for that amount in State A but will be compelled to do a different kind of wedding for that same amount in State B.

And in fact, this concession is actually saving money and time for all the guests who would have had to travel had she stuck with State A, as has been discussed above.

OP, I think you just say to people, "we were able to compromise on the location but unfortunately, doing so constrained us to a weekday wedding in order to stay within our budget."

Yeah, there are some who won't come. There would have been some who couldn't come if you did it in State A. There would have been some who couldn't come if you did it on Saturday. That's just how it goes.

starry diadem

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #97 on: February 21, 2014, 01:28:54 PM »
I was married on a Friday afternoon, because my best friend and the witness I wanted is orthodox Jewish, and couldn't be there for the usual Saturday wedding. That said, it was a small wedding of around 60 guests, and I think all of them made the effort to travel to London for it. Most of them took the opportunity to combine it with a weekend break, and the Friday wedding meant that they had a good clear couple of days holiday. It was welcomed for that reason.

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ClaireC79

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #98 on: March 12, 2014, 05:30:46 PM »
We got married at a similar time (with short notice).  We were prepared for most people to not be able to make it - turned out pretty much everyone could

In my family (currently) weekends are harder to get time off just went through 11 immediate family (parents siblings etc for DH and I) and only 3 out of the 11 work Monday to Friday

lkdrymom

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #99 on: March 13, 2014, 07:23:04 AM »
At first I thought the OP was being inconsiderate until she updated that relatives insisted the location be moved to accomodate them.  Now I think her relatives are a bunch of special snowflakes.

I have been to a Friday evening wedding. While unusual it was done to save money. And I still had to take the day off of work as it was 2 hours away and we needed time to get ready and pick up an elderly relative. Maybe I could have worked half a day but that would have been a very long day then.

I also did the travel 800 miles to a wedding. While I am glad I went I was smarting financially for months over the $1500 weekend. Flights for two, hotel, food, rental car and I still had a two hour drive from the airport. It would have been alot easier and cheaper just to take a Friday off. Actually I did take Friday off...to fly there.

Are these relatives always demanding?

goldilocks

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #100 on: March 31, 2014, 02:08:20 PM »
I don't believe that taking one day off should be that big a deal most people.   Obviously some people don't have flexible schedules but I believe that as long as you try to accomodate the bridal party and immediate family that is all you do.   For example I would schedule a Friday morning wedding knowing my FIL is a teacher and can't get Friday's off.

And quite frankly, no matter when you have the wedding there will be complaints.

My stepdaughter's wedding was 6:00 SAturday night.   Some out of town guests complained that it was too late for them to drive home that night and had to get a hotel room.

Another relative had theirs Saturday morning (11ish).   Same relatives were upset because it was too early for them to drive in that morning and they had to get a hotel the night before.

I got married Friday night.   Most of my guests were able to come after work, a few had to take off half day and others had to take the whole day.   There were a few that absolutely could not come, but they didn't blame me for it.   

Morale of the story:   No matter when/where you have your wedding there will be those that would move heaven and earth to be there, there will be those that attend but complain,and there will be others that can't make it.

Psychopoesie

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #101 on: April 02, 2014, 04:17:10 AM »
Someone else just mentioned their sister's wedding will be on a Friday evening. Also how much the HC are saving by doing that.

lkdrymom

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #102 on: April 02, 2014, 09:56:33 AM »
I was also invited to a Tuesday evening wedding....in someone's living room ...with one day notice. I was not offended...and I went.

And the Friday evening wedding was beyond lavish and the reason they could do that was because Friday was much cheaper to do.

auntmeegs

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #103 on: April 02, 2014, 10:00:14 AM »
Someone else just mentioned their sister's wedding will be on a Friday evening. Also how much the HC are saving by doing that.

Iíve been married twice and both were Friday evening weddings.  I think there is a big difference between Friday morning and Friday evening.  A Friday evening wedding means that people can still go to work/school/whatever that day and still be able to attend the wedding. 
BTW in my case, Friday evening was not any cheaper than Saturday.   

Psychopoesie

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Re: Is a Friday morning wedding really so unusual?
« Reply #104 on: April 02, 2014, 10:58:01 PM »
Someone else just mentioned their sister's wedding will be on a Friday evening. Also how much the HC are saving by doing that.

Iíve been married twice and both were Friday evening weddings.  I think there is a big difference between Friday morning and Friday evening.  A Friday evening wedding means that people can still go to work/school/whatever that day and still be able to attend the wedding. 
BTW in my case, Friday evening was not any cheaper than Saturday.

Agree it can be less of a big deal if it's on Friday evening, assuming that most guests are local.

With the one I mentioned, the person would be traveling 3-4 hours by car to attend. Not sure how many other guests are in the same boat but it's not unusual.