Author Topic: Your daughter smells  (Read 11698 times)

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LadyClaire

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2014, 03:01:21 PM »
I'm also thinking perhaps it's a bathing issue. DH has a nephew who was always bad about hygiene as a kid. Had to be forced to bathe and brush his teeth. Now he's in his early 20s and is still really bad about hygiene, especially as his mother isn't around to make him shower.

Roe

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2014, 03:04:00 PM »
That poor, poor little precious child. 

I don't think that this is any longer an etiquette issue, since the father has been informed.  It's hard to think what the home must be like.

I think that someone needs to call Child Protection ASAP, especially if the little girl is home schooled.  I can't imagine why the child's teacher hasn't already reported the situation, unless her parents keep her home.

That is an incredible overreaction. What does homeschooling have to do with anything? The OP said this kid was a classmate of her daughter. You would call CPS before even sitting down and asking if this was because of a condition or a medication this girl was taking? Poor girl indeed if CPS is called in to interview her parents about something that might embarrass her horribly.

I think homeschooling was brought up, because the poster was saying that if the child was in school, it would seem logical that her teacher had already noticed and dealt with the issue.  However, since the child is still dirty, perhaps there is no teacher, and therefore maybe student is homeschooled?

That was my reaction.  I didn't read the post closely enough to realize that the little girl does attend school. 

I certainly didn't mean to denigrate home schoolers, who work hard to educate their children.  There have been instances on the news, though, where abused children are kept home so that the parents won't be reported.

There are also instances in the news where children are being abused and they attend public school.  Honestly, your assumption is quite insulting given that the OP didn't even mention homeschool.

And like others, I'm wondering if it's medical.  That's where I'd start. 

jedikaiti

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2014, 03:17:10 PM »
I think the PP(s?) who suggested talking with a guidance counselor or social worker at the school are spot on. Such a person would be best placed to have a word with the parent(s) about the issue, and perhaps provide some guidance to the parents on how to encourage the child to bathe (if that's the problem), or to determine if some other authority needs to get involved. I know there are some medical conditions that can cause unpleasant body odor, but if the child's hair is observably unwashed, then that seems unlikely.
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Carotte

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2014, 03:17:46 PM »
Unless the medical part is an allergy to water I don't see how that could explain the
Quote
her hair is hanging in unwashed clumps.
.

People can be clean and smell because of a medical problem, but if her hair is not clean then she's clearly not showering or bathing. (I had a friend with a scalp problem, couldn't wash her hair often but it would still look ok most of the time.)
It's most likely that she refuses to get clean.
I'd try to drop a word with her teacher or a nurse just in case, but chances are they're already keping an eye on the situation, and they're the best suited to observe (does she change clothes or wear the same one various days? that can make the mater worse. A teacher seing her everyday could notice that) and take action.

cicero

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #19 on: February 17, 2014, 03:22:56 PM »
I would bring it up with someone in authority at the school - their teacher, principal, nurse, etc. I've never heard of a young child refusing to bathe to that extent and the parents letting them get away with it. I remember when my son was young he used to bathe in the AM and was annoyed if told to bathe also in the evening (let's say he was very sweaty/sandy), but that would be one 12 hour stretch of non-bathing, not days and days. I don't know if this is a medical/parental issue, if the family is homeless and have no access to water or what, but someone who can help should step in.


The kid could be like a former friend's child who adamantly refused to bathe. I mean, it got reaaaally bad. Disgustingly bad. But, my FF was not one to put herself out to make her child do what she should. So if the kid refused, her response was "Oh, well, what can I do?"

My response, which may or may not be approved, would have been to take the kid kicking and screaming to the bathroom to clean her up if she did not want to do it herself.

Maybe it's good that I'm not a parent...
no, you would probably do fine. That's what i would do if my kid refused to bathe for a length of time, probably say "you either do it yourself or i'll do it for you but you *will* be taking a shower today"

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #20 on: February 17, 2014, 03:26:20 PM »
POD. Our older two have to be reminded they need a shower on a daily basis, especially now they're approaching puberty. Oldest son has to be reminded to wear deodorant as well.   I hope with time it will get to the point where they will just do it automatically.
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MrTango

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #21 on: February 17, 2014, 03:28:23 PM »
I think the PP(s?) who suggested talking with a guidance counselor or social worker at the school are spot on. Such a person would be best placed to have a word with the parent(s) about the issue, and perhaps provide some guidance to the parents on how to encourage the child to bathe (if that's the problem), or to determine if some other authority needs to get involved. I know there are some medical conditions that can cause unpleasant body odor, but if the child's hair is observably unwashed, then that seems unlikely.

I agree.  Bring the matter up with a professional (school counselor or nurse) and let them deal with it.  That way, the professional can contact the parent in a confidential manner to see if this is something the parent is aware of, offer advice and/or support, or make a determination based on their professional judgement that a referral to social services is needed.

Hopefull

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #22 on: February 17, 2014, 03:31:28 PM »
That poor, poor little precious child. 

I don't think that this is any longer an etiquette issue, since the father has been informed.  It's hard to think what the home must be like.

I think that someone needs to call Child Protection ASAP, especially if the little girl is home schooled.  I can't imagine why the child's teacher hasn't already reported the situation, unless her parents keep her home.

Normally I wouldn't agree that CPs should be called right away but .... This might be one case they should. Whomever is in charge at school should approach the parents and discuss the situation. If it doesn't change they should take action. I can understand if there is some sort of cultural divide. In that case someone should work with the family and deccuss what is appropriate hygiene.

Kids can be very cruel and it is abusive (in my opinion) to let a child go dirty and unkept if there is means to keep that child clean.

Such a sad situation.
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Hopefull

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2014, 03:33:15 PM »
As far as being a medical issue.... There are still things you can do to limit or eliminate the smell. My daughter has a medical condition where she sweats like an adult and has body odor. We use a good deodorant for her that takes care of the situation.
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missknowledge

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #24 on: February 17, 2014, 04:56:41 PM »
My washing machine will develop an odor if you don't clean it every 4 weeks or so, and will pass this odor onto the laundry.

It could be something as simple as that, but these folks mightn't notice if they aren't notified.

Amara

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2014, 05:24:29 PM »
OP, how was the father's hygiene?

Paper Roses

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #26 on: February 17, 2014, 05:57:08 PM »
OP, how was the father's hygiene?

She says in the OP that he and the girls older sisters were "pretty clean."  Seems to be unique to the girl.

I wonder if she's going through a not wanting to bathe phase, and the parents are choosing to deal with it by attempting to show her the consequences of this, expecting that her friends or classmates will bring it up to her.

Not saying I think that's a good idea, or I approve, just offering a possible explanation that's not quite as dire or tragic as some people are assuming.
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StarFaerie

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #27 on: February 17, 2014, 06:19:09 PM »
The kid could be like a former friend's child who adamantly refused to bathe. I mean, it got reaaaally bad. Disgustingly bad. But, my FF was not one to put herself out to make her child do what she should. So if the kid refused, her response was "Oh, well, what can I do?"

My response, which may or may not be approved, would have been to take the kid kicking and screaming to the bathroom to clean her up if she did not want to do it herself.

Maybe it's good that I'm not a parent...


Have you ever struggled with a kicking and screaming child? The child has a big advantage. You don't want to hurt them but they have no qualms about hurting you or being hurt. It used to take 5 adults and a lot of force to get my son to take liquid medicine. If the doctor hadn't ordered it, I would have given up on the first day for fear of a child abuse allegation.

If the child was otherwise healthy and happy, I would think "there but for the grace of deity go I" and mind my own business.

Otterpop

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #28 on: February 17, 2014, 06:31:05 PM »
My Asperger's daughter has scalp sensitivity and went through a phase in Jr. High where she would "shampoo" her head by squirting shampoo in her hand, barely touch her head and rinse it off still in the gel form.  I thought she was thoroughly washing because her head was wet out of the shower (and she didn't smell) but later, when her hair dried it showed greasy strands.

Reminding her to do a better job went on for weeks.  We had her hair cut short, made her go back and shampoo again when we caught it, and finally I stood in the bathroom and watched her shampoo thoroughly (she was mortified).  She got better about head hygiene.

It took a concerted effort though.  No amount of peer pressure made a difference, as she is semi-impervious.  Is it possible this girl has a disrupted home or preoccupied parents?  Does she have autistic tendencies?  If the other kids are cleaner along with the parent, this girl might have some individual issues that need attention.  Talking to her parents is helpful.  Maybe if more people speak up they'll step up the hygiene lessons, but remember, it's not always neglect that causes problems.

*I would speak up though because it is affecting others.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2014, 06:32:39 PM by Otterpop »

lollylegs

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #29 on: February 17, 2014, 07:34:30 PM »
I really think this is one of those things where it's not anyone's business. You say the child is dirty or smelly but you don't mention if she looks malnourished or has any cuts or sores, plus her father and sisters were clean. This would make it pretty clear to me that the child is going through a completely normal childhood stage of not wanting to bath.

Calling CPS is ridiculously over the top. How is this child's safety or well being affected at all?