Etiquette School is in session! > "Have you tried the bean dip?"

Awkwardness at the Conference Lunch

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cabbagegirl28:

--- Quote from: CakeEater on March 13, 2014, 09:16:39 AM ---
--- Quote from: Mental Magpie on March 13, 2014, 04:11:54 AM ---
--- Quote from: Ceallach on March 06, 2014, 05:50:36 PM ---I really dislike anything that assumes traditional stereotypes in relationships.   It's not like having a wife, it's like having a spouse.   You know, that partner in life with whom you share financial resources and household duties and parenting responsibilities.     Around here SAHDs aren't that unusual anymore.   I get that to some people it's still unusual, and that's where there automatic reaction is "wow it's like a wife" because in their mind there are set gender roles in a household.   It's a perfectly understandable reaction as society needs time to shift it's viewpoint.    But that doesn't mean it's right.   I don't think the guy was blatantly rude, but his comment was sexist regardless. 

Imagine if he asked what you did and you said "Oh I'm a lawyer" and got the response of "Wow, just like a man!"   clearly, that type of assumption that a role belongs to a specific gender is very outdated and old-fashioned.   Most people now except that women can do "man's work", so it should work both ways.

--- End quote ---

This.

To me, it's like saying to a man spending time with his children, "Oh, you had to babysit today?"

You do not babysit your own children.

--- End quote ---

Eh, I do. I describe both DH and myself as babysitting if we're doing kid care so that the other can go and do something for themselves. I babysit when DH goes off and does car things, and he babysits while I make cake. I don't get what's quite so offensive about that term.

OP, good bean-dipping. When I've tried it, I glance around me and come up with something completely lame about the first thing I lay my eyes on, like, 'So, uh, tablecloths, huh? How good are they?' And my conversationa partner looks at me like I have two heads. Impressive work!

--- End quote ---

Some people use babysit only for the male parent, i.e. the dad's just babysitting, but the mom is parenting. I've generally heard/seen it used as "You do fun things with Dad, but Mom is the parent who lays down the rules." However, as with many things, YMMV on this.

TeamBhakta:
"what does your husband do", when the asker doesn't know you have one or not, sometimes has the implication of either "Your husband must be a bum you have to support. Otherwise you'd have quit your job when you got married" or "Your husband lets you hold a job ? He must be a lenient fellow or have so much money it doesn't hurt his pride you bring home a little paycheck. It's not like you're the breadwinner anyway, har har! You probably just blow it on shoes or hair appointments." Those kind of opinons being more common in my great grandmother's generation than mine, obviously

Mental Magpie:

--- Quote from: cabbagegirl28 on March 14, 2014, 01:43:58 AM ---
--- Quote from: CakeEater on March 13, 2014, 09:16:39 AM ---
--- Quote from: Mental Magpie on March 13, 2014, 04:11:54 AM ---
--- Quote from: Ceallach on March 06, 2014, 05:50:36 PM ---I really dislike anything that assumes traditional stereotypes in relationships.   It's not like having a wife, it's like having a spouse.   You know, that partner in life with whom you share financial resources and household duties and parenting responsibilities.     Around here SAHDs aren't that unusual anymore.   I get that to some people it's still unusual, and that's where there automatic reaction is "wow it's like a wife" because in their mind there are set gender roles in a household.   It's a perfectly understandable reaction as society needs time to shift it's viewpoint.    But that doesn't mean it's right.   I don't think the guy was blatantly rude, but his comment was sexist regardless. 

Imagine if he asked what you did and you said "Oh I'm a lawyer" and got the response of "Wow, just like a man!"   clearly, that type of assumption that a role belongs to a specific gender is very outdated and old-fashioned.   Most people now except that women can do "man's work", so it should work both ways.

--- End quote ---

This.

To me, it's like saying to a man spending time with his children, "Oh, you had to babysit today?"

You do not babysit your own children.

--- End quote ---

Eh, I do. I describe both DH and myself as babysitting if we're doing kid care so that the other can go and do something for themselves. I babysit when DH goes off and does car things, and he babysits while I make cake. I don't get what's quite so offensive about that term.

OP, good bean-dipping. When I've tried it, I glance around me and come up with something completely lame about the first thing I lay my eyes on, like, 'So, uh, tablecloths, huh? How good are they?' And my conversationa partner looks at me like I have two heads. Impressive work!

--- End quote ---

Some people use babysit only for the male parent, i.e. the dad's just babysitting, but the mom is parenting. I've generally heard/seen it used as "You do fun things with Dad, but Mom is the parent who lays down the rules." However, as with many things, YMMV on this.

--- End quote ---

I see it is definitely a tone thing, in which it implies exactly what cabbagegirl28 described.  CakeEater, I can see that is not what you mean in the way you use it.

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