Author Topic: Feeling like our events are less important than others....  (Read 18664 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5755
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #45 on: February 28, 2014, 10:24:37 AM »
So for 7 people (out of about 12 who could come) to up and all leave really before we did anything, really put a kink in the plans.

Does this mean that 7 relatives and 5 friends came to the party total? How many were you expecting?

edited because I forgot the word relatives!
« Last Edit: February 28, 2014, 10:57:10 AM by TurtleDove »

secretrebel

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1023
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #46 on: February 28, 2014, 10:50:14 AM »
To me, it almost sounds like the equivalent of the sweet girl who plans a quaint little party for some friends.  Then the mean girl who is jealous of her plans a much more elaborate party later, for the same day, and tries to upstage the sweet girl.  And of course, the mean girl's party would be THE place to go that even sweet girl's friends don't want to miss it.  So they ditch sweet girl's party.

Was there a movie about this b/c it sounds really familiar?

It happened in Teen Witch. I'm sure it must have been used in other movies too.

Free Range Hippy Chick

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 635
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #47 on: February 28, 2014, 10:56:30 AM »
I am shocked that a 14 year old girl would be "disappointed" that old relatives didn't swim and boat with her and her friends.

I was 14 once.  At that age, I tried to pretend that my parents didn't exist.  If I had to acknowledge them, I certainly wasn't going to pay any attention to some old aunt or grandma - especially when my friends were around. IMO, kid parties should be for kids.

I think the 14 year old was disappointed because her cousins had to leave with the "old people", so she couldn't swim and boat with family members her age.

Well not all kids are like that. I've never felt need to pretend my parents didn't exist. And I've always liked my grandparents and aunts, spending time with them was not chore. In our family it has been quite common to have a "family party" and then the "school friends party" if needed, though.

I don't think it would necessarily matter whether the 14yo wanted the relatives there or not. 14 is quite old enough to understand that they said they would come, and then bailed for a 'better' offer, that the structure of her party had to be rearranged to allow them to do that, and to grasp the inference that her birthday isn't important to them and that by extension she isn't important. That would be insulting even if she hadn't cared, to begin with, whether they came or not. It's actually more insulting than not coming at all, in my opinion.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5755
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #48 on: February 28, 2014, 11:01:28 AM »
I think time of day and weather factors in as well.  Also what is typical for this particular family. 

As I said, it would be really weird for a birthday party to last longer than an hour or so in my family. A cocktail anniversary party would last 3-4 hours, but no one would really be expected to be there that entire time.  A family only dinner would probably last longer, but that would be in the evening at someone's house and for a small number of people and only family.  If it were me, and I were an older relative (as opposed to a similarly aged cousin), I would assume that if the birthday girl invited friends she would want to enjoy the activities with those friends.

etiquettenut

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 311
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #49 on: February 28, 2014, 12:49:02 PM »
I think time of day and weather factors in as well.  Also what is typical for this particular family. 

As I said, it would be really weird for a birthday party to last longer than an hour or so in my family. A cocktail anniversary party would last 3-4 hours, but no one would really be expected to be there that entire time.  A family only dinner would probably last longer, but that would be in the evening at someone's house and for a small number of people and only family.  If it were me, and I were an older relative (as opposed to a similarly aged cousin), I would assume that if the birthday girl invited friends she would want to enjoy the activities with those friends.

With no evidence other than experience, I would venture a guess that is abnormal rather than the norm for most people. It would be extremely strange to me to attend a birthday party that lasted less than an hour, family-party or friends-party. I've never really even heard of that, to be honest.

Kariachi

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 334
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #50 on: February 28, 2014, 12:50:08 PM »
I think time of day and weather factors in as well.  Also what is typical for this particular family. 

As I said, it would be really weird for a birthday party to last longer than an hour or so in my family. A cocktail anniversary party would last 3-4 hours, but no one would really be expected to be there that entire time.  A family only dinner would probably last longer, but that would be in the evening at someone's house and for a small number of people and only family.  If it were me, and I were an older relative (as opposed to a similarly aged cousin), I would assume that if the birthday girl invited friends she would want to enjoy the activities with those friends.

While in my family parties, all parties, start between 2 and 5 in the afternoon and last until the last person goes home, generally around 11 for locals and 5 for relatives. So leaving after an hour? For a "better" event? You wouldn't be invited back to anything.

I'm also having a bit of trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that apparently swimming and a boat ride are expected to be overly strenuous? I mean, yeah, water skiing I can understand but a boat ride? That's like, the second least strenuous water activity I can think of just behind sitting on the beach with a drink, and just above swimming.
"Heh. Forgive our manners, little creature that we may well kill and eat you is no excuse for rudeness."

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10957
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #51 on: February 28, 2014, 01:58:23 PM »
I am shocked that a 14 year old girl would be "disappointed" that old relatives didn't swim and boat with her and her friends.

I was 14 once.  At that age, I tried to pretend that my parents didn't exist.  If I had to acknowledge them, I certainly wasn't going to pay any attention to some old aunt or grandma - especially when my friends were around. IMO, kid parties should be for kids.

When I was 14, while I didn't like spending time with my parents, I did enjoy being around extended family so I can buy that the daughter was disappointed.

We've stopped having big parties for our older two boys because we didn't get enough attendance, so we just started doing things like taking them to movies, or bowling as a family, or just something to celebrate. I felt bad for them when they'd invite a bunch of kids and either we'd get no rspvs but for one or no kids would show up at all.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5755
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #52 on: February 28, 2014, 02:12:56 PM »
I'm also having a bit of trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that apparently swimming and a boat ride are expected to be overly strenuous? I mean, yeah, water skiing I can understand but a boat ride? That's like, the second least strenuous water activity I can think of just behind sitting on the beach with a drink, and just above swimming.

I don't personally think either are overly strenuous, but if the party consisted of 30 teenage kids and 5 people over age 60 I certainly would not expect the 60 year olds to be on the boat, assuming limited space.  That would be just weird to me.  But probably I am just envisioning a different type of party than the OP actually threw.

Regardless, like I said, I think it just depends how the family expects to interact and who specifically is at the party.  I haven't seen this confirmed, but I thought the OP has now said that there were 7 family members (who left after an hour) and 5 friends (who stayed), which already is a very different situation than I initially thought it would be.  I had envisioned a much larger party.

Runningstar

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 254
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #53 on: February 28, 2014, 02:32:33 PM »
. At that point, DD was not Guest of Honor, more like Guest of Obligation. and that hurts.

 
Guest of Obligation - that really gets to the point of it for me.  Parties are a lot of work and planning.

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15852
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #54 on: February 28, 2014, 02:40:54 PM »
Quote
While in my family parties, all parties, start between 2 and 5 in the afternoon and last until the last person goes home, generally around 11 for locals and 5 for relatives. So leaving after an hour? For a "better" event? You wouldn't be invited back to anything.

That says it for me. 

When one takes the trouble to plan a party, prepare food, and invite people in advance anyone who pulls this stunt for something planned after mine never gets invited again, especially if it has become a repeat behavior.

TurtleDove

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5755
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #55 on: February 28, 2014, 02:52:36 PM »
I am a bit torn here because it seems that what the inlaws did is standard for their family.  It would be for mine too. I don't mean that it is standard to leave one event for another, but rather than it would be really weird to have a "long" birthday party and to get upset that someone didn't stay for several hours, especially when it was a friends party too and not just family. 

I think that is why even though I can understand the OP being hurt and upset I don't think I would take it personally or as a sign that DD's birthday party was "less important" than the other events.

tinkytinky

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 412
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #56 on: February 28, 2014, 03:06:04 PM »
I am a bit torn here because it seems that what the inlaws did is standard for their family.  It would be for mine too. I don't mean that it is standard to leave one event for another, but rather than it would be really weird to have a "long" birthday party and to get upset that someone didn't stay for several hours, especially when it was a friends party too and not just family. 

I think that is why even though I can understand the OP being hurt and upset I don't think I would take it personally or as a sign that DD's birthday party was "less important" than the other events.

I see where you are coming from, however, I DO see it as a sign that the birthday party was seen as less important. The party was planned 3 months in advance with confirmation reminders going out 1 month in advance. a week after the reminder went out, a better opportunity came along. While it was ok that the inlaws showed up, it was hurtful that they only stayed for an hour, rushed thing along so they could leave. They knew the plans for the party in advance, and were aware that it wasn't an hour long party because it was at the lake. Going to a party at the lake in July would probably be considered by most people an all day, or at least all afternoon event. They had committed to an event well in advance and either sent their regrets or shorted their time at the SECOND event (that they were spending the majority of the day at the second event means that it was possible to spend a while longer at the first event, they chose not to.)

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

etiquettenut

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 311
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #57 on: February 28, 2014, 03:18:41 PM »
I am a bit torn here because it seems that what the inlaws did is standard for their family.  It would be for mine too. I don't mean that it is standard to leave one event for another, but rather than it would be really weird to have a "long" birthday party and to get upset that someone didn't stay for several hours, especially when it was a friends party too and not just family. 

I think that is why even though I can understand the OP being hurt and upset I don't think I would take it personally or as a sign that DD's birthday party was "less important" than the other events.

I see where you are coming from, however, I DO see it as a sign that the birthday party was seen as less important. The party was planned 3 months in advance with confirmation reminders going out 1 month in advance. a week after the reminder went out, a better opportunity came along. While it was ok that the inlaws showed up, it was hurtful that they only stayed for an hour, rushed thing along so they could leave. They knew the plans for the party in advance, and were aware that it wasn't an hour long party because it was at the lake. Going to a party at the lake in July would probably be considered by most people an all day, or at least all afternoon event. They had committed to an event well in advance and either sent their regrets or shorted their time at the SECOND event (that they were spending the majority of the day at the second event means that it was possible to spend a while longer at the first event, they chose not to.)

This has been bothering me too. I would think the anniversary party would be an evening event whereas a birthday party on a lake would be a day event. It really seems like they purposely chose to spend as much time as possible at the anniversary, while spending as little time as possible at the birthday. At least, it would seem like that to me.

I completely agree that if they really couldn't say no to the second event, THAT is the one that they should have sacrificed the time at. Not the event they committed to 3 months prior. Especially when I see both events as the same - a party.

Frankly, I think the in-law's actions were really distasteful.

livluvlaf

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 979
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #58 on: February 28, 2014, 03:24:11 PM »
We are often put into the double booked situation, so i can relate to Grandma's side.

DH's parent's have been divorced for +30yrs, although still a tad bitter.

MIL's birthday is one day apart from SIL's birthday (on FIL's side). As much as we try to avoid it, there have been years where the birthdays are hosted on the same day - and we try to accommodate both.  It doesn't matter how long we spend at the first party (all afternoon) as we are putting our coats on to attend the other function ... the first party is annoyed we are leaving them to visit with "the enemy". Doesn't matter how much we explain in advance. DH is an only child, and thus 50% of both celebrations.

Same thing with every holiday ... It's exhausting!

It was your Aunt who was rude to not send proper invites to your family, and she made it awkward by choosing the same date to host her party. OTOH - summer weekends book up quickly, so maybe it was the only weekend available for them also. Unless she has a history of deliberately trying to steal thunder from others, I wouldn't consider her malicious. And Grandma was merely trying to please both parties. Unless she makes a habit of double booking herself for your family's functions ... I wouldn't consider her rude.

jedikaiti

  • Swiss Army Nerd
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2723
  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: Feeling like our events are less important than others....
« Reply #59 on: February 28, 2014, 03:35:30 PM »
I disagree. Grandma definitely WAS rude. She could very well have said "Oh, I'm sorry, I already committed to Grandkid's Birthday." Or she could have gone late (later?) to the anniversary party. Instead, she (well, they, since there were others involved) decided that not only were they not going to put in more than a token appearance at Birthday, but that the Birthday events (cake, gifts, etc) had to be rushed since they were taking most of the attendees with them. So in effect, they cut short Grandkid's birthday party because they got a better offer well after they committed to the first event.

Lack of a spine does not exempt or excuse rudeness.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture