Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 67255 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30597
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #180 on: March 11, 2014, 11:22:52 AM »
Meat pies should be decorated. Fruit pies shouldn't be decorated.

That's one of those bits of received wisdom that has disappeared over the last 40 years. *sigh*

I've never heard that one! And if anything, my mother did it the other way around - desserts were decorated, main course wasn't.

This is actually more logical--dessert is the frivolous, "party" part of the meal, so it makes more sense that it  would be decorated. And the lattice pie crust has always been fruit, and that's decorative.

camlan

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8569
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #181 on: March 11, 2014, 11:25:51 AM »
The Sweetie and I have a phrase for situations like all of these: "Stop helping!"

It works very well.

I think this is a key point. In post after post on this thread, people have *asked* the "helper" to stop helping. Repeatedly.

I think it is time to stop asking. Start making short, declarative sentences that state exactly what you want the "helper" to do. Which is to stop helping.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


camlan

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8569
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #182 on: March 11, 2014, 11:37:31 AM »

Whew. As you can see, lots of pet peeves here.  ;D  Anyway, I guess the take away message  is "If you see someone in a wheelchair, or someone pushing a wheelchair, ask how you can help, don't just lurch forward or start grabbing stuff!"

If you will allow me to amend this slightly.

If you see anyone with a visible disability, ask them if they need help, don't just move in to try and help them.

As I was told once by a friend who is blind, "I got there on my own. Why do all these people think I can't get back home on my own?" after a somewhat unsettling incident where someone tried to grab her guide dog when she was boarding public transit to return home after work.

I think this is a good point to remember. The person in the wheelchair might look as if they are struggling with the door. But they got themselves to the door--and they got themselves out of their house and to the building that has the door that they are currently struggling with. Chances are, they know how to open doors and go through them. It's probably something their physical or occupational therapist spent some time teaching them.

So did the person with crutches who is waiting for the traffic light. And the person with the guide dog waiting at the elevator.

If a person with a disability needs help, they will ask. If you aren't sure they are aware you are there, it's fine to ask if they need help.

When you see a person with a disability out and about, don't think about how hard it must be for them. Think instead of the hours and hours of therapy and/or training they have done in order to be as independent as possible. Grant them the dignity of using that independence.

Sorry to go off-topic. This is just a hot button issue with me.

Please return to your regularly scheduled thread topic.
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


kherbert05

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10327
    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #183 on: March 11, 2014, 11:51:20 AM »
My campus has 2 life skills units (K-2, and 3-5), and a PCPD (PK early intervention). The life skills kids are cognitively impaired, but many also have to use various mobility devices. PCPD kids have a wide range of needs for early intervention, and several use mobility devices. All our students are taught that the device is an extension of the person's personal space and not to be touched unless the person asks for help. 


We work a good deal on personal space. Many of our kids live in crowded situations and have a much smaller bubble that the average American. This can get them into trouble in the wider world because they make people uncomfortable.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

Asharah

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3920
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #184 on: March 11, 2014, 11:55:55 AM »
My oldest daughter is in a wheelchair, and people are always wanting to "help" us. It's nice that they want to help, really it is. But so often, the help that they give is not terribly helpful. I can't believe how many people try to help by just grabbing without asking. Except in the case of an emergency, it's not OK to grab someone's wheelchair and just start pushing!

Like the time we were leaving the grocery store, and an employee suddenly grabbed her wheelchair and started pushing her toward the exit. Her two year old sister started crying and trying to get out of the seat of the shopping cart because she saw some stranger taking her sister away. I told him to please stop, so his solution (again without asking) was to grab the shopping cart instead. The two year old then started screaming because Strange Scary Guy Who Tried to Steal Her Sister was now taking her away from Mommy!

I ended up having to carry my now frantic two year old and let my "helper" push the cart. This took longer and was harder than my usual method of pushing the wheelchair while pulling the cart behind me. It also made us much more conspicuous than necessary. Sometimes I get tired of being the center of attention, and would just like to be able to go about my business without everyone noticing. I realize we may have looked like we needed help, but you ASK how you can help, you don't just GRAB.

Then there's my brother's wedding. Again, I realize I looked like I needed help after the ceremony. In addition to my daughter being in a wheelchair,  I was massively pregnant.  Anyway, someone associated with the church decided I needed help and would not leave me alone. She saw me opening a side door and insisted "You can't go out that way!" I realize why she thought so, as there were a couple steps leading out. But the chair was very light, and the rear wheels small enough that we carefully bumped her down steps all the time. I had gone down those very steps the other day after the rehearsal.

I tried to explain that no, we were fine and didn't need help. She would not be dissuaded and insisted on taking us to the elevator. "No, I really don't want to take the elevator," I tried to explain. But she wouldn't listen. I foolishly thought if I just let her show me where the elevator was she'd leave me alone. But no, she took us right to the elevator. Insisted on getting on the elevator with us. And apparently intended to take us to my car, because she then asked "Where are you parked?" I gritted my teeth and said "I tried to tell you, I'm not going to my car. I was going to the front of the church to see the bride and groom come out." We were now downhill and behind the church, and lucky me, she wasn't finished helping me. I almost got away, but she enlisted someone else's help. I had made it most of the way, and was pushing the chair up a small incline, when this someone else grabbed the footrest and nearly broke it trying to pull the chair up the rest of the way. It was at this point I said "Please stop helping me!"

Another time I was hoisting her wheelchair into the car, and someone lurched forward into my space without warning. It scared the crap out of me, I was afraid I was going to hit him with the chair, and I tensed up and really hurt my back. "I was trying to help you," he explained when I asked him what the heck he was doing. Why he thought I needed help when I had already lifted the chair up, I'll never know.

There's the minor annoyance of people who try to help by holding a door open for us, but can't seem to open it wide enough, or position themselves in such a way that I can't get in without rolling over their feet. Or the people who see me pushing the door open with my butt (which I know must look strange, but it works!) and suddenly pull the door wide open and throw me off balance.

Her wheelchair used to have pelvic straps to keep her hips back. People who didn't know what they were would often helpfully move them out of the way just as I was putting her into the chair. It was the oddest thing, the way they'd just suddenly leap forward out of nowhere and move the straps I had only moments ago positioned correctly. "Please put those back," I'd say, and be answered with an injured "I was just trying to help."

And then there's the people who try to help by getting in my way as I'm trying to put her in her chair. I'm not really sure what they're doing, if they think an extra set of hands are needed, or if they think I'm going to drop her or something. But it drives me nuts! And just a couple weeks ago, after some xrays, I had someone keep moving her chair as I was getting ready to put her in!

Whew. As you can see, lots of pet peeves here.  ;D  Anyway, I guess the take away message  is "If you see someone in a wheelchair, or someone pushing a wheelchair, ask how you can help, don't just lurch forward or start grabbing stuff!"
How about a shirt that says "If I need help I WILL ASK!"
Asharah

The Wild One, Forever

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1787
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #185 on: March 11, 2014, 12:53:04 PM »
Quote
I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

Sorry, just saw this.  Why, yes I am American!    ;D  I totally forgot that savory pies are a staple in other parts of the world, and was looking at the situation through my own cultural lenses.  I apologize if that post came across as arrogant.  And now, I really want to try making a proper meat pie of some type.  I don't eat much meat, but my Anglophile son would love it.   ;)
Soft silly music is meaningful, magical

Ms_Cellany

  • The Queen of Squee
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5756
  • Big white goggie? No. Hasn't seen him.
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #186 on: March 11, 2014, 12:56:10 PM »
Beef Pot Pie:

Cut-up cooked beef
Cut-up carrots
Peas
Sauteed onions
Gravy

For crust:
Make 1 batch drop-biscuit dough

Put stuff in skillet. Pat out dough on top.

Cook.
Current fosters: Boojum (F, adult);  Balrog, Rooney, Rascal, Rocket (M)

whatsanenigma

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1977
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #187 on: March 11, 2014, 01:02:38 PM »
A friend's seven-year-old son just got his first wheelchair - she's relieved it's got wheels that automatically lock unless HE wants to be pushed.  Apparently people see a kid in a wheelchair and just randomly walk up and start pushing on a regular basis!

This reminds me, if my parents' cats could use the internet, they would have a good story to post here about my parents' dog Skyler.

Skyler is a young shetland sheepdog and is just bound and determined to herd those cats.  To where? No one knows.  And what is wrong with the location the cats are currently in? No one knows that either.  But that little dog wants to herd them somewhere, darn it!   But even the little dog doesn't seem to know where they should go or what is wrong with where the cats currently are.

It sounds so similar to what is going on with your kid in the wheelchair.  Some people just want to help, darn it.  He needs to be somewhere else.  Where? And what is wrong with where he is?  Nobody knows...not even those who want to help. 

Free Range Hippy Chick

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 659
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #188 on: March 11, 2014, 01:07:52 PM »
Beef Pot Pie:

Cut-up cooked beef
Cut-up carrots
Peas
Sauteed onions
Gravy

For crust:
Make 1 batch drop-biscuit dough

Put stuff in skillet. Pat out dough on top.

Cook.

If drop-biscuit dough is what I think it is, that's not a pie, that's a cobbler.

[Runs away and hides]

Ms_Cellany

  • The Queen of Squee
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5756
  • Big white goggie? No. Hasn't seen him.
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #189 on: March 11, 2014, 01:08:50 PM »
Beef Pot Pie:

Cut-up cooked beef
Cut-up carrots
Peas
Sauteed onions
Gravy

For crust:
Make 1 batch drop-biscuit dough

Put stuff in skillet. Pat out dough on top.

Cook.

If drop-biscuit dough is what I think it is, that's not a pie, that's a cobbler.

[Runs away and hides]

Beef Cobbler:

Cut-up cooked beef
Cut-up carrots
Peas
Sauteed onions
Gravy

For crust:
Make 1 batch drop-biscuit dough

Put stuff in skillet. Pat out dough on top.

Cook.
« Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 01:52:53 PM by Ms_Cellany »
Current fosters: Boojum (F, adult);  Balrog, Rooney, Rascal, Rocket (M)

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13771
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #190 on: March 11, 2014, 01:10:42 PM »
I use the same pastry recipe for fruit pies as I do for meat pies and quiche, as it doesn't have any sugar in it.

I've had tortiere, which is a French Canadian traditional mince pie with ground beef and a spice blend.  I've had pot pies with beef, chicken, turkey, venison, moose and rabbit, all with some gravy in there so it runs out a bit when you cut into it.  And all of those have the same general contents as Ms_Cellany's 'recipe', with varying spices, depending on the contents.  I use savoury and sage for the turkey, for example.  All of these could potentially look like a fruit pie so yes, I would label them if I was taking them for a pot luck, even though it should be obvious because I'd bring a meat pie already warm and a fruit pie would be cool.

A pot pie with a side salad and a crusty loaf of bread for dinner?  Yum!

Being Canadian means we have a real mix of cultures when it comes to food and language.  We have the US influence, the British influence and the French influence.   :D
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

camlan

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8569
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #191 on: March 11, 2014, 01:20:43 PM »
A friend's seven-year-old son just got his first wheelchair - she's relieved it's got wheels that automatically lock unless HE wants to be pushed.  Apparently people see a kid in a wheelchair and just randomly walk up and start pushing on a regular basis!

This was such an issue when my nephew got his first wheelchair at the age of 3 that my brother ordered the next wheelchair with handles that can be removed. Unless they are needed, the handles are off the chair. An adult can still push the chair if needed, but most adults are so puzzled by the lack of handles that Nephew has time to get away from them, or if he wants to stay put, make his wishes known quite firmly.

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


daen

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 718
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #192 on: March 11, 2014, 01:37:43 PM »
Re: pies.

Last Christmas, we were invited to an acquaintance's home for Christmas day, since we weren't going home for the holidays. We were served mincemeat pie (or rather, my husband was - I opted for pumpkin). The pie had the usual lard and dried fruits in it, but also contained small chunks of roast beef. This is the first time we'd ever had actual meat in a mincemeat pie. (This was in Pennsylvania.)

My mother made goose pie back in the day when my dad went hunting. And I occasionally make bacon and potato tarts. By and large, though, in my area, pies are assumed to be sweet/dessert. (The general reaction to goose pie by any guest was usually surprise that such a thing was possible. It is indeed possible, and quite tasty, especially with cranberry sauce.)

Luci

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6004
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #193 on: March 11, 2014, 01:42:25 PM »
An opposite story, showing the grace of a very young helper (sort of a male Candy-striper) in a hospital:

A family had come to visit the older child, but one parent had to stay in the lobby to take care of younger siblings (only 18 and up, even siblings). Father was blind and had never been to the hospital before. The Gracious Teen said he would like to help Dad get to visit the son and asked how to do that. Dad said he would like to hold the teen's elbow, walk a step behind, and be warned of moves before 3 feet of happening. Teen did as directed, and I saw the smile on the father and relaxation of the mother as teen did exactly as asked till they were out of sight.

Good lesson for everyone, and an assurance there is hope for the world we are passing on to our children.

English1

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 275
Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #194 on: March 11, 2014, 02:00:01 PM »
Nothing like a good meat pie. And for nothing like a good meat pie, all you Americans run off and google 'Fray Bentos pie' images, right now  :o. I have actually eaten those in the past. Urk.