Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 70026 times)

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Onyx_TKD

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #210 on: March 11, 2014, 06:42:29 PM »
When my parents get the glasses all down for me to set the table with. Okay, I realize that they built the kitchen for people who are over 5' tall, not under, and they really do want to help, but saying, "Oh, let me do it," when I've almost got the glass really cheeses me off. If I need to get a fork to nudge the glass out a bit, I will, but I assure you, I can reach it.

Also, all the people at church who offer me a ride home...after I've called my parents to come get me (I don't have my license yet). I appreciate the thought, folks, but outside when my mom's 5 minutes away from the church is not the right time for that. *facepalm*

Even worse are the people who are convinced you "need" a ride, even if you say you don't. I knew a guy who was convinced that I needed a ride home after club events on my university's campus. I appreciated the offer of a ride, at least the first offer on each occasion (not so much if the offerer got pushy). But he didn't stop there. No, if he couldn't offer a ride, he would ask other people on my behalf, sometimes strangers who I'd never met before that evening.  :o Never mind that I was perfectly capable of getting to and from campus on every other day without relying on rides. There was a perfectly good bus system that went from campus right to my home, plus I was within walking distance. But more importantly, I was in charge of my own transportation. If I wanted to take the bus or walk, that was my decision and my business, not his.

Julian

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #211 on: March 11, 2014, 06:58:04 PM »
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

Oh dear Deity!  I guess there are reasons why exes are indeed exes. 

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #212 on: March 11, 2014, 08:17:57 PM »
Does "help" from software count?  ::)

I'm currently writing a document in Microsoft Word that includes some "inline" equations, i.e., they're supposed to appear in the line of text, so I want them to stay the same height as the rest of the text. Unfortunately, Microsoft Word likes to "help" me by transforming my fractions written as 1/x so that the numerator and denominator are above and below a horizontal bar. Gee thanks, Word, I'm sure your designers were very clever to put that feature in, now be a good little program and put my equations back the way I wrote them! So far, I have not found any way to turn that feature off.  :P I have gotten so spoiled writing in LaTeX--it was a little harder when first getting started, but it formats stuff the way I tell it to, without trying to "fix" it.

PastryGoddess

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #213 on: March 11, 2014, 08:24:45 PM »
Does "help" from software count?  ::)

I'm currently writing a document in Microsoft Word that includes some "inline" equations, i.e., they're supposed to appear in the line of text, so I want them to stay the same height as the rest of the text. Unfortunately, Microsoft Word likes to "help" me by transforming my fractions written as 1/x so that the numerator and denominator are above and below a horizontal bar. Gee thanks, Word, I'm sure your designers were very clever to put that feature in, now be a good little program and put my equations back the way I wrote them! So far, I have not found any way to turn that feature off.  :P I have gotten so spoiled writing in LaTeX--it was a little harder when first getting started, but it formats stuff the way I tell it to, without trying to "fix" it.
You need to turn off the auto correct

Mac:
Go to the Apple icon on the top left
Select preferences
Select Autocorrect on the top row
select the AutoFormat as you type tab
turn off fractions

Windows:
File
Select Options
Select Proofing
Select Autocorrect
Select AutoFormat as you type tab
remove check in box to format fractions
Select Auto Format tab
remove check in box to format fractions here as well
Hit ok twice

TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #214 on: March 11, 2014, 08:26:05 PM »
Oh, does that work now? Time was when that wasn't actually effective. I had the auto-numbering thing kick in when typing recipes, and no matter how often I turned it off, it never "took."

PastryGoddess

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #215 on: March 11, 2014, 08:32:19 PM »
Oh, does that work now? Time was when that wasn't actually effective. I had the auto-numbering thing kick in when typing recipes, and no matter how often I turned it off, it never "took."

Yup I turn it off and on as needed

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #216 on: March 11, 2014, 09:12:39 PM »
You can also immediately press Ctrl Z and it takes off the autocorrect while leaving what you types.

And while we're on the subject, iOS autocorrect is just as annoying and has had hilarious results on here.

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #217 on: March 11, 2014, 09:31:00 PM »
Does "help" from software count?  ::)

I'm currently writing a document in Microsoft Word that includes some "inline" equations, i.e., they're supposed to appear in the line of text, so I want them to stay the same height as the rest of the text. Unfortunately, Microsoft Word likes to "help" me by transforming my fractions written as 1/x so that the numerator and denominator are above and below a horizontal bar. Gee thanks, Word, I'm sure your designers were very clever to put that feature in, now be a good little program and put my equations back the way I wrote them! So far, I have not found any way to turn that feature off.  :P I have gotten so spoiled writing in LaTeX--it was a little harder when first getting started, but it formats stuff the way I tell it to, without trying to "fix" it.
You need to turn off the auto correct

Mac:
Go to the Apple icon on the top left
Select preferences
Select Autocorrect on the top row
select the AutoFormat as you type tab
turn off fractions

Windows:
File
Select Options
Select Proofing
Select Autocorrect
Select AutoFormat as you type tab
remove check in box to format fractions
Select Auto Format tab
remove check in box to format fractions here as well
Hit ok twice

Thanks, but I already tried that, and no luck. Your fix keeps it from changing the fractions in regular text, but it doesn't affect the "math mode" that I use for more complicated equations. I've even tried disabling everything under "Math Autocorrect" and it keeps right on "correcting" my fractions.  ::) My google searches didn't turn up any fixes either.

You can also immediately press Ctrl Z and it takes off the autocorrect while leaving what you types.

Yeah, I've been doing a lot of that. It's sneaky though. Every so often I am merrily editing another part of my paragraph, and it decides to "helpfully" go format all of my equations. Yay. If I don't catch it before I keep typing, I'd have to undo a lot of work to CTRL+Z the autocorrect away.

Dindrane

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #218 on: March 11, 2014, 09:50:44 PM »
Sometimes if you hover over text that Word has autocorrected, you'll see a little autocorrect icon that will turn into a drop down menu. If you can find that, it will allow you to undo the autocorrect without undoing anything else (and you can do it kind of any time, maybe until you save the document?).

You might also try doing a Google search for how to turn off that feature, just to see if anyone else has run into your specific problem and been able to fix it. I have a lot of success with that method for figuring out how to do things in Office...just make sure you include the program and its version as part of the search. You may need to refine your search terms a few times, but there are a lot of helpful sites out there.

To go back to the main topic, I really wish my mom would stop "helping" my husband find a job. He's an academic who just graduated, and the market is tough. Plus, we do actually have some restrictions on what he's willing to do (mostly to make it worth moving), so that limits his options a bit as well. My mom's version of "help" is to tell me to tell my husband that he should look into other fields (without offering any suggestions). Or that someone else she knows is a person who knows lots of things, so surely my husband (who also knows lots of things) could do something in that other person's field. Nevermind that the other person's field a) requires a degree my husband doesn't have or want, and b) is as difficult to get into as academia.

I know my mom's advice is coming from a place of love and caring, but good gracious I am tired of it. Especially because if I actually ask her to stop telling me these things, she'll tell me she's only trying to be helpful. If I tell her why her "help" isn't actually helpful, she'll tell me I'm just being too negative and she's only trying to help.

I just comfort myself with the fact that at least she's telling it all to me (rather than my husband), because it bothers him more and I can just not tell him about it. It helps to think I'm taking one for the team when I smile and nod and change the subject, rather than telling my mom that enough is enough.


Luci

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #219 on: March 11, 2014, 09:51:38 PM »
You can also immediately press Ctrl Z and it takes off the autocorrect while leaving what you types.

And while we're on the subject, iOS autocorrect is just as annoying and has had hilarious results on here.

The first thing I do when I get a new iOS device is go to Settings>Keyboard and turn off the Autos. I have no patience with some programmer somewhere thinking he knows more about what I am trying to say than I do. I do appreciate the Check spelling, but it is not the boss of me. It's just a handy reminder.

JustEstelle

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #220 on: March 12, 2014, 01:45:31 AM »
Reading the posts about people attempting to "help" someone in a wheelchair reminded me of a couple of incidents that happened at a church DH and I used to attend.

I have mobility issues, and sometimes it's worse than others.  For a period of time a few years ago, I needed to use a cane for support when walking.  The entrance to the church did have a ramp, as well as steps, but it seemed that people would congregate on the ramp to visit, making access all but impossible.  I would try to go up the ramp and say, "excuse me" to try to get through, but all that accomplished was the people wanting me to join in the visiting and stand there with them.  I had issues with both knees, and standing in one place for long was just painful.  So I took to trying to go up the steps instead of engaging them.  I can manage steps okay if DH is around for me to use his hand or arm for support if I need it.  I go slowly, but I can get up steps under my own steam if I have to.  The main occupant of the ramp, upon seeing me going up the steps, decided that I needed the walker that they just happened to have stashed back in the leftovers from the recent yard sale the church had held.  I told her that no, I didn't need the walker.  I was okay.  She kept insisting and was about to go and get the walker (and I'm sure would have shoved it in front of me if she'd done so).  I told her again that I didn't need it.  "No, you do need it.  Let me get it for you!"  At that point, in my frustration at 1) not being allowed to use the handicapped access (ramp blocked) and 2) having someone else decide for me that I needed a device that I know that I do not need, I raised my voice at her and told her in no uncertain terms that I did not need a walker, I was fine on my own, and please.just.leave.me.alone.

At the same church - not sure if it was the same day or another occasion - I was struggling to get up one rather high step to get from the Sunday School room back to the main part of the sanctuary and I called for DH to come help me (he was talking to one of the other guys).  Usually, I would just stand aside and wait for him to come help me.  Before DH could even answer me, one of the other men ran over and grabbed my non-cane arm and PULLED.  Pulling my arm is not going to help me get up a step that I'm struggling with; offering a hand or arm to use for support and letting me use my own strength to get up WILL help me.  Of course, pulling me that way hurt my arm and shoulder and I cried out in pain.  And got the hurt dog "I was just trying to help!" response from the guy who'd grabbed my arm. 

Another time, we had a potluck dinner after services.  We usually just moved the pews to one end of the sanctuary and set up tables and chairs, but this time the pastor (knowing that I struggle with that step I mentioned above) decided that we needed to eat in the SS room and not move furniture around.  There was no way that I could navigate that step while holding a plateful of food.  So I decided just to find an out-of-the-way place in a corner of the sanctuary to sit and eat (and clean up after myself when finished).  DH stayed with me.  And we got grief for being "unsociable."  I think that was about the last time we attended at that location, and the church has long since disbanded.   :-\

Elfmama

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #221 on: March 12, 2014, 01:49:51 AM »
Quote
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.

Couple years ago I fell and hurt my shoulder and wrist…….no broken bones but got very sore so I went to ER next morning.  At intake, I was asked if there was domestic violence in the home.  I understand it’s something they’re trained to ask and they’re just trying to help.
Maybe because it was Urgent Care rather than the ER, but when I had a table saw kick back a chunk of wood that caught me in the temple, staff DIDN'T ask  me that.  There was considerable blood, too, splashed all down my shirt.  Maybe because DH was so clearly worried out of his mind.   :-\
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #222 on: March 12, 2014, 08:42:45 AM »
My Dad was chopping wood last spring and had a chunk of wood come up and hit him right on the nose.  My brother is a wilderness medic so he did all the first aid - nose was probably broken but not out of place - so it was just ice and a bandaid for the cut.

Next day, Dad and I were running errands around town.  Him with a spectacular set of black eyes.  And he kept telling people I did it!

It is kind of a joke with all three of us - there have been a bunch of elder abuse awareness commercials on TV.  Dad, even at almost 80, is still capable of a lot of physical stuff and my brother and I often have him help us with projects.  DB and I joke with Dad about us being carted off for elder abuse because of some of the things we do with him.  My brother takes him hunting with him in the fall, tramping through the bush for hours each day.  I get Dad to help me get loads of compost from the city.  We all work on getting Dad's wood in for his wood stove to supplement his electric heat.  So very, very active.  And for the normal 80 year old, probably way too much.
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Lorelei_Evil

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #223 on: March 12, 2014, 09:35:44 AM »
The woman who grabbed my cane-holding arm to stop me as I was stepping down off a pavement to cross the road.

I couldn't even say anything, I was so taken aback, but apparently I looked like murder.

The lights had just changed in my favour, I knew that crossing well (she couldn't have known that), but grabbing someone mid-step manoeuvre? Could have caused me to fall while I was already injured. Also, who comes up behind a complete stranger and decides to intervene by grabbing their walking aid?

I've had this happen and I did fall - flat on my face in the street.  My glasses shattered and I spent half an hour picking bits of road detritus out of my face. 

Firecat

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #224 on: March 12, 2014, 10:24:18 AM »
(Intentionally a bit vague...). Dear coworkers in other departments: I know you want to be helpful, and I appreciate that. However, if something is assigned to me in the system, LEAVE IT ASSIGNED TO ME. Or at that very least, check with me before you do more than add a note.

Do NOT "helpfully" try to move things along, because you will mess it up and make it take longer. I won't be happy, you won't be happy, and the person you were trying to help won't be happy, either. So follow that rule we should all have learned before kindergarten. Namely: If it's not yours, do not touch.