Author Topic: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update posts 13 & 40  (Read 13214 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TeraNova15

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 314
  • I aim to misbehave.
Social Begging "For the Baby" Update posts 13 & 40
« on: March 02, 2014, 09:54:35 AM »
BG (semi long): I have a (pretty much ex) friend (Sally) who has always been self centered and entitled, but when she got pregnant early last year after years of IVF she became a monster. Congratulations weren't enough, she expected to be able to practically "hold court" for well wishers, oh but she was sick all the time so if you showed up and she wasn't feeling well you were expected to leave immediately. I chalked it up to excitement and hormones at 1st, and actually visited, and during the conversation made an offhand remark about how maybe my husband & I weren't trying yet. Well of course the next month we realized we had a happy "oops." DH waited 3 months before we shared the happy news publicly, and shortly afterwards I got a message from her. It basically was a long lecture on how DH & I should be happy at how "blessed" we are, and how not everyone has it so easy, with nary an actual congratulations in the note. She also mentioned that she wished we had waited one more day because we knew from her other posts that she planned on announcing the sex of her baby that day.  From that day DH & decided that we would begin to slowly distance ourselves from her and her husband, though we sent a baby shower gift in response to the invite. And apparently it was a good thing we did, because she took it upon herself to track down and ask people she felt "owed" her a gift whether or not they had lost the link to the registry. One of the people she asked was a mutual friend (Amy) who had recently been in a life threatening car crash, with both of her children. The details of this crash had also been on Facebook, where Amy mentioned that her children were OK, but that she would need to be therapy for months due to wounds to her legs.  Sally sends a private FB message to Amy a week after the crash without even a perfunctory "How are you feeling, are how are the kids doing" Sally's message was basically 2 lines saying "Hey, we realized we didn't get a gift from you, can you see if it got lost in the mail." Amy had never sent a gift and now certainly had no intention to. End BG, because it actually gets worse.

Sally now wants a house, because raising a baby in an apartment apparently doesn't fit with her image for her life. Now I know this is a little gauche, but DH & I are privy to details of their financial situation as of at least 1.5 years ago. DH & I are both financial planners, and Sally & her husband had asked for our assistance in helping them with taxes and plan for home buying. Analyzing their finances they should easily have been able to afford a house then, but they spent money a little frivolously. But whatever, its their life, we gave them some advice. So we know for a FACT that these are 2 solidly middle class individuals, gainfully employed (though she is currently out on a union protected paid maternity leave), have had no unexpected setbacks or tragedies, and in fact in the past year her husband got a promotion and a raise. And now they have the baby their have always wanted. Sound like a pretty good life right?

Well I log into FB last week and see a link to a GoFundMe campaign in my newsfeed call "A Home for Baby." Unable to believe my eyes I click and see her "plea," with distorted details about how terrible her apartment complex is (its not, I've been there several times and its very nice) and how she is "not working" (once again, maternity leave). Apparently raising a baby is expensive (duh) and she and her husband can't afford to do the best for baby day to day and save  to buy a house. So next time instead of going to a movie or a bar, we should consider taking that money and helping her family's good cause (That is a paraphrased line from the campaign)

So I block the post because it actually enraged me. But then it popped up again on my feed. And I realize that its because she had ALSO taken to posting the link directly to the FB walls of mutual friends, including Amy and a few others I can only assume she feels "owes" her something. And yes, some of these people she posted to are people who somehow mange to raise their own children in apartments. She at least had to good sense not to post direct to either DH or me. The reaction seems to be one of stunned silence at her nerve, reflected by the fact that almost no one has chosen to make a "donation." She keeps re-posting to her wall, seeming oblivious to how ridiculous her request is.

Edit: I keep forgetting dates LOL, modified to say she got pregnant early last year (2013)
« Last Edit: March 10, 2014, 08:50:18 AM by TeraNova15 »

CakeBeret

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4253
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2014, 10:00:10 AM »
Wow, gimme pig much?

I rarely say this, but I think it's time to block her completely and walk away. She sounds like ten pounds of nuts in a five-pound bag.
"From a procrastination standpoint, today has been wildly successful."

Carotte

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1130
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2014, 10:47:53 AM »
Wow, the nerve!
We don't need to ask why she's an ex friend!

Kaypeep

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2289
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2014, 10:50:32 AM »
Ignore ignore ignore.   Unfriend, even.  If she has the gall to confront you in any way, just tell her "Your cause may seem worthwhile to your family, but my own family comes first to me.  Second are friends in distress like Amy, who have suffered real trauma and setbacks.  I don't fund wish lists for people who just want a nicer home."

KenveeB

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8518
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2014, 11:12:48 AM »
Wow! I think distancing yourself from her is the best idea, but part of me wants to follow the train wreck.

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6437
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2014, 11:39:04 AM »
I would be blocking and un friending. I find this behavior beyond anything I'm willing to deal with from even distant acquaintances.

LETitbe

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 195
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2014, 12:34:51 PM »
Wow! At first, I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, because struggling with infertility is really, really hard, and pregnancy hormones do occasionally make us unreasonable (not that this is an excuse for everything, but I would tend to forgive close friends for transgressions), but the fund me thing is absolutely absurd. It sounds like you didn't value the friendship much, anyway, so just unfriend & try to forget her.

CaffeineKatie

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 349
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2014, 01:47:48 PM »
Oh amen to "block and unfriend" (and maybe arrange to kidnap her baby so it won't be raised in such a gimme pig toxic environment?!?!)

TeraNova15

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 314
  • I aim to misbehave.
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2014, 04:17:04 PM »
Wow! At first, I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, because struggling with infertility is really, really hard, and pregnancy hormones do occasionally make us unreasonable (not that this is an excuse for everything, but I would tend to forgive close friends for transgressions), but the fund me thing is absolutely absurd. It sounds like you didn't value the friendship much, anyway, so just unfriend & try to forget her.

What's really sad is we actually used to be very close, we even took vacations together. She always had a bit of an entitled attitude, but nothing so bad that we couldn't deal with. It may not sound like it from the post, but it is a little painful for me to let go of the friendship. But I guess once the baby became reality something snapped. I guess some small part of me hopes that the lack of response to her "donation request" may snap her out of it, which is the only reason I haven't unfriended her, though I know for Amy it was the last straw. (And Amy was raving mad about the request, if anyone has a sob story that could legitimately beg for money it's Amy, the crash was just one of many cases of bad things happening to a good person. But she never asks for a handout, heck I took her family out to dinner after the crash and she still tries to give me money for it).

Oh amen to "block and unfriend" (and maybe arrange to kidnap her baby so it won't be raised in such a gimme pig toxic environment?!?!)

I almost wish I could EDIT: get the kid out. The fact that she is using her baby as an excuse to ask her "friends" for money is probably the most offensive thing of all.
« Last Edit: March 02, 2014, 05:11:40 PM by TeraNova15 »

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2014, 04:26:00 PM »
Just when you think you're read it all on ehell, along comes another story of utter mind blowing greed and self entitlement to remind you that there are some truly awful people in the world.

LETitbe

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 195
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2014, 04:54:06 PM »
In that case, if you really do believe there's a chance she could snap out of it, you could consider being honest with her (only if there are other parts of your friendship to redeem these transgressions- it's easy for us to say to cut her off when we see 3 big missteps and don't see the big picture). Obviously, I wouldn't tell her she's a gimme pig (though it's true), because that puts people on the defensive. I do think pointing out how other people may interpret her actions and how it makes others feel is completely fair and legitimate. I would want a friend to do it for me if I were acting that way.

Deetee

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5573
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2014, 06:07:33 PM »
I wouldn't block her. i'd be too busy posting on every single one of her posts.

"I'd love to give you the money that I earned to buy you a house. First can you buy me a cruise ship? Thanks!"

" Sure! Give me 10 reasons why you are a better choice than my current charity (name charity) and I'll cut you a cheque right away"

"Sorry, I already pledged all my money to sponsor a pro-nfl player to help with his payments to his mazaratti"

I would consider being blocked by her an honour!

TeraNova15

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 314
  • I aim to misbehave.
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby"
« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2014, 06:23:14 PM »
In that case, if you really do believe there's a chance she could snap out of it, you could consider being honest with her (only if there are other parts of your friendship to redeem these transgressions- it's easy for us to say to cut her off when we see 3 big missteps and don't see the big picture). Obviously, I wouldn't tell her she's a gimme pig (though it's true), because that puts people on the defensive. I do think pointing out how other people may interpret her actions and how it makes others feel is completely fair and legitimate. I would want a friend to do it for me if I were acting that way.

Unfortunately, while I think its possible she might take the critique from someone else, I am almost certain she won't take it from me. Long story short, when she first became pregnant and sick she would frequently "pregnancyjack" Facebook threads bemoaning the fact that she was lonely and sick.  I tried to gently and privately point out to her that maybe instead of posting on random threads, maybe *she* should take initiative to extend an invite when she is feeling better. I even contacted her husband to see if there was anything I could do to help arrange a little get together. I got a long diatribe back about how I didn't understand what was going on in her life because I don't know what it is to suffer for a baby. Her husband (who is actually the reason I am friends with her at all) did his best to smooth things over, said that she was just hormonal and he's the one who actually invited me over, after having to cancel 2x. And to be 100% honest, he's the real reason I am hanging on at all, he and I have been friends for over 10 years. Sadly I think that he's now been pulled into her whirlwind of crazy, because he is just letting her nonsense happen. I can see a similar diatribe about how "easy I have it" if I tried now.

TeraNova15

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 314
  • I aim to misbehave.
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Updated
« Reply #13 on: March 03, 2014, 05:22:09 PM »
Despite my hemming and hawing I finally hit my breaking point today.

She decided to ramp up her guilt tripping last night/today. She started posting about how she needed to take the baby to the doctor and bemoaning how expensive medical bills are (yes they are insured). After an outpouring of sympathy from several people wishing her well, she laster makes another post about how her baby's OK, turned out he was just really gassy, but a "real mom" doesn't wait when her child's in distress, even if it means going even further into her savings. Then she re-posted the campaign with the header "It takes a village..."

I'm so done. Blocked and unfriended. She has completely fallen down the narcissistic gimme pig rabbit hole and there's no coming out. I can't even...ugh...

nuit93

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1129
Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #14 on: March 03, 2014, 05:29:22 PM »
It takes a village all right...

...to call someone out on their antics!  I'm surprised you stuck around as long as you did.