Wedding Bliss and Blues > Ceremony

wedding ceremony - treating with respect

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You are free to see it that way but the bride and groom are also free to see it their way, as long as it conforms to the rules set by the officiant.

I have seen a lot of "serious" weddings that led to marriages that were a disaster. I have seen goofy weddings that were built on a solid foundation. And, yes, some people do take the vows they made to Frodo very seriously. And aren't the big, poofy, princess wedding dresses as much a costume as Frodo's?

Also, not every marriage vow is to spend the rest of your lives together. I know I am not going to promise that. I will do everything I can to have a good, happy marriage but I believe in the right to divorce. If things go seriously wrong, yes, I will leave the marriage and I refuse to vow something contrary to that or force interpretations ("the death of the marriage" or play "who broke the vow first").

I think the difficulty is that you cannot tell from he outside how much respect someone else is paying to a ceremony or building.

Many people go to religious services and ceremonies dressed in ways which would, at different points in the past, have been considered inappropriate or disrespectful -anything from women not wearing hats, to strapless wedding gowns, people wearing casual clothes etc.

Same with children - I'm not, personally. a fan of small children in ceremonies but I don't think it can be said to be disrespectful (unless you have a pushy parent forcing their child into a ceremony where the parties / celebrant haven't agreed it, of course).

When friends of mine got married they made a very definite decision to involve the children - it was a second marriage for Bride (First marriage had been abusive and 1st husband had been very unpleasant to the children, as well as to his wife) Bride and Groom felt very strongly that the children should be part of the ceremony as they considered that they were creating a new family which included those children.

I think it is very much a mater for an individual church or celebrant to determine what they consider to be appropriate.

I do think it would be disrespectful to deliberately go against what the church / temple / mosque has said is their rule - i.e. if you chose to marry in a conservative church, and are told that for the bride to have bare shoulders or the groom to wear a kilt is not acceptable , then showing up in a strapless dress or a kilt would be disrespectful and rude. Otherwise, it's a mater of personal taste, it isn't about respect or the lack of it.

(I am not a huge fan of flip flops, mainly because I find them hideously uncomfortable to wear, but I cannot see that they are disrespectful. Would it me more respectful to wear high heels, or bare feet, and if so, why?. This isn't snark, I'm genuinely curious)

I think there's something to be said for saying your vows "as yourself" rather than as a character, so in my own head I think I'd get married in medieval or steampunk gear but not as a particular character, if that makes any sense. But I did see a couple once whose ring bearer was dressed as Frodo--because he's the Ring Bearer, of course--and it was adorable. And their cake had dinosaurs on top instead of a little bride and groom because they're both into paleontology. I love that there's more social leeway to incorporate quirkiness and individuality into weddings nowadays. And really, the traditional white wedding dress is something of a costume too; its design often reflects nostalgia for the Victorian era or the 50s more than current trends. And if you take it really far, all our fashion is costume in a way...

People should of course abide by whatever rules are imposed by their venue, but beyond that, I don't think we can really say how serious people are about their vows based on their fashion choices. I've seen utterly traditional BWWs result in divorce after only a few months, and people who got married in geeky costumey weddings still going strong many years later.

I think it is unkind to assume that just because a couple wants to have a little fun that they are somehow not treating the wedding seriously.


--- Quote from: Sterling on February 26, 2014, 09:58:13 AM ---I think it is unkind to assume that just because a couple wants to have a little fun that they are somehow not treating the wedding seriously.

--- End quote ---

I agree.

If two people love each other, and share a mutual passion for something, and it plays a big enough role in their lives and relationship that they choose to incorporate it into their wedding, then I think more power to them. They're celebrating each other, and something that they enjoy together, and if it's that meaningful to them then why not have their wedding in that theme? As long as they're not doing anything offensive or making unreasonable demands of their guests or the venue, then I see no issue with it.

Just because it personally offends *you* doesn't make it wrong.


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