Author Topic: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?  (Read 2054 times)

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purple

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #15 on: February 27, 2014, 05:51:52 PM »
I agree that it's not rude not to include them, but some people may find it puzzling since they are included so often these days.

If I received an invitation without one, I'd go to the shop and buy one of those nice little response cards and mail it back to you (assuming I received the invitation by mail).  I can see how you would end up having to chase a lot of RSVP's though, because a lot of people would probably not realise they had to respond.

I agree with the PP's who said that if you are not going to include actual response cards, then just print a phone number or email for RSVP purposes on the invitation.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #16 on: February 27, 2014, 05:54:06 PM »
If I received an invitation without one, I'd go to the shop and buy one of those nice little response cards and mail it back to you (assuming I received the invitation by mail).

They sell just individual response cards? Like just in specialty stationary shops? Or have I really just been overlooking these things? I have honestly never see just response cards, usually I just see them as part of a set of formal invitations in like craft stores and such.

Alli8098

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #17 on: February 27, 2014, 06:02:28 PM »
If I received an invitation without one, I'd go to the shop and buy one of those nice little response cards and mail it back to you (assuming I received the invitation by mail).

They sell just individual response cards? Like just in specialty stationary shops? Or have I really just been overlooking these things? I have honestly never see just response cards, usually I just see them as part of a set of formal invitations in like craft stores and such.

Maybe there is a hidden market there, just sell response cards.  ;)

purple

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #18 on: February 27, 2014, 08:24:54 PM »
If I received an invitation without one, I'd go to the shop and buy one of those nice little response cards and mail it back to you (assuming I received the invitation by mail).

They sell just individual response cards? Like just in specialty stationary shops? Or have I really just been overlooking these things? I have honestly never see just response cards, usually I just see them as part of a set of formal invitations in like craft stores and such.

Yes, I see them for individual sale at the newsagencies.  There's not a huge selection - usually just one or 2 designs each for accept and decline.  They are about a quarter or half the size of a regular greeting card.  I'm in Australia - not sure if that is where you are  :)

kareng57

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #19 on: February 28, 2014, 12:00:16 AM »
It depends on who you ask.  Very traditional etiquette mavens (such as I think Miss Manners) will still assert that response cards are inappropriate - they are an implication that the invitees are so etiquette-challenged that they do not realize that they are expected to respond, in writing, on their own personal stationery.

However, they have become very mainstream - we used them nearly 35 years ago - so to some extent I think they have become expected.  Enough so, that, in their absence, some invitees might think that you really don't need to know whether or not they're coming.  So that could be a major headache, trying to follow up on a lot of non-responses before the caterer's final date.

I agree that there's a great deal of confusion these days.  DS#1 and his fiancee sent out their STDs a few weeks ago - and I've already gotten calls from two friends - my friends but they know him well - wanting to know the address to send the replies, even though the wedding is six months away.....the back of the card did say, in fine print "formal invitation to follow" but they hadn't seen it.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #20 on: February 28, 2014, 12:31:50 AM »
That was written on the front of our STDs, just in very small writing.

camlan

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #21 on: February 28, 2014, 08:20:54 AM »

In fact, throw me in the pits, but until this thread I didn't even know they weren't traditional.

When it comes to weddings, traditions can be 100 years old, or ten. Traditionally, if you go back far enough, there was no rehearsal dinner*. Then there may have been a time when the bride's family provided it. Then the groom's family took it over to remove some of the costs from the bride's family. These days, the rehearsal dinner could be hosted by the bride's family, the groom's family or the Happy Couple themselves, or any combination of these three.

When you talk about wedding traditions, you have to state the era of the tradition you are talking about!

Which is why I think most people in the US today would expect the response card in a wedding invitation--it has become a tradition.

*According to my 1950 copy of Emily Post's Etiquette, which advises that everyone go home and get a good night's sleep after the rehearsal, so as to be ready for the big day.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


Margo

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #22 on: February 28, 2014, 08:35:15 AM »
If I received an invitation without one, I'd go to the shop and buy one of those nice little response cards and mail it back to you (assuming I received the invitation by mail).

They sell just individual response cards? Like just in specialty stationary shops? Or have I really just been overlooking these things? I have honestly never see just response cards, usually I just see them as part of a set of formal invitations in like craft stores and such.

They do here (UK). It's not usual to include response cards in invitations, and stationers sell acceptance cards
(Example here - http://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/whsmith-silver-foiled-acceptance-card/product/35402466) and also 'regrets' cards (Example here http://www.whsmith.co.uk/products/whsmith-silver-foiled-regret-card/product/35402459) so you can decline the invitations.  (One local shop always makes me laugh as that section of the display case is headed "Wedding regrets" which always sounds to me as if it ought to be cards you send to people to tell them you are divorcing...)

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #23 on: February 28, 2014, 09:55:31 AM »
I'm in the states, I'm officially keeping my eyes open for them because for some reason they fascinate me now.

It depends on who you ask.  Very traditional etiquette mavens (such as I think Miss Manners) will still assert that response cards are inappropriate - they are an implication that the invitees are so etiquette-challenged that they do not realize that they are expected to respond, in writing, on their own personal stationery.

I am etiquette challenged! I don't even have personal stationery. I mean...I have some notebook paper with unicorns on it....but I'm pretty sure that's not the same.

I'm officially going to ask my grandma what she would do if she got a wedding invite without a response card (or one with a response card). She has stationery without unicorns on it, so I bet she'd know to sit down and write out a response on her stationary.

Mikayla

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #24 on: February 28, 2014, 02:08:16 PM »
I agree with the majority about it not being rude either way, but I do think response cards can serve a dual purpose, especially with larger weddings.  They don't just allow a yay or nay on attending.  They can provide an accurate count when more than one meal option is offered, and they can be used to clarify who is invited if the HC thinks some guests will bring their kids or plus-ones. 

I have a good friend who opted out of them and now regrets it.  There were too many "we'll be there!" voice mails without indicating who "we" were, and what menu options "we" wanted.   Then came phone and texting tag. 

Mrs. Tilney

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #25 on: March 04, 2014, 01:32:19 PM »
I actually can't remember the last time I got a wedding invite with a response card. I'm in "wave two" of weddings for my friends (I'm in my mid-30s), and the invitations lately have all allowed for RSVPing on the wedding website, or the invitation provided an email and phone number.

kudeebee

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #26 on: March 04, 2014, 08:51:28 PM »
When I was married and where I was from, we did not include response cards in invitations.  Weddings were cake, punch, coffee, nuts, mints, maybe small sandwiches and a reply really wasn't needed.  You used an estimate of 75% attendance and you were really close.  There was always extra made and I was never at a reception where there wasn't enough food.

When people first started serving meals in our area, they were not sit down affairs but a bbq dinner or chicken dinner and the same rules applied with the percentage used.

When people started having sit down dinners or an entree where a caterer charged per head, then it seems response cards started showing up.  When you were paying per head or per plate, you wanted a more accurate count.

Most invitations we get now do have response cards.  One or two have had the website response option.  We have gotten a few over the past years where there wasn't one included and it was generally for a reception at the church or at home and no response was required as the family was making the food.

So, if there is a response card I will fill it out and turn it in.  If there isn't one, I don't respond and have never been contacted for a rsvp.

kareng57

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #27 on: March 04, 2014, 11:13:50 PM »
When I was married and where I was from, we did not include response cards in invitations.  Weddings were cake, punch, coffee, nuts, mints, maybe small sandwiches and a reply really wasn't needed.  You used an estimate of 75% attendance and you were really close.  There was always extra made and I was never at a reception where there wasn't enough food.

When people first started serving meals in our area, they were not sit down affairs but a bbq dinner or chicken dinner and the same rules applied with the percentage used.

When people started having sit down dinners or an entree where a caterer charged per head, then it seems response cards started showing up.  When you were paying per head or per plate, you wanted a more accurate count.

Most invitations we get now do have response cards.  One or two have had the website response option.  We have gotten a few over the past years where there wasn't one included and it was generally for a reception at the church or at home and no response was required as the family was making the food.

So, if there is a response card I will fill it out and turn it in.  If there isn't one, I don't respond and have never been contacted for a rsvp.

Re your last line - does that mean that you're not attending and assume that the hosts will know this because you have not responded?

purple

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #28 on: March 05, 2014, 12:40:32 AM »
I'm in the states, I'm officially keeping my eyes open for them because for some reason they fascinate me now.

It depends on who you ask.  Very traditional etiquette mavens (such as I think Miss Manners) will still assert that response cards are inappropriate - they are an implication that the invitees are so etiquette-challenged that they do not realize that they are expected to respond, in writing, on their own personal stationery.

I am etiquette challenged! I don't even have personal stationery. I mean...I have some notebook paper with unicorns on it....but I'm pretty sure that's not the same.

I'm officially going to ask my grandma what she would do if she got a wedding invite without a response card (or one with a response card). She has stationery without unicorns on it, so I bet she'd know to sit down and write out a response on her stationary.

Vistaprint is your friend  :)
I order heaps of stuff from there - I have personal stationary, address stickers and even personal stationary for my dogs also!

katycoo

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Re: response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?
« Reply #29 on: March 05, 2014, 01:43:56 AM »
So, if there is a response card I will fill it out and turn it in.  If there isn't one, I don't respond and have never been contacted for a rsvp.

Re your last line - does that mean that you're not attending and assume that the hosts will know this because you have not responded?

Do you not respond even if the invitation asks for a response, but no card is included?