Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 67464 times)

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Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #330 on: March 26, 2014, 09:37:00 PM »
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Anglicans don't have many non-Biblical prohibitions, but it's sometimes thought of as an "upper crust" religious sect. So, where one religion might ban alcohol or gambling, Anglicans would be horrified at someone eating a meal with the wrong fork. Sort of a play on making formal etiquette a religious requirement.

I've been told that our church, 30 years ago, was kinda known as the "rich" church and was kind of like an exclusive church for the community's affluent members.  One of the older members and his wife started going and put some changes into effect so now it's a lot more open, warm and welcoming to anyone from any walk of life.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

cabbageweevil

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #331 on: March 27, 2014, 04:46:21 AM »
It's not a joke I've heard, but here's a bunch of jokes and one is a variant.  It's playing off the idea that Anglicans/Episcopalians have what seems like a lot of rules.

A fun assortment -- thanks. (I was still baffled by the other two of the three Episcopalian jokes, though -- it's probably a "transatlantic" thing !)

cabbageweevil

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #332 on: March 27, 2014, 04:52:47 AM »
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Anglicans don't have many non-Biblical prohibitions, but it's sometimes thought of as an "upper crust" religious sect. So, where one religion might ban alcohol or gambling, Anglicans would be horrified at someone eating a meal with the wrong fork. Sort of a play on making formal etiquette a religious requirement.

I've been told that our church, 30 years ago, was kinda known as the "rich" church and was kind of like an exclusive church for the community's affluent members.  One of the older members and his wife started going and put some changes into effect so now it's a lot more open, warm and welcoming to anyone from any walk of life.

I get it now -- thanks. Over here, there's plenty of (mostly) affectionate mockery between different branches of Christianity -- but I don't think any of those concerned are particularly thought of here, as etiquette sticklers !  Though in England there is something of a traditional feeling that the Anglican church tends to be upper- and middle-class territory, whereas working folk have tended to gravitate rather, to the more low-church Protestant denominations.

JustEstelle

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #333 on: March 28, 2014, 01:11:52 AM »
To bring the discussion back on topic (i.e., people "helping" and creating problems), I have another story to submit.

I made dinner this evening.  DH was doing something outside, so I just set the pot off the burner and put a lit on it to keep the food warm (sometimes he takes his good, sweet time when he's in the middle of something).  I thought he'd come in, wash his hands and then sit down to be served.  No.  He went to the sink and started washing up the items I'd used in the food prep (I'd set them in the sink and run water in items with a squirt of dish soap to soak until after dinner).  This isn't the first time he's done this and cleaned up before I had a chance to do it myself.  It's bothersome because sometimes I want to put things through the dishwasher to be sanitized and he hand washes them.  I usually sneak those items into the dishwasher and sanitize them when he's moved on to something else.  Anyway, tonight it just really irritated me because, with him taking up the sink area and most of the counter with his washing stuff, I couldn't plate the food until he moved out of the way.  So I wound up having to sit down and wait for him to finish. 

Dindrane

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #334 on: March 28, 2014, 01:51:02 AM »
In that situation, I would talk to your DH about his habit of washing up while dinner is sitting on the stove ready to be plated.

My husband comes from a family where all dishes are washed and the kitchen is cleaned before anyone sits down to eat. His family has logical reasons for this (it's a combination of living in a warm and humid area that is prone to bug issues, and a rather heightened desire for neatness), but I hate it. For the first few months that we lived together, we always ate dinner lukewarm at best, because my husband would insist on bringing the state of the kitchen to "spotless" before we ate. It was especially difficult for me, because my family operated more with the "leave all the dishes in the sink to wash up after dinner unless you need them sooner" method of doing things.

Our compromise now is that whatever dishes can be washed while waiting for food to cook get washed. Anything that needs to actually soak (because of cooked-on food or whatever) gets filled with water and dish soap before dinner. But everything else waits until after we eat. You might suggest a similar "rule" to your husband if this is a recurring problem.


aiki

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #335 on: March 28, 2014, 06:21:48 AM »
On more than one occasion she has asked for something specific, clarified that she does actually want that, and they would come back with something else. "Oh, I know you said you wanted Sudafed, but Otrivine was cheaper!" (Yeah, and it doesn't work!) "Oh, I know you wanted Mellow Birds coffee, but I got this Asda brand instead." (Yuck!) "I know you said two bags of potatoes, but you'll only need one." (My daughter is coming down for Christmas with her husband - I said TWO because I will need TWO!) Drove her nuts.

Online shopping must be a godsend for her. Simply click and get exactly what you want...
"A true gentleman is one who is never unintentionally rude."  - Oscar Wilde

Dazi

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #336 on: March 28, 2014, 06:57:40 AM »
The generic-versus-brand-name thing is what really used to hack my mother off, because she is housebound and has carers who do her shopping.

On more than one occasion she has asked for something specific, clarified that she does actually want that, and they would come back with something else. "Oh, I know you said you wanted Sudafed, but Otrivine was cheaper!" (Yeah, and it doesn't work!) "Oh, I know you wanted Mellow Birds coffee, but I got this Asda brand instead." (Yuck!) "I know you said two bags of potatoes, but you'll only need one." (My daughter is coming down for Christmas with her husband - I said TWO because I will need TWO!) Drove her nuts.

Fortunately they seem to have finally got the message, possibly after one of them ended up lumbered with a bottle of a horribly sweet alcohol that Mum didn't want. She had asked for a box of chocolate liqueurs, the carer wrote it down wrong and came back with a bottle of chocolate liqueur. I gather it was vile.

Many moons ago I worked in a grocery store.  At the time I often did the shopping for those that needed it done, usually either home bound or those with vision problems/blind.  I was actually one of the mid rung managers, so not really part of my job per se, but so many people specifically asked for me because I got them exactly what they asked for or the nearest equivalent if something was not available (calling to clarify anything that I didn't understand or to okay a substitute prior to actually putting it with their order).

Many places and other people just chucked whatever, ignored name brand request, and subbed whatever they felt like.  The one that stands out was a lady who wanted X amount of vanilla beans and someone got her a big bottle of imitation vanilla extract.   ??? I personally walked over her vanilla beans as she lived in the senior complex across the street and explained to the person doing the shopping how those were not remotely the same.  His response was along the lines of he didn't know the difference so he picked up what his mother usually bought.


My name brand vs generic peeve is with tissues.  When I'm sick and snotty I want Puffs with lotion and no other kind will do.  My nose gets all red, sore, crusty, flaky and peels otherwise.  I don't mean I want Kleenex, I don't give a dingdangity what is on sale, I want exactly what I wrote down. Same thing with pain relievers, the only OTC thing I can use is Tylenol/acetaminophen (this is doctor ordered. Years ago a Friend went to the store for me while I was sick.  I wrote out a very detailed list and specifically stated on the list and to them in person that it was very important not to stray or substitute products due to allergies and doctor restrictions on drugs.  I had to take back the whole order with 103 fever because there was not a single thing I could use in it.  They picked up Aleve (I am not allowed to take NSAIDS because of bleeding issues), soup that the primary ingredient I can't eat, Sudefed that sky rockets my blood pressure, generic brand tissues, and the list went on. I was not the least bit happy about the whole hot mess.
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





cabbageweevil

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #337 on: March 28, 2014, 07:18:50 AM »
In that situation, I would talk to your DH about his habit of washing up while dinner is sitting on the stove ready to be plated.

My husband comes from a family where all dishes are washed and the kitchen is cleaned before anyone sits down to eat. His family has logical reasons for this (it's a combination of living in a warm and humid area that is prone to bug issues, and a rather heightened desire for neatness), but I hate it. For the first few months that we lived together, we always ate dinner lukewarm at best, because my husband would insist on bringing the state of the kitchen to "spotless" before we ate. It was especially difficult for me, because my family operated more with the "leave all the dishes in the sink to wash up after dinner unless you need them sooner" method of doing things.

Our compromise now is that whatever dishes can be washed while waiting for food to cook get washed. Anything that needs to actually soak (because of cooked-on food or whatever) gets filled with water and dish soap before dinner. But everything else waits until after we eat. You might suggest a similar "rule" to your husband if this is a recurring problem.

Dindrane: re your husband's family's way of doing things -- I feel for you.  I reckon that having that procedure forced on me, would drive me insane. Honestly, it strikes me as perverse -- warm humid bug-rich environment, or not.  It would seem largely to take away the point of cooking at all...  Glad to learn that your husband has been amenable to a sensible compromise.

nayberry

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #338 on: March 28, 2014, 07:44:03 AM »
In that situation, I would talk to your DH about his habit of washing up while dinner is sitting on the stove ready to be plated.

My husband comes from a family where all dishes are washed and the kitchen is cleaned before anyone sits down to eat. His family has logical reasons for this (it's a combination of living in a warm and humid area that is prone to bug issues, and a rather heightened desire for neatness), but I hate it. For the first few months that we lived together, we always ate dinner lukewarm at best, because my husband would insist on bringing the state of the kitchen to "spotless" before we ate. It was especially difficult for me, because my family operated more with the "leave all the dishes in the sink to wash up after dinner unless you need them sooner" method of doing things.

Our compromise now is that whatever dishes can be washed while waiting for food to cook get washed. Anything that needs to actually soak (because of cooked-on food or whatever) gets filled with water and dish soap before dinner. But everything else waits until after we eat. You might suggest a similar "rule" to your husband if this is a recurring problem.

Dindrane: re your husband's family's way of doing things -- I feel for you.  I reckon that having that procedure forced on me, would drive me insane. Honestly, it strikes me as perverse -- warm humid bug-rich environment, or not.  It would seem largely to take away the point of cooking at all...  Glad to learn that your husband has been amenable to a sensible compromise.

i have an aunt who thought that i should wash my dishes before eating.  she was firmly told that i would do them as soon as i'd eaten as i like my food to be hot when i eat it. 


background to this, i was staying at my grandparents for a few weeks and gma would go and do any dishes that were left, even if just for a few minutes.  gma and i had discussed it and she said that if she got to them first she was doing them and i couldn't stop her :P 
aunt is very much a SS and quite often left her dishes so i don't know why she thought it was any of her business.

Bethalize

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #339 on: March 28, 2014, 09:48:51 AM »
Anglicans sometimes eat a whole meal with their salad fork....

(Yeah, that one was told to me by an Anglican priest.)

Now this one, I do not get -- even though I'm English, though not brought up Anglican as such. (I'm not bugging folk for an explanation -- as is often observed, jokes cease to be very funny when explained, if they have to be !)

Anglicans don't have many non-Biblical prohibitions, but it's sometimes thought of as an "upper crust" religious sect. So, where one religion might ban alcohol or gambling, Anglicans would be horrified at someone eating a meal with the wrong fork. Sort of a play on making formal etiquette a religious requirement.

As an addition to that, it's okay in the UK to eat a main course with only your fork so long as it is only your fork. You cannot switch between knife-and-fork and just fork. Then pudding is ALWAYS eaten with a fork. Lots of people will say that they use spoons (and very sensible that is too) but if one was U it was a fork or go without.

alkira6

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #340 on: March 28, 2014, 12:12:02 PM »
I have kind of given up on getting my husband to get the exact thing if I don't tell him explicitly.  Things are getting better on the grocery front because he is the main cook now (he took over in January) and he has realized that not all products are created equal.  The first time he went grocery shopping on his own with his own list he came home gloating about how much money he saved.  I told him to compare the ingredient against the list of things that I can't have or are allergic to.  80% of his groceries was on the "no" list for me.  The others were generics or brands that didn't suit my tastes.  he could definitely tell the difference in quality when he cooked.

He's back to writing down the brand and size when he uses the last of something so that he buys the exact same thing the next time he shops.

Asharah

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #341 on: March 28, 2014, 01:25:08 PM »
I remember a story, possibly true where a guy walked into a home supply store and handed the clerk a note. It was from the girlfriend, explaining boyfriend if sweet but "color-coordination" impaired. They need either a beige or peach shower curtain liner. If he says pink, just give him the beige or peach and tell him it's pink.  ;D
Asharah

dinvancouver

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #342 on: March 28, 2014, 02:27:10 PM »
As a costumer who works with high quality fabric and turns out work that's either professional quality or close to it, all these stories of people forcefully "helping" with laundry, when they obviously don't know how to do it, don't care to know, or have some seriously misguided ideas about how it should be done (Like insisting EVERYTHING be washed in hot water) have me cringing.
I've got garments made of wool, silk, embroidered cotton, brocade, and unique fashion fabrics that the local stores only ever got one shipment of, and will likely never have again. And I've got things that took in excess of 50 hours to make. Anyone who wrecked all of that (in some cases irreplaceable) hard work would be getting off cheap if all I did was bill them for the cost of the fabric, as opposed to billing them for labor costs on top of that.

I don't know what goes through these people's heads- is it some desire to force their will on others, no matter what the other person wants or needs?

As for "helping", I've got one. It concerns my senior Prom in High School.
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm just not a "formal gown" type of person. So a traditional prom dress was right out- my parents made me try one on, and it felt more fake and "costumey" on me than anything that's ever come off my sewing machine. Our first day shopping, my mom came at me with such a long list of "You are not's", that I may as well have said "Screw it then, I'm staying home". My mom kept showing me matronly dresses that looked like something she might wear to work. Finally we found a dressy pantsuit that I liked. Even then, she just wanted to foist so many things on me- uncomfortable dress shoes that ended up killing my feet. Accessories that she pretty much picked out. And makeup. Oh gods, that. She insisted I wear it, and would not let me leave the house without it, even though I have serious tomboy tendencies and  don't ever wear the stuff. She told me I looked dumpy without it, and finished off by crying- "It's your prom, I'm exited and I want to help!", she sobbed. Never mind that her "help" pretty much involved pushing out a lot of what I might have wanted, and imposing her own vision on me. In the end, I looked like Cruella DeVille with that facepaint on. In photos it sticks out like a sore thumb, looking completely artificial.

Had my friends and I gotten our way, we might have done something off the wall, memorable, and cool. We were thinking that historical dress from various time periods and places would look awesome. Some of my friends were thinking 18th century Europe, I would have gone with Edo period Japan. Unfortunately the idea died due to a variety of factors- one was that in the late 90's, there were not nearly as many resources for historical garb as there are now, so buying, renting, or making the stuff was a harder proposition. And in my case, my mother singlehandedly killed it. One of her "You are nots" was "You are not leaving the house dressed like some otherworldly...thing".
Funny, I never considered Kimono to be "otherworldly", but anyhow..
So in the end, Prom didn't even end up feeling like my event at all. It was all about how my mom insisted it be. All the more reason she won't be "helping" if I ever have a wedding to plan.

I am sooooo sorry this happened to you. My daughter wants to be a costumer. She has already made a lot of nifty stuff. If she and the group she went with had suggested something like this I would have done my standard "my daughter is being unusual mode" - nod, smile and say "alright honey - do you need help with anything?"

I have helped - with making a set of articulated dragon wings. :-)

I hope you mother is a little more supportive now. To late for the prom, but still.

SamiHami

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #343 on: March 28, 2014, 02:40:21 PM »
I have kind of given up on getting my husband to get the exact thing if I don't tell him explicitly.  Things are getting better on the grocery front because he is the main cook now (he took over in January) and he has realized that not all products are created equal.  The first time he went grocery shopping on his own with his own list he came home gloating about how much money he saved.  I told him to compare the ingredient against the list of things that I can't have or are allergic to.  80% of his groceries was on the "no" list for me.  The others were generics or brands that didn't suit my tastes.  he could definitely tell the difference in quality when he cooked.

He's back to writing down the brand and size when he uses the last of something so that he buys the exact same thing the next time he shops.

DH and I have both been known to take pictures of packages with our cell phones so we can refer to them when shopping.

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

Amanita

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #344 on: March 28, 2014, 03:30:38 PM »

I am sooooo sorry this happened to you. My daughter wants to be a costumer. She has already made a lot of nifty stuff. If she and the group she went with had suggested something like this I would have done my standard "my daughter is being unusual mode" - nod, smile and say "alright honey - do you need help with anything?"

I have helped - with making a set of articulated dragon wings. :-)

I hope you mother is a little more supportive now. To late for the prom, but still.

I think she accepts my costuming a little more now, which is better than outright attacks and dismissal. Unfortunately I'll never get to do anything like what I wanted for prom, as there's precious little tolerance for that kind of self expression at "adult" formal events.