Stop helping me! (Share your stories)

[SoCalVal]

OBFF tried to foist a dining table on us that I positively hated and did not match the style of our house at all

MIL:   Good news!  I spoke to my cousin, and when she was having one of her lucid moments, she said you could have her livingroom set for free.

MIL was bewildered and annoyed when we still (politely) refused.

Yeah, this table didn't require any money from us, either.  I didn't care.  It was ugly as hell and would've come with unending strings attached (like "I gave you that table; you owe me" or "You have this table thanks to me," blah blah blah).  DH thought I was being ungracious.  I told him I was saving us a world of issues, never mind that I wasn't physically comfortable sitting at that table anyway.

That also reminds me that others have tried "helping" by trying to push off items on us once we got our house.  BIL brought us two tables we didn't request that he wanted to get out of his work storage area.  We still have them (we used one, temporarily, as a dining table, moving the ugly one out of the way until OBFF took it back; we used the temp one until we acquired our current one -- we haven't gotten around to getting rid of that one; the other is a coffee table I actually like and is sitting in our living room).  I did ask DH, though, not to accept any more items from anyone until we had a chance to discuss it.  I get a sense that people believed they were helping us by helping themselves get rid of stuff.  I told DH I could quickly see our home becoming a repository for other people's junk because they believed we needed stuff to furnish our house, which then we would have the responsibility of getting rid of.  More furniture was offered by others, including BIL; DH turned most of them down.  We did accept a family heirloom -- a behemoth of a bookcase that was completely built by DH's great-great-grandfather; he even did the decorative carving.  It's a little bit big for our current house (we plan to move in ten years when we could afford a house in a better area; we figure it'll fit better then), but it truly is a piece of family history we are very happy to have and is a beautifully done and preserved piece at that (family legend has it that the same relative constructed the doors for the state capitol; we haven't been able to track down the info for that yet as far as looking online).

I should hope, once we get around to getting new furniture (if we do want new furniture as we're fine with what we've got), we don't also look at others as a way of emptying our house while not having to cart the stuff to Goodwill or the dump.

[StarFaerie]

I will keep this vague as the results were pretty gross.  My dd decided to help me with my chores the other night. She used the water from the toilet. I will say it is very clean now as I redid her cleaning job with bleach and followed up with some Mrs Meyers.

I know of what you speak!  There is a saga related to why ex was no longer permitted to clean the bathroom.

We got a deal on our first home, as it needed a lot of work, and I do mean a whole lot.  We had to gut the bathroom down to the boards.  The previous owners had installed, (obviously by themselves), a very slippery and shoddy-looking ceramic tile in there.  I needed something inexpensive and nice-looking to replace it, so we went with those linoleum type tiles that stick.  It wasn't overly slippry and it looked really nice.

Ex's family was coming to dinner once we got the house into reasonable shape.  I did the majority of the cleaning, all the shopping, and cooked a nice meal.  Right before their arrival, I had to run out and get soft drinks.  Ex asked if he could do anything while I was gone, and I said if he wanted to give the bathroom floor a quick mop, that would be great.

I went to the store, and when I came home, he was hard at work.  I walked into the bathroom to ask him something, only to find he was using a sponge and the toilet water to "clean" the floor.  I was horrified.  I was beyond squicked out.  I actually broke down and cried.  Then I took the hottest water I could stand, and some disinfectant floor cleaner, and went over every inch.

HGolightly, I am guessing your daughter is a youngster who didn't know any better.  Ex is a grown man.  I remember asking him what he was thinking, and he didn't really have a good answer.  To this day, I can barely stand to remember that mental picture, of him dipping that sponge where it didn't need to go. 

It makes the time he ruined my kitchen floor by using pure bleach look so much better by comparison!   

I think that he didn't want to get the bucket out and wash the floor properly, because that would be more work.  Naturally, he didn't want to share that information with you.  Since the water in the commode looked clean, he thought that it would do.  He didn't expect you to walk in and "catch" him.

but if he was being lazy then he could have filled up the sink and used that!

I don't know is lazy is exactly the word I had in mind, but I see how you would think that.  I believe that Wild One's husband was thoroughly unfastidious, and didn't think that the toilet water was particularly dirty and would be fine to use.   He was probably totally dumbfounded when she cried.

As far as using the sink goes, I think that to him the toilet was more efficient because it sounds like he was on his hands and knees using a sponge.  If he used the sink he have to keep bending up and down.  The toilet was closer to the floor.

I kind of agree with him. Once I've cleaned the toilet (which I always do first), it's clean and the water in it is clean. It comes from same tap as the water in the sink. I wouldn't use it to clean the floor because the floor dirt would then dirty up my nice clean toilet and I use warm water on my floors, but I don't see anything gross about it.

[jedikaiti]

Yea, but that kind of assumes the toilet had just been thoroughly scrubbed and had not been used in the meantime.

[StarFaerie]

Yea, but that kind of assumes the toilet had just been thoroughly scrubbed and had not been used in the meantime.

True. I was hoping.

[Katana_Geldar]

Even if the toilet has been cleaned, getting water from there is still rather strange.

[Piratelvr1121]

My middle child has ADD but isn't medicated due to him usually being able to manage it and getting decent grades, as well as just not finding anything that really works for him, med wise.

Now, I don't mind him bringing something to fidget with in church if it truly did help him to pay attention as he claims it does. But when I give him little quizzes as to what the gospel was about, he can't answer them.  Not to mention he makes it really obvious at times that he's not paying attention. Like today, making tiny sculptures out of clay and lining them up along the back of the pew in front of us.

I was talking to him after the service about this when a woman came up and started praising him for his creativity and making excuses for him left and right. "He's just being a boy!" 

I've always had trouble listening to and following the sermon, and I don't have ADHD.  I just don't learn well from listening, I learn better from seeing.  I've started taking sermon notes, and, while I always struggled in college to both listen and take notes, because listening is hard for me, the no pressure situation of a sermon makes note-taking work well to keep my attention. 

Sorry that that woman was encouraging him in not paying attention, though!  Did he overhear?

Oh she said it right in front of him, including the fact that "there's no such thing as ADD and boys are just hummingbirds on crack and shouldn't be medicated for behavior that comes naturally to them!"  I'll give him this, he just stared at her when she said that, not wanting to argue with her, and when she left he said quietly to me "ADD is real!"

I do take notes during the sermon though. Mainly because my friend and I attend different churches and so I like to jot down a few ideas that will help me remember what really struck me about the sermon when I sit down to type up the email once I get home after fellowship, putting littlest pirate down for a nap and changing out of my church clothes. Our church does share the sermons on their website but they often don't show up for a couple of weeks after they're given.

[HGolightly]

I hear you all about " free" furniture. DH will not say no to his parents about anything. They were downsizing their home when we were moving into our home and "kindly" gave us a box of rusted tools that were unusable ( incl a saw with no handle) and an entire box of metal clothes hangers.  They also felt DH's kitchen table was too small for our dining room and swapped with theirs on moving day. Their set fell apart within months due to age, wear and tear and quality. We did not have a table until after our wedding thanks to generous gifts.  We also got a couch from mil's late uncle with the bonus gift of a mice infestation. The final straw came when they gave our soon to be born baby a dresser that could be used as a change table. It was horrible, been through three kids (including our niece who got brand new furniture from them to replace it) and was broken. The drawer rails were broken, the drawer fronts were cracked and the niece covered it with stickers. It took my handy parents 20 hours of gluing, replacing and painting to make it usable. It went to the dump when we moved. My MIL thinks she is doing us a second favour when we need to replace the garbage they give us as now we can pick what we want.....which we could have done in the first place and saved headaches.  DH now refuses their offers after the last two incidents.

[TootsNYC]

I hear you all about " free" furniture. DH will not say no to his parents about anything. They were downsizing their home when we were moving into our home and "kindly" gave us a box of rusted tools that were unusable ( incl a saw with no handle) and an entire box of metal clothes hangers.  They also felt DH's kitchen table was too small for our dining room and swapped with theirs on moving day. Their set fell apart within months due to age, wear and tear and quality. We did not have a table until after our wedding thanks to generous gifts.  We also got a couch from mil's late uncle with the bonus gift of a mice infestation. The final straw came when they gave our soon to be born baby a dresser that could be used as a change table. It was horrible, been through three kids (including our niece who got brand new furniture from them to replace it) and was broken. The drawer rails were broken, the drawer fronts were cracked and the niece covered it with stickers. It took my handy parents 20 hours of gluing, replacing and painting to make it usable. It went to the dump when we moved. My MIL thinks she is doing us a second favour when we need to replace the garbage they give us as now we can pick what we want.....which we could have done in the first place and saved headaches.  DH now refuses their offers after the last two incidents.

Of course she thinks you're doing her a favor--you went to all that work to salvage it (via your parents), so that's a clear message that you really valued it!

You'd have sent a clearer message if you'd thrown it out immediately and gone and bought something new.

[Last_Dance]

I have a fresh story for this thread!

This morning, our bed broke - it's one of those beds that have extra storage space underneath for linens etc. One of the springs that helps me pull it up and down got stuck and I couldn't close it anymore.

Since DF was at work, I first tried to call MIL to ask her the number of the shop that sold us the bed, but she didn't answer and I ended up calling DF anyway.

MIL called me back after I had already called the shop: I explained what happened and I also mentioned that the shop can't send anyone until after Easter. I got a flood well-meant but mostly useless advice - which wouldn't have been so bad.

Unfortunately, after getting off the phone with me, MIL started repeatedly calling FIL and DF while they were at work, in middle of a business appointment! Both FIL and DF were very annoyed

When DF got home, he told me not to call him too much at work when he's busy.... I got in trouble for MIL's calls even though I didn't ask her to make them and they certainly didn't help solve the problem! 

I've learned my lesson: never ask MIL anything! 

[Shalamar]

I wasn't surprised when my MIL tried to get us to take her cousin's livingroom set - and, if you saw MIL's basement in her old house, you wouldn't be surprised either.   It was wall-to-wall furniture, mostly cast-offs from relatives who either downsized or died.  And ugly?  Oy.  The 70's were not a good era for attractive couches.

[alkira6]

And I thought the time my DH used Pledge on the hardwood floors was bad!!!    Granted, they looked showroom new, but holy cow they were slippery!!!

I didn't know my husband had another brother!  What is it with these guys?

Add me as someone else who had awesomely shiny floors and a sore bottom.   

[learningtofly]

I hear you all about " free" furniture. DH will not say no to his parents about anything. They were downsizing their home when we were moving into our home and "kindly" gave us a box of rusted tools that were unusable ( incl a saw with no handle) and an entire box of metal clothes hangers.  They also felt DH's kitchen table was too small for our dining room and swapped with theirs on moving day. Their set fell apart within months due to age, wear and tear and quality. We did not have a table until after our wedding thanks to generous gifts.  We also got a couch from mil's late uncle with the bonus gift of a mice infestation. The final straw came when they gave our soon to be born baby a dresser that could be used as a change table. It was horrible, been through three kids (including our niece who got brand new furniture from them to replace it) and was broken. The drawer rails were broken, the drawer fronts were cracked and the niece covered it with stickers. It took my handy parents 20 hours of gluing, replacing and painting to make it usable. It went to the dump when we moved. My MIL thinks she is doing us a second favour when we need to replace the garbage they give us as now we can pick what we want.....which we could have done in the first place and saved headaches.  DH now refuses their offers after the last two incidents.

Seriously, they're not helping.  When we bought our house one of DH's relatives had moved to a bigger place and offered us a few things.  They were perfect for our house and we really appreciated it.  Enter the rest of the furniture from other ILs.  It took me years to get the stuff out of my house.  I would have rather had no furniture at all as some of it was so old and saggy that no one sat there anyway.  We got a cracked patio set so someone could go off and buy a new one.  I finally told DH we were not a repository for junk and it stopped.  Some people had their heart in the right place and some people got that gleam in their eye that told me they were sagging me with furniture so they could buy new stuff with a clear conscience and a pat on the back.

[HGolightly]

I agree TootsNYC but at the time we could not afford to nor had the space.  My spine has been polished since and the standard answer is now "no thank you, we have no use for that".  They can easily afford the fee to take things to the dump.

[GratefulMaria]

A kinder furniture-gifting story here.  When DS1 and his GF found an apartment, my mother offered them a couch.  Great shape, plus it was a sleeper, they were happy to accept.  Right before move-in, she became very ill and was hospitalized in a coma.  We put a lot of plans on hold, changed others, and DS1 stayed in the area while she was in danger.  We did start taking some things down to the apartment, but nothing from her house.  After my mother regained consciousness, we were all in her hospital room, she beams up at DS1 and asks, "How do you like the couch?"  His sheepish grin and "Weeelllll," led to us having to explain that it would have been very poor form to be seen hauling things out of her house in a moving van just after the ambulance had taken her away.

[Piratelvr1121]

We inherited a sofa and loveseat from DH's grandmother when she could no longer live in her house and they had to sell it.  It must have been bought in the 70's cause it just had that kind of look to it.  They needed to do something with it to get it out of the house and offered it to us.  We took it and it made the move with us but I truly was not a huge fan of it. It wasn't that I found it ugly, it just wasn't really my style. I'm not a big one for patterns on the upholstry cause it makes it harder to coordinate with room decor. I like simpler, neutral styles.  Namely off-whites and earthy colors which would coordinate with nautical decor.

Anyway, the cats tore these up pretty badly and we eventually replaced it and no one was really terribly upset to see them go, thankfully.