Author Topic: General Travel tips for a first timer  (Read 2839 times)

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Nikko-chan

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #45 on: May 11, 2014, 11:50:50 PM »
I understand you are disappointed.  However, it's not that you weren't "allowed" to go, it's that you didn't have/save the money you needed to pay for it.

We all have things we want to do, but as adults, we are required to fund those things ourselves.  It would have been great if your mother had loaned you the money for a plane ticket, but that fact that she didn't doesn't make it her fault that you aren't going.

No I use the words "I wasn't allowed to go" because my mom literally told me "You aren't allowed to go" So I didn't. Granted she would have had to loan me the money-- if I didn't find a job.  but the point is, she said "You are not allowed to go" so I stopped frantically looking for a job. Because I knew if I went to AK she'd hold it over my head forever. As it is, the job market in my state is-- odd, and I can't find a job.

Deetee

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #46 on: May 12, 2014, 12:16:02 AM »
I understand you are disappointed.  However, it's not that you weren't "allowed" to go, it's that you didn't have/save the money you needed to pay for it.

We all have things we want to do, but as adults, we are required to fund those things ourselves.  It would have been great if your mother had loaned you the money for a plane ticket, but that fact that she didn't doesn't make it her fault that you aren't going.

No I use the words "I wasn't allowed to go" because my mom literally told me "You aren't allowed to go" So I didn't. Granted she would have had to loan me the money-- if I didn't find a job.  but the point is, she said "You are not allowed to go" so I stopped frantically looking for a job. Because I knew if I went to AK she'd hold it over my head forever. As it is, the job market in my state is-- odd, and I can't find a job.

Unless your mother chained you to the wall you were allowed to go. You made a choice to not invoke her wrath and stay home and not find a way to fund your your own way. For example you could get a job and a credit card and buy the flight yourself. 

It might be the right choice for you and your family, but it was a choice that you made, not your mother.

kareng57

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #47 on: May 12, 2014, 12:53:23 AM »
I understand you are disappointed.  However, it's not that you weren't "allowed" to go, it's that you didn't have/save the money you needed to pay for it.

We all have things we want to do, but as adults, we are required to fund those things ourselves.  It would have been great if your mother had loaned you the money for a plane ticket, but that fact that she didn't doesn't make it her fault that you aren't going.

No I use the words "I wasn't allowed to go" because my mom literally told me "You aren't allowed to go" So I didn't. Granted she would have had to loan me the money-- if I didn't find a job.  but the point is, she said "You are not allowed to go" so I stopped frantically looking for a job. Because I knew if I went to AK she'd hold it over my head forever. As it is, the job market in my state is-- odd, and I can't find a job.

Unless your mother chained you to the wall you were allowed to go. You made a choice to not invoke her wrath and stay home and not find a way to fund your your own way. For example you could get a job and a credit card and buy the flight yourself. 

It might be the right choice for you and your family, but it was a choice that you made, not your mother.


I have to agree.  OP, many of us have had to live at home and save money before out-of-town-travel, without asking our parents to fund our choices.

cross_patch

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #48 on: May 12, 2014, 08:25:16 AM »
I understand you are disappointed.  However, it's not that you weren't "allowed" to go, it's that you didn't have/save the money you needed to pay for it.

We all have things we want to do, but as adults, we are required to fund those things ourselves.  It would have been great if your mother had loaned you the money for a plane ticket, but that fact that she didn't doesn't make it her fault that you aren't going.

No I use the words "I wasn't allowed to go" because my mom literally told me "You aren't allowed to go" So I didn't. Granted she would have had to loan me the money-- if I didn't find a job.  but the point is, she said "You are not allowed to go" so I stopped frantically looking for a job. Because I knew if I went to AK she'd hold it over my head forever. As it is, the job market in my state is-- odd, and I can't find a job.

You're 25 years old - how can you not be allowed to go?  She can say that, but you are an *adult* - as ridiculous as this sounds to type, she's not the boss of you. Is the only  job available at all out of state?

ladyknight1

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #49 on: May 12, 2014, 08:26:15 AM »
That was my mindset for so long and I missed my grandmother's funeral because my dad would not arrange to have me picked up from the airport. Years later, I kick myself for not renting a car.

It's your choice to let her have the say over what you do or not.

LadyClaire

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #50 on: May 12, 2014, 08:31:36 AM »
You're essentially missing a great opportunity because your mom told you that you couldn't go?

I agree with a previous poster that getting a credit card for situations like this would be a good idea. From the sound of things you could have easily paid off the cost of the trip if you had to put it on a card. At 25 years old it shouldn't matter if your mother tells you that you're "not allowed" to do something. Especially when it's something beneficial to you.

Carotte

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #51 on: May 12, 2014, 08:51:21 AM »
We don't know the specificity of OP's life and relationship with her mom. There are instances where if someone says you can't go, you can't reasonably just say "F that person, I'm going anyway", even if you are an adult, even if it's your parent and not a boss.
If OP was to come back and find out mom did a cut direct and is left without a roof over her head and no prospect of finding a job I don't judge her for accepting she's not allowed to go by her mother, the one witholding all the power over her head.
Even if it's not that harsh.


If OP had made a post "My mom won't let me go and work in AK", it's most likely people even on this forum would say "It's her house, her rules - if you're not happy you move out. Oh, can't move out because you don't have a job? Too bad, you have to follow the rules". And the rule maker just said "you can't go".
So you don't go.
Simple as that, not the OP's fault, and maybe, just maybe, not something she has a fraction of a chance to change without having to face dire consequences.

Nikko-chan

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #52 on: May 14, 2014, 06:27:04 PM »
You're essentially missing a great opportunity because your mom told you that you couldn't go?

I agree with a previous poster that getting a credit card for situations like this would be a good idea. From the sound of things you could have easily paid off the cost of the trip if you had to put it on a card. At 25 years old it shouldn't matter if your mother tells you that you're "not allowed" to do something. Especially when it's something beneficial to you.

I could have but she guilted me into staying with much crying about how she wouldn't be able to live without me, etc. >.<

ladyknight1

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #53 on: May 14, 2014, 08:01:46 PM »
This is slightly off topic, but I have a friend who has been so guilt tripped by her mother that she changed her engagement party, wedding date, honeymoon destination and all vacation plans for two years because her mother would start crying if it didn't exactly match what she wanted.

Friend is now expecting a baby and she and her DH do not want to know the gender of the baby before the delivery, but friends' mom has been crying, calling, leaving PA notes etc to get her to find out the gender. Friend asked my advice and I simply said if she didn't start standing up to her mom now, then when would she?

Deetee

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #54 on: May 14, 2014, 09:48:18 PM »
This is slightly off topic, but I have a friend who has been so guilt tripped by her mother that she changed her engagement party, wedding date, honeymoon destination and all vacation plans for two years because her mother would start crying if it didn't exactly match what she wanted.

Friend is now expecting a baby and she and her DH do not want to know the gender of the baby before the delivery, but friends' mom has been crying, calling, leaving PA notes etc to get her to find out the gender. Friend asked my advice and I simply said if she didn't start standing up to her mom now, then when would she?

I think this is 100% on topic.

Nikko-chan, you can spend the rest of your life doing what your mom wants. The end result of that will be exactly that. You will spend the rest of your life doing what your mom wants.


Katana_Geldar

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Re: General Travel tips for a first timer
« Reply #55 on: May 14, 2014, 10:02:55 PM »
You're essentially missing a great opportunity because your mom told you that you couldn't go?

I agree with a previous poster that getting a credit card for situations like this would be a good idea. From the sound of things you could have easily paid off the cost of the trip if you had to put it on a card. At 25 years old it shouldn't matter if your mother tells you that you're "not allowed" to do something. Especially when it's something beneficial to you.

I could have but she guilted me into staying with much crying about how she wouldn't be able to live without me, etc. >.<
*hugs*
Nikko, I've been in that position myself though it's not as bad as you. The best thing I did was leave, though it's hard at first and after. You are an adult, and while you are your mothers child she doesn't have the right to control you like that. Make steps to move out and get your own place and try and ignore your mothers guilt trips.

Good luck.