Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 68634 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #15 on: March 05, 2014, 02:15:12 PM »
This was me.

I still feel terrible.

We went to DD's college dorm to install a bookcase thingie. Her room was a mess. I was trying to tidy up carefully (toss the empty paper bags, put stuff int he drawer that it seemed to go in).

I unknotted a kerchief and flattened it out to put it in a drawer. And forgot that it was one of those "as long as this stays knotted, you'll one day return."

A big learning lesson for me.

SamiHami

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #16 on: March 05, 2014, 02:20:11 PM »
My mom, truly with only good intentions, sometimes forgets that not everyone thinks exactly the way she does. So, let's say we have a family get together. My brother and I kid around a lot. We always have. I'm almost 50 and he's a little older, so we are pretty comfortable with how we communicate with each other. But, Mom will hear us kidding around and will stew on one little comment and will twist it up in her head until she is convinced that one of us has gravely and irreparably insulted the other. Sohe'll go to the "perpetrator" and say something like, "You know, you really hurt your brother terribly with that comment you made etc." And will go on about how damaging it was...I used to take it seriously. I'd call my DB and apologize and he'd laugh and wonder what the heck I was talking about. And it would happen to him and other members of the family. We finally realized that as she's gotten older she's just gotten these idea and thinks she's being helpful. We have called her on it a few times and she is better about it. Now I know to ask, "Did DB actually tell you he was hurt by X comment?" And if her answer is "No, but I could tell" then I just tell her that if he is bothered by something he will let me know himself.

Also, it's better now, but for years my DH didn't understand that sometimes I just want to vent. If I've had a bad day at work or rotten traffic or whatever, he would insist on giving me advice on how to "fix" it. He's finally learned that I'm not looking for him to fix anything; I'm just sharing my day and trying to let off a little steam. It took time and a lot of me turning the tables on him before he got the point. But he did eventually get the point. It's not help if help is not wanted!

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The Wild One, Forever

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #17 on: March 05, 2014, 02:23:37 PM »
My ex would try to "help" me do housework, but what drove me bonkers is that he would never go off and do his own thing.  Oh no, he always had to be working alongside me, doing whatever it was *I* was doing, which is a hindrance to me,not a help.  Also, he would seldom do the useful things I asked him to do, such as helping me clean the cat boxes, clear out the utility room, declutter.  Oh, no!  He would insist upon starting some esoteric project that was #527 on the priority list.
 
« Last Edit: March 05, 2014, 06:19:52 PM by The Wild One, Forever »
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Coralreef

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2014, 02:41:15 PM »
The EX would "help" me paint by removing the baseboards and door/window trims, so they could be painted outside.  And he would not put them back, because... he didn't have time to and didn't want me to do it because it was too complicated  ??? .

Gardening was a nightmare I prefer to forget.  Who on earth measures the hole for the tulip bulb to the exact centimetre?

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Slartibartfast

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #19 on: March 05, 2014, 03:22:48 PM »
My MIL.  Just . . . yeah.  Can I declare her the patron saint of this thread?

I mean, it's one thing to say "Stop doing [insert rude thing here]."  It's annoying to have to say it, but everyone understands.  It's much harder finding a way to say "Stop doing this nice thing - well, it WOULD be nice from anyone else, but the way you do it is making more work for me and driving me nuts and teaching my kids bad habits.  But I can't say any of that to your face, so just stop it, please?"
« Last Edit: March 05, 2014, 03:24:36 PM by Slartibartfast »

hermanne

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #20 on: March 05, 2014, 03:30:30 PM »

Also, it's better now, but for years my DH didn't understand that sometimes I just want to vent. If I've had a bad day at work or rotten traffic or whatever, he would insist on giving me advice on how to "fix" it. He's finally learned that I'm not looking for him to fix anything; I'm just sharing my day and trying to let off a little steam. It took time and a lot of me turning the tables on him before he got the point. But he did eventually get the point. It's not help if help is not wanted!

Yikes, sound like my DH! He's getting better, now, too.
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SamiHami

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #21 on: March 05, 2014, 03:57:50 PM »
My ex would try to "help" I did housework, but what drove me bonkers is that he would never go off and do his own thing.  Oh no, he always had to be working alongside me, doing whatever it was *I* was doing, which is a hindrance to me,not a help.  Also, he would seldom do the useful things I asked him to do, such as helping me clean the cat boxes, clear out the utility room, declutter.  Oh, no!  He would insist upon starting some esoteric project that was #527 on the priority list.

Hey! That's my husband! If I ask him to, say, take out the trash you can bet he's going to empty the dishwasher. If I ask him to strip the bed, you can bet he's going to straighten the living room. Or go in the garage to search for the one tool he needs to finish a project he started six months ago but just *has* to be done now all of a sudden.

And if I ask him to declutter? He'll point out a lot of my stuff that he thinks can go, but if I point out the 1983 paper airplane calendar that he has never, ever done anything with well---no, he might want to fool around with that someday so it's valuable. Or his ancient DOS books from the early 1990's. The he hasn't looked at since the early 1990's. Oh, and when he was 18 he worked for one day as a dishwasher in a restaurant. It didn't work out, but he still has the shirt they gave him with their logo on it. He's almost 56. I've known him 28 years and he has never worn it once, nor could he. He's not the skinny kid he was way back then and even if he could, why would he want to? But no, that can't go. He might want it someday, you know.

Don't. Just don't get me started. *sigh*

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

hermanne

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #22 on: March 05, 2014, 04:27:14 PM »
MIL likes to help organize. Half the time, it's good. The other half, the thing I need is all the way in the back of the cupboard, and I always end up with a small avalanche of the things in front because of the way they're stacked. :-\

She means,well, and I appreciate the help, but I'm always cringing a little because I'm never quite sure how "helpful" it'll be!
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CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #23 on: March 05, 2014, 04:41:04 PM »
I was planting some bulbs when my neighbor's adorable little cat Boo came to watch.  I got up and went to the garage for another bag of soil.  When I returned, I found that Boo had dug up every one of the bulbs and was sitting there looking extremely pleased with his work.

I didn't thank Boo for his "help", but I made a fuss over him cuz he's just so darned cute.
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Miss Misery

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #24 on: March 05, 2014, 04:56:14 PM »
People think they're being oh-so-helpful by offering me "suggestions" of who I should draw next on DeviantArt. It finally got to the point where I had to wallpaper my profile page with 'I DO NOT DO REQUESTS' stamps and a less-than-subtle paragraph explaining I'm perfectly capable if deciding for myself what I want to draw, thank you very much.

If you want a drawing of Ozzy Osbourne/Kurt Cobain/Jim Morrison so bad, then draw it yourself. Oh, you can't draw? Too bad. Life just sucks that way.  :P


cabbageweevil

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #25 on: March 05, 2014, 05:14:42 PM »
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Lynn2000

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #26 on: March 05, 2014, 05:53:19 PM »
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Well, it sounds a little weird to me. ;) Having seen people stumble, trip, or lose a shoe/sandal because it was untied or unfastened, I would mention it to you trying to be, well, helpful as the thread subject suggests. If I knew you, and you told me that you just preferred to leave your shoes that way, I would try to remember that, and not mention it again. :)
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TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #27 on: March 05, 2014, 05:59:21 PM »
I wonder if people are just anxious bcs they don't want to be the ones to watch you trip.

I think it bugs you SO much bcs it's sort of infantilizing, and it makes you feel admonished or scolded. Our mothers tell us how to dress; and they're not your mom.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2014, 06:14:42 PM by TootsNYC »

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #28 on: March 05, 2014, 06:03:29 PM »
I have a very dear friend who sometimes tries to help me fix a problem but I don't always need her too.  DH has told me sometimes I am not terribly clear as to when I'm venting and when I'm not so I guess I do need to work on that.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

kategillian

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #29 on: March 05, 2014, 06:10:27 PM »
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Well I guess I would be a well meaning twit then. Of course I point out to people that their shoes are untied. It's a safety issue sometimes ( also, you may not be the one to step on them and trip you up). I'd rather be considered a'twit' than have to pick you up off the sidewalk.