Author Topic: costumed and participative banquet ?  (Read 2654 times)

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Copper Horsewoman

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2014, 04:16:03 PM »
Side questions:  What happens if guests show up dressed for a "normal" wedding? Are they not allowed in?  I do not mind going to a function where dress is specified (casual, black tie, etc.) . If something happened that made the dress code difficult for me, like not being able to wear a formal gown due to some medical apparatus, or such, I would call the hosts ahead of time and ask if they minded me coming in the closest approximation I could find, or prefer I see them some other time. And if I were to host a black tie event and someone I invited shows up in jeans, I would be gracious about that.  BUT, to require people to find/buy/make/scrounge a true "costume", more than just renting a tux, AND travel, AND bring food.... (for how many is the dish to serve? what are the allergies, dietary constraints, religious proscriptions, cultural tastes, etc. of these people I'm supposed to feed but don't know?) Just seems more likely the HC will be wedding to the sound of crickets....

blarg314

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #16 on: February 21, 2014, 04:12:10 AM »

The medieval themed costume weddings are easy.   >:D

Get yourself a burlap sack and some string, and go as a serf. Or add some dirt and fake sores, and go as a plague victim.

mrkitty

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #17 on: February 21, 2014, 06:17:23 AM »
Well, I generally can't stand potlucks of any sort in general. So on that note alone, I'm already getting the heebie-jeebies about this weeding affair.

Secondly, aside from the fact that it is an actual potluck, it doesn't make sense to me that they would have a potluck event on the second day, when most (or all) the participants are expected to come from out of town and presumably stay in a hotel. That part is just weird to me. It sounds like they didn't think about the logistics of where/how the guest would prepare or store food...hygienically or safely.

I don't really have a problem with it being a two-day affair, theme and/or costume event, not really. Sort of, but not really. I have never been to a wedding like that, and to be honest, (except for the potluck part) it sounds almost like it would be fun, sort of like attending a Renaissance Fair or something. I guess. But then, given the hosts' (and I use that term loosely here) seeming lack of attention to logistical details (and the fact that it's essentially going to be self-hosted by the guests themselves!!!!) I very much doubt it would be as fun/exciting/make as much sense as an actual Renaissance Fair or something like it.

So I'm glad you're not planning to go, OP. Sounds like a very large investment of time and resources for something that could very well turn out to be an unfortunate mess.  ::)
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mrkitty

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #18 on: February 21, 2014, 06:52:21 AM »
The word banquet would be fitting with the theme they choose.
I'm not sure I translated the wording the right way, it can already be ambiguous in the language it was written in.
'Participative' in that you are expected to participate. At first I tought it meant that costumes were almost compulsory and that there would be games, period dancing and stuff, that you would have to participate in, not just plonk your behind on a chair and chit-chat.
But the last phrase makes it clear that you have to bring stuff. As in, participate by bringing the food.
It was also made clear that being in costume is expected. Not even "we will have stuff you can use if you don't have a costume", but "come in in costume".

From what you describe, Carotte, I'm imagining an event similar to the much-maligned It's A Royal Knock-Out hosted by Prince Edward back in the '80's. From what I had heard, it did not go well. At all.

Now I'm dying to find out how this blessed affair goes down... >:D
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Carotte

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #19 on: February 21, 2014, 06:59:55 AM »
I'll try to update after the party when I'll have heard from it.
There's still a slight change (due to wording) that it's not potluck and you only have to bring a costume, which makes its logisticaly easier (theme is quite broad so guest can play with that too I guess)
Since it's on my SO's side I have no idea how usual/unusual it is for them.

As a party it could be a great theme, but attached to a 'destination' wedding...

marcel

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #20 on: February 21, 2014, 07:00:36 AM »
Hmmm...I guess it depends what they mean. 

I tend to think the best of people's intentions (even when I shouldn't).  So I read this invitation as two separate events:
1) Our wedding and reception!  We're having a traditional hosted wedding for our loved friends and families.
2) While so many of our friends who love 'theme' are in town, let's coordinate a 'theme' event the next day for whoever is interested.  Friends who already do it will love getting together, friends and family who are interested will have a chance to check it out, and since it's on a totally different day anyone who isn't interested shouldn't feel obligated to attend.

Any chance that's what they meant?
This is what I see as well. The first day is a perfectly straight forward wedding, ceremony with reception, hosted dinner, etc. Since a lot of people may want to be staying overnight anyway and may be interested in some event the next day, they can join party the day after as well.

If you want to go, but do not feel like joining that part, you simply RSVP and say that you will only join the first day. If you do like the second day, you join there as well.
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gellchom

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #21 on: February 21, 2014, 11:09:34 AM »
I'll try to update after the party when I'll have heard from it.
There's still a slight change (due to wording) that it's not potluck and you only have to bring a costume, which makes its logisticaly easier (theme is quite broad so guest can play with that too I guess)
Since it's on my SO's side I have no idea how usual/unusual it is for them.

As a party it could be a great theme, but attached to a 'destination' wedding...

So what you have here is a casual costume party the day after the wedding. I don't really see what the big deal is, even for those who have to travel.  I'd need to pack some sort of outfit for that party anyway.  As many people have pointed out, an event the day after is not unusual in many communities.  You may not be used to it, but it's hardly bizarre.

If you all don't want to stay for the party, you don't have to (as it is SO's family, I would let SO decide, and be a good sport if you go).  Especially if this is the first time you're meeting your SO's family, be careful not to seem critical, stuck up, or judgmental, whether or not this is usual for them.

Is there something else about these people or this wedding that is bothering you?  Because with all respect and acknowledgement that posts obscure tone, it feels a little like you are wanting this wedding to be labeled tacky or inconsiderate or something.  But now that they've removed the potluck element, I don't see anything wrong here. 

lakey

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2014, 02:46:03 PM »
I have a problem with Potlucks for wedding receptions, if "Potluck" means expecting your guests to bring the food for the reception.
There are alternatives for people who can't afford a large catered dinner in a rented hall, or a sit down dinner in a nice venue.
1. A couple of commenters already mentioned having close family members and close friends voluntarily get together to prepare the food.
2. Self-catering by preparing food yourself or purchasing from a food broker dishes that are pretty easy to set up and serve. There are food brokers that are open to the public. These are like grocery stores that sell extra large amounts. They often supply the food for schools, hospitals, and institutions. You can buy large trays of entrees and side dishes that need to be re-heated, large containers of salads, desserts, and so on. They also carry dinnerware and serving items. Sam's Club could work also.
3. Having a reception of appetizers, limited beverages such as wine, alcoholic, and non-alcoholic punch, and cake.

These kinds of receptions can be done in a backyard, and some of the nicest receptions I've attended have followed one of these formats.  It's one thing to have a potluck for a family reunion or casual get together of like-minded people, but expecting your wedding guests to supply their own food seems tacky.

The next day costume event described by the OP could be pulled off if it were presented as  something fun to do, but not a part of the official wedding reception.

cicero

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2014, 04:19:20 AM »
the multiple days wouldn't faze me. I wouldn't want to wear a costume, just not my *thing*. i would assume i could come in even if i wasn't in costume, wear a nice outfit and add something silly (a boa scarf/funny glasses/hat). then again, for the life of me i can't imagine anyone in my life who would invite me to something that specified "costumed" (unless it was halloween/purim).

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baglady

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #24 on: March 06, 2014, 06:06:27 PM »
Hmmm...I guess it depends what they mean. 

I tend to think the best of people's intentions (even when I shouldn't).  So I read this invitation as two separate events:
1) Our wedding and reception!  We're having a traditional hosted wedding for our loved friends and families.
2) While so many of our friends who love 'theme' are in town, let's coordinate a 'theme' event the next day for whoever is interested.  Friends who already do it will love getting together, friends and family who are interested will have a chance to check it out, and since it's on a totally different day anyone who isn't interested shouldn't feel obligated to attend.

Any chance that's what they meant?

This is how I read it also. The next-day costumed affair is for those who are into it, and if you aren't, you are within the rules of etiquette to attend only the ceremony and reception.

Lots of my friends are into various kinds of cosplay (re-enacting, SCA, Ren Faire, LARP gaming, cons), and they would jump at an extra opportunity like this. You are not one of them, so you aren't required to participate. (I totally would, although I'm not a cosplayer, because it sounds like fun -- but that's just me.)
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Lynda_34

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Re: costumed and participative banquet ?
« Reply #25 on: March 10, 2014, 04:11:29 PM »
When my daughter was engaged her maid of honor thought a potluck wedding shower was a great idea. I nixed that and told her to find a venue in the town where my daughter was living and gave her a budget of $1000. 
She found the venue, we chose the menu, I paid the bill.  It went over $1000 but I didn't care.  I knew I should establish parameters and we did. There was an open bar, (How much can people drink who have traveled over an hour on a Sunday afternoon?)
I also included significant others since I didn't want women traveling alone on a weekend, and they played pool at the venue with my daughter's fiance. We first discussed that they could order off the menu and pay for their own food.  Once we were there I told my daughter's fiance that his friends could run tabs and help themselves to the buffet.
The venue was more than generous and kept bringing out food for the entire time we were there.  I paind for the event, there wasn't a per plate charge.
He later thanked me since they all helped him load the cars with all the gifts.  The venue was on the second floor of a tavern in the town where they lived. 
I didn't host the shower the MOH did, I just wrote the check. However I was bound and determined that my daughter would NOT have a potluck anything. Sorry, to me that is just tacky and I had the financial wherewithal to control that.
The morning after the wedding, I had given the happy couple tickets to put in the gift bags for that were included and given out. The venue had a breakfast brunch and I paid for each person who presented a ticket.  People attended and I paid for them attendance. Again, NOT a potluck.
The only word to the wise here is if you choose to do this watch the tipping fees.  I gave each server $50 and then discovered that I was also charged a tipping fee.
As a parent, mother of the bride, whatever, I wanted to make my daughter's wedding a memorable event for her and not a cheap experience.  Her father is in the picture but not financially contributing (that is OK) and I'm sure people didn't talk about things afterward but I knew that I wanted my daughter's wedding to be a class act and when I could control the finances I did.