Author Topic: please bring food  (Read 7298 times)

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veronaz

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #15 on: February 22, 2014, 11:07:03 AM »
I dunno, SamiHami, I got some really big fluffy bath towels and washcloths from Walmart (yep) awhile back.  They are AWESOME.  <Darn, should have asked you to buy them for me....> :D

But seriously, OP, I'd just ignore.  There is no obligation.

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #16 on: February 22, 2014, 03:12:06 PM »
A co-worker is constantly in some sort of financial crisis.  They are always of her own making. 

About a month ago, her car broke down and is going to cost a far amount to get fixed.  Of course, she has no money.  Our boss generously lent her a company truck so she could get back and forth to work while saving up the money to get her car fixed.

About two weeks later, she brought in pictures of bridesmaid dress' for her foster daughters wedding.  And told everyone she paid for them!!!!  End of company vehicle.

She had to rent a car.  Now her electricity had been shut off for non-payment.  Guess that's how she's paying for the car.

No one has ever even suggested taking up a collection for her.  Thankfully they know better.

I know someone very similar to this.  She only works part-time, took an apartment she knew she couldn't afford, and has a lot of pets and a lot of expensive hobbies.

She's constantly complaining about how broke she is, how she's in debt, how she only makes $XXXX a month and her rent is all but $200 of that, etc etc.  I sympathise with someone down on their luck, I really do.  Heck, I'm there myself right now.  But the thing is, she was offered a fulltime job with better pay and benefits, stocking shelves at night, so no customers (she claims the stress caused by customers makes it impossible for her to work retail).  She claimed this night-stocking job was "too stressful" and turned it down, and so has only a part-time job.  She turned down a cheaper apartment; when she was moving she had the choice between a 1-bedroom for $700 a month, and a 2-bedroom for $1200 a month.  Even  though she freely admitted she couldn't afford the larger one for more than a couple months, she took it anyways, sure that she'd be able to find a room mate.  But the thing is, she's a slob.  She has a bunch of birds that she doesn't properly clean up after, a cat with litterbox issues, and she collects expensive things associated with her various hobbies, which she devotes more time an energy to than she does to her responsibilities.  And for some reason she's always shocked and upset when potential room mates see the place and decline, move in and end up leaving soon after, or landlords won't renew leases. She never seems to understand why she never gets security deposits back, even partial ones. Personally I think she has more issues than Rolling Stone.

Her latest thing is that she started up a crowdfunding campaign people can donate to so they can pay her bills and debts off for her.  Really?? She might as well be panhandling on the street!  I didn't hear anything about it after the initial posting on FB linking to the gofundme page where she is soliciting donations, so I think that campaign may have been a (really unsurprising) failure.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2014, 03:15:24 PM by GreenEyedHawk »
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sweetonsno

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #17 on: February 22, 2014, 03:33:09 PM »
My coworker broke her foot and will be out for a while.
One of our coworkers sent out an email asking for dinners and desserts.
I don't want to supply a dinner or dessert.
How do I gracefully decline?

Some information that might be relevant:
She is married, so dual income.
Has tons of paid time off, never takes time off, so no loss of income.
Has a 25 year old and a Senior in high school living at home who can help, and her husband does all the housework and cooks all the meals.

If you don't want to help, you just ignore the request. If you get a repeat or direct email, just say something along the lines of "Sorry, but I can't contribute at the moment… please send Broken Foot my best, though."

I don't think that the additional information is really all that relevant.  Sometimes, a kind gesture is just that… a kind gesture. It isn't necessarily that someone is in dire straits and relying upon the kindness of others. Coworker 1 has had a bit of bad luck. Coworker 2 wants to do something nice for her. That's all.

lollylegs

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #18 on: February 22, 2014, 09:21:01 PM »
It doesn't sound like the co-worker was voluntelling, she just asked her co-workers if they'd be interested in contributing. The OP isn't so doesn't need to respond.

I agree with sweetonsno, sometimes a kind gesture is just a kind gesture and there's nothing about this one that seems tacky or egregarious to me.

Lynn2000

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #19 on: February 22, 2014, 09:30:07 PM »
I guess I took from the OP that the email was pushy in some way, like assuming that of course everyone was going to help, they just needed to specify how, to this person who had designated herself the leader. I would find that annoying. But, I admit that's reading a lot into a very short post. ;)

Either way, doesn't matter, my advice is still to just ignore the email if the OP doesn't want to participate.
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laughtermed

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #20 on: February 24, 2014, 09:53:53 PM »
It's best to ignore the request in the first place. Hopefully no one will ask why you're not contributing.

Once on my own I made a  take-out dinner for a coworker whose wife just had their second baby. The oldest was barely two. I told him  that as Mom & Dad they probably deserved a gift more. They really enjoyed it.

Another time a coworker's spouse was dying of cancer. We collected money to provide gifts for her children.

If requests are few and far between and not voluntelling, people are more likely to help out.

JoW

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #21 on: February 24, 2014, 10:29:22 PM »
I spent several months on crutches in '85.  Cooking while on crutches is not easy.  Which is why I bought take-out food nearly every evening. 

If the family was lower income, could not afford to puchase pre-made food, I would consider delivering food to them.  With my cooking ability it would be something purchased already assembled and ready to cook, but thats a separate issue.  It sounds to me like this family can afford to buy that pre-made food, and the other adult in the family can pick it up, bring it home, and cook it.  In this case I would quietly opt-out, too. 

jaxsue

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #22 on: February 25, 2014, 10:50:11 AM »
This thread reminds me of a family in a former church. Having grown up in a church setting (dad was a preacher), I was used to the concept. Problem is, this family milked it to death. For one thing, the mom/wife was a drama queen, always having a crisis which she openly shared with whoever would listen. She was having a routine medical procedure in this case, and the family (husband and 2 teenage DDs) had a list a mile long as to personal tastes and restrictions (older DD was vegan, dad won't eat this, other DD won't eat that). We were being told to provide 4 distinctly different meals! They can have whatever makes them happy, that's not the issue. The issue was that they put so many limitations on people that it was ridiculous. And every crisis, which seemed non-stop, required catering.

Needless to say, people got tired of this family pretty quickly, and more and more people refused to provide their meals.

MyFamily

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #23 on: February 25, 2014, 11:42:52 AM »
I have to be honest, I'm very much put off by the tone of the OP's post, as well as some of the replies.  Someone wants to do something nice for a coworker.  There are a lot of assumptions about the family situation - so what if DH always makes dinner, maybe his wife always does the shopping and since he has to do that, and make dinner plus the other things the wife normally contributes to the running of the household, it is a stressful time for them.  Sure, they can do it, but some help would be appreciated.

My neighbor broke her leg a couple of weeks ago.  I've brought her dinner a couple of times, we've helped with a few errands, etc.  Yes, others in her family can and are doing a lot for her, but it is harder for them and we are trying to help.  Another friend's mother just died after weeks of hospice care.  Her husband is basically retired and she has 3 high school age children who are very nice and do a lot in general around the house.  I volunteered to bring her dinner, but so many of us had volunteered by the time I'd tried to sign up, there were no dates left.  She didn't need the dinners, but having people do this provided comfort. 

This type of thing is about more than just meeting a need - it is about saying you care and want to help during a difficult time.  Not wanting to do it is fine, but being put off that someone even asked for another person - well, as long as they aren't abusing the kindness being offered, I think this reaction is over-the-top and unnecessary.  I hope there is more to this than the OP posted but based on what was posted, I fail to see why it was so wrong for the coworker to coordinate this for the woman with the broken foot.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol

TootsNYC

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #24 on: February 25, 2014, 11:47:21 AM »
Quote
Not wanting to do it is fine, but being put off that someone even asked for another person -


I think that the person was wrong to ask.

it's great she wants to do something nice; she doesn't even need a reason.

But when she turns to someone else who does -not- have a connection to that person, she's now talking "charity" and not "a kind gesture from a friend."

And she needs to have a pretty good reason.

There's a reason that bridal/baby shower guests are supposed to be from a close circle of people--to ask for things on someone else's behalf turns them into a charity case--UNLESS you are so close that loving gestures are reasonable responses.

A coworker is not really someone to whom one is expected to want to make a loving gesture. Not in general, not unless there is a strong friendship on top of the coworker one. So that makes this a charity appeal, and it's not a strong enough case.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #25 on: February 25, 2014, 11:55:54 AM »
As long as the email wasn't pushy, I don't have a problem with the initial request.  Those who wish to help out can and those who don't wish to help out don't have to.  As long as there is no pressure as to why one didn't step up to provide a meal.

If you want to provide something, great.  If you are going to resent it, I wouldn't do it.

There are a few people at work to whom I'd gladly take a meal.  There are others where it would not make me feel good to do that, so I wouldn't.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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MsApril

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #26 on: February 25, 2014, 02:26:24 PM »
Copied and pasted form the email:
"I am not sure about her recovery plan, but as soon as she lets me know, I will let you know!  I would like to put together some meals for her family next week if anyone is interested.  I could drop them off on my way home.  Her husband, Mark is home on vacation time this week."

I think the reason that it is bothering me is because the person who sent the email out had a situation and we collected money and meals for her, even bought her family a new clothes dryer.
I had surgery and nobody brought me and my son meals.
I've recently had a death and nobody said anything.

Perhaps it's sour grapes on my part.
if anyone remembers the Secret Santa issue I posted, the person who's name I drew is the person who who broke her foot, and would probably throw the food away any way.

BeagleMommy

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #27 on: February 25, 2014, 02:33:20 PM »
It's funny that this is coming up right now.  I'm scheduled for my third shoulder surgery next month and was asked by a coworker who was going to be doing the cooking while I was laid up.

Me:  Oh, DH and DS (the chef) will be doing most of the cooking.  My mom is coming the first week of my recovery to help out and she usually brings a lasagne or meatloaf or something.
CW:  Really?  I was assuming you'd be eating a lot of takeout and thought I might ask people in the office to contribute a few meals.
Me:  That's really kind of you, but we have it covered.  Thanks.

It never occurred to me that someone would just assume I needed help with meals.

OP, you are not obligated to contribute.  Especially if you are not close with the person.

lowspark

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #28 on: February 25, 2014, 02:37:35 PM »
Copied and pasted form the email:
"I am not sure about her recovery plan, but as soon as she lets me know, I will let you know!  I would like to put together some meals for her family next week if anyone is interested.  I could drop them off on my way home.  Her husband, Mark is home on vacation time this week."

I think the reason that it is bothering me is because the person who sent the email out had a situation and we collected money and meals for her, even bought her family a new clothes dryer.
I had surgery and nobody brought me and my son meals.
I've recently had a death and nobody said anything.

Perhaps it's sour grapes on my part.
if anyone remembers the Secret Santa issue I posted, the person who's name I drew is the person who who broke her foot, and would probably throw the food away any way.

I've bolded the key words. To me, that means, reply if you're interested, ignore if not.


MyFamily

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Re: please bring food
« Reply #29 on: February 25, 2014, 02:44:58 PM »
Copied and pasted form the email:
"I am not sure about her recovery plan, but as soon as she lets me know, I will let you know!  I would like to put together some meals for her family next week if anyone is interested.  I could drop them off on my way home.  Her husband, Mark is home on vacation time this week."

I think the reason that it is bothering me is because the person who sent the email out had a situation and we collected money and meals for her, even bought her family a new clothes dryer.
I had surgery and nobody brought me and my son meals.
I've recently had a death and nobody said anything.

Perhaps it's sour grapes on my part.
if anyone remembers the Secret Santa issue I posted, the person who's name I drew is the person who who broke her foot, and would probably throw the food away any way.

There is more behind your response to the email than just the what you shared in your OP, and you need to recognize and own it and acknowledge there is nothing wrong with how you feel.  I can understand why you are hurt and upset about the email, but it really has more to do with the inequity of being there to help during difficult times, and not to do with the actual request in of itself.  I am one who likes to make meals for people during times like this and I would feel the same as you if I was in a similar situation.


"The test of good manners is to be patient with bad ones" - Solomon ibn Gabirol