Author Topic: Your daughter smells  (Read 12841 times)

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djinnidjream

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #60 on: February 18, 2014, 01:10:00 PM »
Someone else mentioned lice, which I hadn't thought about before. I realize that's not purely a consequence of one child being unwashed--I remember being in fifth grade and people still came around to check every single child in the classroom--but if there's an increased possibility of something being spread from the unwashed child to others in the classroom, I think it's important that something be said. I think it would probably be best to go to the teacher/appropriate school personnel if you notice her being dirty again--I think the OP said that it had been addressed with the father directly by the co-leader of the extracurricular group, so that might take care of it.

Oh dear... now my head itches.  And my DD wore a hat to school today. :-\
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MariaE

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #61 on: February 18, 2014, 01:21:00 PM »
It could be that her family only bathes little kids once a week and she is still considered little to them. I know a few adults that unfortunately only wash their hair weekly, which was what previous generations in their family had done.  My DM is one of them.  She bathes daily, washes her hair weekly.  I've finally just given over to highly praising her when her hair is clean, and ask her to wash it before coming to an event with me.  There is a girl in my DD's class, in middle school, who is doing the weekly hair washing (maybe bathing weekly also).  On Mondays she is clean, by Friday she reeks.  I am going to try telling the school nurse, that might be best for you?

Slightly off topic, but part of the reason daily bathing is normal now is marketing from the soap/shampoo/etc. companies. The idea of "squeaky clean" is actually not healthy for the hair and skin - essentially scrubbing with detergents strips the skin and hair of healthy natural oils, leading to it overproducing oil to compensate. I dye my hair red and only wash it every 5-7 days in part to preserve the color. I also use shampoo that doesn't have harsh detergents (sulphates). It took about 6 weeks for my scalp to adjust, but now my hair stays completely "clean" looking for the first four days, and days 5 onward I get slight oil at the roots that I use dry shampoo to take care of. (This article has a before/after that shows the amazing power of a good dry shampoo: http://www.xovain.com/hair/drybar-detox-dry-shampoo-review#awesm=~oweE2M9YilfNOY).  It does NOT smell (I've verified this with multiple people). Maybe get your mother a good dry shampoo? Psst is a good, cheap one but there are ones at Sephora made by dry bar that look pretty amazing (see link above).

This. I only wash my hair about once a week (more often in summer), because my hair gets really dry and unhealthy if I wash it any more than that. Unless you use a really, really, really mild shampoo it's actually quite bad for your hair to wash it every day.
 
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Peregrine

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #62 on: February 18, 2014, 01:25:52 PM »
Gah, I didn't mean to suggest that there was lice in this particular situation! 

In fact, I have read that in many cases kiddo's with greasier hair or what some people perceived to have less than optimal hair washing habits are, in fact, LESS susceptible to it.  Most of the home remedies involve using a greasy substance to smother the little critters.  So please don't be too concerned about it.

I still remember the culture shock of going from a very conservative small town to quite a liberal almost hippy university where dread locks were a very common hair style.  I remember the amusement of my classmates when they were trying to explain to me that they didn't wash their hair, and I was trying to comprehend that. 

I also came from a family that didn't bathe every day.  I only began showering daily after beginning daily PE classes in Jr. High.  Since showers were not compulsory after gym class (we were given 5 minutes to change) there just was not time to do so before classes changed, it was pretty necessary.  Now that I'm a stay at home mom there are days when I don't shower if I'm just home for the day, especially when I'm not doing anything that's physically demanding.  It has actually very much improved my skin and hair to cut back.  I do always bathe before leaving the house, after a workout, or any other physically demanding activity where I may begin sweating.  I also live in a very cool climate, so daily bathing is less of a "need" for me.

It sounds like you have a good handle on the situation,

MrsVandy

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #63 on: February 18, 2014, 01:37:05 PM »
When I was in school there was a smelly kid in my class. By the time she reached grade eight you could smell her from 15 ft away on a hot day. She had a lot of trouble making friends and to be honest it was largely due to her smell. I wish an adult would have talked to her parents and got her to bathe more or something. Her sister also smelled fine, it was just her.

My DH is a teacher and he says its more effective if parents complain. Yes teachers have to report, but smell is a subjective thing same with dirt level. Its possible for a teacher to report it and on the day of inspection the kid is clean and nothing will get done. However if parents are saying something then it goes further and there are more witnesses to back up the teacher.

I did want to add that as for hair washing, I wash mine every 3ish days. People shouldn't wash there hair daily, but I agree that they should bathe daily.

As for lice. Lice prefer clean hair. You don't want to eat off of a dirty plate and why would they? I'm a hairdresser, and I often tell people to put mouse or gel in their kids hair to make it 'dirty' and less desirable for lice. All that being said, if the child isn't being frequently bathed they can be harder to find. Also it makes me believe the parents aren't likely to treat the problem should it occur.




Runningstar

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #64 on: February 18, 2014, 02:26:12 PM »
It could be that her family only bathes little kids once a week and she is still considered little to them. I know a few adults that unfortunately only wash their hair weekly, which was what previous generations in their family had done.  My DM is one of them.  She bathes daily, washes her hair weekly.  I've finally just given over to highly praising her when her hair is clean, and ask her to wash it before coming to an event with me.  There is a girl in my DD's class, in middle school, who is doing the weekly hair washing (maybe bathing weekly also).  On Mondays she is clean, by Friday she reeks.  I am going to try telling the school nurse, that might be best for you?

Slightly off topic, but part of the reason daily bathing is normal now is marketing from the soap/shampoo/etc. companies. The idea of "squeaky clean" is actually not healthy for the hair and skin - essentially scrubbing with detergents strips the skin and hair of healthy natural oils, leading to it overproducing oil to compensate. I dye my hair red and only wash it every 5-7 days in part to preserve the color. I also use shampoo that doesn't have harsh detergents (sulphates). It took about 6 weeks for my scalp to adjust, but now my hair stays completely "clean" looking for the first four days, and days 5 onward I get slight oil at the roots that I use dry shampoo to take care of. (This article has a before/after that shows the amazing power of a good dry shampoo: http://www.xovain.com/hair/drybar-detox-dry-shampoo-review#awesm=~oweE2M9YilfNOY).  It does NOT smell (I've verified this with multiple people). Maybe get your mother a good dry shampoo? Psst is a good, cheap one but there are ones at Sephora made by dry bar that look pretty amazing (see link above).

Thank you for pointing this out!  ;D I have been shampoo free for months, I use baking soda and vinegar/Dr. Bronners, and I have no need to wash my hair more than once a week. It looks worse if I do, actually.
I'm sorry that this offended you, or made you feel uncomfortable, not my intention.  We are all very different.  The weekly shampooers that I speak of definitely do smell of dirty hair, but I'm sure that there are others where this would not be the case.   I did buy my mother a dry shampoo, it still sits unopened or used in her bathroom. 

esposita

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #65 on: February 18, 2014, 03:05:25 PM »
It could be that her family only bathes little kids once a week and she is still considered little to them. I know a few adults that unfortunately only wash their hair weekly, which was what previous generations in their family had done.  My DM is one of them.  She bathes daily, washes her hair weekly.  I've finally just given over to highly praising her when her hair is clean, and ask her to wash it before coming to an event with me.  There is a girl in my DD's class, in middle school, who is doing the weekly hair washing (maybe bathing weekly also).  On Mondays she is clean, by Friday she reeks.  I am going to try telling the school nurse, that might be best for you?

Slightly off topic, but part of the reason daily bathing is normal now is marketing from the soap/shampoo/etc. companies. The idea of "squeaky clean" is actually not healthy for the hair and skin - essentially scrubbing with detergents strips the skin and hair of healthy natural oils, leading to it overproducing oil to compensate. I dye my hair red and only wash it every 5-7 days in part to preserve the color. I also use shampoo that doesn't have harsh detergents (sulphates). It took about 6 weeks for my scalp to adjust, but now my hair stays completely "clean" looking for the first four days, and days 5 onward I get slight oil at the roots that I use dry shampoo to take care of. (This article has a before/after that shows the amazing power of a good dry shampoo: http://www.xovain.com/hair/drybar-detox-dry-shampoo-review#awesm=~oweE2M9YilfNOY).  It does NOT smell (I've verified this with multiple people). Maybe get your mother a good dry shampoo? Psst is a good, cheap one but there are ones at Sephora made by dry bar that look pretty amazing (see link above).

Thank you for pointing this out!  ;D I have been shampoo free for months, I use baking soda and vinegar/Dr. Bronners, and I have no need to wash my hair more than once a week. It looks worse if I do, actually.
I'm sorry that this offended you, or made you feel uncomfortable, not my intention.  We are all very different.  The weekly shampooers that I speak of definitely do smell of dirty hair, but I'm sure that there are others where this would not be the case.   I did buy my mother a dry shampoo, it still sits unopened or used in her bathroom.

It didn't bug me at all, I'm just a self-proclaimed hair-tivist, :P trying to get the knowledge out there on the rare chance that it could benefit someone who has hair problems. :) My hair isn't especially curly, but I have read of women with unmaneagable curly hair who have been able to manage it once and for all with this regimen. Just spreading the idea of "no 'poo."

Edited because I really do know how to spell. I think. :P
« Last Edit: February 18, 2014, 03:20:26 PM by esposita »

fountainof

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #66 on: February 18, 2014, 03:18:06 PM »
Clean hair really doesn't have anything to do with lice.  Washing hair doesn't wash lice away and actually lice prefer clean shiny hair to messy sticky hair anyway or at least the doctor and pharmacist tell me.
Quote
It used to take 5 adults and a lot of force to get my son to take liquid medicine. If the doctor hadn't ordered it, I would have given up on the first day for fear of a child abuse allegation.
My DD added to this problem and pukes it back on me.  I have practically given up on giving hers meds, if what she gets will go away eventually without them.  Of course, if necessary for something like strep, I spend tons of time trying to mix them into things without changing the taste enough to be noticed.  DD will take Tylenol though as she thinks it tastes like candy, I wish all meds could be mixed with a syrup that tastes like than instead of the typical rotten milk type of taste.

I would just speak once with the teacher about it and leave it.  Maybe the parents are trying to rectify the situation and they are having trouble.  Holding your kid down and forcing them to wash is easier said than done.  First the injury risk is high, second, if it is a control issue that isn't addressed the child will just move on to something else.  It could be a very complex issue and I feel for the parents.

My DD likes baths but doesn't like to wash her hair with shampoo.  She does still rinse it daily but only uses shampoo once a week or so and it smells fine and isn't greasy.  As others mentioned, shampoo isn't really necessary and the smell it provides is a chemical smell.  You can get clean hair without fragrance and there is a big movement to use a conditioning lotion as a gentle cleaner and no shampoo at all.

LadyL

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #67 on: February 18, 2014, 03:23:48 PM »
It could be that her family only bathes little kids once a week and she is still considered little to them. I know a few adults that unfortunately only wash their hair weekly, which was what previous generations in their family had done.  My DM is one of them.  She bathes daily, washes her hair weekly.  I've finally just given over to highly praising her when her hair is clean, and ask her to wash it before coming to an event with me.  There is a girl in my DD's class, in middle school, who is doing the weekly hair washing (maybe bathing weekly also).  On Mondays she is clean, by Friday she reeks.  I am going to try telling the school nurse, that might be best for you?

Slightly off topic, but part of the reason daily bathing is normal now is marketing from the soap/shampoo/etc. companies. The idea of "squeaky clean" is actually not healthy for the hair and skin - essentially scrubbing with detergents strips the skin and hair of healthy natural oils, leading to it overproducing oil to compensate. I dye my hair red and only wash it every 5-7 days in part to preserve the color. I also use shampoo that doesn't have harsh detergents (sulphates). It took about 6 weeks for my scalp to adjust, but now my hair stays completely "clean" looking for the first four days, and days 5 onward I get slight oil at the roots that I use dry shampoo to take care of. (This article has a before/after that shows the amazing power of a good dry shampoo: http://www.xovain.com/hair/drybar-detox-dry-shampoo-review#awesm=~oweE2M9YilfNOY).  It does NOT smell (I've verified this with multiple people). Maybe get your mother a good dry shampoo? Psst is a good, cheap one but there are ones at Sephora made by dry bar that look pretty amazing (see link above).

Thank you for pointing this out!  ;D I have been shampoo free for months, I use baking soda and vinegar/Dr. Bronners, and I have no need to wash my hair more than once a week. It looks worse if I do, actually.
I'm sorry that this offended you, or made you feel uncomfortable, not my intention.  We are all very different.  The weekly shampooers that I speak of definitely do smell of dirty hair, but I'm sure that there are others where this would not be the case.   I did buy my mother a dry shampoo, it still sits unopened or used in her bathroom.

It didn't bug me at all, I'm just a self-proclaimed hair-tivist, :P trying to get the knowledge out there on the rare chance that it could benefit someone who has hair problems. :) My hair isn't especially curly, but I have read of women with unmaneagable curly hair who have been able to manage it once and for all with this regimen. Just spreading the idea of "no 'poo."

Edited because I really do know how to spell. I think. :P

It did bug me that weekly hair washing was called an "unfortunate" habit. For people with curly hair and ESPECIALLY African American hair which can be very dry, weekly washing more than suffices as long as there's additional upkeep to keep oiliness and smell at bay. I've seen some horrified reactions of "ew gross!" when a person with very neat, clean looking (but curly or "ethnic") hair revealed their infrequent washing schedule.

MariaE

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #68 on: February 18, 2014, 04:18:04 PM »
It did bug me that weekly hair washing was called an "unfortunate" habit. For people with curly hair and ESPECIALLY African American hair which can be very dry, weekly washing more than suffices as long as there's additional upkeep to keep oiliness and smell at bay. I've seen some horrified reactions of "ew gross!" when a person with very neat, clean looking (but curly or "ethnic") hair revealed their infrequent washing schedule.

Not just people with curly hair. My hair is straight as straight can be, and the same is true for me. I wash it every 5-7 days, the rest of the time it's "brush and go". Nobody has ever complained about my hair smelling. It gets a bit flat but only visibly oily if it's humid... In which case I shower more often anyway.
 
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JoieGirl7

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #69 on: February 18, 2014, 04:41:22 PM »
OT:  I always change my pillow case and clean my brushes after washing my hair.  It stays clean longer that way.
Otherwise I am just brushing the dirt and stale oils back into it.  Sleeping on a dirty pillow case will make your hair dirty faster.

It's amazing how much oil comes off a human head.  Ever see real estate photos where there is an oily smear on the wall in a bedroom with a sharp straight line on the bottom?  That's where the mattress was used without a headboard.

If you don't have a headboard, its often a good idea to even put up some kind of washable fabric to protect the wall.

Washing/changing pillowcases also protects your pillows.



bansidhe

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #70 on: February 18, 2014, 05:05:29 PM »
I guess it's kind of off-topic, but I get so confused when people talk about not washing their hair for several days or a week. By "not washing," do people mean they just aren't using shampoo? Or do they mean that they quite literally don't even get it wet?

I use shampoo twice a week, but most definitely wash it and use conditioner every day. I can't imagine not washing it (sans shampoo) for a week, but I live in a very hot climate where doing that would be...ummm...pungent. Add in workouts and - ewwww!

As for the OP, I would talk to someone in charge at the school and alert them as to what's going on. I feel sorry for the kid, as she's bound to endure teasing and other nastiness from her classmates if she's always filthy.
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Arila

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #71 on: February 18, 2014, 05:08:29 PM »
This thread makes me think that we need a style board under the OT section...(Not complaining -- enjoying the discussion!)

LadyL

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #72 on: February 18, 2014, 05:10:31 PM »
Bansidhe, I literally don't wet it for 5 or more days. I either take a bath or use a shower cap to keep it dry.

YummyMummy66

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #73 on: February 18, 2014, 05:52:51 PM »
I work for an agency that takes care of senior citizens in their homes.  I have many women who go to a hairdresser weekly, get their hair washed and done and that is the only day they usually have their hair washed.  The rest of the week, the basically brush or comb and go.   And their hair is not dirty.  Maybe not looking so great by the next time they go to the hairdresser, but for some reason, it doesn't appear dirty.

In this child's case, it sounds like the hair has not been washed in some time, let alone combed or brushed. Also, if the child smells that bad, that your eyes water, I cannot imagine when she was bathed last.  It seems the dad is not so much neglectful, as clueless.

In this case, I would notify the school guidance counselor and let them know of this concern.  If the child smells that badly, it will cause her harm in the way that other kids will not want to be around her.  And I cannot believe that the teachers have not noticed.  I worked with elementary kids and sooner or later, the teacher comes into close contact with their students.


DaisyG

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Re: Your daughter smells
« Reply #74 on: February 18, 2014, 05:58:05 PM »
Bansidhe, I only wet my hair twice a week (when I use shampoo and conditioner) for most of the year as I'm in a cooler climate. In summer or if I'm away somewhere warmer I'll rinse my hair every day and may use conditioner more often but still shampoo twice a week. In winter I just wash with soap and a basin of water daily and then have twice weekly showers but I don't really do anything (like go to the gym) to make me sweaty.