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Author Topic: wedding ceremony - treating with respect  (Read 13387 times)

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LadyClaire

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #15 on: February 26, 2014, 10:35:05 AM »
Keep in mind that I'm just stating my opinion.   Until they elect me to "Queen of all wedding decisions", brides and grooms may do as they please.  And I'm all for whatever craziness you want at the reception.  I just believe the actual ceremony (religious or not), is exactly that, a ceremony.   And I do wonder if the brides and grooms look back at some of the "uniqueness" of their ceremonies several years later and cringe.

And no, the wedding itself doesn't determine the length of the wedding, as we all know.

I know a couple who had a pirate themed wedding 15 years ago, and no, they don't look back and cringe. I also know couples who had a BWW who look back and think "why did I get so crazy with the fanciness and the traditional trappings? I wish we'd done what we really wanted to for the wedding".

Wearing a costume or having a theme doesn't mean the ceremony isn't being taken seriously or means any less to the bride and groom. It's a ceremony, yes, but it's a ceremony that joins two people together for the rest of their lives, and some people find meaning in different things than others do.

LadyL

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #16 on: February 26, 2014, 10:40:22 AM »
Having a ceremony that has humorous or whimsical elements does not mean it is less serious to the couple or less respectful of the rite of marriage. I got married in a movie theater and had a secular ceremony full of humor and irreverence. For example, our officiant read a "mad libs" version of a traditional wedding blessing with words supplied by our wedding party - it was something like "promise to each other that you will always be bulbous and boisterous, and build a life full of chitty chitty bang bang." Anyone who knows us, knows that we are not a "one size fits all" couple and so it was a clever and funny way to show our personalities by turning a "one size fits all" blessing into some semi-absurdist humor.

 Although we did not have a *solemn* ceremony it was serious for us because making a lifelong commitment to each other in front of our friends and family was the main motivation for our wedding. Legally/religious-wise we would have both been fine with a city hall ceremony. But to us, the seriousness was standing in front of all those who care about us and making promises to each other. Just because we did it in a gown and tux doesn't make us any more serious/respectful than a couple who did it dressed like beauty and the beast or whoever.


Carotte

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #17 on: February 26, 2014, 10:41:08 AM »
Some brides don't like heels, or dress shoes, heck I'm considering walking down the aisle in a pair of chucks (we will be rocking them at the reception, haven't decided for the actual ceremony).

(you can custom a pair on converse website and they'll print up to 8 characters on the body or on the heel strip + any combination of color and print possible).
Personally I'd go with the wedding date or initials :)

Team HoundMom

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #18 on: February 26, 2014, 10:43:27 AM »
I think it is unkind to assume that just because a couple wants to have a little fun that they are somehow not treating the wedding seriously.

I agree.

If two people love each other, and share a mutual passion for something, and it plays a big enough role in their lives and relationship that they choose to incorporate it into their wedding, then I think more power to them. They're celebrating each other, and something that they enjoy together, and if it's that meaningful to them then why not have their wedding in that theme? As long as they're not doing anything offensive or making unreasonable demands of their guests or the venue, then I see no issue with it.

Just because it personally offends *you* doesn't make it wrong.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I was married under the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign in what was the wedding I had dreamed for since I was a little kid.  We had all our parents and 2 best friends each there and the ceremony part was full of joking and laughter, just like my husband and I are.  It was absolutely perfect.

I don't offend easily but I *would* get offended if anybody made disparaging remarks about how we got married.  IMO the ceremony is just for show, the marriage itself is what's important.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #19 on: February 26, 2014, 10:50:37 AM »
I disagree. Some people aren't comfortable in "fancy" clothes. For some people putting on a tux is more being in costume then putting on what you would see as an actual costume. Some brides don't like heels, or dress shoes, heck I'm considering walking down the aisle in a pair of chucks (we will be rocking them at the reception, haven't decided for the actual ceremony).

You don't like it for your wedding. Which is fine. But it's not your wedding. Yes, marriage is a serious commitment. But just because it's serious doesn't mean it can't also be fun.

I think you might do well to visit this website: www.offbeatbride.com and read some stories about why some couples do such odd off beat ceremonies. Usually there's a loving story or reason behind them. They're expressing who they are on a day when they unite with another person for the rest of their life, they should be truest to themselves at their very core.

Even it if it doesn't "look" right.


I know you are getting married soon, Glitter and best wishes.   I'm really not trying to tell anyone what to do/not to do, just stating my opinion.  I don't know what chucks are.  I think my point was more to the point of - letting the "theme" become more important than anything else.  Or letting your desire for Uniqueness get away from you.  It also doesn't work if your partner doesn't share your love of Star Wars, and you push them into the storm trooper bridesmaids, because it's so important to you.   this obviously goes for a lot of other things as well - pushing your partner into a huge wedding that freaks them out, insisting on vegetarian meals when your partner loves steak, etc.

And I probably sound like an old fogey (I'm 50 this year).  I just prefer to see the ceremony more formal and serious.   Save Frodo and the Orcs for the reception.

Chucks are short hand for Converse shoes, so kind of sneaker style. You can customize them on line with certain colors which is what we're planning on doing.

You shouldn't insist your partner do something they don't want to do, I agree. A wedding should symbolize both of you. But...what if your partner doesn't want formal and serious? What if your partner loathes tuxes? Or big fancy gowns (right here! hate them for myself, wearing a knee length vintage look)? Is it ok to force them into those choices because they are seen as more socially acceptable? Most people I've heard who have had theme weddings, have both wanted them. Usually it's something they enjoy together.

And why does dressing up as Frodo mean you aren't taking the vows seriously? Frodo and Oracs can be very serious. I think. I was never much on LOTR, way too long for me. But hey, Partner has suggested we put a Tardis cut out behind where our officiant will stand and I'm very much for it. Especially after said officiant said "What if we make it so I'm dressed as one of the doctors and step out of it", so that very well might be a thing. Why? Well, Partner loves Doctor Who and finally convinced me to watch it and now of course I love it too, so it's something we share together. I'm also trying to work in the poem from 10 Things I Hate About You. It's not especially romantic. It's from a teen film. But it's also the movie Partner put on to cheer me up when I was sick...and then watched umpteen million times while sick because it was the only thing that made me happy. Pretty sure that was the day I decided I'd marry her.

See, these are important. They aren't just for the sake of being weird. Trust me everyone is perfectly aware of how weird we are. These things were defining moments in our relationship, they were important to us. Partner was so happy when I started watching Doctor Who, because finally we could share this show with each other. And having someone take care of me when I was sick, watching a movie on an endless loop because it made me happy, honey that's love. And having a Tardis cut out and a not so serious loving poem read are little ways to work these important moments into our ceremony.

Having 1 Corinthains 13:4-7 read at our wedding is meaningless to us. It's often read at weddings. It's fairly traditional. It's serious. And it's fine if you want it read. But it means nothing to us. So to us, reading it is as silly as having Frodo is to you.

Carotte

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #20 on: February 26, 2014, 10:58:05 AM »
As for looking back and cringing at the pictures, who doesn't do that?
From the sulky teenager picture, the bad hairdo for the prom, the rented baby blue with ruffles tux you or your date wore, that time you wore stripes and polka dots to a job interview...
It's not the outfit that really matters, or even the theme of the ceremony, it's what you did from that point onward (or how much fun you had at prom, or that you didn't get the job but that was because they already had someone and you learned from that mistake..).
So what if you end up thinking you look silly in your wedding picture, how much does it matter in the end if you've had a successful marriage?

/ on a side note, Glitters wedding sound fantastic, and if I end up getting married I'll hide a sonic screwdriver in my bouquet ^^/

goldilocks

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #21 on: February 26, 2014, 10:59:10 AM »
You certainly don't have to have a formal setting.   I was married in my back yard.   I didn't mean to imply you should wear a tux or a big white wedding dress if you don't want.

And remember I'm only stating my opinion.   If you want to wear chucks, it doesn't appear I have the power to stop you.   If my daughter wanted to, I'd probably beg her to wear them at the reception.

You are free to do whatever you want.   but in my opinion - save the Dr Who for the reception.   I'm glad you love him - you can love him just as well at the reception.   

Yvaine

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #22 on: February 26, 2014, 11:03:12 AM »
You certainly don't have to have a formal setting.   I was married in my back yard.   I didn't mean to imply you should wear a tux or a big white wedding dress if you don't want.

And remember I'm only stating my opinion.   If you want to wear chucks, it doesn't appear I have the power to stop you.   If my daughter wanted to, I'd probably beg her to wear them at the reception.

You are free to do whatever you want.   but in my opinion - save the Dr Who for the reception.   I'm glad you love him - you can love him just as well at the reception.

Well, he was late to Amy's wedding.  ;) That said, I'd be really amused if I saw the TARDIS in either portion of the day!

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #23 on: February 26, 2014, 11:05:44 AM »
Some brides don't like heels, or dress shoes, heck I'm considering walking down the aisle in a pair of chucks (we will be rocking them at the reception, haven't decided for the actual ceremony).

(you can custom a pair on converse website and they'll print up to 8 characters on the body or on the heel strip + any combination of color and print possible).
Personally I'd go with the wedding date or initials :)

Oh yeah, we've been playing with the design portion of the website for awhile. Since Partner's taking my last name we're thinking of having our new names on the back, it just meets the limit! Actually...it's one letter under! And yes..I just had to spell out out my own last name to count it.

HannahGrace

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #24 on: February 26, 2014, 11:16:09 AM »
Some brides don't like heels, or dress shoes, heck I'm considering walking down the aisle in a pair of chucks (we will be rocking them at the reception, haven't decided for the actual ceremony).

(you can custom a pair on converse website and they'll print up to 8 characters on the body or on the heel strip + any combination of color and print possible).
Personally I'd go with the wedding date or initials :)

Oh yeah, we've been playing with the design portion of the website for awhile. Since Partner's taking my last name we're thinking of having our new names on the back, it just meets the limit! Actually...it's one letter under! And yes..I just had to spell out out my own last name to count it.

Would you plan my wedding?  You have so many good ideas and I really don't want to plan it. I just want to be married. Only half-kidding...

nuit93

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #25 on: February 26, 2014, 11:18:33 AM »
I think it is unkind to assume that just because a couple wants to have a little fun that they are somehow not treating the wedding seriously.

I agree.

Just because it isn't something that *I* would find serious doesn't mean that it doesn't have some kind of special meaning to the HC.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #26 on: February 26, 2014, 11:23:14 AM »
And remember I'm only stating my opinion.   If you want to wear chucks, it doesn't appear I have the power to stop you.   If my daughter wanted to, I'd probably beg her to wear them at the reception.

You are free to do whatever you want.   but in my opinion - save the Dr Who for the reception.   I'm glad you love him - you can love him just as well at the reception.

How is a wedding actually impacted by fun and folly at the ceremony? Are you less married if you get married by someone dressed as the Doctor? For us it's a way to nod to "This is something that impacted our relationship in a positive manner". At the reception it's just...we like the Doctor. It's not just, we really like this TV show, for us it's a deeper representation of our relationship. For a couple that met at comicon and bonded over their love of LOTR, LOTR played a huge part in their love story. And why not represent that while making a commitment that adds to your love stories. If it's something big and important to you as a couple, even it makes not a lick of sense to other people, why not include it in your ceremony?

You stated your opinion on an internet forum. Surely you expected people to respond. You are entitled to your opinion. I'm entitled to disagree with your opinion and state my own. If you didn't want anyone to disagree with you or question your opinion, make a blog, post up your opinion, and then disable the comment section. An open internet forum isn't going to yield that result.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #27 on: February 26, 2014, 11:24:40 AM »
Some brides don't like heels, or dress shoes, heck I'm considering walking down the aisle in a pair of chucks (we will be rocking them at the reception, haven't decided for the actual ceremony).

(you can custom a pair on converse website and they'll print up to 8 characters on the body or on the heel strip + any combination of color and print possible).
Personally I'd go with the wedding date or initials :)

Oh yeah, we've been playing with the design portion of the website for awhile. Since Partner's taking my last name we're thinking of having our new names on the back, it just meets the limit! Actually...it's one letter under! And yes..I just had to spell out out my own last name to count it.

Would you plan my wedding?  You have so many good ideas and I really don't want to plan it. I just want to be married. Only half-kidding...

My problem is that I have too many ideas and I want to do it all! And I can't. Because well it's insane and also budget.

nuit93

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #28 on: February 26, 2014, 11:26:37 AM »
The central religious ritual in my religion would likely be labeled "unique" to those unfamiliar with it, and some might even find it distasteful for a wedding ceremony.  But to me and who I marry (if I do) it carries a great deal of meaning.

That said, most couples who go with unusual themes make sure people are aware of it well in advance--if a theme is not to an attendees' liking or approval they are certainly free to send their regrets.


HannahGrace

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #29 on: February 26, 2014, 11:34:54 AM »
Some brides don't like heels, or dress shoes, heck I'm considering walking down the aisle in a pair of chucks (we will be rocking them at the reception, haven't decided for the actual ceremony).

(you can custom a pair on converse website and they'll print up to 8 characters on the body or on the heel strip + any combination of color and print possible).
Personally I'd go with the wedding date or initials :)

Oh yeah, we've been playing with the design portion of the website for awhile. Since Partner's taking my last name we're thinking of having our new names on the back, it just meets the limit! Actually...it's one letter under! And yes..I just had to spell out out my own last name to count it.

Would you plan my wedding?  You have so many good ideas and I really don't want to plan it. I just want to be married. Only half-kidding...

My problem is that I have too many ideas and I want to do it all! And I can't. Because well it's insane and also budget.

Haha, I have the overlapping but opposite problem - I have no ideas, do not care about the details, and it would be great to just pay someone else to plan the entire thing and then show up on the day of.  But, budget.


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