Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 65992 times)

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Asharah

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #525 on: April 21, 2014, 01:07:34 PM »
My criteria for shirts and pants is T-shirts, jeans and shorts are folded for drawers. Any other shirts or pants go on hangers. I have received no complaints.
Asharah

TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #526 on: April 21, 2014, 01:08:32 PM »
A friend stayed here this weekend. I had a giant pile of clean clothes to fold on the couch, which I was going to do while we watched a movie. So I came out from putting kids to bed, and friend had started folding.

I've discovered that I'm a bit fussy about folding - I fold bath towels differently to beach towels for a very practical reason which is boring to explain, I like to put things into piles according to how they go into cupboards, I know how the shirts need to be folded so they fit in the spaces in the kids' shelves etc.

So friend had folded all the towels into different shapes than I do, and made a huge pile with guest towels, bath towels and beach towels all in the same pile, shirts folded too small, kids clothes mixed into each others' piles etc. So much more effort to sort it all out than to have just done it myself in the first place.

I know exactly how you feel! I'm the same way about my laundry. I keep thinking I am in SOOO much trouble if i am ever not able to do mine and have to have someone help me. I'm fussy about my detergent, what goes in the dryer, for how long, how much soap I use (next to none) and so on. I would drive someone nuts if they had to help me since its not just "dump in the washer and put some soap in"

My family and friends (and I) are all similarly exacting (I'm not going to say "picky"--wrong connotation) about how things are folded. They won't fit on the shelves if they're wrong!

Once my friend was helping to fold the kids' clothes, and I had to almost wrestle her into submission to get her to believe me when I told her that THIS time, I didn't really care, just fold 'em in whatever seems sensible.

siamesecat--here's my "it doesn't go in the dryer" trick. I have a ton of net bags, and anything that's not dryer-able (knits, bras, stuff w/ stains) goes in a net bag.
   And net bags don't go in the dryer. (Not that someone who didn't know couldn't mess things up).
   I won't do other people's laundry if I'm helping them. Well, I won't do it without detailed consultation.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #527 on: April 21, 2014, 01:13:24 PM »
Read a story once where Mom got on teenaged son for the way he was folding his T-shirts, Argument ended with teen rumpling shirt in a ball and storming off. Moral of the story, if you have a teenaged son who is actually willing to fold his own clothes, shut your trap and let him fold them anyway he darn well pleases.  ;D :D

LOL!!! Amen to that one...

I'm one who isn't really all that picky on folding clothes. Sure I have my way of doing things and I don't really bother folding knickers cause really, besides myself and dh no one is going to see them and neither of us cares if my knickers are wrinkled but at the same time I'm not crazy about someone else handling my knickers so if I do have someone helping, I'll often fish out the knickers and do it myself.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #528 on: April 21, 2014, 01:33:03 PM »
I fold my undies so they'll fit in the drawer better--they're flat, so the drawer will close. And they take up less space, so I can cram more underwear in there. That's the reason I've always told my kids.

Folding clothes is a great example of how I try to teach my kids that there are *practical* reasons for the stuff we do. There's nothing morally superior about one way of folding stuff than another--there's no one "right" way. There's just "the way that accomplishes a specific goal" (like, fitting in the drawer, not getting wrinkled, etc.)

My DH would try to fold his shirts in thirds, the way they come in the package. And he couldn't do it neatly--they were always just kind of "flumped" there. So I taught him to fold them in half down the middle, because then he'd actually get them flat. Yes, even his polo shirts, with the collars.

My MIL told me, "That's now how you fold those shirts, you have to fold them in thirds." I told her, "Sez who? There's no law, you know, and if it gets them flat and in the drawer, it doesn't matter." She started up again, and I said, "In your house, feel free to fold them however you like. In my house, we fold them in half." She dropped it. But I think she still thinks I fold them wrong.

GratefulMaria

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #529 on: April 21, 2014, 03:15:31 PM »
I fold my undies so they'll fit in the drawer better--they're flat, so the drawer will close. And they take up less space, so I can cram more underwear in there. That's the reason I've always told my kids.

Folding clothes is a great example of how I try to teach my kids that there are *practical* reasons for the stuff we do. There's nothing morally superior about one way of folding stuff than another--there's no one "right" way. There's just "the way that accomplishes a specific goal" (like, fitting in the drawer, not getting wrinkled, etc.)

My DH would try to fold his shirts in thirds, the way they come in the package. And he couldn't do it neatly--they were always just kind of "flumped" there. So I taught him to fold them in half down the middle, because then he'd actually get them flat. Yes, even his polo shirts, with the collars.

My MIL told me, "That's now how you fold those shirts, you have to fold them in thirds." I told her, "Sez who? There's no law, you know, and if it gets them flat and in the drawer, it doesn't matter." She started up again, and I said, "In your house, feel free to fold them however you like. In my house, we fold them in half." She dropped it. But I think she still thinks I fold them wrong.

My mother and I just had this sort of conversation!  It was about some-food-storage-method-or-another and when I mentioned my method, she said something along the lines of "Well, you know the right way to do it."  I told her it didn't have to be "the right way" for me to be able to pick the way I did something.

Asharah

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #530 on: April 21, 2014, 03:45:58 PM »
I fold my undies so they'll fit in the drawer better--they're flat, so the drawer will close. And they take up less space, so I can cram more underwear in there. That's the reason I've always told my kids.

Folding clothes is a great example of how I try to teach my kids that there are *practical* reasons for the stuff we do. There's nothing morally superior about one way of folding stuff than another--there's no one "right" way. There's just "the way that accomplishes a specific goal" (like, fitting in the drawer, not getting wrinkled, etc.)

My DH would try to fold his shirts in thirds, the way they come in the package. And he couldn't do it neatly--they were always just kind of "flumped" there. So I taught him to fold them in half down the middle, because then he'd actually get them flat. Yes, even his polo shirts, with the collars.

My MIL told me, "That's now how you fold those shirts, you have to fold them in thirds." I told her, "Sez who? There's no law, you know, and if it gets them flat and in the drawer, it doesn't matter." She started up again, and I said, "In your house, feel free to fold them however you like. In my house, we fold them in half." She dropped it. But I think she still thinks I fold them wrong.

My mother and I just had this sort of conversation!  It was about some-food-storage-method-or-another and when I mentioned my method, she said something along the lines of "Well, you know the right way to do it."  I told her it didn't have to be "the right way" for me to be able to pick the way I did something.
Over on the "Roommate Hell" thread, they had a couple of stories from OPs who were constantly told they were "wrong" anytime they didn't do things roommates way. Didn't vacuum the rooms in the right order. Didn't make the bed as soon as they got up. Didn't use bleach to clean the bathroom. Vacuumed the kitchen floor. Wrong, WRONG, WRONG! One said after she moved out, roomie had a bunch more roommates who didn't last any longer.  ;D
Asharah

TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #531 on: April 21, 2014, 03:48:00 PM »
speaking of helping, I don't think parents are helping their kids any when they teach them these things as "wrong" or "right." But you -do- help your kids by teaching them the *reasons* something is your preferred method. Even if it's, "It grates on my nerves to hear the sound of china on the glass refrigerator shelves, so use the Tupperware!"

CakeEater

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #532 on: April 21, 2014, 05:00:22 PM »
I fold my undies so they'll fit in the drawer better--they're flat, so the drawer will close. And they take up less space, so I can cram more underwear in there. That's the reason I've always told my kids.

Folding clothes is a great example of how I try to teach my kids that there are *practical* reasons for the stuff we do. There's nothing morally superior about one way of folding stuff than another--there's no one "right" way. There's just "the way that accomplishes a specific goal" (like, fitting in the drawer, not getting wrinkled, etc.)

My DH would try to fold his shirts in thirds, the way they come in the package. And he couldn't do it neatly--they were always just kind of "flumped" there. So I taught him to fold them in half down the middle, because then he'd actually get them flat. Yes, even his polo shirts, with the collars.

My MIL told me, "That's now how you fold those shirts, you have to fold them in thirds." I told her, "Sez who? There's no law, you know, and if it gets them flat and in the drawer, it doesn't matter." She started up again, and I said, "In your house, feel free to fold them however you like. In my house, we fold them in half." She dropped it. But I think she still thinks I fold them wrong.

This was one of the exact problems! I'm a 'flat' folder and friend is a fold it in thirds type. But the kids' shirts are too small to fold like that - the pile on their shelves gets too high and falls over, and I can't fit as many in. And on adult shirts, it wrinkles the sleeves too much.

And I fold adult underwear, because it's bigger, but not kid underwear, because it sits better just laying flat. Dh likes his socks roled but not folded over on itself because it stretches out the elastic in the sock, but I like mine folded over because otherwise the pairs unravel in my drawer.

And I fold bath towels into eighths because the shelf is wider and I can get more on the shelf if they're folded flatter but wider, and beach towels into twelfths because they usually get shoved into swimming bags, and need to be folded into a smaller sausage shape.

But I feel like a bit of a nutter insisting on that, and it's much easier to just do it myself than explain how every item should be folded., or put up with it all being wrong in the cupboards for a week or two.
« Last Edit: April 21, 2014, 05:17:18 PM by CakeEater »

laud_shy_girl

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #533 on: April 21, 2014, 05:28:36 PM »
I have an obsession with hanging things. If I can possibly put it on a hanger, I do.

I hate folding things.

Back on topic, DH and I are tying to sort out my little Girls toys and move things up in the attic that she has out grown. He spent ages bagging things up (even thought I asked him not to) only for me to have to go through and take half of them out.

Most of what he bagged was toys she not only still played with, but asked for by name. Or in the case of some toys, they were things she had not had a chance to play with because they were new.

I think he finally 'gets it' and has stopped helping with this, after me explaining how and when she plays with each toy.
“For too long, we've assumed that there is a single template for human nature, which is why we diagnose most deviations as disorders. But the reality is that there are many different kinds of minds. And that's a very good thing.” - Jonah Lehrer

Elfmama

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #534 on: April 21, 2014, 05:45:04 PM »
A friend stayed here this weekend. I had a giant pile of clean clothes to fold on the couch, which I was going to do while we watched a movie. So I came out from putting kids to bed, and friend had started folding.

I've discovered that I'm a bit fussy about folding - I fold bath towels differently to beach towels for a very practical reason which is boring to explain, I like to put things into piles according to how they go into cupboards, I know how the shirts need to be folded so they fit in the spaces in the kids' shelves etc.

So friend had folded all the towels into different shapes than I do, and made a huge pile with guest towels, bath towels and beach towels all in the same pile, shirts folded too small, kids clothes mixed into each others' piles etc. So much more effort to sort it all out than to have just done it myself in the first place.

I know exactly how you feel! I'm the same way about my laundry. I keep thinking I am in SOOO much trouble if i am ever not able to do mine and have to have someone help me. I'm fussy about my detergent, what goes in the dryer, for how long, how much soap I use (next to none) and so on. I would drive someone nuts if they had to help me since its not just "dump in the washer and put some soap in"

I always find it funny that advice for helping new mothers/people recovering for surgery/elderly relations often includes, 'Put a load of washing in, or fold a basket of laundry.' I always (internally) scream at the computer, 'But how would I know how small to fold the tea towels?!'

I think that would be an interesting poll. Because as long as the clothes and towels fit where they need to fit I really don't care how they are folded. I do have my own preference but if someone else comes along and does them for me I am fine if they do it there way as long as they are all where they need to be when all is said and done. Makes me wonder how many people are like me and how many like you. Maybe an even split?
It depends.  Have I trained them?

 Other than towels, I don't really care how they're folded, but when we were first married, it drove me NUTS the way DH would stack laundry. He'd fold a towel and put it on the table.  Then he'd fold a t-shirt, and put that on top of the towel.  Then he'd fold a tea-towel and put that on the stack, followed by one of my shirts, a pair of his undershorts, another of his t-shirts, a couple of pairs of socks, a dishcloth....  I think you get the idea.  So that to put it all away, you had to unstack it, and that would unfold one or more items, so they had to be refolded.

(I'm wondering now if it wasn't one of those sneaky things aimed at me.  You know, where the other person deliberately does a lousy job, so that the first person says "dingdangity it, give me that -- I'll just do it myself!")

When he retired, I let him do his own laundry.  I don't care how he stacks his own stuff.  :P

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Katana_Geldar

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #535 on: April 21, 2014, 06:04:44 PM »
I still remember a big argument I had with my Mum and stepfather about how properly to carry an ironing board from one room to another. My method is to flatten it, carry it to where it's needed and then reassemble it as it's easier to take around corners and through doorways without banging into anything. Even when I explained why I did it this way, it wasn't THEIR WAY so therefore it wasn't the right way even though both methods ended up getting the same result.

They also failed to see the sheer absurdity and pointlessness of arguing for the better part of an hour about the "right" way to carry an ironing board.   >:(

TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #536 on: April 21, 2014, 06:07:07 PM »

(I'm wondering now if it wasn't one of those sneaky things aimed at me.  You know, where the other person deliberately does a lousy job, so that the first person says "dingdangity it, give me that -- I'll just do it myself!")

That's the *classic* example for "passive aggressive" behavior.
Which I think is an appropriate thing to allude to on a thread called "stop helping me."

I still remember a big argument I had with my Mum and stepfather about how properly to carry an ironing board from one room to another. My method is to flatten it, carry it to where it's needed and then reassemble it as it's easier to take around corners and through doorways without banging into anything. Even when I explained why I did it this way, it wasn't THEIR WAY so therefore it wasn't the right way even though both methods ended up getting the same result.

They also failed to see the sheer absurdity and pointlessness of arguing for the better part of an hour about the "right" way to carry an ironing board.   >:(

Then again, *you* were arguing for that same "better part of an hour," weren't you?   ;)

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #537 on: April 21, 2014, 06:10:19 PM »
Not really. I was trying to end the argument and get away, but I recall the blocked my path so I was unable to do so. It wasn't fun as they were rather unpleasant about the whole thing.

Dindrane

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #538 on: April 21, 2014, 10:57:35 PM »
I always find it funny that advice for helping new mothers/people recovering for surgery/elderly relations often includes, 'Put a load of washing in, or fold a basket of laundry.' I always (internally) scream at the computer, 'But how would I know how small to fold the tea towels?!'

I think aside from people caring differently about the specifics of their laundry and folding, there are also times in everyone's life where the fact that they don't have to be the one to do it cancels out things like folding the tea towels to the wrong size. :) Everyone has different thresholds for that, of course, but I think most people reach a point eventually where they just don't have the mental energy to worry about how the laundry is folded...they're just happy somebody washed it for them.

I am very particular about how my laundry is folded (and how my shirts and pants that get hung up to dry are hung up when they are pulled out of the washing machine). My husband...isn't. And stinks at being neat. I actually can't watch him fold his clothes, because it makes me crazy how messy he is about it. It's gotten to the point where I am the official packer of suitcases (unless we're not sharing, though that's rather rare), because I can't stand putting my neatly folded clothes in a suitcase with his half-hearted folding. There are practical reasons for that, of course, but it's mostly because it would seriously bother me the entire time we were traveling if I didn't just do it myself before we left.

But even with all of that, I sometimes have to let my husband do my laundry for me. I've given him detailed instructions about how to hang up my shirts in particular, and he either doesn't remember or doesn't really understand what I'm talking about (although to be fair to him, I have changed my mind about things like which buttons get buttoned and what to do with the collar, so some of his confusion really is on me). It's a fact of life that if he hangs up my clothes, they won't sit on the hanger just so, and they'll sometimes dry a little funny as a result. Sometimes, though, I just don't have the energy to care, because I need clean clothes and don't have the time (or energy) to wash them myself.

At least I've finally gotten him to just leave all my laundry tossed in a basket, instead of trying to pair my socks or fold towels or anything like that. I just ended up unfolding them, and getting unreasonably annoyed that he did it "wrong". It's really much better for our marriage if he just doesn't bother. :)


MommyPenguin

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #539 on: April 22, 2014, 12:04:05 AM »
Other than towels, I don't really care how they're folded, but when we were first married, it drove me NUTS the way DH would stack laundry. He'd fold a towel and put it on the table.  Then he'd fold a t-shirt, and put that on top of the towel.  Then he'd fold a tea-towel and put that on the stack, followed by one of my shirts, a pair of his undershorts, another of his t-shirts, a couple of pairs of socks, a dishcloth....  I think you get the idea.  So that to put it all away, you had to unstack it, and that would unfold one or more items, so they had to be refolded.

I am totally with you here!  I tell the kids that I don't really care how stuff is folded (it all gets tossed about in their drawers anyway), the main thing I care about is that it goes into the right pile so it gets put in the right person's drawers.  My parents-in-law fold clothes at their house right out of the dryer, and they just fold each item and stack it into the laundry basket, so that everything is all mixed up.  Maybe this works when you just have two people (although I definitely still sorted stuff when there were only two of us!) but with six people, you'd *constantly* have to be checking sizes of everything to figure out whose it is.  I used to remember whose clothes were whose, but now that everything's been passed down many times, I can no longer remember whether I remember Jenny wearing something because she's actually worn it recently, or whether I associate it with Jenny because she wore it 4 years ago and I have a picture taken with her in it.  I'm hopeless without looking at tags, and that's really tedious to have to do twice!  Not to mention that laundry goes in all sorts of different places around the house, so if it's all mixed together you have to carry the basket around from place to place to get it all put away.