Author Topic: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)  (Read 9622 times)

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Last_Dance

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We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« on: March 05, 2014, 03:36:53 PM »
Since DF and I have been living together for two years, we decided to register at a travel agency instead of at the usual department store - in short, we are doing the "honeymoon fund"

Here's the problem, though: DF thinks we should put the travel agency's business card in a small envelope inside the invitations and mail them together.

I'm pretty sure it counts as pushing information, even though it was first "pulled" from us - moreover, I've just realized that there's a group of people with whom we won't be able to speak before the invitations are sent (you know, distant family members, our parents' friends...), so now I'm even more opposed to the idea.

We agreed to submit to E-Hell's verdict. What's the right thing to do?
« Last Edit: March 10, 2014, 12:13:11 PM by Last_Dance »
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wolfie

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2014, 03:38:37 PM »
Since DF and I have been living together for two years, we decided to register at a travel agency instead of at the usual department store - in short, we are doing the "honeymoon fund"

Here's the problem, though: DF thinks we should put the travel agency's business card in a small envelope inside the invitations and mail them together.

I'm pretty sure it counts as pushing information, even though it was first "pulled" from us - moreover, I've just realized that there's a group of people with whom we won't be able to speak before the invitations are sent (you know, distant family members, our parents' friends...), so now I'm even more opposed to the idea.

We agreed to submit to E-Hell's verdict. What's the right thing to do?

How was it pulled from you? Sounds like you will be sending it to people who never asked you where you are registered. I would not send them.

TootsNYC

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2014, 03:44:12 PM »
Honeymoon registries are *so* risky--I wouldn't include the registry info in the invitations. Ever.

It's not good form to include ANY registry/gift info in the invitation. There are some individuals who want it in there, and a lot of people might forgive it.

But for a non-traditional registry, you really should be careful.

You could make a small card that says: "see extra info on our wedding website" and give the URL. And -there- you can have a page for "gift ideas" and say, "People have been asking what they can give us. We need very few of the traditional things, because we've been out on our own. But we're saving for a memorable honeymoon; if you're interested in contributing to that, here's the info:"

gellchom

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #3 on: March 05, 2014, 03:45:39 PM »
Oh, please don't! 

All the effort you are putting into your pretty, romantic invitation will be overshadowed in many if not most of your guests' minds, even those who don't think that registry information of any kind should never go into a wedding invitation.  A commercial business card?  Just no place for that in a wedding invitation.

I'm glad your fiance agreed to abide by eHell's verdict.  What a compliment!

Whoever "pulled" the info from you -- just send the contact info to them in an email or something.

Don't give it to anyone else unless and until they ask for it.

Toots's suggestions are great.

SamiHami

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2014, 03:49:55 PM »
The idea of including the card with your invitations is horrible. Actually, honeymoon registries are not cool either, but if you are going to do one, please don't make it worse by adding the card. (The only thing worse that I can think of was an invitation I received that had the full color LOGOS of the three stores the HC were registered printed on the invitation itself! I was told that it was okay because the bride's mother was a wedding planner so she knew it was okay to do etiquette-wise. I really wish I'd saved that invite!).

At most I'd say create a wedding website and in a very teeny, tiny corner that the reader would have to seek out have a link to your registry. And please, at least register at a store or two so that those who are put off by a honeymoon registry can select something else that you might like. Otherwise you are likely to end up with a bunch of stuff you don't really want or need.

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Last_Dance

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2014, 03:55:50 PM »
Since DF and I have been living together for two years, we decided to register at a travel agency instead of at the usual department store - in short, we are doing the "honeymoon fund"

Here's the problem, though: DF thinks we should put the travel agency's business card in a small envelope inside the invitations and mail them together.

I'm pretty sure it counts as pushing information, even though it was first "pulled" from us - moreover, I've just realized that there's a group of people with whom we won't be able to speak before the invitations are sent (you know, distant family members, our parents' friends...), so now I'm even more opposed to the idea.

We agreed to submit to E-Hell's verdict. What's the right thing to do?

How was it pulled from you? Sounds like you will be sending it to people who never asked you where you are registered. I would not send them.

I was thinking of our closest family and friends, who already know about us being registered at a travel agency because they asked, when I wrote that.
I realized that wasn't actually our whole guest list while I was typing the OP and some things got lost in editing ^^' sorry

You could make a small card that says: "see extra info on our wedding website" and give the URL. "

We haven't got a wedding website, but since the invitations won't be going out until May/June, we could always set up one...  Are they very common?
They don't seem to be here in Europe, but we're only the second couple in our circle of friends to get married
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lofty

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2014, 03:58:10 PM »
There is nothing worse than getting a pretty invitation in the mail only to have those little registry cards come fluttering out of it. I find it ruins the excitement of being invited to a wedding and replaces it with "oh look, here's there wish list!"

I support the tucking it away on a wedding website somewhere with the "gift ideas" page. I included a business card sized insert with ours that directed our guests to the website for things to do around town, accommodations and the like. Once there they could find our registries if they so chose.

If someone asks you or your family where you are registered, then you can tell them; that's the "pulling" vs. "pushing" the information on them via an insert card.

Not sure about how common the websites are in Europe, but here in the States it's very easy to get a free one from The Knot, Wedding Day, etc. My sister set up a lovely one that includes their engagement photos, fun facts about how they met, hotel & rehearsal information, a page about the attendants and tucked away in there is their registry information.
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lowspark

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2014, 04:01:17 PM »
Honestly, if I received a wedding invitation with a travel agency's business card inserted, I'd be baffled! I'd wonder if the bride or groom or someone close to them worked there and this was an attempt at including a bit of advertising.

I mean, how's that going to work? Are you going to write a note on the card that says, "call these people to give us a gift"?

As PPs have said, having a honeymoon registry is frowned upon. Don't compound that by including registry information in the invitation is a definite no-no.

Lynn2000

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2014, 04:49:48 PM »
POD to the others. Aside from the rule about not including any kind of gift information in the wedding invitation, I would also be totally confused to find a travel agency business card there, with no explanation.

If you don't do a website, that's fine. You can wait until people ask you what you want, and after saying that you really have everything you need, if they still want suggestions, you can say that you're going to location X for your honeymoon, and that you've registered with a travel agency for the trip. I've actually never heard of registering with a travel agency the way you would at a store, so it wouldn't have occurred to me that this exists. I've heard of honeymoon funds, but I guess I didn't realize that was how they worked--usually it's described as being directed to the couple's website. Does the travel agency have a page just for you two with purchase info? That's the website you could give people, when asked for further info.

You might also consider ideas that are related to the honeymoon location, but don't involve directly contributing to the honeymoon fund, that you can tell people when asked, or even register for. Pretending it's a tropical beach--light beach reads, sun protection gear, new luggage, flip-flops and cover-ups, beach towels. Even gift certificates to specific stores/restaurants at that location (which are also available easily from a distance). Basically stuff that you would have spent money on anyway or that would be really nice in the context of the honeymoon.

You could also register for stuff you'd just like, books or DVDs or whatever. I know some people don't find that kind of thing "wedding-y" enough, but then they could choose between a wish list of books, contributing to the honeymoon fund, or doing something on their own.

To me, the thing with a honeymoon fund is that it's basically just... giving money. Which some people are fine with and might have done anyway, but that's only giving your guests one single option of a thing to give you, unless they go totally off on their own with little guidance. It's like registering for 100 identical blue bath towels or something. "No really, that's all we want. We love these blue towels." Actually that would be kind of funny...
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menley

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2014, 04:59:29 PM »
Honestly, if I received a wedding invitation with a travel agency's business card inserted, I'd be baffled! I'd wonder if the bride or groom or someone close to them worked there and this was an attempt at including a bit of advertising.

I mean, how's that going to work? Are you going to write a note on the card that says, "call these people to give us a gift"?

As PPs have said, having a honeymoon registry is frowned upon. Don't compound that by including registry information in the invitation is a definite no-no.

I agree with this, I would have no idea what to do with the card unless it specifically had a link to your honeymoon registry. If it's just a card for the travel agency, I'd think "huh, how'd that get in there?" and toss it.

The best ways to spread the word are 1) simple word of mouth - when people ask where you're registered, tell them, and 2) wedding websites. Every wedding I've attended in the past 5 years has had a website (both US and Europe), so they are quite common these days.

Hmmmmm

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2014, 05:18:19 PM »
Honestly, if I received a wedding invitation with a travel agency's business card inserted, I'd be baffled! I'd wonder if the bride or groom or someone close to them worked there and this was an attempt at including a bit of advertising.

I mean, how's that going to work? Are you going to write a note on the card that says, "call these people to give us a gift"?

As PPs have said, having a honeymoon registry is frowned upon. Don't compound that by including registry information in the invitation is a definite no-no.

I'd be baffled about the business card too, unless it was a business card that provided the details of the honeymoon registry.

If your not planning to set up a wedding site, then as people ask where you are registered send them the info then, through email or mail. And make sure your family has the info in case they are asked directly.
I agree with this, I would have no idea what to do with the card unless it specifically had a link to your honeymoon registry. If it's just a card for the travel agency, I'd think "huh, how'd that get in there?" and toss it.

The best ways to spread the word are 1) simple word of mouth - when people ask where you're registered, tell them, and 2) wedding websites. Every wedding I've attended in the past 5 years has had a website (both US and Europe), so they are quite common these days.

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #11 on: March 06, 2014, 10:05:35 PM »
Some people will be offended. You have to ask yourself if you're all right with that.
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GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #12 on: March 07, 2014, 11:52:28 AM »
I would be so confused about getting a travel agent's business card in a wedding invite. I would probably think this is who I should call if I need to set up hotel rooms, or maybe you'd gotten some cheap flights through her for your guests. I would not think it had anything to do with a registry.

Wedding website are pretty common, in fact I haven't attended a wedding yet without one. And I know there are ways to set up one for free, simple basic, very easy. I'm not sure where because my Partner is building ours from scratch because that's who she is and what she does and it's making her happy so I'm not arguing.

I'd leave the card out, if people ask you can tell them, or let it get around by word of mouth.

gellchom

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #13 on: March 07, 2014, 12:14:08 PM »
I would be so confused about getting a travel agent's business card in a wedding invite. I would probably think this is who I should call if I need to set up hotel rooms, or maybe you'd gotten some cheap flights through her for your guests. I would not think it had anything to do with a registry.
That's a really good point.  I think that's what I'd think, too.

Sharnita

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #14 on: March 08, 2014, 11:40:55 AM »
Nope. Really bad idea for multiple reasons. If people want to know, they will ask.