Author Topic: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post  (Read 9373 times)

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RingTailedLemur

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #30 on: March 10, 2014, 03:32:09 PM »
I'd probably defriend.  A snarky reply like that is just too much drama.

aussie_chick

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #31 on: March 11, 2014, 05:53:52 AM »
I can understand the feeling that comes from someone on facebook wishing you happy birthday. Perhaps at times it might seem a little fake. However, if this is the way things have been in this facebook friendship, I don't understand this weird response on this occasion unless as others have suggested, it was a milestone and he was depressed at life and having a "poor me" moment.

don't engage the crazy. I'd either ignore the comment completely and delete or if for some reason you want to remain friends, delete your comment and ignore his message and see what happens next.

If this is a one off act of weirdness, maybe let it go for now and see what happens. If he continues with it, then delete - and perhaps block too!

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #32 on: March 11, 2014, 07:53:13 AM »
I'll be honest, I feel the same as him. Why wish someone a happy birthday when you have no contact with them through out the rest of the year. But I would never say something to someone who decides to make a post when they get the FB prompt.

Because this bugs me, I change my settings on my bday to limit the people who can post on my wall on my bday. If someone really wants to send a greeting through FB, they PM me.

*Like

Regarding the bolded, that's the part that kind of gets me about FB and birthdays. People don't know/remember your birthday, they had to be prompted to recognize it. Might have gone all year without a single like or comment on their page, but since FB makes it almost zero effort to do so, now all these somewhat random people come out of the woodwork.

Also, I do not see it at all as being the same as someone wishing happy birthday in real life as they are going about their day. That's somewhat transient, whereas, when you look at your birthday wall posts there's a motley assortment of friends and near strangers. Perhaps missing some people you care about, but yay! 10 people who you couldn't pick out of a lineup. ::)

I'm very thankful for those birthday reminders, honestly.  While I have those of my DH, kids, brother and bff memorized, I have quite a few relatives and honestly can never remember all of their birthdays so I'm very glad that fbook does give those little reminders so I can wish aunts, uncles and cousins happy birthday when it comes around.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Harriet Jones

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #33 on: March 11, 2014, 08:08:03 AM »
I like the FB birthday reminders, too.  I can remember immediate family members' birthdays, but I'm not going to remember all of my friends' birthdays. 

Clareish

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #34 on: March 11, 2014, 10:47:18 AM »
This guy's response reminds me of those status updates people used to do about 'cleaning' out their friends list, and if you are truly a friend to reply, or whatever. Luckily, I don't see those much anymore, if ever. It always felt very much like a fishing lure, "oh you're amazing! of course we're friends" blah blah blah.

So, I'm also in same "he's overthinking it" corner, and I would probably ignore him and/or defriend him.

FlyingBaconMouse

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #35 on: March 11, 2014, 11:14:03 AM »
I kind of think of "Happy birthday" the same way as "How are you?" I don't feel it's a particularly intimate greeting, and I'd only respond to it with full emotions bared if a close friend were saying it.

For that matter, I also can't see any way someone on the receiving end of that reply would go on to repent! and heroically beef up the friendship, so essentially, the whole thing seems like a trap.
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Arila

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #36 on: March 11, 2014, 01:14:52 PM »
Sorry, I feel like I've been really misunderstood here. I have no issue (and USE!) reminders for birthdays.

I do not have an issue with using reminders to help to acknowledge the birthdays of people  I care about and who care about me. (Both close friends and more far-flung extended family). I would want to recognize and mark their birthdays, regardless of the way I remembered the date.

My point is all all all all about the random, almost strangers, (co workers from my first job 15 years ago, high school classmates, etc) who I've basically lost touch with. Well wishes, in my mind aren't about quantity, but about quality. A half-hearted "FB told me to write you, who are you again? Oh well Happy bday" is not in any way a quality greeting. Why bother? Now I look back at my timeline and I barely recognize the names of the people who wished me happy birthday last year.

They didn't do it because they care, they did it because there was a button to click.


ETA: I just thought of the right word to describe how I feel about birthday wishes from people who never talk to me except when FB tells them they should: its spam. Strangers spamming me on my birthday. How is that fun? :(
« Last Edit: March 11, 2014, 01:18:22 PM by Arila »

Harriet Jones

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #37 on: March 11, 2014, 01:27:11 PM »
They didn't do it because they care, they did it because there was a button to click.

You also have to take a couple of seconds to type something.

I probably get birthday wishes from maybe a tenth of my friends list, most of whom I regularly interact with online or in real life.  I don't assign special meaning to any of these messages, but I do appreciate that they took the time to write something.  I also don't think anything bad of anyone who doesn't wish me a happy birthday.  It's just Facebook after all.

Goosey

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #38 on: March 11, 2014, 01:34:30 PM »
It's like receiving a generic card.

It might not be particularly meaningful, but someone still took the time to get it to you to express well wishes.

I don't know if we've gotten to the point where we reject well wishes because they're not good or meaningful enough except in the cases where it's passive aggressive.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #39 on: March 11, 2014, 01:43:02 PM »
They didn't do it because they care, they did it because there was a button to click.

You also have to take a couple of seconds to type something.

I probably get birthday wishes from maybe a tenth of my friends list, most of whom I regularly interact with online or in real life.  I don't assign special meaning to any of these messages, but I do appreciate that they took the time to write something.  I also don't think anything bad of anyone who doesn't wish me a happy birthday.  It's just Facebook after all.

It really doesn't bother me at all, heck sometimes it's nice.  And I wouldn't assume that they don't care.  Like I said, with most of my extended family and friends, I don't remember all their birthdays, but I do care about them.  Sometimes it's a case of "I know Cousin E's birthday is in the beginning of September, but can't remember what day!" and that's where fbook helps.  Also I have new friends from church and don't know all their birthdays yet so fbook helps there, too.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

YoginiSaysYes

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #40 on: March 11, 2014, 01:44:08 PM »
Quote
My point is all all all all about the random, almost strangers, (co workers from my first job 15 years ago, high school classmates, etc) who I've basically lost touch with. Well wishes, in my mind aren't about quantity, but about quality. A half-hearted "FB told me to write you, who are you again? Oh well Happy bday" is not in any way a quality greeting. Why bother? Now I look back at my timeline and I barely recognize the names of the people who wished me happy birthday last year.

They didn't do it because they care, they did it because there was a button to click.


ETA: I just thought of the right word to describe how I feel about birthday wishes from people who never talk to me except when FB tells them they should: its spam. Strangers spamming me on my birthday. How is that fun?

I'm sorry, I think it's a little...maybe petty isn't the right word, but that's what's coming to mind, to interpret a simple "Happy Birthday" as spam and to ascribe just poor motivations to well-wishers because their greeting isn't "quality" enough for you. These people are on your friends list. They're being nice. They saw it was your birthday and thought "Gee, I like her, I hope her day is a happy one." If their perfectly kind message on your birthday is that annoying to you, I can't imagine why you'd want them to be your FB friend. (General you.)

Who doesn't like being told Happy Birthday? Mine's on Friday, and the guy who checked my ID today said it to me and it made me happy. He was "prompted" by looking at my license. So?

Hmmmmm

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #41 on: March 11, 2014, 01:55:33 PM »
It's like receiving a generic card.

It might not be particularly meaningful, but someone still took the time to get it to you to express well wishes.

I don't know if we've gotten to the point where we reject well wishes because they're not good or meaningful enough except in the cases where it's passive aggressive.

I can't equate the effort of selecting, signing and sending a generic card with writing Happy Bday on someone's wall based on an auto prompt.  Even tools like E-greetings require you to select who you want to send a greeting to and input their bday before it prompts you to.

I just don't get the motivation of wanting to wish someone happy birthday that you have no other contact with during the year. It feels odd. And I think it also makes me feel like I need to remember who sent me a greeting so I do the same for them. And since I'm on FB about once or twice a week I know I'll miss a lot of those prompts.

But I think I also have a slight aversion to them because when DD was in HS it was also seen as another popularity measure and I found it silly.

I'm happy to get birthday greetings via FB. But I do find receiving them from people who I think "wow, I forgot we were even friended" a little odd.

Onyx_TKD

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #42 on: March 11, 2014, 02:55:23 PM »
Sorry, I feel like I've been really misunderstood here. I have no issue (and USE!) reminders for birthdays.

I do not have an issue with using reminders to help to acknowledge the birthdays of people  I care about and who care about me. (Both close friends and more far-flung extended family). I would want to recognize and mark their birthdays, regardless of the way I remembered the date.

My point is all all all all about the random, almost strangers, (co workers from my first job 15 years ago, high school classmates, etc) who I've basically lost touch with. Well wishes, in my mind aren't about quantity, but about quality. A half-hearted "FB told me to write you, who are you again? Oh well Happy bday" is not in any way a quality greeting. Why bother? Now I look back at my timeline and I barely recognize the names of the people who wished me happy birthday last year.

They didn't do it because they care, they did it because there was a button to click.


ETA: I just thought of the right word to describe how I feel about birthday wishes from people who never talk to me except when FB tells them they should: its spam. Strangers spamming me on my birthday. How is that fun? :(

If you consider these people "random, almost strangers," "barely recognize the[ir] names," and consider well-wishes from them to be "spam," then why do you stay facebook friends with them?  ??? A facebook friendship is not a permanent commitment, so if you're to the point that even a brief birthday wish is annoying to you, why not defriend them? If you are as out of touch with them as you say, they probably won't even notice!

The thing is, different people use facebook differently. If (general) you only want meaningful, "quality" contact with people who you're close to, that's great. OTOH, if you want to have huge, far-flung network of almost everyone you've ever met (and some you haven't), even if you only really make contact on birthdays, then that's great, too. But because everyone uses it in their own way, then really the only way to keep your own facebook account running the way you prefer is to manage your own settings and friends list.

Apparently, your "almost stranger" friends are fine with having distant acquaintances on their friends list. It's likely that they wish you a happy birthday because they enjoy having even distant "friends" do the same for them. However, you don't seem to like either of these things, so why leave the connection? All it does is allow them to unwittingly annoy you, which isn't what you want, and almost certainly isn't what they want, either!

Fleur

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #43 on: March 11, 2014, 02:58:56 PM »
Quote
My point is all all all all about the random, almost strangers, (co workers from my first job 15 years ago, high school classmates, etc) who I've basically lost touch with. Well wishes, in my mind aren't about quantity, but about quality. A half-hearted "FB told me to write you, who are you again? Oh well Happy bday" is not in any way a quality greeting. Why bother? Now I look back at my timeline and I barely recognize the names of the people who wished me happy birthday last year.

They didn't do it because they care, they did it because there was a button to click.


ETA: I just thought of the right word to describe how I feel about birthday wishes from people who never talk to me except when FB tells them they should: its spam. Strangers spamming me on my birthday. How is that fun?

I'm sorry, I think it's a little...maybe petty isn't the right word, but that's what's coming to mind, to interpret a simple "Happy Birthday" as spam and to ascribe just poor motivations to well-wishers because their greeting isn't "quality" enough for you. These people are on your friends list. They're being nice. They saw it was your birthday and thought "Gee, I like her, I hope her day is a happy one." If their perfectly kind message on your birthday is that annoying to you, I can't imagine why you'd want them to be your FB friend. (General you.)

Who doesn't like being told Happy Birthday? Mine's on Friday, and the guy who checked my ID today said it to me and it made me happy. He was "prompted" by looking at my license. So?

I completely agree. I find both birthdays and facebook to be fleeting, ephemeral entities, so having one impact on the other seems apt to me. I think that the man in the OP was rude.

Addy

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Re: Weird Reaction to Facebook "Happy Birthday" Post
« Reply #44 on: March 11, 2014, 03:02:57 PM »


ETA: I just thought of the right word to describe how I feel about birthday wishes from people who never talk to me except when FB tells them they should: its spam. Strangers spamming me on my birthday. How is that fun? :(

I think that if you have people on Facebook that are strangers to you, so much so that it bothers you to have them wish you a happy birthday and consider it spam, you should be cleaning up your friends list. All general you's.

That's the nature of Facebook. You open up your information to all of your Facebook friends. Some people collect friends and have hundreds of them. Some use it only for close friends and family. I guess you (again, general) have to pick one or the other.

ETA: yeah, what Onyx_TKD said.