Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 66110 times)

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Cherry91

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #285 on: March 19, 2014, 06:48:50 AM »
Yes. Using an ice scraper on the body of the car scratched it. My poor dad. He was horrified when he came out and saw what I was doing.

Again, I was young and didn't know better. But boy, did I think I was being helpful.

I think a lot of cold climate kids have done this.  I know I did (grew up where snow started early october and finished late may).  I've also stopped a neighbour's kid from going at it.

My boys did it.  It had been a terrible ice storm so no school, no work.  DH and I were sleeping in.  DH woke up and wondered what that odd rhythmic sound was.

Yeah, the boys were removing the ice from the cars using hammers.  Luckily we drive used cars so a few dings didn't really hurt them.

And it has become a Family Story that gets brought up every ice storm.

My mother used to use the (cold!) kettle when she poured water on her car to thaw the windows because it was biggest than any of our jugs. When I was younger, I made the association that since she was using the kettle, the water inside must be hot, so as I was in the kitchen one day just before we got ready to leave, I turned the kettle on to boil. Fortunately it was pretty obvious what had happened, and she explained to me why putting boiling hot water on a freezing cold pane of glass was a bad idea, especially as I was usually already inside the car when she did this!

Dawse

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #286 on: March 19, 2014, 09:17:59 AM »
... Are you all married to my dad? ;D He tries so hard to be helpful, but usually ends up creating more work for my mum. Like the time he put all the dirty washing away... I have no idea how he even managed that. It was mostly shirts and t-shirts, but still, you think he'd notice.

Or the time he came this close to donating all my childhood books - I'd packed them in boxes when I moved rooms, and for some reason or other they'd got put in the loft and never unpacked. Mum was clearing out and got them all down. She put them in the dining room for me to have a look through when I next visited - I'd long left home by then. Somehow Dad got it into his head they were for donating, and they got as far as his boot before Mum noticed. She read him the riot act over that one, which he responded to with his usual martyr act - 'How was I supposed to know they weren't for donating?' You didn't ask, you fool!

Mum's pretty much given up asking him to do any washing up, as she'll just have to redo it. And the tales of 'moving piles of stuff instead of actually putting them away' are very, very familiar.

My boyfriend's dad doesn't do any of that sort of stuff, fortunately. But I still wish he'd stop trying to 'help us out'. The current battle is over a hoover. He gave us our current one and sadly, it's useless. It always has been. The only part of it that works is the wand designed for corners, so hoovering my house takes forever, even with a reasonably sized head attachment. He bought it second hand from a house clearance auction, (which isn't in itself a bad thing, he's had some pretty nice furniture from them over the years) but it was sold as scrap, which probably explains why it's so awful. I don't think you're allowed to test electrical appliances before you buy them.

I made the mistake of mentioning that we were in the market for a new hoover, and he instantly offered to get one from a house clearance. This is very generous of him, make no mistake, and I am appreciative of the offer, but I just don't want a secondhand appliance, I want a new one. I don't want him to give us something else that doesn't work.

He has a tendency to 'insist' on helping us, to the point were it doesn't feel like help any more, it feels like he thinks we can't manage things on our own despite the fact we're well into our twenties. I appreciate that he cares, really I do, but I wish he wouldn't be quite so... enthusiastic in demonstrating it. There are many many examples, but you'll all think I'm ungrateful if I tell you about all of them, so I'll leave you with the hoover  ;D
'I reject your reality and substitute my own!'

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #287 on: March 19, 2014, 10:43:47 AM »
I had a housemate who would just guess who was on the phone for me, so I'd get, "Lemur, phone for you, it's [name]".  I'd grab the phone, "Hi, [name], how are you?" only to find out it wasn't [name] but, on one occasion, a business contact I'd actually ended to impress.  When I asked the housemate why he'd said it was [name], he would just shrug and say, "I thought it was."  It took me a few goes to learn that one.
« Last Edit: March 19, 2014, 11:41:47 AM by RingTailedLemur »

Ms_Cellany

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #288 on: March 19, 2014, 11:04:49 AM »
<bg>A co-worker of mine, "Clara," is married to "Mitch," an eye doctor. Mitch is a very pushy person once when we went over to dinner, he wanted me to try some anti-allergy eye drops, to the point that he grabbed my head and was trying to apply them non-consensually while I was squeezing my eyes shut and Clara and The Sweetie were yelling at him to stop. </bg>

Current situation: a different friend is giving me her chickens, plus the coop, fencing, and all appurtenances. I've put a call on Facebook for friends to help me transport  & set up everything. I've got it planned out nearly to the minute so the fence will be predator-proof by the end of the day. All volunteers so far are women.

Clara asked if we still needed help. Further discussion revealed that she was busy that day, so it would be just Mitch, who would also have to bring their three small children.

I said, "Probably best not to. Excitable kids and stressed chickens are a bad mix, and I think if we have Mitch, lesbians, and tools, mansplaining is going to happen and it won't go over well."

She laughed and agreed. Bless her.

Current fosters: Boojum (F, adult); Zuul (F); Magpie (M); Balrog (M); Nazgul (F)

Lynn2000

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #289 on: March 19, 2014, 11:14:45 AM »
I'm trying to describe how my boss recently wanted to help, without me seeming ungrateful... Basically, I was going to pay for some nice treats for the office staff on my own, from a nearby bakery that makes their own stuff, and the boss wanted instead to bring in a grocery store cake she'd had in her freezer for who knows how long. That we should only eat half of, so we could use the other half to celebrate someone's birthday several days later.

We both ended up bringing in what we wanted, and we were able to keep her cake in the office freezer until the birthday celebration. I do think those cakes are good, actually, but they're very small, and not exactly amenable to a quick nibble the way a plate of cookies is. The point was to have treats that would sit out all day to appease the staff who I had scheduled six straight hours of meetings for, that would start before the boss even came in.
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Luci

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #290 on: March 19, 2014, 11:18:59 AM »

Clara asked if we still needed help. Further discussion revealed that she was busy that day, so it would be just Mitch, who would also have to bring their three small children.

I said, "Probably best not to. Excitable kids and stressed chickens are a bad mix, and I think if we have Mitch, lesbians, and tools, mansplaining is going to happen and it won't go over well."


Probably the clearest, most concise, and most polite rejection of help I have ever read. It should be a classic!

Ms_Cellany

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #291 on: March 19, 2014, 11:20:22 AM »

Clara asked if we still needed help. Further discussion revealed that she was busy that day, so it would be just Mitch, who would also have to bring their three small children.

I said, "Probably best not to. Excitable kids and stressed chickens are a bad mix, and I think if we have Mitch, lesbians, and tools, mansplaining is going to happen and it won't go over well."


Probably the clearest, most concise, and most polite rejection of help I have ever read. It should be a classic!

Clara is an incredibly level-headed woman. I assume Mitch has virtues that have not been revealed to me.
Current fosters: Boojum (F, adult); Zuul (F); Magpie (M); Balrog (M); Nazgul (F)

Kari

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #292 on: March 20, 2014, 11:05:57 AM »
My mother, bless her kind heart, has to be be kept away from my cast iron because she'll "helpfully" scrub them with soap, hot water, and a scouring pad to get that nasty shine off.

Both my parents love to help out with my job search with antiquated advice, and get very upset if I don't folow it. If I go into a certain business, I hear "Did you give them your resume? Why not?" Because, Mom and Dad, you can't always just hand off unsoliticed resumes everywhere you go anymore. They were once put out that I didn't hand a resume to my tour guide at the Library of Congress.

alkira6

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #293 on: March 20, 2014, 11:09:56 AM »
...

As for "Stop helping me" when DH and I are tidying he will pick up something that is mine (a peace of paper for eg) and try and hand it to me. doesn't matter what I am doing, he wants me to take it from him.

'Why of course I will take that important document that must be dealt with "right this second" while I am elbow deep in dish water."

Ha ha -- DH does this to me; in fact, he does it all the time.  I've learned to just tell him to set whatever it is aside.


This is both every SO I've ever had and all my siblings when we were kids. "Where do you want this piece of paper? this paper clip? this dust bunny?" I always end up saying "Just start a box/pile of Yvaine's Stuff and I'll go through it later.

Honey do you want this?

What is this paper?

Where does this go?

Do you want me to get this up? (directly after sweeping everything into a pile)

 Here, I'll help by ignoring the pile of papers in the "to shred" box by the shredder and instead go into the filing cabinet which is arranged neatly and begin to shred those documents.

jaxsue

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #294 on: March 20, 2014, 05:45:57 PM »
Also, all the people at church who offer me a ride home...after I've called my parents to come get me (I don't have my license yet). I appreciate the thought, folks, but outside when my mom's 5 minutes away from the church is not the right time for that. *facepalm*

But how do they know your parents are on their way?  I have been the person offered rides and the person who offers rides.  I've always appreciated the offer, even if my ride is on its way; and I've always received a smile and thanks when I've offered, and I have been taken up on the offer sometimes.  So, this seems like you are annoyed they can't read your mind....

ITA. Someone is being nice, so why be annoyed?

Shalamar

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #295 on: March 20, 2014, 06:01:29 PM »
Quote
He still screws things up (one time, we actually had to leave because he just put into action that which I wasn't supposed to do during the shop).

Oh dear!  I used to mystery shop myself, and I remember how strict they are about what you can and cannot do/say.  My sympathies.

I just remembered one - when my kids were young and my parents were visiting, Mum asked if I'd like anything from the grocery store.  I said "Oh, yes, please - we're all out of Fig Newtons."  When she got back, she handed me a package of the grocery store's generic fig bars.  I said "Um, not to be ungrateful, but these aren't Fig Newtons."  "Sure they are!  Okay, they're not the brand name, but they're just as good, and a lot cheaper!"  Except they WEREN'T just as good - they tasted weird, somehow, and my kids wouldn't eat them.  I ended up eating them.  Yuck.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #296 on: March 20, 2014, 09:56:41 PM »
I had a housemate who would just guess who was on the phone for me, so I'd get, "Lemur, phone for you, it's [name]".  I'd grab the phone, "Hi, [name], how are you?" only to find out it wasn't [name] but, on one occasion, a business contact I'd actually ended to impress.  When I asked the housemate why he'd said it was [name], he would just shrug and say, "I thought it was."  It took me a few goes to learn that one.

My brother would do that to me on purpose for laughs.  ::) If it was the hubby he'd say it was our mother and vice versa.  He didn't do it a lot, only twice that I remember, actually.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

violinp

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #297 on: March 20, 2014, 10:04:58 PM »
Also, all the people at church who offer me a ride home...after I've called my parents to come get me (I don't have my license yet). I appreciate the thought, folks, but outside when my mom's 5 minutes away from the church is not the right time for that. *facepalm*

But how do they know your parents are on their way?  I have been the person offered rides and the person who offers rides.  I've always appreciated the offer, even if my ride is on its way; and I've always received a smile and thanks when I've offered, and I have been taken up on the offer sometimes.  So, this seems like you are annoyed they can't read your mind....

ITA. Someone is being nice, so why be annoyed?

They were there when I called my parents. I have to call them when choir's over so they know to come for me.

Fortunately, this little annoyance has been solved, since I'm learning how to drive and thus can beg off because I need to practice.
"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends" - Harry Potter


Elisabunny

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #298 on: March 21, 2014, 01:38:30 PM »
Quote
He still screws things up (one time, we actually had to leave because he just put into action that which I wasn't supposed to do during the shop).

Oh dear!  I used to mystery shop myself, and I remember how strict they are about what you can and cannot do/say.  My sympathies.

I just remembered one - when my kids were young and my parents were visiting, Mum asked if I'd like anything from the grocery store.  I said "Oh, yes, please - we're all out of Fig Newtons."  When she got back, she handed me a package of the grocery store's generic fig bars.  I said "Um, not to be ungrateful, but these aren't Fig Newtons."  "Sure they are!  Okay, they're not the brand name, but they're just as good, and a lot cheaper!"  Except they WEREN'T just as good - they tasted weird, somehow, and my kids wouldn't eat them.  I ended up eating them.  Yuck.

Store brands are funny.  Some really do taste like the name brand, usually because they are, just under a different label.  While others...don't.  I wouldn't buy someone the generic unless they specifically said it was ok.
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Lynn2000

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #299 on: March 21, 2014, 03:37:04 PM »
Quote
He still screws things up (one time, we actually had to leave because he just put into action that which I wasn't supposed to do during the shop).

Oh dear!  I used to mystery shop myself, and I remember how strict they are about what you can and cannot do/say.  My sympathies.

I just remembered one - when my kids were young and my parents were visiting, Mum asked if I'd like anything from the grocery store.  I said "Oh, yes, please - we're all out of Fig Newtons."  When she got back, she handed me a package of the grocery store's generic fig bars.  I said "Um, not to be ungrateful, but these aren't Fig Newtons."  "Sure they are!  Okay, they're not the brand name, but they're just as good, and a lot cheaper!"  Except they WEREN'T just as good - they tasted weird, somehow, and my kids wouldn't eat them.  I ended up eating them.  Yuck.

Store brands are funny.  Some really do taste like the name brand, usually because they are, just under a different label.  While others...don't.  I wouldn't buy someone the generic unless they specifically said it was ok.

If given this task, my dad would bring back Fig Newtons, generic fig bars, healthy energy fig bars, Raspberry Newtons, and Oreos, you know, just to make sure he got the right thing.

Which can be equally irritating, if now you have five boxes of cookies in the house, when just one was an indulgence; and five boxes to store instead of one; and the extra money spent (if you're my mom with a joint account). In that situation I would "help" by walking off with the Raspberry Newtons and the Oreos. :D
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