Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 66886 times)

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Tea Drinker

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #30 on: March 05, 2014, 06:33:56 PM »
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

I have occasionally told someone "excuse me, your laces are untied," but more often I'm the one being told her laces are untied, and my response is to thank the person and tie my shoes. In my case, it's not because I made a decision to leave them untied: it's because I tied them carelessly, or stepped on them wrong, and they came undone without my noticing. If I told you your shoes were untied and you said "thanks, I know" I wouldn't try to convince you that you should tie your shoes. And if I knew someone made a habit of leaving them loose, I'd figure that was their business.

So, yes, I think you're out of sync with a lot of people. there's nothing inherently wrong with that, but it does often mean having to tell people about the difference: it's like explaining that you haven't been following the local sports team, which you need to say because the last twelve people that your random acquaintance mentioned the game were fans.
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

GreenHall

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #31 on: March 05, 2014, 07:39:55 PM »
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Well I guess I would be a well meaning twit then. Of course I point out to people that their shoes are untied. It's a safety issue sometimes ( also, you may not be the one to step on them and trip you up). I'd rather be considered a'twit' than have to pick you up off the sidewalk.
I've let my coworker know, when we are walking to another location, I will mention once when I notice his shoes are untied.  After that its his problem to deal with, or not.  I do reserve the right to giggle if he trips himself after I tell him about the issue.  It would depend on how bad it looked if the giggle, or the "Are you okay" came first.

alkira6

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #32 on: March 05, 2014, 08:45:17 PM »
I just recently ran into this with my husband. I was cleaning out my closet and separating the clothes - good, going to keep, torn/stained/unwearable but still in the closet for some reason, trash, pretty good condition but not my style/too small/too big/never going to wear again, donate.

I had my piles going and went to use the bathroom. When I came back he had folded or hung up everything.  He chose to do this after me telling him what I was doing and him refusing to hang up the two baskets of clothes sitting right behind  him. Stop "Helping"!

Thipu1

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #33 on: March 05, 2014, 10:00:39 PM »
Here's a family 'Blast From the Past'. 

Many years ago, MIL visited her daughter's family.  The family included three teenagers and MIL stayed at their home.  One day, when the parents were at work, the children were in school and the weather was bad,  MIL was bored and it was her nature to 'help'.

She decided it would be a good and loving thing to neaten up her 16 year-old grand daughter's dresser drawers. (Can you hear the opening notes of 'Duelling Banjos'?)

This was  back in the days when 'Flashdance' was popular.  Grand daughter had used some of her baby-sitting money to purchase several stylish shirts with the collars and the long sleeves removed. They looked a little shaggy in the fashion of the time but they were clean and carefully folded in the drawer.  Regardless,  MIL decided that it was shameful for the girl to wear these horrible things. 

To MIL, they looked like rags and that's what they became as soon as she saw them. 

You can imagine what hit the fan when the family came home and found the shirts cut up and in the rag bag. 

MIL was never allowed to be alone in her daughter's home again.     

EveLGenius

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #34 on: March 05, 2014, 10:12:10 PM »
My riding instructor told us this story last summer.

She was at a high-level horse show with one of her students and just one horse.  This horse is completely awesome, but rather high-strung.  Instructor has been using natural horsemanship methods (think Clinton Anderson and Buck Brannaman, if you're a horseperson) for the last year or so on all of the horses in the barn, which is very unusual, since it's a hunter-jumper barn.  So we can all understand how the observers wouldn't know what she was doing.

At the show, the horse got emotionally overwhelmed.  He was jumping, bouncing, snorting, and generally kicking up a fuss.  He's fairly young, and this was the first show of the season, so Instructor and Student decided not to push him.  Student took off his saddle and bridle, and Instructor worked with him on the natural horsemanship methods until he calmed down a bit and turned his brain back on.

They let him relax and eat grass for a while, and then went to put him on the trailer.  He refused to go on the trailer, and started bouncing around again, which was not unexpected.

In the horse world, most people are willing to help with a fussy horse, because we've all been there.  However, many people believe you must force a horse onto a trailer either by hitting him until he goes on, or by putting a rope behind him and physically placing him on the trailer.  Instructor politely refused all offers of help, and just started letting the horse figure out what was wanted.  When he calmly walked forward towards the trailer, she let him stand and relax, but as soon as he moved away from the trailer, he must trot or canter in circles.  He figured out fairly quickly that he got to rest when he moved towards the trailer, and began to willingly put his front feet in the trailer.  However, he was still nervous, so he still backed out instead of going all the way in.

About the third time he put his front feet in the trailer and stopped there, someone who had been watching (who had no connection with either Student or Instructor), lashed the horse with a whip.  The horse of course panicked, thinking "I KNEW it!  There IS something horrible in the trailer, and it just grabbed me!"

Instructor told the guy exactly what she thought of him, and it took another hour to get the poor horse in the trailer.

(Horse is fine, and after a summer of training jumps like a dream and loads in the trailer beautifully.)

PastryGoddess

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #35 on: March 05, 2014, 11:04:13 PM »
*groans*  Where is the WALL

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #36 on: March 05, 2014, 11:12:02 PM »
I'm no equestrian so I'm not familiar with the method but it does seem a lot better than using a whip!  Not to mention a good deal more humane. 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

doodlemor

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #37 on: March 05, 2014, 11:19:46 PM »
My riding instructor told us this story last summer.

She was at a high-level horse show with one of her students and just one horse.  This horse is completely awesome, but rather high-strung.  Instructor has been using natural horsemanship methods (think Clinton Anderson and Buck Brannaman, if you're a horseperson) for the last year or so on all of the horses in the barn, which is very unusual, since it's a hunter-jumper barn.  So we can all understand how the observers wouldn't know what she was doing.

At the show, the horse got emotionally overwhelmed.  He was jumping, bouncing, snorting, and generally kicking up a fuss.  He's fairly young, and this was the first show of the season, so Instructor and Student decided not to push him.  Student took off his saddle and bridle, and Instructor worked with him on the natural horsemanship methods until he calmed down a bit and turned his brain back on.

They let him relax and eat grass for a while, and then went to put him on the trailer.  He refused to go on the trailer, and started bouncing around again, which was not unexpected.

In the horse world, most people are willing to help with a fussy horse, because we've all been there.  However, many people believe you must force a horse onto a trailer either by hitting him until he goes on, or by putting a rope behind him and physically placing him on the trailer.  Instructor politely refused all offers of help, and just started letting the horse figure out what was wanted.  When he calmly walked forward towards the trailer, she let him stand and relax, but as soon as he moved away from the trailer, he must trot or canter in circles.  He figured out fairly quickly that he got to rest when he moved towards the trailer, and began to willingly put his front feet in the trailer.  However, he was still nervous, so he still backed out instead of going all the way in.

About the third time he put his front feet in the trailer and stopped there, someone who had been watching (who had no connection with either Student or Instructor), lashed the horse with a whip.  The horse of course panicked, thinking "I KNEW it!  There IS something horrible in the trailer, and it just grabbed me!"

Instructor told the guy exactly what she thought of him, and it took another hour to get the poor horse in the trailer.

(Horse is fine, and after a summer of training jumps like a dream and loads in the trailer beautifully.)

If someone hit an animal of mine with a whip, I'd end up in the slammer for assault.  My blood boils just thinking of such cruelty.

NyaChan

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #38 on: March 06, 2014, 02:16:03 AM »
Ok I'm personally of the mind that you shouldn't whip horses in general - but who the heck thinks it is okay to whip someone else's horse? grrrr  That is so messed up!

Nikko-chan

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #39 on: March 06, 2014, 03:18:14 AM »
Also, you realize when you post a story mentioning any animals corresponding pictures of that animal need to go in the Cuteliness Beyond Belief folder right?  ;D ;)

cicero

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #40 on: March 06, 2014, 03:43:40 AM »
one of my colleagues (higher ranking, but this is a very small staff and we all get along very well). I am the office admin among other things. so i collect the mail daily (or so). sometimes i dump it on my desk and do other tasks before i sort it. no biggie. so if he happens to be in the room, he'll start going through the pile and saying "oh, this isn't for us.... oh, this is for my department... oh this needs to go to so and so". yeah, i've kind of been doing it for the past five years and oh, i don't know, learning how to read and comprehend was sort of prerequisite to my going to college and getting jobs and yeah, i know that so and so works in a different department and oh! did i mention i do this every morning?

It's cool, though, i just joke about it and actually say some of the above to him, but my former roommate used to really get angry

 

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cabbageweevil

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #41 on: March 06, 2014, 04:42:06 AM »
I think it bugs you SO much bcs it's sort of infantilizing, and it makes you feel admonished or scolded. Our mothers tell us how to dress; and they're not your mom.

Thanks to all, for comments -- I have to concur that this footwear matter does involve a bit of an unusual thing that I do; and that I over-react to people's "informing" me of it, done with the best of intentions.  Toots, you've summed it up perfectly: I'm not their offspring, nor they my mother ! (I hope that on the surface of things, I always respond politely when this interaction happens; and that the would-be helper isn't aware that I'm seething inwardly.)

poundcake

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #42 on: March 06, 2014, 05:52:49 AM »
Reading this thread is giving me a tension headache, because it is SO MUCH MY MOTHER. Mom is extra helpful. She lives for helping people. And sometimes, I just want to figure something out myself. Usually, I already know what I'm doing. And often I just want to do it the way I'm doing it already.

She's the type who, when I was young and lived at home, used to "help" by cleaning out my desk drawers. I'd get home, and she'd "accidentally" read part of my diary, had thrown out some "trash" (things I was saving), or wanted to know why I was writing such-and-such stories or poems. It took me ages to get that to stop, even just "straightening up" the books on my desk, which she "helpfully" arranged by height, but which I had organized by genre. Yes, that half-folded piece of paper sticking out of a book was actually there for a reason, both marking a place, and containing my notes for that thing, and you're pulling it out and throwing it away because "it was just a piece of paper" is infuriating!

I've lived on my own/with my spouse for over twenty years, and she still comes over and "helps." If she visits, it's usually an overnight, and she's an early riser. So even if I get up at 7:30, she's already "helped" by doing a load of laundry (you did WHAT to my delicates/DCOs?!), cleaning and organizing the kitchen (don't get me started), cleaning out the fridge/freezer (yeah, that "old stale bread" you threw away was for bread sauce and stuffing, the "weird bag" was the stock that took me all day and three poultry carcasses to make)-

And then she sulks because "I don't need her" and "It's what moms do!" because she "was just trying to help!"  :-[

guihong

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #43 on: March 06, 2014, 06:27:33 AM »
My ex would try to "help" I did housework, but what drove me bonkers is that he would never go off and do his own thing.  Oh no, he always had to be working alongside me, doing whatever it was *I* was doing, which is a hindrance to me,not a help.  Also, he would seldom do the useful things I asked him to do, such as helping me clean the cat boxes, clear out the utility room, declutter.  Oh, no!  He would insist upon starting some esoteric project that was #527 on the priority list.

Hey! That's my husband! If I ask him to, say, take out the trash you can bet he's going to empty the dishwasher. If I ask him to strip the bed, you can bet he's going to straighten the living room. Or go in the garage to search for the one tool he needs to finish a project he started six months ago but just *has* to be done now all of a sudden.

And if I ask him to declutter? He'll point out a lot of my stuff that he thinks can go, but if I point out the 1983 paper airplane calendar that he has never, ever done anything with well---no, he might want to fool around with that someday so it's valuable. Or his ancient DOS books from the early 1990's. The he hasn't looked at since the early 1990's. Oh, and when he was 18 he worked for one day as a dishwasher in a restaurant. It didn't work out, but he still has the shirt they gave him with their logo on it. He's almost 56. I've known him 28 years and he has never worn it once, nor could he. He's not the skinny kid he was way back then and even if he could, why would he want to? But no, that can't go. He might want it someday, you know.

Don't. Just don't get me started. *sigh*

Proof again that we're all just passing around the same husband.



Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #44 on: March 06, 2014, 07:08:13 AM »
My middle child, often in the attempt to help keep his younger brother quiet during service, usually leads to the 2 year old making MORE noise.  On Sunday the woman sitting in front of us let littlest pirate use one of her children's mini magnadoodles since they weren't using it. 

Pirateboy2 took the stylus and was trying to show the little guy how to draw a circle only to cause him to say "MIIIINE!" when before he'd been quietly doodling and watching it disappear.   

Not really PB2's fault as he is trying to help, but he does seem to forget that 2 year olds don't quite see the world the same way as an 11 yo and their rules of possession are a bit different.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata