Wedding Bliss and Blues > Ceremony

wedding ceremony - treating with respect

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I haven't attended many weddings in the last few years.   Weddings seem to come in cycles - when you are in your 20's, you are attending all your friends weddings.   Then you are done for a while.   When you reach your 50's, you are attending the weddings of these friends children.  That is where I am now - I'm going to weddings all the time it seems.

So, I've been upset by the trend I see of the wedding ceremony.   Whether you have a religious ceremony or not - this is a serious rite and should be treated with respect.  You are making vows to the person standing next to you to spend the rest of your life together.    Can you really take this seriously if your groom is dressed as Frodo?

If you want the reception to be crazy, have at it.   But I think too many brides want their weddings to be "unique", to the point of forgetting what the purpose is. 

My pet peeves:

1.  Wedding themes - Just because you both love Star Wars is no reason to have the groomsmen wearing Storm Trooper outfits.
2.  Flip flops - Maybe if it's a beach or outdoor wedding, but flip flops have no place in any house of worship.  I'm sorry, but I can't take the bride coming down the aisle to the tune of "Flip.   Flop.  Flip.  Flop".
3.  Children - I'm extremely biased against children in wedding ceremonies.   Yes, some do great and are precious, but 90% of the ones I see are not.   Does it really enhance your day to have your 3 YO cousin screaming in terror as he comes down the aisle?

I think most brides are pressured into the kids.   

Bride:  Hey, wouldn't Sparkling make a great flower girl?   Let's ask her.
MOB:  Well, if you ask sparkling you have to ask her sister as well - Whiny.
Mother in law:   Well!   If you are going to have kids in the wedding, you HAVE to have my 2 precious grand children - Bashful and SuperHyperActive.

So, Sparkling performs like a little champ.  Meanwhile,whiny cries the whole way, and SHA turns flips while dragging her sibling Bashful, who's trying to hide.

Okay - this is just my 2 cents.   Please take the wedding ceremony seriously.   It's much more important than the reception.

I get where you are coming from.  In DH's family (where it seems like we are still going to at least 2-3 weddings a year), all weddings are held in the Eastern Orthodox church.  For good or bad, there is no option for customizing the ceremony and depending on the church, there are a lot of rules on what bridal parties can and cannot do.  Once you get outside of the four walls of the church, you can do what you like for the reception. 

To the outsider, it may seem stifling and old-fashioned, but I like the respect it shows the ceremony, your spouse and your guests who are there to share in the ceremony with you.

I agree about respecting sacred places and the dress code they deserve, and the decorum too.
But if it's not a religious ceremony there's not much that can be said about whether a couple is less serious when they are dressed as star bellied sneetchees or in a 3 piece evening suit.
The ceremony doesn't always reflect how serious the relationship will be, how long it will last, how committed the couple is.
Maybe bride and groom meet at a Dr Seuss convention and this passion define everything in their life, why not incorporate it.

As for the kids, you invite who you invite and live with the consequences. You don't always have the choice and end up cringing, or you don't care and are perfectly happy to have a crying nephew because you love him or the presence of his parents are very important for you.
If you don't invite kids because they can be a nuisance, do you also leave out a relative you love with a mental disability prone to have a meltdown or do you accommodate?

Two Ravens:

--- Quote from: goldilocks on February 26, 2014, 09:00:24 AM ---So, I've been upset by the trend I see of the wedding ceremony.   Whether you have a religious ceremony or not - this is a serious rite and should be treated with respect.  You are making vows to the person standing next to you to spend the rest of your life together.    Can you really take this seriously if your groom is dressed as Frodo?
--- End quote ---

My opinion is "Sure, of course you can."

If someone is a serious cosplayer, that Frodo outfit is probably more "them" than a rented tuxedo ever will be.

I mean, I have seem solemn marriages formalized by an archbishop that devolved into extremely bitter, acrimonious divorces quickly, and lighthearted weddings on beaches formalized by a friend who got his ordination off the internet going on strong +10 years. I don't think your wedding attire has anything to do with how seriously you take your vows.

Well, if these things are happening in a church, then the church is allowing them to happen. I guess if the church doesn't think it is disrespectful, then who am I to judge?

Goldilocks--it isn't that I disagree with you. I've been to at least one wedding where the theme overtook everything, and I do think that bridesmaids in costumes is a bit over the top in church.

Theme the pre-wedding activities, theme the reception, but tone it down a bit for the wedding if it is in a church. If you are getting married in a secular venue, then do whatever you want.

Flip-flops? Well, if you can't see them, or they go with the dress, I'd internally roll my eyes but say nothing. And wonder if, 20 years later, how the bride would feel about the flip-flops in her wedding pictures. But not the hugest issue. And I know one bride who had to wear sneakers because of foot surgery a month before the wedding. She bedazzled them.

As for kids in weddings, for really young children, I think you have to be prepared for them to freak out moments before the walk down the aisle starts, and be prepared to pull them out of the procession. That's what's happened in various weddings I've attended--you see a parent sneaking down the side aisle with a small, dressed-up moppet in their arms as the bride starts down the aisle.

But again, if the church allows Star Wars costumes, then I guess you have to let them pass. Most of the weddings I attend are in Catholic churches, and there has been a clear movement in recent years to eliminate secular music during the wedding ceremony. Decorating has always pretty much been limited to floral arrangements on the altar and the pew ends. Since the altar arrangements are left there for the weekend's Masses, they have to be appropriate for a church service. At most Catholic churches, the couple has to meet with someone (either a priest or someone in charge of weddings and other sacraments) and I'm pretty sure that guidelines about what is and isn't allowed are set out plainly during the meetings.

You have the reception to dress in fun outfits and carry out any themes that you'd like. When two professional skiers got married, they had the reception at a restaurant on the slopes of a ski resort--we all had to take the ski lift up there. The bride and groom on the wedding cake were skiing figurines with a little veil added to the woman's head, and the cake was shaped like a mountain, that sort of thing. But the wedding itself was in a church and properly respectful.


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