Author Topic: Eating a present you gave someone  (Read 10199 times)

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Bluenomi

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Eating a present you gave someone
« on: February 17, 2014, 07:55:50 PM »
MIL makes awesome shortbread and DD1 loves it. So whenever she comes to visit (2 or 3 times a year) she brings her a batch bad gives if to her with much enthusiasm and 'look what I made you!'. This I have no problem with, it's nice for her to make it for her and DD1 really loves it.

What does bother me is the fact MIL and FIL end up eating more then half of it while they are here even though it's apparently DD1's treat. One visit I went to give one to DD1 just after they left for the airport to help cheer her up and there wasn't any left. I discovered later MIL had the last 2 with her tea just before they left.

This trip they arrived just before DD1's bedtime and MIL gave her the shortbread but she didn't eat any since it was too late. She had preschool the next day so didn't get any in the morning before MIL and FIL arrived (they were stayingin a hotel since we don't have the room). They got themselves a cup of tea while I was sorting the twins out and I came back to find they had opened DD1's package of shortbread and were tucking in, DD1 hadn't even had any yet!

So here my question, am I being a snow flake thinking they shouldn't be eating the shortbread MIL gave to DD1 as a present? Or should I just suck it up because MIL made it?

Promise

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2014, 08:02:56 PM »
My husband also makes awesome shortbread that we often give as a gift. It keeps well. Could you not hide it? If MIL asks for a piece you could say, "I'm going to save it. It just seems to disappear so quickly if I leave it out and since it's a gift for her, I'm going to make sure that after your visit, she'll get one piece every day to remember you by."

lisat

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2014, 08:20:21 PM »
Can you ask her for the receipe? I mean, shortbread is very easy to make. If your daughter loves it so much  I think it would be pretty cool if your MIL  showed her how to make it, and then you two can bake it also.

esposita

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2014, 08:27:39 PM »
I have friends who might bring something tasty, say "Look at what I made you!" and we'd both enjoy it together. Its understood that its not really a gift, more like a treat for both (or all) of us. It could be just a difference in personalities/the way she expresses herself. I'd just mentally go "Okay, she says 'Look what I brought you' but she really means 'I was bumbling around in the kitchen and brought some cookies for us all to eat during my visit.'"

You might have a word with her though, since she's making your little one think that the cookies are specifically for her. Maybe say "Hey, she loves your cookies, but when you say that it makes her think they are a gift meant just for her and she gets hurt when she sees you taking them...could you maybe say it differently so she knows?" That would have the added benefit of opening their eyes to how much they are really eating if they really are being oblivious.

purple

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2014, 08:29:00 PM »
I do think what MIL is doing is rude.  I wouldn't think it's rude for her to have a piece if the package were opened by DD1 in the presence of all and to share with everybody, but what she is doing is definitely rude.  I actually can't imagine a grandmother who would bake shortbread for the granddaughter and then eat it all like that!

When MIL gives the shortbread to her, perhaps you could say something like "Oh wow, thanks so much - say thank you to MIL DD1 - let's put this away for now since it's too late/too early/too sunny etc, and we will get it out on the weekend/for your birthday/or some other time after MIL is gone".

Then, put it somewhere where MIL doesn't know where it is.

Bluenomi

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2014, 08:29:50 PM »
I've got the recipe and DD1 and I have made it but mine isn't as good, I lack MIL's Scottish touch! Plus part if the fun for DD1 is getting a present and knowing her grandmother made it for her.

I can try hiding it next visit but I'm not sure if I really can stop her eating it since she did make it. Would that be rude?

Hmmmmm

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2014, 08:43:16 PM »
Since MIL brings a large batch maybe her intent is more of a "here's a batch to share with DD1". I do think it very odd they'd eat the last of what they brought though. Opening before DD1 had some wouldn't register as an issue for me though.

Is the short bread already cut into serving pieces? If so, I'd just immediately put some in a separate container for DD1 and put it away and then leave the rest out for everyone to share. If MIL says anything just say that DD1 likes to ration her share over several days instead of eating it all at once. And it's a nice treat for her to have after they're gone.

CakeEater

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2014, 08:47:49 PM »
Since MIL brings a large batch maybe her intent is more of a "here's a batch to share with DD1". I do think it very odd they'd eat the last of what they brought though. Opening before DD1 had some wouldn't register as an issue for me though.

Is the short bread already cut into serving pieces? If so, I'd just immediately put some in a separate container for DD1 and put it away and then leave the rest out for everyone to share. If MIL says anything just say that DD1 likes to ration her share over several days instead of eating it all at once. And it's a nice treat for her to have after they're gone.

I was just about to suggest this. Can you put it in a tupperware, or chinese container with her name on it and make a special fuss about, 'Ohh, DD, here's your share for when grandparents are gone, and we'll put the rest out here for everyone to share.' And then even put it in the freezer, or somehwere out of the way in the kitchen.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2014, 08:57:04 PM »
^ And duct tape that sucker shut!   ;D

I also think this is the best compromise.
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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2014, 09:01:01 PM »
Once she's given the gift, MIL doesn't get to dictate what is done with it.

She gave DD the cookies, DD gets to decide whether or not to offer any shortbread to Grandma & Grandpa (or anyone else).  Perhaps DD could put one cookie per person on a plate and serve it - then you two can put the rest away "until later".

I remember reading about someone who froze cookies all year (a dozen from each batch) to have cookies to make plates for the holiday season.  She labeled the box "zucchini" - which worked until her husband actually wanted some zucchini for a recipe....and that year she opened up boxes of frozen crumbs where everyone had been sneaking a cookie here and a cookie there, figuring Mom would never notice....

Next year - there was a frozen container of zucchini that contained actual zucchinni and one of zucchini bread.  But the cookies were frozen under another name....which she said was staying secret, in case the family read the blog!
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weeblewobble

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2014, 09:02:29 PM »
No, that's pretty rude. I would parcel out some cookies for DD and hide them, so she's sure to get some. 

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2014, 09:06:08 PM »
I have friends who might bring something tasty, say "Look at what I made you!" and we'd both enjoy it together. Its understood that its not really a gift, more like a treat for both (or all) of us. It could be just a difference in personalities/the way she expresses herself. I'd just mentally go "Okay, she says 'Look what I brought you' but she really means 'I was bumbling around in the kitchen and brought some cookies for us all to eat during my visit.'"

You might have a word with her though, since she's making your little one think that the cookies are specifically for her. Maybe say "Hey, she loves your cookies, but when you say that it makes her think they are a gift meant just for her and she gets hurt when she sees you taking them...could you maybe say it differently so she knows?" That would have the added benefit of opening their eyes to how much they are really eating if they really are being oblivious.

I agree with this. It sounds like your MIL intends for her shortbread to be a treat that everyone can share, rather than a specific gift for your DD. But unfortunately, whether she means to or not, she's implying through her words that it's a specific gift for DD.

I think you'd be fine in putting a piece or two aside for DD. You can even explain to MIL that you're doing this because DD loves MIL's shortbread so much and you don't want her to miss out. 

katycoo

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2014, 09:09:45 PM »
I have friends who might bring something tasty, say "Look at what I made you!" and we'd both enjoy it together. Its understood that its not really a gift, more like a treat for both (or all) of us. It could be just a difference in personalities/the way she expresses herself. I'd just mentally go "Okay, she says 'Look what I brought you' but she really means 'I was bumbling around in the kitchen and brought some cookies for us all to eat during my visit.'"

You might have a word with her though, since she's making your little one think that the cookies are specifically for her. Maybe say "Hey, she loves your cookies, but when you say that it makes her think they are a gift meant just for her and she gets hurt when she sees you taking them...could you maybe say it differently so she knows?" That would have the added benefit of opening their eyes to how much they are really eating if they really are being oblivious.

This - and suggest that they portion some off wrapped just for her, and some for 'everyone' to share during the trip.

CakeEater

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2014, 09:14:37 PM »
I have friends who might bring something tasty, say "Look at what I made you!" and we'd both enjoy it together. Its understood that its not really a gift, more like a treat for both (or all) of us. It could be just a difference in personalities/the way she expresses herself. I'd just mentally go "Okay, she says 'Look what I brought you' but she really means 'I was bumbling around in the kitchen and brought some cookies for us all to eat during my visit.'"

You might have a word with her though, since she's making your little one think that the cookies are specifically for her. Maybe say "Hey, she loves your cookies, but when you say that it makes her think they are a gift meant just for her and she gets hurt when she sees you taking them...could you maybe say it differently so she knows?" That would have the added benefit of opening their eyes to how much they are really eating if they really are being oblivious.

I agree with this. It sounds like your MIL intends for her shortbread to be a treat that everyone can share, rather than a specific gift for your DD. But unfortunately, whether she means to or not, she's implying through her words that it's a specific gift for DD.
I think you'd be fine in putting a piece or two aside for DD. You can even explain to MIL that you're doing this because DD loves MIL's shortbread so much and you don't want her to miss out.

I agree - I suspect that MIL saying, 'I made these for you', actually means, 'I made these for all of us to eat, but I chose to make shortbread because you like it so much, rather than any of the other things I could have made.'

I want to revise my wording form earlier to, 'Ohh, DD, Grandma made these for you! Let's put away some for you specially, and you can offer Grandma and Grandpas some to share now - won't that be nice!' Makes DD more 'in charge' of her 'gift'. And tells G&G that the other container isn't for them.

Then hide the DD portion.

CL32

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Re: Eating a present you gave someone
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2014, 10:05:02 PM »
No, that's pretty rude. I would parcel out some cookies for DD and hide them, so she's sure to get some.

I agree. Grab a few pieces, put them in a container, and hide them where MIL won't find them. If the ILs eat the rest, DD will still have her stash.