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Author Topic: wedding ceremony - treating with respect  (Read 13332 times)

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goldilocks

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #30 on: February 26, 2014, 12:28:44 PM »
And remember I'm only stating my opinion.   If you want to wear chucks, it doesn't appear I have the power to stop you.   If my daughter wanted to, I'd probably beg her to wear them at the reception.

You are free to do whatever you want.   but in my opinion - save the Dr Who for the reception.   I'm glad you love him - you can love him just as well at the reception.

How is a wedding actually impacted by fun and folly at the ceremony? Are you less married if you get married by someone dressed as the Doctor? For us it's a way to nod to "This is something that impacted our relationship in a positive manner". At the reception it's just...we like the Doctor. It's not just, we really like this TV show, for us it's a deeper representation of our relationship. For a couple that met at comicon and bonded over their love of LOTR, LOTR played a huge part in their love story. And why not represent that while making a commitment that adds to your love stories. If it's something big and important to you as a couple, even it makes not a lick of sense to other people, why not include it in your ceremony?

You stated your opinion on an internet forum. Surely you expected people to respond. You are entitled to your opinion. I'm entitled to disagree with your opinion and state my own. If you didn't want anyone to disagree with you or question your opinion, make a blog, post up your opinion, and then disable the comment section. An open internet forum isn't going to yield that result.

I don't know where you got the idea that I don't want people to disagree with me.   What I object to is calling me "unkind", or implying that I've offended them in some way.  Also the defensiveness of some of the posts (Well, we got married by an alien Elvis and have been happy for 10 years).  Good for you.   



Two Ravens

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #31 on: February 26, 2014, 12:35:35 PM »
And remember I'm only stating my opinion.   If you want to wear chucks, it doesn't appear I have the power to stop you.   If my daughter wanted to, I'd probably beg her to wear them at the reception.

You are free to do whatever you want.   but in my opinion - save the Dr Who for the reception.   I'm glad you love him - you can love him just as well at the reception.

How is a wedding actually impacted by fun and folly at the ceremony? Are you less married if you get married by someone dressed as the Doctor? For us it's a way to nod to "This is something that impacted our relationship in a positive manner". At the reception it's just...we like the Doctor. It's not just, we really like this TV show, for us it's a deeper representation of our relationship. For a couple that met at comicon and bonded over their love of LOTR, LOTR played a huge part in their love story. And why not represent that while making a commitment that adds to your love stories. If it's something big and important to you as a couple, even it makes not a lick of sense to other people, why not include it in your ceremony?

You stated your opinion on an internet forum. Surely you expected people to respond. You are entitled to your opinion. I'm entitled to disagree with your opinion and state my own. If you didn't want anyone to disagree with you or question your opinion, make a blog, post up your opinion, and then disable the comment section. An open internet forum isn't going to yield that result.

I don't know where you got the idea that I don't want people to disagree with me.   What I object to is calling me "unkind", or implying that I've offended them in some way.  Also the defensiveness of some of the posts (Well, we got married by an alien Elvis and have been happy for 10 years).  Good for you.   

Well, you have implied that people having a theme wedding have "forgotten what the purpose is" and are not taking their wedding seriously. That is somewhat offensive.

Yvaine

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #32 on: February 26, 2014, 12:36:25 PM »
And remember I'm only stating my opinion.   If you want to wear chucks, it doesn't appear I have the power to stop you.   If my daughter wanted to, I'd probably beg her to wear them at the reception.

You are free to do whatever you want.   but in my opinion - save the Dr Who for the reception.   I'm glad you love him - you can love him just as well at the reception.

How is a wedding actually impacted by fun and folly at the ceremony? Are you less married if you get married by someone dressed as the Doctor? For us it's a way to nod to "This is something that impacted our relationship in a positive manner". At the reception it's just...we like the Doctor. It's not just, we really like this TV show, for us it's a deeper representation of our relationship. For a couple that met at comicon and bonded over their love of LOTR, LOTR played a huge part in their love story. And why not represent that while making a commitment that adds to your love stories. If it's something big and important to you as a couple, even it makes not a lick of sense to other people, why not include it in your ceremony?

You stated your opinion on an internet forum. Surely you expected people to respond. You are entitled to your opinion. I'm entitled to disagree with your opinion and state my own. If you didn't want anyone to disagree with you or question your opinion, make a blog, post up your opinion, and then disable the comment section. An open internet forum isn't going to yield that result.

I don't know where you got the idea that I don't want people to disagree with me.   What I object to is calling me "unkind", or implying that I've offended them in some way.  Also the defensiveness of some of the posts (Well, we got married by an alien Elvis and have been happy for 10 years).  Good for you.   

Is it "defensive" to simply point out that your premise might be mistaken (regarding whether whimsical ceremonies can coexist with serious marriages)? People aren't being defensive, they're providing counterexamples.

dawbs

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #33 on: February 26, 2014, 12:37:25 PM »
I don't think it's how you meant your post, but, yes, OP it does come across as "unkind".

"I don't care, but I find X thing (that you are doing) disrespectful" is a judgement being passed on other people's weddings.  And, yes, that's going to offend the people who are being told you find their choices disrespectful--especially when the judgement is being passed because of superficial things, rather than anything 'deep'.

I think, OP, if you re-read you'll find that what you think you said and what you implied/said are very different things.  You said you had been "upset" by what you saw people do.  You said asked the rhetorical question about if people could be taken seriously in costume (which many people answered with 'of course--I can't take myself seriously in a penguin suit!').
Then you listed a few of your 'pet peeves', and followed it with an admonition to "take the wedding ceremony seriously."--which, I, as many others, read as an implication that those who participated in your pet peeves were not taking their wedding seriously--which isn't going to be taken kindly.

(Me?  My wedding would have fit all of your expectations.  And I have a few regrets that I didn't let some of it be more silly)

ladyknight1

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #34 on: February 26, 2014, 12:40:36 PM »
I think it is unkind to assume that just because a couple wants to have a little fun that they are somehow not treating the wedding seriously.

I agree.

If two people love each other, and share a mutual passion for something, and it plays a big enough role in their lives and relationship that they choose to incorporate it into their wedding, then I think more power to them. They're celebrating each other, and something that they enjoy together, and if it's that meaningful to them then why not have their wedding in that theme? As long as they're not doing anything offensive or making unreasonable demands of their guests or the venue, then I see no issue with it.

Just because it personally offends *you* doesn't make it wrong.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

I was married under the "Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas" sign in what was the wedding I had dreamed for since I was a little kid.  We had all our parents and 2 best friends each there and the ceremony part was full of joking and laughter, just like my husband and I are.  It was absolutely perfect.

I don't offend easily but I *would* get offended if anybody made disparaging remarks about how we got married.  IMO the ceremony is just for show, the marriage itself is what's important.

POD to all three posters quoted in this reply.

And we had children in our ceremony, children in our family and everything went well. I chalk a lot of this up to personal choices and don't see it as disrespectful of the wedding ceremony.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #35 on: February 26, 2014, 12:41:58 PM »
And remember I'm only stating my opinion.   If you want to wear chucks, it doesn't appear I have the power to stop you.   If my daughter wanted to, I'd probably beg her to wear them at the reception.

You are free to do whatever you want.   but in my opinion - save the Dr Who for the reception.   I'm glad you love him - you can love him just as well at the reception.

How is a wedding actually impacted by fun and folly at the ceremony? Are you less married if you get married by someone dressed as the Doctor? For us it's a way to nod to "This is something that impacted our relationship in a positive manner". At the reception it's just...we like the Doctor. It's not just, we really like this TV show, for us it's a deeper representation of our relationship. For a couple that met at comicon and bonded over their love of LOTR, LOTR played a huge part in their love story. And why not represent that while making a commitment that adds to your love stories. If it's something big and important to you as a couple, even it makes not a lick of sense to other people, why not include it in your ceremony?

You stated your opinion on an internet forum. Surely you expected people to respond. You are entitled to your opinion. I'm entitled to disagree with your opinion and state my own. If you didn't want anyone to disagree with you or question your opinion, make a blog, post up your opinion, and then disable the comment section. An open internet forum isn't going to yield that result.

I don't know where you got the idea that I don't want people to disagree with me.   What I object to is calling me "unkind", or implying that I've offended them in some way.  Also the defensiveness of some of the posts (Well, we got married by an alien Elvis and have been happy for 10 years).  Good for you.   

You basically said "If you don't do things the traditional way, it's wrong, in my opinion, because it looks weird", yes, people are going to get defensive about that. Especially people who have done things in a non-traditional manner. But more importantly when pointing out they've been married for X amount of time, the point is that, regardless of what a wedding looks like, what matters is the marriage after the fact. So if the bride wears flip flops and a tube top and the groom is in a Def Leopard t-shirt and they do a keg stand instead of kiss, they can still be taking that marriage incredibly seriously. And just because you don't like it or you would never do it (and count me on that list for all of those things), doesn't really matter. It's not bad etiquette to do something outside the norm. It's not disrespectful. It doesn't mean you aren't taking things seriously. It just means you are doing something outside the norm.

LadyL

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #36 on: February 26, 2014, 12:43:01 PM »
I don't know where you got the idea that I don't want people to disagree with me.   What I object to is calling me "unkind", or implying that I've offended them in some way.  Also the defensiveness of some of the posts (Well, we got married by an alien Elvis and have been happy for 10 years).  Good for you.   

You posted a laundry list of all your personal objections to certain kinds of wedding ceremonies. Of course with something as personal as a wedding people are going to be offended or defensive in response. I personally felt that you were attributing certain attitudes unfairly based on a superficial difference in taste. I'm sure there are people who feel that strapless wedding dresses, or a white dress on a bride who had children prior to marriage, are also in poor taste and disrespectful to *their* idea of marriage but mostly the advice I see is to keep such views to oneself and decline invitations to weddings where the premise of them offends you. You don't get to urge other people to not wear strapless or white dresses because *you personally* find it disrespectful.

turnip

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #37 on: February 26, 2014, 01:16:00 PM »
I think it's disrespectful to go to a joyous occasion and make a bunch of negative judgments about the couple because you've got a very narrow idea of what a wedding should be.

Just stop going.  You aren't making these poor couple's treasured moments any better by looking down your nose at them.

LadyClaire

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #38 on: February 26, 2014, 01:30:03 PM »
You can't really tell people on a public forum that you find these things distasteful/disrespectful and think that no one will be offended or upset by it. On the one hand you say you dislike non-traditional ceremonies because they're not serious enough, and then on the other you say you dislike something that for many is a very traditional part of the wedding party (children).

A wedding ceremony is a ceremony, yes. But it's not like a graduation ceremony where if you're not wearing the provided robes, you don't get to go through with it. It's not made less important if someone is dressed up like Frodo or if someone is wearing shoes you don't approve of. How a person conducts themselves within their marriage after they make those vows is the important thing. The legal document is what makes you married. It's not just the saying of the vows or the exchanging of rings, and that document can be obtained by someone wearing a formal gown in a church just as it can be obtained by someone wearing a rabbit costume in a park, as long as the officiant is there to go through all the legal motions and signs the paperwork afterwards. A wedding ceremony can be solemn and respectful on the outside, but if that respect for your partner isn't in your heart then it's worthless.

cabbagegirl28

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #39 on: February 26, 2014, 01:47:00 PM »
I personally don't like hilarious stuff at weddings, especially because some of them end up feeling forced. However, if it's not me getting married, and I know that the couple is happy with it, I don't give a care. Unless someone asked for my most honest opinion, I wouldn't say a word.




Vita brevis, ars longa

cass2591

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Re: wedding ceremony - treating with respect
« Reply #40 on: February 26, 2014, 01:55:15 PM »
My cousin had a Green Bay Packer themed wedding; the only person not dressed in GB Packer colors and logo was the bride, and this was a formal wedding.

I was horribly offended, being a Chicago Bear fan and all.

Seriously, though, I was not offended and it didn't occur to me that I should be. None of the objections you've made have anything to do with etiquette. Have a nice day everyone.
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