Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 67555 times)

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Free Range Hippy Chick

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #105 on: March 09, 2014, 01:30:09 PM »
Does anyone remember the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!

I do!

Wasn't there another one about a woman who took chili to a pot luck, and some one else there dumped a lot of ketchup in it?
Remember that one, plus one where somebody added onions to somebody else's potluck baked beans, which original cook's husband was allergic to.

I took home made lemon swiss roll to a potluck. I'm good with swiss roll - I can roll it up so that it doesn't crack even once, and that's without having to trim off the edges. Home made lemon curd in it, and whipped cream, and a chocolate, lemon curd and cream decoration on the top. For some entirely unknown reason, the hostess decided that this was supposed to be a hot dessert, and while we were eating the main course, she put it in the oven for about 20 minutes. That gives you hot overbaked sponge on the outside and a sort of slimy squidgy mess in the middle, because the eggs in the lemon curd set hard, but the cream melts. I have no idea what she was thinking.

BarensMom

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #106 on: March 09, 2014, 01:57:29 PM »
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

The Wild One, Forever

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #107 on: March 09, 2014, 02:39:19 PM »
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item. 
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Luci

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #108 on: March 09, 2014, 03:01:23 PM »
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.

It was round and not a quiche? Don't feel bad about that! Was it a giant pot pie sort of thing? I've never seen anything like you are describing. Still, she needed to tell you. Most of my meat dishes are square and I take a spatula & labeled clearly. The lasagna is obvious. (I've never lost a spatula, by the way.)

Calypso

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #109 on: March 09, 2014, 04:25:00 PM »
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just read this one to my stamp collecting DH. "Where is she buried?", he would like to know.  :o

RooRoo

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #110 on: March 09, 2014, 05:05:06 PM »
Quote
the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!
I read this to DH. His jaw dropped and he turned red with rage! (He blushes easily, and is a teddy bear.) We loves us some Honey Baked Ham.

Back on topic: In this case, the help offered was very good, and could have been badly needed by someone else.

I'm pretty sure I've told this before. I had fallen off a horse, and was badly bruised all up one side. About a week later, when all the bruises were beautifully colored, I sneezed. That's how I found out I had broken a couple of ribs in the same fall. Of course, it was the middle of the night, and DH was asleep, and I had to wake him up to take me to the ED.

He gets mad when I am hurt - mad because I am hurt, not mad at me. When he is really mad, he looks dangerous, as if he might explode violently any second. It can be really scary to anyone who doesn't know him. So, during intake, he is sitting back, angry, while I am talking to the very nice male nurse. He noticed the old bruises and my explosive-looking DH, and leaned in to quietly ask me, "Do you need a safe place to stay tonight?" Deity bless him! It made me laugh, which hurt. But I thanked him warmly all the same.

Another type of "help" I don't need is when somebody writes corrections in a library book, crossing out misspellings and writing the correct version in the margin, for instance. I can be a "grammar nazi" myself - but writing it in just distracts me from reading, even if I do it in my own books. And I've gotten over my desire to offer help online. It looks so pedantic in black and white...

Which reminds me of an author (E. B. White?)  who told of a copy editor who changed his line from "The bull lay burred in the deep sand" to "The ball lay buried in the deep sand"! ...Just imagine how that copy editor would have done with e. e. cummings. (I'm hearing Mr. Bill saying, "Oh no!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eYkUHQFoVk)
"Someday we must write a book of Etiquette for sensible people," said Mrs. Morland, "though apart from a few rules it really boils down to an educated mind and a kind heart." ~ Angela Thirkell, Never Too Late

MommyPenguin

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #111 on: March 09, 2014, 06:32:33 PM »
Another type of "help" I don't need is when somebody writes corrections in a library book, crossing out misspellings and writing the correct version in the margin, for instance. I can be a "grammar nazi" myself - but writing it in just distracts me from reading, even if I do it in my own books. And I've gotten over my desire to offer help online. It looks so pedantic in black and white...

Which reminds me of an author (E. B. White?)  who told of a copy editor who changed his line from "The bull lay burred in the deep sand" to "The ball lay buried in the deep sand"! ...Just imagine how that copy editor would have done with e. e. cummings. (I'm hearing Mr. Bill saying, "Oh no!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eYkUHQFoVk)

I just ran into a library book the other day that somebody had taken issue with!  It was a book on a political/economic subject, and somebody had written across the first blank page before the title page several paragraphs about how people who read/believe this book are idiots and shouldn't be allowed any political power.  Okay, dude, trying to prevent people from arguing their point, even if you disagree with it?  Not exactly something likely to make me think you know what you're talking about.  If your side is right, then it can stand up to some opposition.  And on a library book, poor book.

TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #112 on: March 09, 2014, 06:49:12 PM »
What kills me is the number of "helpful" people who can't understand why a person was upset over having their possessions destroyed because they were "just trying to help." How oblivious can someone be?

Yeah, really! I'm the one who messed up, in my case, and believe me, I KNOW what I did wrong. And I grovelled. And I get it, not just did I mess up her stuff, but I crossed a boundary. And that is a HUGE part of knowing that I messed up.

NyaChan

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #113 on: March 09, 2014, 06:59:39 PM »
I think it is from a desire not to have to go completely into, "yes, I screwed up territory."  My mom does stuff like this and one time when I didn't let it go with a oh that's okay (we'd had this conversation about how rearranging, redecorating, and sorting through my things was not appreciated more times than I could count), she kind of snapped and says something to the effect of:  OKAY! I messed up!  It's gone now, what do you want me to do?  Do you want me to beg for forgiveness???  I was trying to help you - you think you never upset me? Don't I forgive you? and so on and so forth. 

On one level I think she couldn't fathom why I don't want my room arranged to the specifications she likes since in her mind that is clearly the superior and proper way of things.  When she "fixes" it, she expects me to be grateful for having saved me the trouble of doing the work needed to get the result she thinks I should want. On another level, she knows I've explicitly told her I don't like it, and when she did it anyways and as a result loses or throws away something I actually needed, she feels guilty and wants me to say its okay so she doesn't have to really face the fact that she screwed up in a way that was permanent.  Instead, she can focus on the "awesome" thing she's done that I should be oh so thankful for.

TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #114 on: March 09, 2014, 07:02:47 PM »
And the reason my DD doesn't keep going on and on about the thing I messed up is, I admitted it to her, I apologized, I gave her some indication that I KNOW I messed up.

If I had said, "Oh, it's just a silly superstition, you should be glad I straightened your room," or if I did this sort of thing repeatedly, of course she would not be willing to forgive me right away. Of course she's going to harp on it.

Because I wouldn't be getting the message!

"Don't apologize. Stop doing it."
or, "I'll forgive you when you stop doing the same thing over and over."

Dazi

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #115 on: March 09, 2014, 07:13:51 PM »
I forgot about the food adjusters. I've have three that stick out in my mind.

The one who added nutmeg to my Mac and cheese.

The one who added cinnamon to my homemade spaghetti sauce.

The one who,  when I went to the bathroom, added the shrimp to the main dish before I had portioned out mine (shellfish allergy).  This is a dish that shrimp is an optional ingredient and I had a few people ask if I was making it that way because they just love it that way (I actually didn't have an issue with the shrimp request... It was my favorite way to have it prior to the shellfish allergy manifesting).  I was not amused,  my other guests were asking why I wasn't eating what I served them, I didn't get leftovers for the next few days, and the worst part was that she knew about the allergy. She kept repeating "I was just helping".  No,  no you weren't.
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Lady Snowdon

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #116 on: March 09, 2014, 07:17:08 PM »
And the reason my DD doesn't keep going on and on about the thing I messed up is, I admitted it to her, I apologized, I gave her some indication that I KNOW I messed up.

If I had said, "Oh, it's just a silly superstition, you should be glad I straightened your room," or if I did this sort of thing repeatedly, of course she would not be willing to forgive me right away. Of course she's going to harp on it.

Because I wouldn't be getting the message!

"Don't apologize. Stop doing it."
or, "I'll forgive you when you stop doing the same thing over and over."

Or as I told several "helpful" people when their helpfulness caused me to lose something I valued, "Sorry only means something if you don't do it again.  Otherwise it's just a word."

My in-laws have "helpfully" put away so much stuff when they come over with the little kids that there are a few things that I don't know the location of anymore, or even if they are still in my house.  Some of it is really not important, like some of my dog's toys.  Some is important but technically replaceable, like copies of our marriage certificate.  And some of it is irreplaceable, like the pictures I'm pretty sure my mom sent me of my childhood that I currently can't find!

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #117 on: March 09, 2014, 08:02:04 PM »
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.

It was round and not a quiche? Don't feel bad about that! Was it a giant pot pie sort of thing? I've never seen anything like you are describing. Still, she needed to tell you. Most of my meat dishes are square and I take a spatula & labeled clearly. The lasagna is obvious. (I've never lost a spatula, by the way.)

Same here.  I have to be honest, until my first time having shepherd's pie, I didn't know there was a pie made from ground meat.  Chicken pot pie surely but that has a different crust than a dessert pie. Least, the ones I've had anyway.  And my shepherd's pies have no crust at all, though I've seen some recipes where you can use a crust, I just don't.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Tea Drinker

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #118 on: March 09, 2014, 08:41:00 PM »
I've done this:

At a church potluck years ago, one of the members brought a pie and left it in the kitchen w/o comment.  It looked like a normal pie, albeit with a fancy decorated crust.  So I set it aside with the other pies, cakes, etc., on the dessert table.  After everyone had gone through the main line, the member approached me, and in a huff, informed me that her pie was a "savory" and was on the wrong table.  She moved it to the main table, after which everyone going for seconds/thirds ignored it for some reason.  It didn't get eaten, and the member took it home, never to contribute again.

I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.

It was round and not a quiche? Don't feel bad about that! Was it a giant pot pie sort of thing? I've never seen anything like you are describing. Still, she needed to tell you. Most of my meat dishes are square and I take a spatula & labeled clearly. The lasagna is obvious. (I've never lost a spatula, by the way.)

Same here.  I have to be honest, until my first time having shepherd's pie, I didn't know there was a pie made from ground meat.  Chicken pot pie surely but that has a different crust than a dessert pie. Least, the ones I've had anyway.  And my shepherd's pies have no crust at all, though I've seen some recipes where you can use a crust, I just don't.

I have seen something like that: a friend of mine made a very nice goose pie out of leftovers from New Year's Eve dinner one year. But if she brought a poultry pie to a party and just put it on a table, unless it was hot enough for me to smell the difference, or she told me, I would assume she'd baked a fruit pie. She bakes lots of sweet things, not just the occasional savory dinner pie. I certainly wouldn't think "this must be a savory pie" because I know one person who occasionally makes them, and more than one person who only makes the sweet kind.
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Asharah

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #119 on: March 09, 2014, 09:02:23 PM »
Regarding people who meddle with other people's cooking, I recall another thread on the subject where a poster declared that in The South meddling with another woman's cooking is an act of high treason that will get you thrown out of polite society. You do not even slice another woman's cake without specific permission.
Asharah