Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 70078 times)

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SmarterPrimate

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #60 on: March 06, 2014, 04:29:16 PM »
Oh my dad, bless his heart...

When I still lived with my parents, he took it upon himself to clean my dresser top. I will be the first to admit, it looked like a small tornado had gone over it, but to my teenaged sensibilities, it was organized chaos. The earrings weren't in the earring drawer, but I knew exactly where they were. Same with the hairbrush and barettes, lip gloss, etc. I was mad for a week after he did that, at least until I had located most of the stuff he had so helpfully "put away". BUT, I understand that it was his house, and he did have a right to do what he did. (Although it was so "counter-helpful" to me that I literally had to re-purchase some items that I could. not. find.)

Cue to current day, my DF (now DH) and I had recently purchased a house, and we got a dog. My parents would occasionally come and pick up our dog while we were at work, to take him to the off-leash park with their dog. This part was SUPER helpful, as it meant we did not need to walk him after work and could just relax. But one day, dirty dishes had gotten away from us, and there was a sinkful, as well as a pile on the counter awaiting washing when we got home that evening. Upon dropping off our dog, my dad washed every single dish he could find out in our kitchen. Well, I got home and lost my mind. I KNOW he thought he was being helpful, but to me, it was a gesture saying "If you kids are too darned irresponsible/lazy to keep up with your dishes, I guess I'll just have to let myself in and do them myself." I had words with my mother, and it has never happened again.

Size 11 ladies shoe here, I guess you have to expect your toes to get stepped on once in a while  ;D

(For the record, my dad is one of the greatest men I know. He really, honestly, wants to help, anyone, anytime he can. He's just a bit misguided occasionally. Also for the record, I am as stubborn as a mule  ;) )

Lynn2000

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #61 on: March 06, 2014, 04:49:08 PM »
I have a really tiny apartment. If there are even two other people in it, I feel like it's terribly crowded. That probably says more about my own comfort level than about the square footage, though, because I know my neighbors manage to have (small) parties. When one of my parents would help me up with groceries, at first they would just stand in the kitchen holding the grocery bags. The kitchen is so small that just them standing there with bags means I can't get to any cabinets or the counter, and only barely to the fridge. When I first moved in I had to say, rather forcefully, "Please put the bags straight down on the floor and go sit on the couch while I put things away." I had to add where to put the bags, because at first they were trying to put them on the counter, and there was already stuff there that they were knocking over.

I guess it seems weird to put the grocery bags down on the floor, kind of like they were just chucking stuff aside and abandoning me to take care of it, so it was nice they wanted to help further. But, these were after all my groceries, and they had already helped a ton by driving me to the grocery store and back, and helping me carry stuff up. So please, sit down for five minutes while I put stuff away, you've earned it!
~Lynn2000

MrTango

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #62 on: March 06, 2014, 05:22:01 PM »
I tend to have the opposite problem.  I'll offer to help someone, and they'll accept, but then they won't actually tell me what they'd like me to do.  Then, when I try to ask for a task to do, they act like I'm in their way.

AngelicGamer

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #63 on: March 06, 2014, 05:26:46 PM »
This is going to make me sound horrible, but I'd really like people to stop helping me when they think I don't see/feel something.  I can see as I'm not completely blind but blind enough that the state says so (I have 14 degrees of field vision left, legally blind in the state of IL is anything under 20).  So I use a red tipped cane with a white mushroom tip.

Case in point - I went out yesterday morning and used the paratransit bus.  We had to pick up another woman and, as the bus was coming to a stop (which I felt), she went "the bus is coming to a stop".  I looked at her, gave a small smile, and said "Yes, I know" and got up when the bus driver opened the doors and not before.  That's my own preference because sometimes the drivers realize they have to pull up a bit after they've stopped.  I'd rather not fall on my face.

I did think it was very nice when the older gentleman and his granddaughter asked if they could help me return my books at the library.  I said that I was fine - still with a smile - but thank you for the offer.  It was different, to me, because it was more of a question of helping rather than a demand of helping.  Plus, I'd rather it be up to me with what I need help with because I know my limitations.  On a different day, I would have gladly taken the help at the book return because of problems being able to focus on seeing what I was going to do (if it's bright outside, it takes anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes for my eyes to refocus, depending on the light inside).

Also, the pulling at the mobility device reply from a PP?  I've been told to let go of my cane because I don't know if they're trying to rob me or help me.  I was a teenager at the time in a Orientation and Mobility class and that might have been the reason why.  I've never had anyone grab my cane that was older than three.  The kid wanted to examine the rope thing on top and I let the kid do so.  Parent apologized afterwards and reminded the kid to use their (limited) words.  :)




"Life's tough, huh?  And then you die." ~ Buck, the Magnificent Seven.

Ceallach

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #64 on: March 06, 2014, 05:43:35 PM »
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

My grandmother actually knocked out nearly all of her teeth at a young age (20s I think) tripping over untied shoelaces, ended up with false teeth an unusually young age.     I wouldn't say anything to you because quite frankly I just don't notice other people's feet.  But personally I consider it a kindness if somebody points out my shoe is untied.   (I saw your update that you are always polite to these people even though they annoy you, so I understand it's just one of those irritations for you!  :)).

If it's the same person saying this to you when you've already explained that you like them untied?  Yes, they should defintely stop *trying* to help!
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"


Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #65 on: March 06, 2014, 05:56:06 PM »
What kills me is when I hand my husband something with directions to put it away and I turn around and IT'SRIGHT BACK ON THE TABLE I'M TRYING TO CLEAN!  In what world is putting something back in the exact same space putting something away?  That is not helping. and then I get the PA looks and comments about being too OCD for help.  No, actually help, don't get in the way and double my workload.


Told my oldest to put away an assignment as I found it on top of the guinea pig cage. It migrated to the top of the speaker for the computer so I told him to put it away.  Guess where I found it? If you said back on top of the cage again, you guessed correctly.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Luci

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #66 on: March 06, 2014, 05:59:51 PM »
During the days of the physical card catalog, we had a volunteer go through and helpfully retype all of the cards for Roald Dahl to Ronald Dahl. Fortunately, she only got through the author cards and none of the title or subject cards. She was a good typist, but we never assigned that task to her again.

We also had one that we asked to file cards but not pull the rods. (I checked my own work, too.) She just put all the As in the front of the A drawer, the Bs in front of the first B drawer, and so forth. She was quite proud of how quickly she had finished that job. She was a college student.

Black Delphinium

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #67 on: March 06, 2014, 06:00:38 PM »
What kills me is when I hand my husband something with directions to put it away and I turn around and IT'SRIGHT BACK ON THE TABLE I'M TRYING TO CLEAN!  In what world is putting something back in the exact same space putting something away?  That is not helping. and then I get the PA looks and comments about being too OCD for help.  No, actually help, don't get in the way and double my workload.


Told my oldest to put away an assignment as I found it on top of the guinea pig cage. It migrated to the top of the speaker for the computer so I told him to put it away.  Guess where I found it? If you said back on top of the cage again, you guessed correctly.
Gremlins.
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

HGolightly

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #68 on: March 06, 2014, 07:37:07 PM »
I have two "helpful" mothers in my life. For the most part my mom is very helpful unless it comes to organizing things. No matter how many times or how many ways I explain my sorting system, she manages to re do things her way and often incorrectly. As a result she helped me donate some of my DD's baby clothes....that she had not worn yet and in offering to store my wedding dress she accidentally donated that too. My wedding dress. She has since revised her story to say she never had it in her possession and how could *I* lose such a thing.
My MIL was a huge help and babysat my DD for a longer period of time. She helped by rearranging my kitchen cupboards, breaking and or throwing out things and redoing my freezer. We have a chest freezer and I am short so to make it easy to use I sorted everything into well labelled cloth grocery bags (fr veggies, meals, beef, seafood etc). I came home to the bags on the floor in front of the freezer and my freezer a mess. I nicely asked my MIL about it, explained why I did that and asked her not to help with that sort of thing. Her response was "oh well it would give me something to do later even though it was a waste of time". She also asked how I expected her to pass the time...I don't know...maybe by watching and entertaining my dd?? The babysitting moved to her house after that. Recently my in laws were to help with our dog when I had ds and I came home to a reorganized front closet and some of my DD's winter things given to her friend's granddaughter. Do you know how hard it is to find that stuff in late January?

baglady

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #69 on: March 06, 2014, 07:44:21 PM »
A small thing; but it seems to happen to me surprisingly often, and with quite a varied assortment of people.  It annoys me disproportionately, and at the same time has me wondering if this is an aspect of life in which in fact I am weird and out-of-synch with everyone else.

Quite often, I'll be walking around wearing shoes or sandals, but with them not yet laces-tied / fastened. This is a logistical choice which I make: I'm aware of the situation, I'll do the tying / fastening when I'm good and ready, I have other priories just at the moment.  So often, some well-meaning twit who I happen to be with, will tell me about my non-fastened footwear. This always irritates me, and makes me want to yell at them in highly non-eHell-approved fashion: "Live your own ******* life, and pay me the ******* compliment of acting as if you thought I was competent and intelligent enough, to ******* manage my life in a way that works for me !"

Not weird necessarily, but I do think it's a needless waste of energy to get as angry as your post implies at someone who is trying to do you a favor. "Wardrobe malfunctions" (undone shoes, tags sticking out, skirts tucked into pantyhose) happen, and often without the wearer's knowledge. Most people consider it a courtesy to point them out and give the wearer a chance to correct them. It doesn't mean they're calling you an incompetent twit who doesn't have sense enough to tie his own shoes. Why not just say, "Thanks, I know, it's on purpose"? A well-meaning person will let it go after that.

Where it would annoy me is if the other person took it upon themselves to correct my "malfunction" without asking first. A sweet little old lady once tucked in the protruding back tag on my shirt without asking, and I jumped out of my skin because I was so startled. I do hope she has recovered from whatever shock I gave her with my reaction!

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turtleIScream

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #70 on: March 06, 2014, 07:52:26 PM »
Obviously, we do all have the same husband, because we also have the same MIL.

When my son was 3 weeks old, we had him dedicated at our church (similar to baptism, but not as official). We then invited everyone to our house for lunch and socializing. There were probably about 30 people at our house.  To keep it easy on me, I ordered a party platter from Subway, then supplemented with a huge salad, a pre-made veggie tray, and some chips. Before leaving for church, I laid out everything that could be safely out, even putting the unopened bags of chips in the proper serving bowls, so I would just have to rip open bags, and pull stuff out of the fridge. My ILs beat us home from the service and proceeded to let themselves in, rearrange the table to fit the food she brought (not requested or wanted), and dump the different flavors of chips into one big bowl so I wouldn't have so many dishes to wash.

Several years ago, we were having people over, so I requested my husband's help in cleaning up and getting the house ready for guests. He disappeared for awhile, and when he finally resurfaced, I asked if he had been straightening up the storage room in the basement (another of his "helpful" projects when we're crunched for time). Oh, no. He had remembered the computer was running slow, so he decided to clean up the hard drive to improve performance.
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kategillian

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #71 on: March 06, 2014, 09:15:40 PM »
During the days of the physical card catalog, we had a volunteer go through and helpfully retype all of the cards for Roald Dahl to Ronald Dahl. Fortunately, she only got through the author cards and none of the title or subject cards.

*Gasp*
I mean seriously, I gasped when I read that.

KB

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #72 on: March 06, 2014, 10:07:53 PM »
Case in point - I went out yesterday morning and used the paratransit bus.  We had to pick up another woman and, as the bus was coming to a stop (which I felt), she went "the bus is coming to a stop".  I looked at her, gave a small smile, and said "Yes, I know" and got up when the bus driver opened the doors and not before.  That's my own preference because sometimes the drivers realize they have to pull up a bit after they've stopped.  I'd rather not fall on my face.

I hope you at least said 'Thank you'. It's not as if she could know you felt the bus arriving, and as long as she didn't grab your arm and drag you to your feet, I'm afraid I can't see what's wrong with someone saying something like that.

StarDrifter

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #73 on: March 06, 2014, 11:28:36 PM »
After the first instance of my mother 'accidentally' donating a bag of clothes I'd set aside to be washed and ironed and put into storage, I no longer get her to help me organise my clothing.

Though that didn't stop her from 'helping out' by sorting through Baby Drifters' clothes and putting anything that was size 00 (when Baby Drifter was in 0's and 1's, mostly) into a box and taking it away.

It took me a couple of days to notice, and when I asked her where the things had gone she told me that she had 'helped' by donating all the stuff that was too small for Baby Drifter.

"What about the outfit she wore home from hospital, that I said several times that I wanted to keep? Or the blue pyjamas that Husband's Nana gave us that she had sewn herself?" Both things I had put in a silver box that was also missing.

Thankfully, Mum knew where she had donated the things and I was able to go to the thrift store she had given them to, and recover most of the precious things, although one particular hat had already been sold and was gone forever, as was the box itself that had been used to house the keepsakes and had actually been something I bought before I was even pregnant.

Mum is no longer allowed time in Baby Drifters' room unsupservised.
... it might frighten them.
Victoria,

AngelicGamer

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #74 on: March 06, 2014, 11:43:08 PM »
Case in point - I went out yesterday morning and used the paratransit bus.  We had to pick up another woman and, as the bus was coming to a stop (which I felt), she went "the bus is coming to a stop".  I looked at her, gave a small smile, and said "Yes, I know" and got up when the bus driver opened the doors and not before.  That's my own preference because sometimes the drivers realize they have to pull up a bit after they've stopped.  I'd rather not fall on my face.

I hope you at least said 'Thank you'. It's not as if she could know you felt the bus arriving, and as long as she didn't grab your arm and drag you to your feet, I'm afraid I can't see what's wrong with someone saying something like that.

I did.  It's more personal annoyance than anything else, really.  Sort of like a PP's want of wanting to keep her shoelaces untied and people telling her that they're untied.  :)




"Life's tough, huh?  And then you die." ~ Buck, the Magnificent Seven.