Author Topic: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update posts 13 & 40  (Read 13455 times)

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Raintree

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #30 on: March 07, 2014, 08:49:46 PM »
I get really really annoyed when people say "It takes a village" to guilt people into giving money to raise their own child.

I get annoyed because I do believe "it takes a village" but that doesn't mean that village pitches in cash! It takes a village, refers to the people who will be around the child and influence the child and help raise the child. I wouldn't be who I am without the "village" that raised me. And it has nothing to do with money, it was my exposure to them, their influence on me! I don't even have a kid, but I've already started the "village" that will help "raise" my future child. I don't expect one thin dime from them. But I look forward to them teaching and influencing my future offspring in so many ways because they are such fantastic people with a lot to offer!

People who use "it takes a village" to coerce their friends/family/co-workers/perfect strangers to pitch in cash for Jr's summer home, ruin it for the rest of us who understand what it actually means.


Exactly, it was never supposed to mean "give us cash." It means look out for each other. I also think that many people living in villages around the world make do with far, far, less than what Ms Gimmepig is asking for.


Piratelvr1121

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #31 on: March 07, 2014, 09:09:07 PM »
I agree, and I see it in my church as well, the "village".  My oldest has participated as an acolyte and a reader and each time he's gotten a nice little card in the mail from one of the older women, praising him for his contribution, and when my middle child acted as an usher once, he got a card as well. 

When I hear "It takes a village" I think of how, in some towns a kid could be across the town from home and if he's doing wrong and someone sees him the first thought is "Oh carp, Mom and Dad are going to know I was skateboarding in the street with so and so and I'm going to be grounded before I get home!"
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

JenJay

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #32 on: March 07, 2014, 09:19:28 PM »
The phrase's meaning has been lost to a lot of people, like what happened to "it's the thought that counts" being abused by people who put absolutely no more thought into something than saying they'll do it and then promptly forgetting all about it. The other day a friend of mine posted on Facebook "They say whatever you put out there comes back on you tenfold, so here goes-" and then listed a bunch of stuff she hopes comes true in her life. It wasn't selfish stuff (it was "I hope my marriage is strong" and "I hope my kids are happy", etc.), but I had to click away before I lost my internal struggle not to reply "That's not what that means!!"

Raintree

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #33 on: March 07, 2014, 10:07:00 PM »
The phrase's meaning has been lost to a lot of people, like what happened to "it's the thought that counts" being abused by people who put absolutely no more thought into something than saying they'll do it and then promptly forgetting all about it. The other day a friend of mine posted on Facebook "They say whatever you put out there comes back on you tenfold, so here goes-" and then listed a bunch of stuff she hopes comes true in her life. It wasn't selfish stuff (it was "I hope my marriage is strong" and "I hope my kids are happy", etc.), but I had to click away before I lost my internal struggle not to reply "That's not what that means!!"

That is really kind of funny! I guess she's heard the phrase "put out there" in the context of "what you share on-line or publicly" that she doesn't understand that in this context, it means some kind of contribution or effort.

TootsNYC

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #34 on: March 07, 2014, 10:19:35 PM »
Or she's been reading "The Secret," and believes the whole "tell the universe what you want, and it will give it to you."

EllenS

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #35 on: March 07, 2014, 10:23:53 PM »
I get really really annoyed when people say "It takes a village" to guilt people into giving money to raise their own child.

I get annoyed because I do believe "it takes a village" but that doesn't mean that village pitches in cash! It takes a village, refers to the people who will be around the child and influence the child and help raise the child. I wouldn't be who I am without the "village" that raised me. And it has nothing to do with money, it was my exposure to them, their influence on me! I don't even have a kid, but I've already started the "village" that will help "raise" my future child. I don't expect one thin dime from them. But I look forward to them teaching and influencing my future offspring in so many ways because they are such fantastic people with a lot to offer!

People who use "it takes a village" to coerce their friends/family/co-workers/perfect strangers to pitch in cash for Jr's summer home, ruin it for the rest of us who understand what it actually means.


I'm with you! I totally buy the *original* "takes a village* thing.

To me, it's not necessarily the "village" that raises you, i.e., your grandparents, etc.--it's the "village" that creates the community you grow up in.
    Schools (complete, yes with taxes for them), libraries, medical care, clean water, children's & teen activities, tolerance of the presence of children & patience with their work-in-progress development along with an reasonably express intolerance of bad behavior and expectation of achievement and contribution, proper modeling of appropriate adult behavior.

That's the village that it takes, in my mind.

So when people misuse it, it makes me crabby.

The other aspect of the "village" is reciprocity. Which is, in fact, the bedrock of all social order and etiquette.  We are supposed to look out for each other - mutually. 

It's like the Bible verses "bear one another's burdens" and "each should carry his own load".  They do not contradict. Your load is your ordinary stuff of life - you do your laundry, you make your living, you take care of your kids basic needs. I do the same for mine.

Then when the tornado knocks your house down, or a devastating illness takes my spouse, or somebody breaks a leg - those are burdens, and we show up to bear each others burdens.  Which we are able to do, because we have been taking care of ourselves in a reasonable way all along.

I seriously doubt someone who misuses "it takes a village" to beg other people to fund their child's existence, is going to show up and be the village for anyone else.

LETitbe

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #36 on: March 08, 2014, 12:41:51 AM »
I've always used "it takes a village" when I'm allowing other adults/authority figures to discipline/set an example for my child. I feel that it takes the good examples of a community to turn out a child who can be a productive member of that society. I guess perhaps I'm using it wrong, but it works for me!
Yeah, I guess, as a parent, I DO expect something from others- I expect them to realize that my child is a future adult who will impact our society and to act accordingly. That means not having that "Kids are terrible and I never want to see them in public" attitude (I've actually mostly seen this on the internet- not real life), and also feeling free to correcting my kid when he's out of line (as long as you're not undermining my authority as a parent in the process). But I DON'T expect money of anyone. That's all my responsibility. So are the sleepless nights, the tough decisions, and all the other sacrifices that go along with choosing to be a parent.

Julian

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #37 on: March 08, 2014, 05:24:38 PM »
Any chance this gimme-momma is Sue from Glitter's thread?   ;D

Venus193

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #38 on: March 10, 2014, 08:17:38 AM »
Any chance this gimme-momma is Sue from Glitter's thread?   ;D

If not, she must be related to her.

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Jones

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #39 on: March 10, 2014, 08:22:42 AM »
Any chance this gimme-momma is Sue from Glitter's thread?   ;D
I figure she's the commiserating Facebook friend who encouraged Sue's bemoaning of people's complaints over her poetry.

TeraNova15

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #40 on: March 10, 2014, 08:49:34 AM »
Any chance this gimme-momma is Sue from Glitter's thread?   ;D

I don't think I've seen this one, link? LOL

And yeah, the takes a village thing is super annoying. The "village" is not the entirety of the internet and yes, demands a level of reciprocity. Which from below you can see is not exactly forthcoming...

I do surprisingly have updates, though not "techno-quette."

(1) DH and I were surprised to receive an envelope in the mail from Sally and her husband this past Saturday. At first we thought it might be a small shower gift since they were unable to make it out to our shower (not required but it would have been a nice gesture), or perhaps a thank you note for the gift we sent them. Nope. It was a custom birth announcement on a high quality stationary. Normally I wouldn't comment on how much such a thing would cost...but this was clearly not cheap. The kicker? It came with an additional small envelope attached noting that there was insufficient postage, so the post office wants charge DH & I 0.21.

(2) If she has noticed that I blocked her there is no indication, though it seems she may have caught on that people aren't going to just give her money. I get a mass email about how she's considering a new "business opportunity" (though she assures us its nothing "tacky" like a product party) and asking her "girls" for a favor. I don't think I will be responding.

I wish I was making this up. I don't know how someone can go from relatively normal to bat-crazy so quickly...

Mel the Redcap

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #41 on: March 10, 2014, 08:52:22 AM »
I do surprisingly have updates, though not "techno-quette."

(1) DH and I were surprised to receive an envelope in the mail from Sally and her husband this past Saturday. At first we thought it might be a small shower gift since they were unable to make it out to our shower (not required but it would have been a nice gesture), or perhaps a thank you note for the gift we sent them. Nope. It was a custom birth announcement on a high quality stationary. Normally I wouldn't comment on how much such a thing would cost...but this was clearly not cheap. The kicker? It came with an additional small envelope attached noting that there was insufficient postage, so the post office wants charge DH & I 0.21.
[/quote/

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TheaterDiva1

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update posts 13 & 40
« Reply #42 on: March 10, 2014, 01:02:27 PM »
Wait - why would you be charged postage? Doesn't the post office return it to the sender for additional postage?

TeraNova15

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update posts 13 & 40
« Reply #43 on: March 10, 2014, 01:24:10 PM »
Wait - why would you be charged postage? Doesn't the post office return it to the sender for additional postage?

I was confused by that too!!  I always thought they would just return it to the sender but apparently the post office can elect to try to deliver with a "postage due" note, which the receipient needs to actively decline in order for the item to be returned. They had put a Forever Stamp on the outside, but this was a large square envelope like a wedding invite so I assume that's why it needed the extra postage.

Since we had never received anything "postage due" before we had already opened the card before we realized that we needed to pay the 0.21 for the "honor" of receiving this announcement.

http://www.ehow.com/info_8450402_happens-didnt-put-enough-postage.html

Julian

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Re: Social Begging "For the Baby" Update post 13
« Reply #44 on: March 10, 2014, 04:08:51 PM »