Author Topic: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)  (Read 66247 times)

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StarDrifter

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #120 on: March 09, 2014, 09:41:40 PM »
Regarding people who meddle with other people's cooking, I recall another thread on the subject where a poster declared that in The South meddling with another woman's cooking is an act of high treason that will get you thrown out of polite society. You do not even slice another woman's cake without specific permission.
I think I want that (or something paraphrased from that) on a sign to hang in my kitchen. Much as I love my mother, she and I have vastly different cooking styles and the number of dishes she has destroyed by 'helping' me with them... yeah. She was never allowed in my kitchen at my old house, and won't be coming into the new one, either!
... it might frighten them.
Victoria,

StarFaerie

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #121 on: March 09, 2014, 10:22:44 PM »
Ah my mother belongs in this tread. She helps in the way she thinks is best.

After my ex left, I cleaned out the entire house and separated stuff into rubbish, ex's stuff, my stuff, DS's stuff and stuff for storage (documents, stuff from my chhildhood, select of DS's baby clothes, some of DS's old baby toys that he still wanted and so on). I mentioned to my mother how much rubbish there was and that I was going to hire someone to take it away. She suggested that I get her gardener to do it and I foolishly agreed. All the rubbish had been put outside the back door as the gardener was coming when I was at work. For some reason my mother came with him. When the trailer wasn't full after all the garbage was taken, she let herself into the house with the spare key (she knew where it was kept) took the half filled kitchen garbage bin (that was OK) and then went into the spare room. Seeing bags full of stuff that happened to be in garbage bags, she took these out to the trailer. You guessed it, these were the stuff for storage and quite a bit of the ex's stuff that wasn't really right for boxes. By the time I got home that night it was all gone to the garbage tip and unretrievable. She is still upset with me that I was upset with her and that wasn't thankful for all her hard work that day. After all, she meant well and how was she to know it wasn't garbage? Grrrr.

The other major one was when I was very ill. I was sleeping 21 hours a day and was too tired even to watch TV or read when I was awake. This went on for about 6 months. I will admit she was helpful in taking me to doctors appointments, etc. One day after we had gotten back to my place from an appointment, I lay down on the couch too exhausted to go upstairs. She decided that my house needed a clean. I will admit that it did and does as I am a really bad housekeeper. I tried to beg her not too but she just started, all the time giving me a running commentary of how disgusting my house is and how I should be ashamed of myself (Note: this was dirty dishes and undusted window sills, not a hoarder type thing). I just wanted to sleep, but couldn't relax at all with her there, while at the same time being physically incapable of walking or even raising my voice above a whisper. I ended up crawling crying to the kitchen attempting to beg her to just leave. Eventually she did in a huff about how ungrateful I am and I collapsed to sleep on my kitchen floor for 5 hours until my son got home. I have never allowed her into my house again.

crella

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #122 on: March 09, 2014, 10:47:59 PM »
I'm amazed at the similar experiences we've had, and how similar the reactions of the 'helpers' are!! My brother is big on helping but it doesn't always turn out well.  He piled china and pots in the dish rack over a row of crystal glasses and the glasses crushed/collapsed under the weight. He cleaned the dining room unasked one day while I was at work and dropped and smashed one of the fluted glass parts of the light, so we had one exposed light bulb as we could not order a replacement for the imported light.

Undeterred, and despite my saying 'You don't have to do the dishes' 'Just leave those there, I'll get to it' he has insisted on scooping up the dishes as soon as the last forkful was swallowed any time we had a family dinner, often when we had wine left in our glasses and there was still food on the table. I asked time and time again for him to stop. For Christmas I cook for hours, and days, before and I want to just enjoy a leisurely meal and not have my plate whisked and the crashingly rapid 'see how well I clean up' tornado begin. My sink has scratch marks from steel wool, the pink coating has been scrubbed off two of my grandmothers pink King's Crown glassware (inexpensive mass-produced glassware, but the glasses my grandparents used for cider every Thanksgiving). I raised my voice on two occasions after YEARS of polite requests for him to stay out of the kitchen, and got 'But I'm just trying to be a nice guy!', and he was quite put out about it.

You aren't 'being a nice guy' if-

You're breaking things
You're pressuring people who want to relax
You don't respect me in my home


Mel the Redcap

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #123 on: March 10, 2014, 06:53:57 AM »
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!
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crella

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #124 on: March 10, 2014, 07:47:54 AM »
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!

Oh, I know, isn't that too awful?

Luci

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #125 on: March 10, 2014, 10:26:37 AM »
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!

Oh, I know, isn't that too awful?

Crella, I think you get the "Understatement of the Month" award.

I keep wondering how much money that will cost Julian's estate in the long run.

Thipu1

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #126 on: March 10, 2014, 11:43:42 AM »
Former short-term girlfriend who demanded wanted to help me renovate my house. 

I collect stamps.   A former girlfriend licked all of my mint stamps and stuck them to album pages because she was helping me while I was at work.

I just made a high-pitched "Hngggeeeennnnnnnnngh!!!!!" sort of noise!

That is truly painful. 

How could she not have figured out that all those stamps were all in little bags for a reason? 

veronaz

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #127 on: March 10, 2014, 12:22:21 PM »
Sometimes when I go grocery shopping a friend comes with me.  I always have my list and she rarely needs to get anything for herself.  We usually just have coffee, or a bite to eat then go to the store.

As I get my items, I sometimes quietly say what the next item is.  “Detergent, aisle 12”, etc. or whatever.  When we reach the area she will call out the various brands or even suggest a different one.   She does it several times with various items.  I say “Oh, I know the brands” as I reach for what I want.  She makes suggestions as to what type of pickles, margarine, etc. I should buy.

Um……I’ve been grocery shopping for decades, and I do know what I want to buy.  I don’t need suggestions for alternates and it's annoying to listen to her call out every brand on the shelves.  ::)

kherbert05

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #128 on: March 10, 2014, 12:54:24 PM »
Quote
the hostess who took the honey-glazed spiral ham brought by her brother or brother in law, trimmed it down and served it as slices of ham because no one needed the fat or the sugar!
I read this to DH. His jaw dropped and he turned red with rage! (He blushes easily, and is a teddy bear.) We loves us some Honey Baked Ham.

Back on topic: In this case, the help offered was very good, and could have been badly needed by someone else.

I'm pretty sure I've told this before. I had fallen off a horse, and was badly bruised all up one side. About a week later, when all the bruises were beautifully colored, I sneezed. That's how I found out I had broken a couple of ribs in the same fall. Of course, it was the middle of the night, and DH was asleep, and I had to wake him up to take me to the ED.

He gets mad when I am hurt - mad because I am hurt, not mad at me. When he is really mad, he looks dangerous, as if he might explode violently any second. It can be really scary to anyone who doesn't know him. So, during intake, he is sitting back, angry, while I am talking to the very nice male nurse. He noticed the old bruises and my explosive-looking DH, and leaned in to quietly ask me, "Do you need a safe place to stay tonight?" Deity bless him! It made me laugh, which hurt. But I thanked him warmly all the same.
<Snip>
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.


The only time Sis wasn't asked that was when she broke both her knees skiing and was rescued by the ski patrol. Both broken wrists, dislocated knee, broken leg, and broken foot she was asked if she was safe at home. (She is she also doesn't have thinning bones)


Same with several other female relatives.

I've gone to the ER with workman's comp paperwork after a fall - and been asked if I was safe at home. I've even been asked when getting treated for allergic reactions - and had no bruises/marks not even discoloration from my skin disorder.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #129 on: March 10, 2014, 12:57:46 PM »
Actually, nowadays that ask that almost as a matter of routine.

wolfie

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #130 on: March 10, 2014, 01:00:53 PM »
Do they ask that of men too?
Last time I was at the docs they didn't ask me that. I went in with a broken toe - he just asked how I broke it.

veronaz

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #131 on: March 10, 2014, 01:01:23 PM »
Quote
Doesn't any woman or child that goes in to the ER with bruises/broken bones not directly attributable to something like a car accident get asked that question.

Couple years ago I fell and hurt my shoulder and wrist…….no broken bones but got very sore so I went to ER next morning.  At intake, I was asked if there was domestic violence in the home.  I understand it’s something they’re trained to ask and they’re just trying to help.

redcat

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #132 on: March 10, 2014, 01:13:26 PM »
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I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #133 on: March 10, 2014, 01:20:37 PM »
I used to date a guy who was a Grill Master.  He used a dry rub, lots of smoke, and took his time.  These ribs were heavenly.  So at a big family summer party, his BIL decided to help him.  BIL took several (refrigerated) bottles of BBQ sauce, dumped them over everything, and set it on the table.  Now BF had been planning to heat up the sauce, and serve it on the side for those who wanted it.

But now we had icy cold ribs slathered with the sauce.  I was so angry. BF's way, people had a choice.  BIL's way, it was his way or no way.
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PastryGoddess

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Re: Stop helping me! (Share your stories)
« Reply #134 on: March 10, 2014, 01:24:19 PM »
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I hope you don't feel badly about that.  How were you supposed to know?  You`re not a mind-reader.  If I saw a pie, and nobody told me otherwise, I'd presume it was a dessert item.


Really?  That's I interesting to me.  Are you American?  Do you have a much bigger tradition of sweet pies than savoury?  I'm British, and I'd find a savoury pie as likely as sweet.

Not the OP, but in my experiences pies brought to share at a potluck are dessert items.  I've made and had savory pies before but I usually don't bring them to potlucks