Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 70200 times)

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PrettySticks

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #90 on: March 07, 2014, 05:50:07 PM »
But boy, does he go the "speck in your eye" thing when I ask him to declutter. He's suddenly picking up stuff of mine off the shelf and saying, "We don't need this!" Meanwhile, it's a small cutting board I just used 3 days ago and use about 10 times a year. And is flat and doesn't take up any room.
   But his LPs that he *never* listens to? He doesn't even see them.
   Makes me especially annoyed bcs *I* -do- weed out my own things.

You made me think of one.  I came into work one morning to find the radiator in my office had been leaking and part of the carpet was soaked.  I had this dumb particle board bookcase (like Ikea but way shoddier) near the radiator that had basically soaked up water and had to be thrown out.  Since I was storing a bunch of stuff on those shelves I bit the bullet and spent the day doing a massive cleaning/reorganizing session in my office, trashing anything I didn't need.  A week later, purely by coincidence, the company says we're going to have a business-wide clean-up day, both for organizational purposes and to send stuff to our warehouse and archives (this is a smallish non-profit performing arts company).  Normally I'd be all for that, but since I had literally just cleaned everything (and I wouldn't really be in possession of anything that would qualify as "archival") I didn't have anything to do.  Anyway, halfway through the day, I'm doing regular work, and my boss comes into my office and is all "OK, PrettySticks, what are you throwing out? You need to clean out some things!"  She's kind of spinning in circles like a dog chasing it's tail looking for anything to throw out in my (very tiny) office.  I remind her that I just cleaned out my office - she was present for the radiator fiasco - not to mention my office was looking pretty spartan at that moment.  So she grabbed these five playbills that I had open on my desk, which I was using at that moment to research something, and said "You can throw out these! You aren't using these!"  When I looked in her office later, it didn't look like she'd cleaned out anything, so I think she preferred to throw out my stuff rather than her own.

KB

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #91 on: March 07, 2014, 07:42:23 PM »
When I was sixteen I applied to spend a year as a foreign exchange student with Rotary International.  There was a huge hours-long interview that we ended up having at my house-- ten or twelve Rotary bigwigs and me sitting around the living room with my parents watching in the corner.  During the interview whenever Dad disagreed with how I had answered a question he would interject, "So what you're saying is (insert his answer that obviously bore no relation to what I had said)."  It put me in such an awkward position, and I usually responded by restating my answer and trying to move the interview along.  After the Rotarians had left Dad was incensed that I had ignored all his attempts to help.  "I was giving you the right answers and you ignored it!"  I said that no, he was giving me his answers-- answers I happened to disagree with.  I said, "What did you expect to happen?  Either I publicly disagree with you and seem disrespectful, or I agree with you and it looks like I'm relying on you to feed me answers."  Luckily my mom backed me up (although I kind of wish she'd put a stop to it during the interview  ::)), but Dad spent the rest of the evening grumbling about how ungrateful I'd been when he was giving me the right answers.

May I just say, having been both the student being interviewed and also the interviewer in that same situation, you did exactly the right thing and I would have been very impressed with that. I would have appreciated seeing how well you addressed potential conflict (which happens many times during a year away in another culture) and also how you let other people have their say without telling them to their faces that they were wrong and you were right. Well done, particularly at 16!

Luci

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #92 on: March 08, 2014, 12:22:58 AM »
When I was sixteen I applied to spend a year as a foreign exchange student with Rotary International.  There was a huge hours-long interview that we ended up having at my house-- ten or twelve Rotary bigwigs and me sitting around the living room with my parents watching in the corner.  During the interview whenever Dad disagreed with how I had answered a question he would interject, "So what you're saying is (insert his answer that obviously bore no relation to what I had said)."  It put me in such an awkward position, and I usually responded by restating my answer and trying to move the interview along.  After the Rotarians had left Dad was incensed that I had ignored all his attempts to help.  "I was giving you the right answers and you ignored it!"  I said that no, he was giving me his answers-- answers I happened to disagree with.  I said, "What did you expect to happen?  Either I publicly disagree with you and seem disrespectful, or I agree with you and it looks like I'm relying on you to feed me answers."  Luckily my mom backed me up (although I kind of wish she'd put a stop to it during the interview  ::)), but Dad spent the rest of the evening grumbling about how ungrateful I'd been when he was giving me the right answers.

May I just say, having been both the student being interviewed and also the interviewer in that same situation, you did exactly the right thing and I would have been very impressed with that. I would have appreciated seeing how well you addressed potential conflict (which happens many times during a year away in another culture) and also how you let other people have their say without telling them to their faces that they were wrong and you were right. Well done, particularly at 16!

I can a bit understand that the interview was held in the home, but please, can you tell me how the parents were there, even for a 16 year old?

And yes! I do agree that ddawn did a good job!
« Last Edit: March 08, 2014, 12:25:28 AM by Luci45 »

mime

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #93 on: March 08, 2014, 12:41:38 AM »
I basically stink at cooking and I hate to do it, but I am very pleased with my baking-- and I like to develop my own take on things.

I made a dessert for a gathering with my ILs once. It was a pound cake with coconut milk, topped with fresh strawberries and a strawberry-shaped coconut confection. I was pleased with the mix of the berries' natural sweetness, the cake's not-overly sweetness and the piece of candy which was quite sweet. I also thought the cake and berries garnished with the coconut confection was very elegant in appearance.

My MIL thought something was missing. Apparently she took pity on me for my severely-lacking kitchen skills and decided to 'help'. While I thought everything was chilling in the fridge, she took all of the strawberries and put them in the blender with an equal amount of sugar, resulting in a sickening-sweet red liquid to pour over the cake. She was very pleased with herself, that she could help 'fix' my dessert.

grrrr...

Luci

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #94 on: March 08, 2014, 01:03:49 AM »
Does anyone remember the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!

RingTailedLemur

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #95 on: March 08, 2014, 08:54:41 AM »
Ugh, I spent years trying to convince DH not to be a fixer.  There's only so many times I can cry, "Just be nice!!!"

I used to share a house with a guy who would "help" - usually resulting in my things being lost or broken or otherwise as I didn't want them.  If I made my frustration about it known, he would act all wounded.  If people want to help me it is best if they either do things my way or not help me at all.

doodlemor

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #96 on: March 08, 2014, 12:46:43 PM »
Does anyone remember the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!

I do!

Wasn't there another one about a woman who took chili to a pot luck, and some one else there dumped a lot of ketchup in it?

Asharah

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #97 on: March 08, 2014, 04:46:00 PM »
Does anyone remember the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!

I do!

Wasn't there another one about a woman who took chili to a pot luck, and some one else there dumped a lot of ketchup in it?
Remember that one, plus one where somebody added onions to somebody else's potluck baked beans, which original cook's husband was allergic to.
Asharah

Julian

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #98 on: March 08, 2014, 06:08:00 PM »
Former boarder who took it upon himself to remove all the 'expired' meat from the deep freeze.  'Expired' as in the use-by date on the packages was for unfrozen meat.  Over $200 of meat lost.

Former MIL who took it upon herself to clean out my freezer (hmm, seems to be a trend) and threw out 40+ jars of homemade baby food because a couple of them were slightly overfilled and had popped open during freezing.  And then argued with me when I let her know I wasn't impressed.

Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house.  Nice idea in theory, but when that help involves constant demands for attention, directions and negative comments...  then directly doing what I've asked not be done (or not doing what I did ask) to the extent that it's costing me heaps in money and time...  She went wild in the garden with the chainsaw and removing garden beds, broke things that were going to be re-used, left paintbrushes and rollers to dry without rinsing, took my shiny new ride-on mower for a spin and got it stuck and the blades bent on an obstruction...  then when we did break up (for other reasons) tried to guilt me into taking her back because of how much 'help' she'd been.  Sigh.

JustEstelle

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #99 on: March 09, 2014, 05:40:28 AM »
My parents lived with me for a time when I was still single.  I had bought myself a rather nice outfit that I was particularly proud of.  The slacks were cool water hand wash only, and the top was dry clean only.  I'd been doing well taking care of cleaning the outfit myself, and both still looked like new, even after several wearings.  I liked to do my own laundry, as I have my own way of doing things that were a bit different from how my mom did them.  I thought that we had an understanding about it, but I came home from work one day to find that my mom had decided to "help" me by doing my laundry for me.  She had tossed my hand wash only slacks into the washing machine and then the dryer.  They had shrunk and wrinkles had been permanently set from the dryer.  Mom couldn't understand why I was so upset with her about it.  I had asked her repeatedly NOT to go into my room and clean or do any other chores for me (it was my house, not theirs) but she still insisted on "helping" me.  I wound up having to throw the slacks away, as they no longer fit me and the wrinkles had become permanent. 

Another incident that still leaves a bad taste in my mouth was my cousin coming over the day after I got home from surgery to help with housework.  While I appreciate the gesture of doing things for me that I was not physically able to do, she completely reorganized my kitchen cabinets, and there are some items that I have never yet been able to find from her "helping" me.  My aunt also came over that day to see me.  She basically said a perfunctory "hello" to me as she passed through the room where I was sitting and went into the kitchen, where she had a lengthy visit with my cousin.  She did say good-bye to me as she left, but I kind of felt like she had come more to see my cousin than to see me. 

zyrs

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #100 on: March 09, 2014, 08:08:41 AM »
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.







Dazi

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #101 on: March 09, 2014, 08:12:22 AM »
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

That sounds y'all heard was my head exploding <says the girl that comes from a family of stamp collectors>
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





Dazi

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #102 on: March 09, 2014, 08:32:12 AM »
So I have a doozy that happened, well, recently.

Some unknown CW took it upon themselves to complain about another CW, Helen, on my behalf.  They got it in their head that this person was annoying me and creating a nuisance and reported  her to their manager to help me get it resolved (note: we have different department heads, though we technically work in the same office).  Without speaking to me about it, I guess her manager had a "talk" with her about what was going on and "resolved" the issue.  No one came to talk to me prior to this, so I have no freaking idea what actually transpired.  It should also be noted that this entire thing is in somebody's head because I had ZERO issue with what was going on and if someone had asked me about it prior to talking to Helen I would have told them so. Also, if I had a problem with Helen, I would have spoken to her first to try and work it out before involving a manager.

So I get this tearful shaky apology from Helen and I standing their looking completely perplexed because I had no flipping idea why I was getting an apology, let alone what it was for.  I mean it was in English, it just didn't compute. ??? ??? ??? I ask her what the heck she is talking about, she explains the above. I told her it was complete nonsense because if I had a problem, I would have spoken to her directly. She did say she felt much better about it after she talked to me because she believed the same thing, if I had a problem, I would have talked to her before escalating it. Her manager did come talk to me after the unneeded apology to tell me the issue was resolved and I told her their was never an issue to resolve.

The entire thing was just confusing. I still don't know who the non-existant "issue" really belonged to, but it wasn't me.
Meditate. Live purely. Quiet the mind. Do your work with mastery. Like the moon, come out from behind the clouds! Shine. ---Gautama Buddah





Asharah

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #103 on: March 09, 2014, 01:22:58 PM »
What kills me is the number of "helpful" people who can't understand why a person was upset over having their possessions destroyed because they were "just trying to help." How oblivious can someone be?
Asharah

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #104 on: March 09, 2014, 01:25:46 PM »
Yeah really, I'd feel bad if, in trying to help someone, I damaged something that meant a great deal to them and would fall over myself apologizing, regardless of my intentions.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata