Author Topic: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update posts 13 & 40  (Read 13723 times)

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sammycat

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #15 on: March 03, 2014, 07:37:35 PM »
On the one hand I'm glad you did the sensible thing and blocked her etc, but on the other, I'm a little disappointed we won't hear more of her antics. >:D  I've never come across someone like this in RL (thankfully!), so sometimes I have to live vicariously through other posters here... :P

Will she even notice you've blocked her, or is she too self absorbed to realise?

blarg314

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #16 on: March 03, 2014, 09:27:00 PM »
Will she even notice you've blocked her, or is she too self absorbed to realise?

I suspect she'll only notice when expected gifts are not forthcoming.

I'd actually be tempted to have a conversation with her husband, who is the OP's main friend. "Friend, your wife is going off the deep end with the baby thing, and I can't take it any more. I'm going to have to back off and not spend time with you guys."  If he hasn't bought completely in to his wife's attitudes, that may jolt him a bit - he's losing his friends because she's gone bonkers and is alienating. I figure it would be worth a try because you do enjoy that part of the friendship, and it's going to vanish anyways if you don't say anything.


GreenEyedHawk

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #17 on: March 03, 2014, 11:28:26 PM »
I am absolutely floored, I have no words.

Though really...I know someone who started a gofundme campaign to try to pay off her credit card bill, which was run up like crazy because of her complete and utter lack of financial common sense, so I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised.  Still, I'm floored.
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CakeEater

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #18 on: March 04, 2014, 06:41:52 AM »
On the one hand I'm glad you did the sensible thing and blocked her etc, but on the other, I'm a little disappointed we won't hear more of her antics. >:D  I've never come across someone like this in RL (thankfully!), so sometimes I have to live vicariously through other posters here... :P

Will she even notice you've blocked her, or is she too self absorbed to realise?

Yes, OP, how can you be so selfish? Don't you know that some of us need to hear stories like these so that our own friends seem tame and normal in comparison? ;)

Wow - this is the kind of person the word, 'entitled' was designed for, isn't she?

LadyClaire

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #19 on: March 04, 2014, 09:19:35 AM »
My sister-in-law put up a gofundme page for their "dream house", to the tune of something like $75k. It didn't get very far..from what I understand she caught a lot of crap for it and ended up reducing the amount to something like $3k.

Winterlight

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #20 on: March 04, 2014, 10:17:26 AM »
I would be willing to help a friend in need. An ex-friend in greed? Forget it.
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SamiHami

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #21 on: March 04, 2014, 10:44:23 AM »
I am absolutely floored, I have no words.

Though really...I know someone who started a gofundme campaign to try to pay off her credit card bill, which was run up like crazy because of her complete and utter lack of financial common sense, so I guess I shouldn't be all that surprised.  Still, I'm floored.

You know, this is my year to get out of debt. I'm determined to pay off my car and my credit card. It never occurred to me to hit up my friends for money, though. I could never do crowdfunding for my bills...I'd be terribly embarrassed for my friends to see me begging.

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Tea Drinker

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #22 on: March 04, 2014, 12:59:48 PM »
I recently donated to help someone pay a mortgage in foreclosure: but they aren't bemoaning having to "go further into their savings" while on paid maternity leave. They've spent any savings they had, and are cutting corners everywhere they can--long walks to save bus fare, for example--but that only goes so far.
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TeraNova15

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #23 on: March 05, 2014, 09:49:45 AM »
Will she even notice you've blocked her, or is she too self absorbed to realise?

I suspect she'll only notice when expected gifts are not forthcoming.

I'd actually be tempted to have a conversation with her husband, who is the OP's main friend. "Friend, your wife is going off the deep end with the baby thing, and I can't take it any more. I'm going to have to back off and not spend time with you guys."  If he hasn't bought completely in to his wife's attitudes, that may jolt him a bit - he's losing his friends because she's gone bonkers and is alienating. I figure it would be worth a try because you do enjoy that part of the friendship, and it's going to vanish anyways if you don't say anything.

It will be interesting to see if she eventually does try to hit DH & I up for gifts, because while we are also expecting a child she seems to be under the impression we "have lots of money."

Her husband isn't actually on FB so I was hoping maybe she did this behind her back. I've texted him a few times now to see if he wants to grab a bite to eat since we work near each other, but I haven't gotten a response. The very sad and disturbing truth is that ever since the 2 of them got together, it became clear over time that he's not allowed to have friends without her approval, and my guess is that she now no longer approves of me. Its sad for me to lose him as a friend, but there isn't much that I can do if she's controlling him that way and he's not even willing to talk to me anymore.

Raintree

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #24 on: March 07, 2014, 02:39:27 AM »
I have 320 friends on FB of varying financial status, many of whom are having babies, and not one has asked for money, ever.

The "it takes a village" guilt statement is incredible. People need to look after their own families first.

nayberry

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #25 on: March 07, 2014, 07:53:03 AM »
she is definitely entitled!

i had a fb friend do a crowd funding to send their son to a special summer "camp".  now this son is incredibly talented in "activity" and friend only asked for help as their family has had a rough time of it and son really deserved this help.  i was too broke at the time otherwise i would have chipped in a few bucks as son will do very well in future at this "activity".  he was able to raise enough to send his son and we all got updates and pictures.

on the otherhand i had a RL friend who tried to get money from a lot of us for a trip she wanted to take.  this was a holiday with her boyf and she just couldn't afford it as she spent all her money.  she didn't take that trip!



*activity is not a sport but is something that could turn into a wonderful career

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #26 on: March 07, 2014, 09:42:06 AM »
Well, you tried to contact the husband, and I think that is about all you can do.  She should have learned as a child that begging and whining for things is unattractive, and unfortunately, she might have to learn that as an adult.
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GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #27 on: March 07, 2014, 11:22:12 AM »
I get really really annoyed when people say "It takes a village" to guilt people into giving money to raise their own child.

I get annoyed because I do believe "it takes a village" but that doesn't mean that village pitches in cash! It takes a village, refers to the people who will be around the child and influence the child and help raise the child. I wouldn't be who I am without the "village" that raised me. And it has nothing to do with money, it was my exposure to them, their influence on me! I don't even have a kid, but I've already started the "village" that will help "raise" my future child. I don't expect one thin dime from them. But I look forward to them teaching and influencing my future offspring in so many ways because they are such fantastic people with a lot to offer!

People who use "it takes a village" to coerce their friends/family/co-workers/perfect strangers to pitch in cash for Jr's summer home, ruin it for the rest of us who understand what it actually means.

Partner and I have come to realization that while we love our home, when we have the above referenced offspring, it's not really going to be suitable. With two of us, the two dogs, and a kid, it'll be very crowded. So, before having the child, we've started putting away money towards buying a new home in the future. Sure if we have a kid prior to then, we can make it work, but we'd like something a little bigger. As the future parents we're planning and saving for this. Our living arrangements are not the responsibility of anyone else. We are grown ups. As grown ups it's up to us to figure how to have a place to live. That's part of being a grown up!

TootsNYC

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #28 on: March 07, 2014, 11:31:30 AM »
I get really really annoyed when people say "It takes a village" to guilt people into giving money to raise their own child.

I get annoyed because I do believe "it takes a village" but that doesn't mean that village pitches in cash! It takes a village, refers to the people who will be around the child and influence the child and help raise the child. I wouldn't be who I am without the "village" that raised me. And it has nothing to do with money, it was my exposure to them, their influence on me! I don't even have a kid, but I've already started the "village" that will help "raise" my future child. I don't expect one thin dime from them. But I look forward to them teaching and influencing my future offspring in so many ways because they are such fantastic people with a lot to offer!

People who use "it takes a village" to coerce their friends/family/co-workers/perfect strangers to pitch in cash for Jr's summer home, ruin it for the rest of us who understand what it actually means.


I'm with you! I totally buy the *original* "takes a village* thing.

To me, it's not necessarily the "village" that raises you, i.e., your grandparents, etc.--it's the "village" that creates the community you grow up in.
    Schools (complete, yes with taxes for them), libraries, medical care, clean water, children's & teen activities, tolerance of the presence of children & patience with their work-in-progress development along with an reasonably express intolerance of bad behavior and expectation of achievement and contribution, proper modeling of appropriate adult behavior.

That's the village that it takes, in my mind.

So when people misuse it, it makes me crabby.

Tea Drinker

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #29 on: March 07, 2014, 02:45:39 PM »
I get really really annoyed when people say "It takes a village" to guilt people into giving money to raise their own child.

I get annoyed because I do believe "it takes a village" but that doesn't mean that village pitches in cash! It takes a village, refers to the people who will be around the child and influence the child and help raise the child. I wouldn't be who I am without the "village" that raised me. And it has nothing to do with money, it was my exposure to them, their influence on me! I don't even have a kid, but I've already started the "village" that will help "raise" my future child. I don't expect one thin dime from them. But I look forward to them teaching and influencing my future offspring in so many ways because they are such fantastic people with a lot to offer!

People who use "it takes a village" to coerce their friends/family/co-workers/perfect strangers to pitch in cash for Jr's summer home, ruin it for the rest of us who understand what it actually means.

Partner and I have come to realization that while we love our home, when we have the above referenced offspring, it's not really going to be suitable. With two of us, the two dogs, and a kid, it'll be very crowded. So, before having the child, we've started putting away money towards buying a new home in the future. Sure if we have a kid prior to then, we can make it work, but we'd like something a little bigger. As the future parents we're planning and saving for this. Our living arrangements are not the responsibility of anyone else. We are grown ups. As grown ups it's up to us to figure how to have a place to live. That's part of being a grown up!

In my view, "It takes a village" includes someone taking in an orphan, and groups that hold fundraisers to help a family who have lost everything in a fire or flood. It might extend to me buying girl scout cookies, even though I was never a scout myself and don't know anyone in that scout troop. (The last two years, I bought cookies from scout troops that had tables in public places--one in the town hall on election day, and one in a large open area at the Harvard Square subway station. The year before that, a coworker who I barely knew was selling cookies for his daughter's troop.)
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