Wedding Bliss and Blues > Receptions

costumed and participative banquet ?

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Ever heard of that?
We just got an invitation to a 2 day weeding*. First night it's ceremony, cocktail and a diner, but second day it's a costumed and participative banquet lunch (with a theme).
As weird as it already sounds (costume? potluck?  :o), it's a wedding at least a couple of hours of drive away for most of the guest, the HC too.
So we're supposed to participate in a potluck banquet the day after leaving our own home and while being in a completely unknown place that might or might not have a grocery store near by?
That's what we got out of the wording that ends with "everyone brings things to treat (to lunch) in period costume" (in case you thought the participative part was about games like I thought..).

We already have previous plans so we know we're not going, but well, it sounded like such a strange concept that I wanted to hear from E-hell.

I've never heard of a pot luck wedding anything so I don't think it's something that's done here.
Add in the fact that you're supposed to have/bring/be in a costume... (which, from the theme chosen, should be pretty elaborate and not something most people have in their closets..) and I'm boggled.

I'd have no problem what so ever if it was a separate event, but an add on to a weeding? That's a situation where you have a captive audience. The ceremony and diner means that most people will have to take an hotel room near by. Since it's the weekend you'd have to find a pretty convincing argument/lie to explain why you're not going to the lunch before driving back home, so many guests might feel stuck and 'forced' to attend out of politeness.

*I'm keeping that typo since it's so fitting :)

Well, this fails on several levels for me.

First, the two day aspect of it. That's asking a lot of your guests, to spend two days celebrating your wedding. Most people are happy to give up a day, what with travel, ceremony, reception, and travel back home. But two days? That's the whole weekend for most people, and most people have chores and things to do on the weekend.

Second, the potluck. If most people are traveling and staying overnight, most of the food offerings are going to be things that can keep without refrigeration and that don't need to be heated up. Bread, for example, or cookies. Possibly a salad. Some enterprising guest may get some dry ice to keep a dish cold and a crock pot to heat it up, but I doubt most people will go to that trouble. Does the food need to be period authentic, as well?

Third, the costume. More time to find one, expense to buy or rent one, and the practicalities of lugging it to the wedding destination, along with the food for the pot luck.

I'd get out of the second day of activities by claiming prior plans. Those plans could be washing my hair and vacumming the dog, but they are still plans. And they are plans that would require me to leave right after breakfast to get home, no matter how enticing the potluck costume party might be.

If the Happy Couple had make their reception the costume event, with costumes optional, I wouldn't mind so much. But they are asking an awful lot of their guests for this wedding.

And if this is a new trend, to spend two days celebrating your wedding, I hope it dies a quick death. The Happy Couple gets a day for it to be all about them. Not my entire weekend.

This is, I think, a case of the Happy Couple thinking, "This would be so fun! Let's have a lunch with everyone in medieval/Renaissance/Star Trek costumes! Everyone will have a blast!" without thinking about the cost in time, money and effort on the part of their guests, who may not be so into costumes or potlucks.


--- Quote from: Carotte on February 17, 2014, 07:02:53 AM ---We just got an invitation to a 2 day weeding.
--- End quote ---

I think a "weeding" may be an apt description. They may be weeding out guests with their eccentric plans.


--- Quote from: peaches on February 17, 2014, 08:06:45 AM ---
--- Quote from: Carotte on February 17, 2014, 07:02:53 AM ---We just got an invitation to a 2 day weeding.
--- End quote ---

I think a "weeding" may be an apt description. They may be weeding out guests with their eccentric plans.

--- End quote ---

lol, I did not catch that when I proof read the post  :D.

Well, we have another wedding this summer with the same set up, ceremony on Saturday (with cocktail and diner) and a brunch on sunday. This on doesn't bother me. Not everyone is invited to the brunch, it's close family and friends I think.
And it feels more like "before you go back, here's a chance to catch up with everyone in a more relaxed way" (plus it's catered and they used 'casual' to describe it, right off the bat it's more welcoming!).

A breakfast, lunch or brunch the next day (of an evening wedding) sounds more like a nice gesture from the HC, they're hosting something to alleviate some burden from their guests (finding food before traveling back home) in a friendly atmosphere. It's like it's not part of the wedding party the happened the day before, it's a nice gesture on top and you don't feel obligated to come or stay long. You might pop in for a coffee, a nice chat, a last happy word to the HC before they honeymoon, or stay an hour or two to catch up with family.

A themed banquet feels like the wedding, part 2. Like it's entirely part of it and if you do one you have to show up to the other...

Hmm. I would have interpreted "costumed and participative" as being something like Medieval Times, not a potluck. I suppose "participative" is like "pre-owned" rather than "used"?

It's one thing to ask for a potluck, but to request a banquet seems particularly presumptuous,


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