Author Topic: costumed and participative banquet ?  (Read 3113 times)

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Carotte

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costumed and participative banquet ?
« on: February 17, 2014, 08:02:53 AM »
Ever heard of that?
We just got an invitation to a 2 day weeding*. First night it's ceremony, cocktail and a diner, but second day it's a costumed and participative banquet lunch (with a theme).
As weird as it already sounds (costume? potluck?  :o), it's a wedding at least a couple of hours of drive away for most of the guest, the HC too.
So we're supposed to participate in a potluck banquet the day after leaving our own home and while being in a completely unknown place that might or might not have a grocery store near by?
That's what we got out of the wording that ends with "everyone brings things to treat (to lunch) in period costume" (in case you thought the participative part was about games like I thought..).

We already have previous plans so we know we're not going, but well, it sounded like such a strange concept that I wanted to hear from E-hell.

I've never heard of a pot luck wedding anything so I don't think it's something that's done here.
Add in the fact that you're supposed to have/bring/be in a costume... (which, from the theme chosen, should be pretty elaborate and not something most people have in their closets..) and I'm boggled.

I'd have no problem what so ever if it was a separate event, but an add on to a weeding? That's a situation where you have a captive audience. The ceremony and diner means that most people will have to take an hotel room near by. Since it's the weekend you'd have to find a pretty convincing argument/lie to explain why you're not going to the lunch before driving back home, so many guests might feel stuck and 'forced' to attend out of politeness.

*I'm keeping that typo since it's so fitting :)
« Last Edit: February 17, 2014, 09:32:37 AM by Carotte »

camlan

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2014, 08:54:30 AM »
Well, this fails on several levels for me.

First, the two day aspect of it. That's asking a lot of your guests, to spend two days celebrating your wedding. Most people are happy to give up a day, what with travel, ceremony, reception, and travel back home. But two days? That's the whole weekend for most people, and most people have chores and things to do on the weekend.

Second, the potluck. If most people are traveling and staying overnight, most of the food offerings are going to be things that can keep without refrigeration and that don't need to be heated up. Bread, for example, or cookies. Possibly a salad. Some enterprising guest may get some dry ice to keep a dish cold and a crock pot to heat it up, but I doubt most people will go to that trouble. Does the food need to be period authentic, as well?

Third, the costume. More time to find one, expense to buy or rent one, and the practicalities of lugging it to the wedding destination, along with the food for the pot luck.

I'd get out of the second day of activities by claiming prior plans. Those plans could be washing my hair and vacumming the dog, but they are still plans. And they are plans that would require me to leave right after breakfast to get home, no matter how enticing the potluck costume party might be.

If the Happy Couple had make their reception the costume event, with costumes optional, I wouldn't mind so much. But they are asking an awful lot of their guests for this wedding.

And if this is a new trend, to spend two days celebrating your wedding, I hope it dies a quick death. The Happy Couple gets a day for it to be all about them. Not my entire weekend.

This is, I think, a case of the Happy Couple thinking, "This would be so fun! Let's have a lunch with everyone in medieval/Renaissance/Star Trek costumes! Everyone will have a blast!" without thinking about the cost in time, money and effort on the part of their guests, who may not be so into costumes or potlucks.
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peaches

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2014, 09:06:45 AM »
We just got an invitation to a 2 day weeding.

I think a "weeding" may be an apt description. They may be weeding out guests with their eccentric plans.

Carotte

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2014, 09:31:03 AM »
We just got an invitation to a 2 day weeding.

I think a "weeding" may be an apt description. They may be weeding out guests with their eccentric plans.

lol, I did not catch that when I proof read the post  :D.

Well, we have another wedding this summer with the same set up, ceremony on Saturday (with cocktail and diner) and a brunch on sunday. This on doesn't bother me. Not everyone is invited to the brunch, it's close family and friends I think.
And it feels more like "before you go back, here's a chance to catch up with everyone in a more relaxed way" (plus it's catered and they used 'casual' to describe it, right off the bat it's more welcoming!).

A breakfast, lunch or brunch the next day (of an evening wedding) sounds more like a nice gesture from the HC, they're hosting something to alleviate some burden from their guests (finding food before traveling back home) in a friendly atmosphere. It's like it's not part of the wedding party the happened the day before, it's a nice gesture on top and you don't feel obligated to come or stay long. You might pop in for a coffee, a nice chat, a last happy word to the HC before they honeymoon, or stay an hour or two to catch up with family.

A themed banquet feels like the wedding, part 2. Like it's entirely part of it and if you do one you have to show up to the other...

Twik

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2014, 09:51:20 AM »
Hmm. I would have interpreted "costumed and participative" as being something like Medieval Times, not a potluck. I suppose "participative" is like "pre-owned" rather than "used"?

It's one thing to ask for a potluck, but to request a banquet seems particularly presumptuous,
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Yvaine

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2014, 09:54:25 AM »
Hmm. I would have interpreted "costumed and participative" as being something like Medieval Times, not a potluck. I suppose "participative" is like "pre-owned" rather than "used"?

It's one thing to ask for a potluck, but to request a banquet seems particularly presumptuous,

Well, I'm guessing they're using "banquet" because they think it sounds more old-tymey than "lunch," rather than it referring to specific food, but the whole thing is micromanaged enough that who knows.

Thipu1

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2014, 10:40:30 AM »
I wouldn't be concerned about the two day aspect of the Wedding.  Most we've been invited to attend have been two day affairs with a rehearsal dinner the evening before (one even included a bowling party), the Wedding itself and brunch at a hotel the morning after. 

The troubling part here is that everyone has to travel.  Managing a potluck and lugging costumes is just a bit too much to ask.  You've told us you aren't going but I'd love to hear how the affair worked out in the end. 

Carotte

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2014, 10:40:45 AM »
The word banquet would be fitting with the theme they choose.
I'm not sure I translated the wording the right way, it can already be ambiguous in the language it was written in.
'Participative' in that you are expected to participate. At first I tought it meant that costumes were almost compulsory and that there would be games, period dancing and stuff, that you would have to participate in, not just plonk your behind on a chair and chit-chat.
But the last phrase makes it clear that you have to bring stuff. As in, participate by bringing the food.
It was also made clear that being in costume is expected. Not even "we will have stuff you can use if you don't have a costume", but "come in in costume".

LadyL

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2014, 10:51:51 AM »
This is very odd. Not the two day thing - in Indian culture, weddings are 3 day up to 1 week affairs. The themed party/potluck part is what's strange. It reeks of "we wanted to do a theme wedding but someone talked us out of it, and we can't afford a second reception, so we'll make it a potluck."

Lynn2000

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2014, 11:13:08 AM »
Yeah, that sounds pretty weird to me. I'm not really a "participator," so being told I had to go to something and once there, had to dance or play games or whatever would rub me the wrong way. If it was just a regular party I could simply decline, but one feels more obligation to attend a wedding, so I think for that reason the HC shouldn't put their guests on the spot by requiring costumes, food, etc..

I have heard of potluck wedding receptions (on EHell), but generally they are immediately after the wedding and casual affairs in Mom's backyard where the aunts have gotten together and contributed food voluntarily. The reception is the HC's chance to thank the guests for attending the ceremony, so insisting that all guests supply their own food goes against that.

You said you aren't going at all, so that solves that problem. I think I would be fine leaving in the morning on the second day and skipping the banquet. I saw the ceremony, the HC treated me to cocktails and dinner, the end. As others said, people could have stuff to get done on the weekend and don't want to put off leaving until mid-afternoon when the banquet finishes up--they might want to be home by noon or earlier.
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Oh Joy

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2014, 11:23:52 AM »
Hmmm...I guess it depends what they mean. 

I tend to think the best of people's intentions (even when I shouldn't).  So I read this invitation as two separate events:
1) Our wedding and reception!  We're having a traditional hosted wedding for our loved friends and families.
2) While so many of our friends who love 'theme' are in town, let's coordinate a 'theme' event the next day for whoever is interested.  Friends who already do it will love getting together, friends and family who are interested will have a chance to check it out, and since it's on a totally different day anyone who isn't interested shouldn't feel obligated to attend.

Any chance that's what they meant?

gellchom

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2014, 11:26:35 AM »
The potluck is the problem for me.  I think that rarely works.  Asking friends and family to cook might, but that you can control.  If I were a guest who had to attend and who had to travel, I think I'd bring some bread or cookies or something that would keep a couple if days.

Two days?  That's nothing!  In our community, if you're an out of town guest, you can usually figure on at least Friday night through Sunday morning. And if the ceremony is Sunday, make that Friday night through Monday morning.  Not everyone arrives in time for everything, and some people have early flights and skip brunch (which is usually like carotte described).  But that's a typical wedding weekend for us.

For local guests, except for family and very close friends who are helping with the wedding somehow, it's usually just the ceremony and reception.

 I can't really tell from the OP whether this is for guests who are traveling or everyone or what.

If the latter, it may be that the word "banquet" is throwing us off.  Suppose they called it "masquerade potluck picnic" or something?  Would we feel a little different?  That sounds kind of like what Oh Joy is saying, and I'm inclined to agree.

TeamBhakta

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2014, 01:12:08 PM »
That wedding will probably end like the Big Bang Theory episode about "Let's dress up in Star Trek costumes for ComicCon and do a photo shoot beforehand in the desert" (read: everyone cranky, sweaty & stuck at a diner later)

daen

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2014, 02:27:35 PM »
A guy I went to school with told me that he and his wife had a wedding weekend. They rented a camp or conference center in the off-season, provided all the food and housing, and had something like arrivals and games on Friday night, wedding on Saturday, medieval banquet on Sunday, departures Sunday evening.

I thought that was a neat idea, but too much planning for me to want to emulate. That, and once the reception was over, I just wanted to be away from people and with my new husband, so...

Mikayla

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2014, 02:47:15 PM »
Hmmm...I guess it depends what they mean. 

I tend to think the best of people's intentions (even when I shouldn't).  So I read this invitation as two separate events:
1) Our wedding and reception!  We're having a traditional hosted wedding for our loved friends and families.
2) While so many of our friends who love 'theme' are in town, let's coordinate a 'theme' event the next day for whoever is interested.  Friends who already do it will love getting together, friends and family who are interested will have a chance to check it out, and since it's on a totally different day anyone who isn't interested shouldn't feel obligated to attend.

Any chance that's what they meant?

I wondered about this, too, and if this is what they're doing, I think it sounds fun.  The way I see it, once the HC has covered their hosting obligations (and it sounds like they have here) they're free to organize any kind of afterparties they want. 

They need to manage it properly, especially where food is concerned and the quantities they'd need.  And I always think potluck hosts should provide an easy entree, like pulled chicken or pork in crockpots.