Author Topic: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post  (Read 8661 times)

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veronaz

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #60 on: March 28, 2014, 01:33:30 PM »
There is one day of the year that my FB prompt shows me three birthdays, all of whom belonged to people who have passed on. It's a sad and eerie moment every year.

Isn't there some way you can block/unfriend/disable that (for those 3 people)?

Yvaine

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #61 on: March 28, 2014, 01:36:50 PM »
There is one day of the year that my FB prompt shows me three birthdays, all of whom belonged to people who have passed on. It's a sad and eerie moment every year.

Isn't there some way you can block/unfriend/disable that (for those 3 people)?

I could probably block them. It feels sort of wrong to do it, though, kwim? Maybe that's just me. I know there's a way the dead person's family can change pages to a "memorial page" but they haven't done so.

Addy

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #62 on: March 29, 2014, 03:47:02 AM »
Yeah, when my sister passed away last November, the guy from the funeral home strongly recommended that her husband close her Facebook account, or switch it to memorial, or whatever they do. He didn't do it, and it's quite jarring to see stuff like that.  :(

bansidhe

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #63 on: March 29, 2014, 03:53:57 AM »
Usually around big holidays, his birthday, and the anniversary of his death, you'll see messages posted to his Facebook wall along the lines of "Missing you. You are in our thoughts every day." His wall is now filled with such messages and information about his memorial fund. But every year, when his birthday rolls around, his wall looks like this:

"Forever in our hearts."
"Missing you."
"Thinking of you this day. Miss you buddy."
"Happy birthday!"   :)
"Wish you were. Raising a glass in your honor."

This is what happens when you post just because FB tells you to, but you haven't actually spent any time interacting with the individual. Please, don't be that person. Take the time to see what's goin on in the person's life (or lack thereof) first.

Wait...what's wrong with that? They're using his Facebook page as a sort of memorial. That doesn't mean that they don't realize he's dead.

As a matter of fact, I saw one of my friends post a memorial happy birthday message on the wall of his deceased friend just a few days ago - him and well over a dozen other people. I thought it was pretty cool.

I also can't comprehend being upset about anyone wishing me happy birthday. I haven't got a clue who a handful of my Facebook friends are nor can I remember how we came to be friends, but I'm always happy when one of them wishes me happy birthday and I don't hesitate to do the same when reminders pop up for their birthdays.

I think, as others have suggested, that OP's friend hit a "milestone" birthday and was in an odd mood. I would just ignore the whole thing.
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Redsoil

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #64 on: March 29, 2014, 04:07:45 AM »
I think, Bansidhe, that there was one message there perceived as being out of sync with the memorial BD ones.  The "Happy Birthday :) " stood out from the other messages as though the person didn't realise the recipient was deceased.  Awkward.  Possibly insulting if someone amongst friends or family was especially sensitive about such things. 
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bansidhe

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #65 on: March 29, 2014, 04:32:04 AM »
I think, Bansidhe, that there was one message there perceived as being out of sync with the memorial BD ones.  The "Happy Birthday :) " stood out from the other messages as though the person didn't realise the recipient was deceased.  Awkward.  Possibly insulting if someone amongst friends or family was especially sensitive about such things.

Huh...interesting. I wouldn't bat an eye at that and have seen people post exactly that, fully knowing the person was deceased. Different strokes, I guess!
Esan ozenki!

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livluvlaf

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #66 on: April 09, 2014, 12:15:33 PM »
If it's that big a deal to him, why didn't HE make a move to contact you before? Works both ways...

LOL - I have a cousin like this we're both the same age and similar paths in life, just different cities.

Whenever we saw each other at family functions, we'd end the visit vowing to try harder to stay in touch but never did. Then over the years I heard via her mother she was annoyed with me that I never made good on my promises to call her. I burst out laughing darn those one way phones!

Back to the OP: I would reply "hey, your keyboard does work!" 

GrammarNerd

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #67 on: April 14, 2014, 08:39:22 AM »
I come into it from a slightly different perspective.  Even if I never hear from some of my FB friends regularly, I still appreciate even the generic 'Happy Birthday!' message from them.  Why?  Because they had to put forth some effort to do that.  Sure, they were prompted, but they still had to click on the prompt and type something out.  Not a big deal, but they still had to make the effort.  And to put in in *my* perspective, I have several somewhat close relatives who will not even do that much to acknowledge my birthday, and I know they're on FB pretty regularly.  So when a very casual FB friend can take that minute to type out a HB message and that somewhat close family member doesn't bother, well, that makes me have a lot more favorable thoughts toward the casual FB friends and less favorable thoughts toward the close relatives.

And for the situation in the OP, I think the birthday boy needs a hobby if he went to the trouble of contacting the OP about her HB message.

siamesecat2965

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #68 on: April 14, 2014, 11:13:13 AM »
It's so silly. So you aren't close friends, so what? If I find out that it is someone's birthday I wish them a happy birthday. Person at gas station, bank teller, whoever.

If he doesn't want to be Facebook friends with aquantences that's fine. He can defriend them all. But skip the snark.

This is my take on it. My FB friends consist of close friends who I interact with there, and see, on a regular basis. Then there are some from my past, HS, college, who I may or may not have been close with back then, but am still FB friends with. I wish everyone a HB; regardless of how close I am to them. I also don't count or keep track of who wishes ME a HB.

miranova

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #69 on: April 18, 2014, 03:28:12 PM »
I don't really think the little "it's so and so's birthday" in the upper right corner of the page counts as prompting.  Really that's no different from a reminder on your smart phone or your spouse reminding you about someone's birthday.  It's just a reminder.  It's not telling me to do anything and half the time I don't even notice it.

There has been some thoughts expressed here along the lines of "I don't want people wishing me a happy birthday only because they are reminded, I only want it if they actually care about me".  Why does it have to be one or the other?  Maybe they were prompted and ALSO care.  It's not mutually exclusive. 

What it comes down to for me is that I wouldn't accept a friend request from someone if I'm also going to be uncomfortable about them knowing when my birthday is and wishing me a happy birthday.  It seems like a very small and basic thing for a casual friend to do, and if I'm not even casual friends with them, they won't have access to my page to begin with.

Guy in the OP had a very weird response. 

DanaJ

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #70 on: April 20, 2014, 10:57:54 AM »
I think, Bansidhe, that there was one message there perceived as being out of sync with the memorial BD ones.  The "Happy Birthday :) " stood out from the other messages as though the person didn't realise the recipient was deceased.  Awkward.  Possibly insulting if someone amongst friends or family was especially sensitive about such things.

That is correct. The deceased had been dead for two years and the well-wisher was so out of touch with this individual that he was unaware of all the major upheaval during the last six months of his illness, the enormous community fund raiser events, his death, the funeral, the memorial scholarship established in his name etc.

I remember reading either an Ann Landers or Dear Abby column on sending Christmas cards and it was suggested that if you are so out of the communication loop with an individual that you were utterly unaware of someone's major life events (marriage, baby etc.) then perhaps you were no longer close enough to be sending Christmas cards.

This well-wisher was so personally disconnected/out-of-touch that two years had gone by and he didn't know the young man had died. It can be insulting for the family because it suggests the deceased was unimportant to the well-wisher, otherwise he would have known by now.

Plus, if all the other messages are somber, the sudden shift in tone is jarring and can be disrespectful. You have to know how to evaluate the mood and tone in a room before you start cracking jokes and celebrating.

miranova

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #71 on: April 20, 2014, 09:57:15 PM »
I think, Bansidhe, that there was one message there perceived as being out of sync with the memorial BD ones.  The "Happy Birthday :) " stood out from the other messages as though the person didn't realise the recipient was deceased.  Awkward.  Possibly insulting if someone amongst friends or family was especially sensitive about such things.

That is correct. The deceased had been dead for two years and the well-wisher was so out of touch with this individual that he was unaware of all the major upheaval during the last six months of his illness, the enormous community fund raiser events, his death, the funeral, the memorial scholarship established in his name etc.

I remember reading either an Ann Landers or Dear Abby column on sending Christmas cards and it was suggested that if you are so out of the communication loop with an individual that you were utterly unaware of someone's major life events (marriage, baby etc.) then perhaps you were no longer close enough to be sending Christmas cards.

This well-wisher was so personally disconnected/out-of-touch that two years had gone by and he didn't know the young man had died. It can be insulting for the family because it suggests the deceased was unimportant to the well-wisher, otherwise he would have known by now.

Plus, if all the other messages are somber, the sudden shift in tone is jarring and can be disrespectful. You have to know how to evaluate the mood and tone in a room before you start cracking jokes and celebrating.

If you know it to be a fact that the person was completely unaware of the death, then I agree.  However, I have seen people post "Happy birthday" to people they know full well are no longer alive.  I don't think "happy birthday" in and of itself means "I don't even know you are dead" without other evidence.