Author Topic: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding  (Read 8258 times)

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LtPowers

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #60 on: March 02, 2014, 05:43:29 PM »
2. I don't believe that utilising a service which is available is akin to a complaint about what is offered.
3. I think the contract is overthinking things.  The hosts are not responsbile for drnk sold at the bar.  Each purchase of a drink is a separate contract with the paying guest.

To be fair, this is a bit of a different situation than the one I'm thinking of.  It's one thing for guests to wander away from the reception and find an open bar within the same facility from which they can order drinks.  It's another thing entirely for the hosts to set up a bar within the reception venue and simply charge their guests for access to it.


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katycoo

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #61 on: March 02, 2014, 11:10:52 PM »
UK here. I've been to a lot of weddings in my life, and none had free drinks. Where I'm from, it's considered the norm to have a "cash bar". Meals or buffet are included, but not drinks. Apart from the one glass of sparkling wine/champagne for the toast.

How odd.  Is that just for weddings, or for any hosted event?  If you are invited to someone's home, do they expect you to stop by a liquor store ahead of time and bring your own booze?  Or do they hire a bartender for the evening who brings her own cash register?

Honestly, it is the norm for people to take their own drinks, yes (in Oz).  Or at least wine to share.  This is for casual social dinners.  Noone I know hosts formal dinner parties.

katycoo

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #62 on: March 02, 2014, 11:12:34 PM »
2. I don't believe that utilising a service which is available is akin to a complaint about what is offered.
3. I think the contract is overthinking things.  The hosts are not responsbile for drnk sold at the bar.  Each purchase of a drink is a separate contract with the paying guest.

To be fair, this is a bit of a different situation than the one I'm thinking of.  It's one thing for guests to wander away from the reception and find an open bar within the same facility from which they can order drinks.  It's another thing entirely for the hosts to set up a bar within the reception venue and simply charge their guests for access to it.

I seem to see this completely opposite to you!.  Giving the impression that you've LEFT the function in search of booze seems horribly rude IMO.

iridaceae

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #63 on: March 03, 2014, 12:38:17 AM »

Wow, I must live in a really different part of the country.  I've never been to a wedding either with a cash bar or with falling down drunks.  Guess I have been really lucky!  Hope my luck continues for a few months until my own wedding.

I have worked in hotels in the Midwest and Arizona. The guests have been from everywhere in the US. We've had bartender's shut down the bars (cash and free) an hour after the reception began because they were that drunk that fast. And yes some of these have been big society type weddings.

LtPowers

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #64 on: March 03, 2014, 10:19:31 AM »
2. I don't believe that utilising a service which is available is akin to a complaint about what is offered.
3. I think the contract is overthinking things.  The hosts are not responsbile for drnk sold at the bar.  Each purchase of a drink is a separate contract with the paying guest.

To be fair, this is a bit of a different situation than the one I'm thinking of.  It's one thing for guests to wander away from the reception and find an open bar within the same facility from which they can order drinks.  It's another thing entirely for the hosts to set up a bar within the reception venue and simply charge their guests for access to it.

I seem to see this completely opposite to you!.  Giving the impression that you've LEFT the function in search of booze seems horribly rude IMO.

Oh, yes, rude for the guests.  The former situation is rude for the hosts.


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katycoo

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #65 on: March 03, 2014, 06:50:39 PM »
2. I don't believe that utilising a service which is available is akin to a complaint about what is offered.
3. I think the contract is overthinking things.  The hosts are not responsbile for drnk sold at the bar.  Each purchase of a drink is a separate contract with the paying guest.

To be fair, this is a bit of a different situation than the one I'm thinking of.  It's one thing for guests to wander away from the reception and find an open bar within the same facility from which they can order drinks.  It's another thing entirely for the hosts to set up a bar within the reception venue and simply charge their guests for access to it.

I seem to see this completely opposite to you!.  Giving the impression that you've LEFT the function in search of booze seems horribly rude IMO.

Oh, yes, rude for the guests.  The former situation is rude for the hosts.

And that is where I disgaree.  I don't see why it is rude for the hosts to allow guests access to drinks which are external to what is provided, so long as they do provide basic beverages for the event.

LtPowers

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #66 on: March 12, 2014, 12:40:43 PM »
Because it sets up a second tier.  "Here we have the regular drinks, and here we have the exclusive drinks, access to which requires payment."  That's not proper hospitality; it's insulting.  You wouldn't dream of hosting a dinner party and charging guests for access to the liquor cabinet, would you?  So why is it okay at a large reception?


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katycoo

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #67 on: March 13, 2014, 09:28:49 PM »
Because it sets up a second tier.  "Here we have the regular drinks, and here we have the exclusive drinks, access to which requires payment."  That's not proper hospitality; it's insulting.  You wouldn't dream of hosting a dinner party and charging guests for access to the liquor cabinet, would you?  So why is it okay at a large reception?

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I disagree with your analogy.  Exclusive means not available to everyone.  A cash bar IS available to everyone, and they can choose whether or not to partake.

IMO it is more akin to someone bringing their own liquor to your dinner party because they prefer to drink scotch but know you only serve beer and wine.  I wouldn't say "No, you can't drink that because I haven't provided it" - because I don't care what they drink, so long as they have a good time at my party.  But I also don't feel obligated to cater to every preference.

Psychopoesie

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #68 on: March 13, 2014, 09:56:09 PM »
From Oz here.

The cash/non-cash bar thing hadn't really registered as an issue for me before Ehell.

Some hosts supplied bottles of wine as well soft drinks for each table. Some provided soft drinks to the tables but brought out champagne/sparkling non-alcoholic whatever for the toasts. Some had a cash bar but there was "money on the bar" to pay for drinks for guests up to a limit. Haven't been to one with drink vouchers for each guest but I do like that idea. Some just had a cash bar. Some had no alcohol available (alcohol was a no-no in the religion I grew up with). As long as I've had access something to drink (non-alcoholic/alcoholic) all was good.

I haven't felt less well hosted no matter which choice was made.

I don't have a cash register at home or need to hire a bartender.  :) It's only bigger parties like weddings, 18ths or 21sts held at formal venues that paying for alcoholic beverages at an actual bar comes up. YMMV.

Still guests do sometimes pay for their own drinks. For example, at casual dinners with some friends, if I don't BYO some wine, there won't be any because they don't drink. As a host, I make sure I have enough wine and beer when people come over for dinner. Also a couple of soft drink choices. If they want something else, they'll bring it.


CakeEater

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #69 on: March 13, 2014, 10:04:22 PM »
Because it sets up a second tier.  "Here we have the regular drinks, and here we have the exclusive drinks, access to which requires payment."  That's not proper hospitality; it's insulting.  You wouldn't dream of hosting a dinner party and charging guests for access to the liquor cabinet, would you?  So why is it okay at a large reception?

Powers  &8^]

I disagree with your analogy.  Exclusive means not available to everyone.  A cash bar IS available to everyone, and they can choose whether or not to partake.

IMO it is more akin to someone bringing their own liquor to your dinner party because they prefer to drink scotch but know you only serve beer and wine.  I wouldn't say "No, you can't drink that because I haven't provided it" - because I don't care what they drink, so long as they have a good time at my party.  But I also don't feel obligated to cater to every preference.

Yes, this is absolutely the norm here in Oz, and absolutely accepted. I can't remember having been to a party/dinner of any kind in recent years in someone's home where I haven't brought my own drinks.

Beer, wine and soft drinks are generally provided at weddings, and people can buy whatever else they would like. Completely polite and accepted here.


And, Arggh! Does anyone really eat cake, anyway? Of course they do if it tastes any good. Buy one from a supermarket like they suggest and gurarantee that people won't eat it!

CakeEater

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #70 on: March 13, 2014, 10:13:11 PM »


I don't have a cash register at home or need to hire a bartender.  :) It's only bigger parties like weddings, 18ths or 21sts held at formal venues that paying for alcoholic beverages at an actual bar comes up. YMMV.

Still guests do sometimes pay for their own drinks. For example, at casual dinners with some friends, if I don't BYO some wine, there won't be any because they don't drink. As a host, I make sure I have enough wine and beer when people come over for dinner. Also a couple of soft drink choices. If they want something else, they'll bring it.

Reading this made me think that liquor is something seen in Australia as something you are responsible for providing for yourself. It would be pretty rare that anyone would go to even the most formal dinner party expecting that the hosts would serve spirits with dinner. Beer and wine are the standard alcoholic drinks that are served to guests.

Maybe that's why we find the concept of buying spirits at a wedding perfectly acceptable - because they are usually something we provide for ourselves in all (or almost all) social situations.

violinp

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #71 on: March 13, 2014, 11:32:30 PM »


I don't have a cash register at home or need to hire a bartender.  :) It's only bigger parties like weddings, 18ths or 21sts held at formal venues that paying for alcoholic beverages at an actual bar comes up. YMMV.

Still guests do sometimes pay for their own drinks. For example, at casual dinners with some friends, if I don't BYO some wine, there won't be any because they don't drink. As a host, I make sure I have enough wine and beer when people come over for dinner. Also a couple of soft drink choices. If they want something else, they'll bring it.

Reading this made me think that liquor is something seen in Australia as something you are responsible for providing for yourself. It would be pretty rare that anyone would go to even the most formal dinner party expecting that the hosts would serve spirits with dinner. Beer and wine are the standard alcoholic drinks that are served to guests.

Maybe that's why we find the concept of buying spirits at a wedding perfectly acceptable - because they are usually something we provide for ourselves in all (or almost all) social situations.

US here: If spirits are served at someone's house, they're generally served with appetizers or after dessert (my family offers at both times, but that may not be the norm). The host/hostess provides all booze, including the spirits.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


CakeEater

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #72 on: March 13, 2014, 11:48:33 PM »


I don't have a cash register at home or need to hire a bartender.  :) It's only bigger parties like weddings, 18ths or 21sts held at formal venues that paying for alcoholic beverages at an actual bar comes up. YMMV.

Still guests do sometimes pay for their own drinks. For example, at casual dinners with some friends, if I don't BYO some wine, there won't be any because they don't drink. As a host, I make sure I have enough wine and beer when people come over for dinner. Also a couple of soft drink choices. If they want something else, they'll bring it.

Reading this made me think that liquor is something seen in Australia as something you are responsible for providing for yourself. It would be pretty rare that anyone would go to even the most formal dinner party expecting that the hosts would serve spirits with dinner. Beer and wine are the standard alcoholic drinks that are served to guests.

Maybe that's why we find the concept of buying spirits at a wedding perfectly acceptable - because they are usually something we provide for ourselves in all (or almost all) social situations.

US here: If spirits are served at someone's house, they're generally served with appetizers or after dessert (my family offers at both times, but that may not be the norm). The host/hostess provides all booze, including the spirits.

Yes, I've understaood that from my reading here. I guess therein lies the difference in attitude towards having what you guys would call a partial cash bar, and we would call normal.

purple

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #73 on: March 14, 2014, 01:05:00 AM »


I don't have a cash register at home or need to hire a bartender.  :) It's only bigger parties like weddings, 18ths or 21sts held at formal venues that paying for alcoholic beverages at an actual bar comes up. YMMV.

Still guests do sometimes pay for their own drinks. For example, at casual dinners with some friends, if I don't BYO some wine, there won't be any because they don't drink. As a host, I make sure I have enough wine and beer when people come over for dinner. Also a couple of soft drink choices. If they want something else, they'll bring it.

Reading this made me think that liquor is something seen in Australia as something you are responsible for providing for yourself. It would be pretty rare that anyone would go to even the most formal dinner party expecting that the hosts would serve spirits with dinner. Beer and wine are the standard alcoholic drinks that are served to guests.

Maybe that's why we find the concept of buying spirits at a wedding perfectly acceptable - because they are usually something we provide for ourselves in all (or almost all) social situations.

US here: If spirits are served at someone's house, they're generally served with appetizers or after dessert (my family offers at both times, but that may not be the norm). The host/hostess provides all booze, including the spirits.

Yes, I've understaood that from my reading here. I guess therein lies the difference in attitude towards having what you guys would call a partial cash bar, and we would call normal.

Maybe depends on your circle, or your actual location? Because I'm in Australia too and I wouldn't consider that drinks (spirits, beer, soft drinks or anything else) are something that guests provide for themselves.  I've never thrown a party or hosted an event where I've ever expected guests to provide anything for themselves.  I see a cash bar or a 'partial cash bar' as rude and I think most of my friends and family would too.

CakeEater

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Re: Consumerist: How not to suck at planning your wedding
« Reply #74 on: March 14, 2014, 03:56:46 AM »


I don't have a cash register at home or need to hire a bartender.  :) It's only bigger parties like weddings, 18ths or 21sts held at formal venues that paying for alcoholic beverages at an actual bar comes up. YMMV.

Still guests do sometimes pay for their own drinks. For example, at casual dinners with some friends, if I don't BYO some wine, there won't be any because they don't drink. As a host, I make sure I have enough wine and beer when people come over for dinner. Also a couple of soft drink choices. If they want something else, they'll bring it.

Reading this made me think that liquor is something seen in Australia as something you are responsible for providing for yourself. It would be pretty rare that anyone would go to even the most formal dinner party expecting that the hosts would serve spirits with dinner. Beer and wine are the standard alcoholic drinks that are served to guests.

Maybe that's why we find the concept of buying spirits at a wedding perfectly acceptable - because they are usually something we provide for ourselves in all (or almost all) social situations.

US here: If spirits are served at someone's house, they're generally served with appetizers or after dessert (my family offers at both times, but that may not be the norm). The host/hostess provides all booze, including the spirits.

Yes, I've understaood that from my reading here. I guess therein lies the difference in attitude towards having what you guys would call a partial cash bar, and we would call normal.

Maybe depends on your circle, or your actual location? Because I'm in Australia too and I wouldn't consider that drinks (spirits, beer, soft drinks or anything else) are something that guests provide for themselves.  I've never thrown a party or hosted an event where I've ever expected guests to provide anything for themselves.  I see a cash bar or a 'partial cash bar' as rude and I think most of my friends and family would too.

Must be - I've never ever at any event seen spirits provided as a matter of course, and never at a wedding.