response cards aren't traditional but are they expected?

[lmyrs]

Because of the sheer size of my family and the fact that I am from a fairly small town originally where everyone invites everyone to everything all the time, I go to a minimum of 2 weddings a year (often more). I haven't seen an actual physical response card in years. I always see a phone number and an email address and sometimes a web site. I think if you give the phone option, then everyone can find a way to make the call. And, if you offer the email/text option, then most people will use that.

[lellah]

I'm in the states, I'm officially keeping my eyes open for them because for some reason they fascinate me now.

It depends on who you ask.  Very traditional etiquette mavens (such as I think Miss Manners) will still assert that response cards are inappropriate - they are an implication that the invitees are so etiquette-challenged that they do not realize that they are expected to respond, in writing, on their own personal stationery.

I am etiquette challenged! I don't even have personal stationery. I mean...I have some notebook paper with unicorns on it....but I'm pretty sure that's not the same.

I'm officially going to ask my grandma what she would do if she got a wedding invite without a response card (or one with a response card). She has stationery without unicorns on it, so I bet she'd know to sit down and write out a response on her stationary.

Vistaprint is your friend 
I order heaps of stuff from there - I have personal stationary, address stickers and even personal stationary for my dogs also!

You have personal stationary for the dogs?  You win.  At everything. Constantly. :-)

[kareng57]

So, if there is a response card I will fill it out and turn it in.  If there isn't one, I don't respond and have never been contacted for a rsvp.

Re your last line - does that mean that you're not attending and assume that the hosts will know this because you have not responded?

Do you not respond even if the invitation asks for a response, but no card is included?

Of course I would, but I found your line confusing.

[purple]

I'm in the states, I'm officially keeping my eyes open for them because for some reason they fascinate me now.

It depends on who you ask.  Very traditional etiquette mavens (such as I think Miss Manners) will still assert that response cards are inappropriate - they are an implication that the invitees are so etiquette-challenged that they do not realize that they are expected to respond, in writing, on their own personal stationery.

I am etiquette challenged! I don't even have personal stationery. I mean...I have some notebook paper with unicorns on it....but I'm pretty sure that's not the same.

I'm officially going to ask my grandma what she would do if she got a wedding invite without a response card (or one with a response card). She has stationery without unicorns on it, so I bet she'd know to sit down and write out a response on her stationary.

Vistaprint is your friend 
I order heaps of stuff from there - I have personal stationary, address stickers and even personal stationary for my dogs also!

You have personal stationary for the dogs?  You win.  At everything. Constantly. :-)

LOL.  The stuff at Vistaprint is honestly so cheap and the quality is pretty good too.  I figure if I'm going to spend money buying a notepad anyway, I may as well get it from there and have a picture of my dogs on it  .  I use it to write cute little notes sometimes to my husband like "Dad, don't forget Mum is working late tonight, so you need to feed us.  There is meat in the fridge which we will have with some pasta.  Woof Woof, Dogs"

Once you order something from them, you get so many e-vouchers that you don't have to pay for shipping - just wait for one of the vouchers to come through and then place your order.

Anyway, going off track a bit for this thread - apologies 

[kudeebee]

When I was married and where I was from, we did not include response cards in invitations.  Weddings were cake, punch, coffee, nuts, mints, maybe small sandwiches and a reply really wasn't needed.  You used an estimate of 75% attendance and you were really close.  There was always extra made and I was never at a reception where there wasn't enough food.

When people first started serving meals in our area, they were not sit down affairs but a bbq dinner or chicken dinner and the same rules applied with the percentage used.

When people started having sit down dinners or an entree where a caterer charged per head, then it seems response cards started showing up.  When you were paying per head or per plate, you wanted a more accurate count.

Most invitations we get now do have response cards.  One or two have had the website response option.  We have gotten a few over the past years where there wasn't one included and it was generally for a reception at the church or at home and no response was required as the family was making the food.

So, if there is a response card I will fill it out and turn it in.  If there isn't one, I don't respond and have never been contacted for a rsvp.

Re your last line - does that mean that you're not attending and assume that the hosts will know this because you have not responded?

Around here, most of the ones that don't have a response card don't need to be responded to. People just don't do it.   I know it seems weird and wrong, but that is the way it is.  The couple really isn't concerned about the number coming/not coming.  It is very rare though.

[kudeebee]

So, if there is a response card I will fill it out and turn it in.  If there isn't one, I don't respond and have never been contacted for a rsvp.

Re your last line - does that mean that you're not attending and assume that the hosts will know this because you have not responded?

Do you not respond even if the invitation asks for a response, but no card is included?

Sorry for the misunderstanding.  If a response is requested of course we respond--if there hasn't been a card, it is has been through a wedding website.  But that has only been twice.  Most of the time a card is included if a response is wanted.

[CakeEater]

When response cards are included, do people still put RSVP information on the invitation?

I've only seen response cards included twice (I'm in Australia, too). And once the response cards didn't fit inside the response envelope. It was weird. I didn't know if I was supposed to trim it down, or put it in a bigger envelope. I ended up putting it in a bigger envelope. Neither had postage included on the return envelope, and only one was self addressed.

I like buying the little response cards and writing a nice response.

[gellchom]

When a response card is included, there is no other  RSVP info given.

I would like to see one of those response cards guests but individually. Can someone post a sample or link to a photo?

I always write a note on the enclosed response cards anyway.

[Lynn2000]

(Midwest US) I've never heard of being able to buy individual response cards from a separate shop either--all the weddings I've been invited to have either included a response card in the envelope with the wedding invitation (and it matched the invitation), or (much less common) they've included other info about how to RSVP, like a phone number. However, I can see how in areas where the individual response cards are readily available, that would certainly make hosts feel like providing one to all their guests was not necessary.

[purple]

When a response card is included, there is no other  RSVP info given.

I would like to see one of those response cards guests but individually. Can someone post a sample or link to a photo?

I always write a note on the enclosed response cards anyway.

Next time I go to the local newsagent, I'll take a photo