So, another good update!
I totally agree with the "quarterbacking" assessments - and I do this to myself too, FWIW, because REFLECTION.
To address a few questions or respond to a few points:
1. Not unusual for the music dept at our school to pull kids (this is another issue entirely, but it's normal) for various stuff. I assumed Muffy wanted to talk about a bow or a fiddle or something. We have three music teachers (band, choir, and orchestra), and they each have an assistant.
2. Muffy is not licensed personnel. She cannot be alone with a classroom of students, for example, nor is she "qualified" in the way that licensed staff are qualified. Of course, that in no way makes me her supervisor - her supervisor isn't even the orchestra teacher, her supervisor is the dean (each one of our administrators supervises different departments). *My* supervisor is our assistant principal, who I would have spoken to had I seen him first. Actually, if it had been the principal, same story -- here's what happened, what do I do? If anything?
3. I would not have dreamed of approaching Muffy myself. There are teachers on campus I would talk to if I had an issue/problem with how something was handled, Muffy isn't one of them. Aside from the fact that a child was in great distress is Muffy's known quick temper and instances where I have observed her to be quite irrational.
4. Crying kids - I have made kids cry before, maybe five or less times that I can recall, as the result of a firm discussion or them hearing something they didn't like. I do not like making kids cry and I feel badly if they do, but (reflection!) if I can honestly say I would have said exactly what I did if my AP was observing me at the moment, I am OK with it. It's definitely not a "so what?" situation, more that I'm sorry the kid is upset about whatever it is they needed to hear - or in one instance I can think of, I was relieved to see an emotional response to a serious issue.
It is not so much that there was crying, but the kid that was doing the crying - Lulu is a kid that works hard in all of her classes (as evidenced by academic and citizenship grades), she is polite, she is a joy to have in class - truly a pleasure to teach. All kids, even those types, make mistakes - but her obvious distress after a confrontational conversation with her orchestra assistant made me instantly question what the heck Muffy thought she was doing. As I said before, if the situation was serious enough to warrant that kind of confrontation, it probably should have been handled through the dean's office or other progressive discipline.
So here is what apparently happened:
Lulu was in the music hall in the morning (before school). Muffy saw her and made a remark about Lulu's dress (which is within dress code and she's been wearing it all year), something like, "That shows too much skin and is not appropriate."
Lulu replied that she had worn it before, Muffy apparently went on a rant about how "In my day we didn't dress so trashy, we respected what our instructors said," etc etc. Lulu got upset and left. What Muffy was basically doing (in my opinion) was trying to cover her butt because she knew what she said to Lulu was not cool. Interestingly enough, the dean already knew about the conversation in the music hall because another teacher overheard it and told the dean about it.
Lulu came to talk to me again during class today. She is afraid of retribution from Muffy. She said that Muffy has been trying very hard to act buddy-buddy with her in orchestra, asking her how she is doing, pressing her for more details, etc. If Lulu doesn't open up to her (beyond "I am fine, thank you," Muffy becomes annoyed and starts asking more specific questions ("How are your other classes, is everything OK? Are you SURE? Is ANYTHING bothering you?" and this is making Lulu quite uncomfortable. I was able to help her through the teachings of eHell, which was great!
I talked to Lulu about polite spine. I told her it is okay to say, "I am fine Ms. Muffy, but I would like to concentrate on my instrument." Or, "Please don't keep asking me - I'm fine but I want to string my bow." Lulu has also asked me and her other teachers NOT to let Muffy pull her from class again (which we are comfortable doing and it speaks volumes that no one asked her why).
I also told Lulu that she needs to remain polite with Muffy but is not required, due to her being a student, to engage in personal conversation with her - and if Muffy presses the issue to TELL ANY OTHER ADULT.
It is a tough lesson for kids when they figure out that not all adults can be trusted.
The other good news is that I haven't seen Muffy around or heard from her at all, so I feel like I'm in the clear on that.