Author Topic: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)  (Read 8786 times)

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Last_Dance

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #15 on: March 10, 2014, 12:12:29 PM »
So, I told DF the result of our survey (smug doesn't look good on me  >:D)

I also shared your solutions, but he thinks a wedding website would be over the top and doesn't trust word-of-mouth.

So, new question: what if we did add a card to the invitations saying "For additional information please contact [Name] at [appropriate phone number]"?

No mentions of registries whatsoever and if somebody has questions or problems, they'll know how to reach us.

If the extra card is appropriate, is it okay if we write it by hand instead of having it printed? The invitations are already done ^^'

Third question: even though our invitations have "Last_Dance and DF announce their wedding", can we also put our parents's names and contact information on the extra card?
Since some of our guests are closer to them rather than us (you know, distant family members and family friends), DF thinks they might prefer talking directLy with our parents.
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lowspark

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #16 on: March 10, 2014, 12:26:27 PM »
He doesn't trust word of mouth... meaning what? Is he really that concerned with making sure the only gifts you receive are contributions to the honeymoon fund? That sounds, well, sorry, but that sounds a bit "gimme".

You know, if I receive an invitation to a wedding and I need more info, I don't really need a card, handwritten or otherwise, to know that I should call the couple or their parents (if I know them better). I think your DF is fretting too much about this.

Regardless of how you handle this, some people will contribute, some will probably give cash, and you'll get some gifts which are neither.

I see the business card or the "for more info" card as way more over the top (as in, atypical) than a wedding website.

wolfie

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #17 on: March 10, 2014, 12:27:27 PM »
So, I told DF the result of our survey (smug doesn't look good on me  >:D)

I also shared your solutions, but he thinks a wedding website would be over the top and doesn't trust word-of-mouth.

So, new question: what if we did add a card to the invitations saying "For additional information please contact [Name] at [appropriate phone number]"?

No mentions of registries whatsoever and if somebody has questions or problems, they'll know how to reach us.

If the extra card is appropriate, is it okay if we write it by hand instead of having it printed? The invitations are already done ^^'

Third question: even though our invitations have "Last_Dance and DF announce their wedding", can we also put our parents's names and contact information on the extra card?
Since some of our guests are closer to them rather than us (you know, distant family members and family friends), DF thinks they might prefer talking directLy with our parents.

If I got a card like that my first thought would be "additional information on what?" And then when I didn't need additional information I would start getting worried that I was missing something because you wouldn't have included that note unless you were pretty confident that I would need to ask you something. I don't need a prompt to ask you where you are registered. Either I will want to know and will ask, or I don't care and am getting you what I think you could need. And if I am your parent's friend then I would have even less problems calling them and asking.


Teenyweeny

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #18 on: March 10, 2014, 12:27:49 PM »
If you don't have a wedding website (and I don't think they're OTT, but if you don't want one, that's cool), you can just tell people what you want when they ask you. And they will ask you (or a close relative), believe me.

I didn't have a registry, and we didn't put any gift info on our wedding website. Guess what? We still got gifts! Some were tangible, some were cash, some were charitable donations (if anybody asked, we told them we wanted them to donate to a charity of their choice in our name).

So your fiance is worried that 'word of mouth' won't travel far enough. To that, I have to answer 'so what?'  Is your fiance seriously going to be put out if people don't buy from the honeymoon fund? People aren't obligated to get you the gift you specify. In addition to that, it's been my experience that in the absence of a registry, most people give cash, which you can put towards your honeymoon.

Please, don't put in any business cards, or cryptic 'phone for info' messages. For one thing, I'd assume that was for help with finding hotels or something. Either put the info on your website (not on the front page, but I think deliberately clicking a link on the home page counts as 'asking for the information'), or let word of mouth travel.




LemonZen

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #19 on: March 10, 2014, 12:30:35 PM »
I don't know if I understand exactly what you are saying in your update, but it sounds confusing to me. So you would hand write a travel agent's name and phone number on a card and say to call for more information?

I would not know what to do with that. I don't want to call a stranger for a vague "more information". That would be awkward for both sides. I would probably also think I dialed a wrong number when the travel agency picked up.

As for your parents, don't put their info in. If there are people who would prefer to contact them I would assume they know how to do so. If they don't know your parents, I'm guessing they will not want to call them for anything.

I think you'd might even get some people RSVPing to these numbers out of sheer confusion.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #20 on: March 10, 2014, 12:41:32 PM »
So, new question: what if we did add a card to the invitations saying "For additional information please contact [Name] at [appropriate phone number]"?

So here's how I've played this out working in my head. I open my invitation and see an additional card that I can call a number for additioanl information. On what? Well, I'm a curious little kitty, I'll call up the number.

Travel Agent: Thanks for calling the Let's Go travel agency! This is Jenny, how can I help you?
Me: Hi Jenny, I think I might have the wrong number. I'm looking for additional information on Last_Dance's wedding? This 867-5309?
Travel Agent: Yep, you got the right place! How do you want to contribute to Last_Dance's honeymoon fund?
Me: I'm sorry what? I was looking for more information on the wedding. I don't understand what's going on.
Travel Agent: Well, the happy couple has registered with us for a honeymoon, so they included our information so people can contribute.
Me: But...they said more info...so...nothing about the wedding? Like parking?
Travel Agent: Nope, can't help you with that.
Me: Ok, well, thanks...have a nice day Jenny.

And I'm not so sure what DF means he doesn't trust word of mouth. Is he worried people will call the wrong travel agency? Or people won't call the travel agency at all?

lowspark

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #21 on: March 10, 2014, 12:50:15 PM »
I got the idea that the extra card was going to have LastDance and her DF's name and number, and possibly her parents' name & number as well.

Quote
No mentions of registries whatsoever and if somebody has questions or problems, they'll know how to reach us.

Don't your friends already know how to reach you? Especially the ones who are close enough to be invited to your wedding?

TootsNYC

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #22 on: March 10, 2014, 12:55:55 PM »
what number are you thinking of for this:

Quote
... add a card to the invitations saying "For additional information please contact [Name] at [appropriate phone number]"?

. . .if somebody has questions or problems, they'll know how to reach us.


Your own? That's sort of awkward, for people to call you and say, "Where are you registered," and you say, "we want money for our honeymoon." It's not so awkward to say, "oh, we're registered at Macy's," because somehow there's an extra level in the contact. You aren't directly suggesting what they give you; just telling them where the list is.
   But even if you say, "Oh, we're registered for our honeymoon at Travel Agent," that's just really awkward.


Third question: even though our invitations have "Last_Dance and DF announce their wedding", can we also put our parents's names and contact information on the extra card?
Since some of our guests are closer to them rather than us (you know, distant family members and family friends), DF thinks they might prefer talking directLy with our parents.

Do these people not already have your parents' contact info?


(also--does your invite really say "announce"? bcs that's not invitation working. Invitation wording is "request the pleasure of your company" / "request the honor of your presence" / "invite you to join them". When you use the word "announce," you aren't saying "please come." And it'll confuse people.)


My vote: stop caring what people give you. It's sort of not your business, really. Not until it becomes your properly. Or until they directly ask you.
 
And if they do directly ask you, I'd suggest having a few things to say, like, "Well, we have almost everything, but there are a few suggestions on our Macy's registry. And we're saving for a honeymoon. And of course anything you think would be useful would be nice as well."

gellchom

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #23 on: March 10, 2014, 01:31:14 PM »
Still unanimous.  Don't do it.  I'm only chiming in too because your fiance seems to be care what we think.

This is exactly what people mean when they talk about recipients trying too hard to control givers' generosity and being overly concerned with the gifts they want to get to the point of entitlement.  The only polite way to communicate your preferences is to wait until people ask you (or your parents or a close friend) what you want, and then tell them where you are registered or what you prefer, or at most put it discreetly on a link on a website whose URL you provide (which the guests' visiting is tantamount to asking).  Don't push the information on them unasked or try to manipulate them into asking for it.  And as Toots said above, you need to be extra careful with a honeymoon fund, as those are already across the line for many people -- and I guarantee that that includes at least some of your guests, even if they are too polite to say so.

If the phone number is the travel agent's, your guests' experience will be pretty much what GlitterIsMyDrug imagines -- at best.  Some will be disgusted at what will look to them like an attempt to trick them into calling the travel agent and contributing to the honeymoon fund.  Same if it's a friend who has no other "further information" to share than the honeymoon fund.

If the number is yours or your parents', as everyone else points out, they already know how to reach you or them or both, and of course they already know that you are the ones to contact if they need any further information, so the effect will be the same thing: it will look like an attempt to push them to contribute to the honeymoon fund.

And that's because that's exactly what it is.  Tell your fiance to cut it out!   :) 

I, too, wonder what makes him think that a website is over the top, but trying to nudge your friends and family to give you money, for a honeymoon or anything else, is not.

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #24 on: March 10, 2014, 02:21:08 PM »
Out orf all the "registry for funds" ideas, the idea of contributing to someone's honeymoon skeeves me out the most.  Let's face it, we're adults here... everyone looks forward to the honeymoon for the scrabble.  The ability to, shall we say, play in a place where the board is arranged differently than we're used to.  (Everyone talks about the "wedding night" and "so what did you do on your honeymoon, wink wink")

I'm not so sure how I'd react to a registry that's essentially "hey, wanna help us make triple word scores again and again and again?"  (Okay, most times you'd be lucky if you got a couple of double letter scores and the promise of better tiles next game, but still...)

However, even with this in mind, my suggestion would still be to echo the idea of a wedding website.  It's no more "over the top" than a Facebook page is, and 1s and 0s aren't horribly expensive.  ;)  Start a blog there.  Tell people how excited you are.  Document the journey from fiancees to wedded bliss.  Make the whole "buy us a commemorative scrabble set" thing a minor part of it, and you minimize the impact of the nontraditional registry (which, yes, will likely honk some people of royally.) 
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peaches

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #25 on: March 10, 2014, 02:33:14 PM »
I'll add my opinion to the consensus.

It's never appropriate to mention gifts in or with a wedding invitation. So it's best to stop trying to figure out a way to do that.

About adding contact information, if you know people well enough to invite them to your wedding, they already should know how to reach you. Many or most will know how to reach others close to you such as your parents.

Honeymoon registries are hard to pull off without giving offense or seeming to be asking for money (which is not acceptable). If you use such a registry, I would let people know by word of mouth, and Iíd also set up a traditional registry offering other gift options with a range of prices.

No one has to have a registry. But, if youíre going to have only one and itís a honeymoon registry, well that is very limiting as to gift suggestions. 
 
In my experience many people give cash as a wedding gift anyway, which can then be used for a honeymoon.

Please realize that no matter what you say or do, guests are free to give the gift of their choice.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2014, 02:37:39 PM by peaches »

gollymolly2

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #26 on: March 10, 2014, 03:51:22 PM »
Out orf all the "registry for funds" ideas, the idea of contributing to someone's honeymoon skeeves me out the most.  Let's face it, we're adults here... everyone looks forward to the honeymoon for the scrabble.  The ability to, shall we say, play in a place where the board is arranged differently than we're used to.  (Everyone talks about the "wedding night" and "so what did you do on your honeymoon, wink wink")

I'm not so sure how I'd react to a registry that's essentially "hey, wanna help us make triple word scores again and again and again?"  (Okay, most times you'd be lucky if you got a couple of double letter scores and the promise of better tiles next game, but still...)

However, even with this in mind, my suggestion would still be to echo the idea of a wedding website.  It's no more "over the top" than a Facebook page is, and 1s and 0s aren't horribly expensive.  ;)  Start a blog there.  Tell people how excited you are.  Document the journey from fiancees to wedded bliss.  Make the whole "buy us a commemorative scrabble set" thing a minor part of it, and you minimize the impact of the nontraditional registry (which, yes, will likely honk some people of royally.)

Sorry if I'm taking us further off topic, but this is just so strange to me. I really don't think that the honeymoon is all about sex these days (if it ever was).  Maybe I just have a slutty social circle but  for pretty much every wedding I've been to in the last five years, the couple lived together first. 

I think for many people, the honeymoon is their first chance to spend time together as spouses (and I don't mean that sexually). And it may be their last time to take a long trip together, just the two of them, for years or decades.

So for me, I'm happy to contribute to a couple's great vacation together. And I think it's kind of weird to assume a honeymoon registry is functionally a request to subsidize a couple weeks of non-stop sex.

jedikaiti

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell...
« Reply #27 on: March 10, 2014, 03:58:48 PM »
So, I told DF the result of our survey (smug doesn't look good on me  >:D)

I also shared your solutions, but he thinks a wedding website would be over the top and doesn't trust word-of-mouth.

So, new question: what if we did add a card to the invitations saying "For additional information please contact [Name] at [appropriate phone number]"?

No mentions of registries whatsoever and if somebody has questions or problems, they'll know how to reach us.

If the extra card is appropriate, is it okay if we write it by hand instead of having it printed? The invitations are already done ^^'

Third question: even though our invitations have "Last_Dance and DF announce their wedding", can we also put our parents's names and contact information on the extra card?
Since some of our guests are closer to them rather than us (you know, distant family members and family friends), DF thinks they might prefer talking directLy with our parents.

If you include THAT, the person will get ALL KINDS of questions. Dress code, what's on the menu, where are you registered, where to stay...

Look, if they want to know where you're registered, they can ask you or your parents. Including a card is asking for gifts, and rude.

Also, have you and DF thought of what will happen if people don't give enough money for a whole trip? Will you have a standing credit at the travel agency for later? You guys cover the rest? Will they send you the money minus a handling fee (and if so, how much)?
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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #28 on: March 10, 2014, 04:35:36 PM »
Out orf all the "registry for funds" ideas, the idea of contributing to someone's honeymoon skeeves me out the most.  Let's face it, we're adults here... everyone looks forward to the honeymoon for the scrabble.  The ability to, shall we say, play in a place where the board is arranged differently than we're used to.  (Everyone talks about the "wedding night" and "so what did you do on your honeymoon, wink wink")

I'm not so sure how I'd react to a registry that's essentially "hey, wanna help us make triple word scores again and again and again?"  (Okay, most times you'd be lucky if you got a couple of double letter scores and the promise of better tiles next game, but still...)

However, even with this in mind, my suggestion would still be to echo the idea of a wedding website.  It's no more "over the top" than a Facebook page is, and 1s and 0s aren't horribly expensive.  ;)  Start a blog there.  Tell people how excited you are.  Document the journey from fiancees to wedded bliss.  Make the whole "buy us a commemorative scrabble set" thing a minor part of it, and you minimize the impact of the nontraditional registry (which, yes, will likely honk some people of royally.)

Sorry if I'm taking us further off topic, but this is just so strange to me. I really don't think that the honeymoon is all about sex these days (if it ever was).  Maybe I just have a slutty social circle but  for pretty much every wedding I've been to in the last five years, the couple lived together first. 

I think for many people, the honeymoon is their first chance to spend time together as spouses (and I don't mean that sexually). And it may be their last time to take a long trip together, just the two of them, for years or decades.

So for me, I'm happy to contribute to a couple's great vacation together. And I think it's kind of weird to assume a honeymoon registry is functionally a request to subsidize a couple weeks of non-stop sex.

Maybe it's just me, but I've heard so many variations of "We had a wonderful two weeks, Hawaii was great, I'm sure the beaches were nice.  ::Giggle::"
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Last_Dance

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Re: We're so going to E-Hell... (3 new questions on post 15)
« Reply #29 on: March 10, 2014, 04:53:35 PM »
The extra card would have either our contact info or our contact info plus our parents' - not the travel agent's (all plans of mentioning registries in the invitations got thankfully scrapped).
Guess I'll scrap this one too. I do take full responsibility for it: again, it comes down to distant relatives and our parents' friends. While they might have our parents' number (although they don't seem to use it much - I'm looking at you, Aunt L.), I'm pretty sure they don't have ours and I was hoping to make it easier to coordinate things - not necessarily to let them know about the registry.


Re: DF and word of mouth, I don't know what his problem is, either! I don't understand why he's so fixated on this, I mean word of mouth worked  just fine for my parents and they got married well before the internet or cell phones...  I'm almost tempted to tell him to do whatever he wants since he keeps insisting we do something about it!

ETA: I ought to start a new wedding topic "Problems you didn't expect created by un expected people"
« Last Edit: March 10, 2014, 05:09:08 PM by Last_Dance »
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